Weather: ALASKA COLD....
During my week of emptiness (mentioned in the last blog).....I experienced a symptom of POST TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER.....
And......
Witnessed the most beautiful, sad, and extremely haunting event that I have EVER witnessed in my ENTIRE LIFE.......its one of those things that changes you......
FOREVER......
For some ridiculous reason.....
I feel it necessary......
to stupidly mention and give SOME SPACE in MY BLOG....
which is just frustrating and not without a strange queasiness....
The reason......
Facebook (which I am finding to be BOTH my ability to reach far out into the worlds I have left behind and a arch enemy that only brings me a dull slow irritation) started blowing up about Four Marines that were video taped urinating on the bodies of Taliban insurgents.......
Perhaps I should not take things so personally......
BUT......I felt the need to DROP a little perspective on people ( I realize this is futile.....)
This is not to excuse the 4 individuals that desecrated Taliban Members' corpses because they will UNDOUBTEDLY be severely punished.....
BUT......
I just LOVE how SUDDENLY there is facebook statuses referring to this and NOT THE 12, TWELVE! Individauls who have LOST their LIVES in Afghanistan this month....not including those that have been wounded...
I looked up this website that I have not looked at since LEGS last deployed...as soon as it popped up on my screen I felt like I was going to LITERALLY throw up......POST TRAUMATIC STRESS......that time was so hard for me when I eat certain things, hear certain ring tones, music, see certain things on television or hear certain songs on the radio.....
I. FEEL. LIKE. PUKING......
And please let me clarify.....this slight retaliation was just skimming the surface of how I was really feeling......
I have a cousin. Her nickname for sake of the blog is "HILL." Hill and I are not very close, while we both grew up in ALASKA she grew up in a little town called Sitka. (People often recognize this town because "THE PURPOSAL" with Sandra Bullock was reportedly filmed there....but it wasn't....) Sitka is far away from Anchorage......where I grew up.....
It matters not now....because the wonderful internet and facebook have allowed us to communicate.....
As with much of my newsfeed statuses it came to my attention that she is dating a man in the military.....and based on her statuses he is deployed....where my husband will be very shortly........
IMAGINE for a minute the absolute HORROR and SHOCK I was in after I started seeing very troubling posts from her.........the kind of hysteria and gut wrenching updates that you yourself are so glad you are not suffering through......
And then she said it.....
JOE her significant other was LITERALLY blown up in Afghanistan a few days ago, and he has lost his leg......
I just sat in the house quietly.....and this anger built up inside of me......
*&%$! &%$#! Out of my frustration and grief came.....fear, anxiety, and an unsettling calm.......
I was not in contact with LEGS when I was dealing with the incoming news on JOE, and that was hard......
News came in that Joe would be in Landstuhl Germany. LEGS and I went to see him......
This whole situation was difficult for me to handle. I broke down a few times before we even made it up there- thinking about how worried my cousin must be........and thinking about how scary it is that LEGS will be where Joe got hurt.
LEGS was strong. He told me that I may see some things that upset me. He told me that I shouldn't cry, that we aren't going all the way up there so that I can cry to JOE.
I started getting things together, some nice things we could bring him for the hospital. Our FRG has green shopping bags with our LOGO on it, full of magazines, baked goodies, a bear that says Germany, a winter hat that says Germany and a special edition Operation Enduring Freedom Afghanistan German Beer Stein.
When we arrived to the hospital we had to show our military ID's several times, it was unnerving and also very fortunate that we are both card holders. We had to do a little searching for Joe, but we did find him.
He was located in the Intensive Car Unit (ICU). After explaining our special circumstances to the nurse, we were able to see Joe.
Before we were able to enter his room we had to put on surgical gloves and scrubs. The nurse informed us that when patients like JOE get injured in these foreign places they can bring back certain things that may adversely affect the health of other patients. So as a means to keep germs from spreading into the venillation system we had to take precautions.....
(this next part is very important)
When I walked into Joe's room he recognized me. But he didn't recognize me, he thought that I was my baby sister KayBear. (you see.....she had gotten into trouble and had to spend a few months in Sitka- JOE remembered meeting her, and thought that since we look so much alike I was her.) I gently explained the confusion, but found it to be very interesting when I pondered on it.....
Kaybear got in trouble. Years ago. She was sent to Sitka by my parents. She met Joe, ONE TIME.
Fast forward.
We happen to be in Germany. JOE happens to get hurt. We happen to see him. And the only reason I am familiar to him is because my sister made some seriously negative mistakes........
Its like FATE. All the stars had aligned to bring us to this exact location at this exact time.......
JOE was obviously seriously injured. At one point his machines started beeping and I became incredibly anxious while the nurse tended to him. It was very difficult for us to be there, because we was so tired and under the influence of such strong medications.......
LEGS and him, looked each other in the eye. They shared a few laughs and had a conversation that only two combat veterans can have.
JOE, broken and busted from his hospital bed, thanked LEGS THREE TIMES for being an Apache Pilot.
In fact, when LEGS told JOE what he does JOE charmingly replied "YOU! Fly APACHES?!.......Man.....you guys are GANGSTER."
JOE spoke of getting support from APACHES down range. And when he spoke it was like the APACHE helicopter was in the hospital room above all of us. He looked up and twirled his pointer finger like the APACHE was right there......in his eyes he was back in Afghanistan........
JOE started to tire.....all this excitement had warn him out.......
LEGS said "We should go but it looks like they have you on good stuff...."
JOE replied: " Yeah....when I push this button I am in a whole nother place...."
We bid JOE farewell....he thanked us for our hospitality, we thanked him for his service, and told him that he is a HERO.
His nurse and the other hospital staff was incredible. They were very understanding, compassionate, positive and helpful. We took off our scrubs and got ready to leave.....
As we were walking out, the sun was coming in the hallway from a room. LEGS and I were walking and I just happened to glance into the room for a spilt second.
I could not tell if the person was male or female. I could only see their skin was burnt to a total crisp. The person in the bed was a dark black color and their hand was no longer a hand.........
I broke.
I got that painful lump in my throat, my knees were about to give out, I started feeling light headed and hysterical, tears bellowed up in my eyes....and I wanted to run........
I made it to the elevator and as the doors closed with LEGS and I safely inside......
I thought.......
My God......if my husband crashes in a helicopter.....he could come back like that.....
Just another day in the life of an unlikely military wife.......**
PS- Update on JOE Mille: He has made it safely to the United States and is being treated at Walter Reed. He has undergone numerous surgeries but is recovering well. Obviously I don't need to say that his rehabilitation and recovery will be a long one. Many people have asked me for JOE MILLE's address, I have forwarded to everybody that has asked. JOE Mille doesn't realize and probably never comprehend how profoundly he has changed my life and LEGS' life......We are HONORED to call him our FRIEND, and we will continue to pray for him, and his family during this challenging time.
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