Weather: WINTER.
Exchange Rate: GOOD.
Life.
LIFE.
LIFE!
Life.
Life.......it just cracks me up!
LEGS and I made a decision to put this whole having a baby thing on HOLD. I have less estrogen in my body than the average man......and LEGS is waiting to have his LEGIONS checked......
We have been through so much drama and emotional ups and downs regarding the whole business....we have decided to squash it until he returns from deployment.
With that decision.......we have come to an amazing peace and a beautiful new romance.......
AND THAT IS WHEN LIFE HAPPENS.
MISS DOT came to visit.........
(without any artificial help......)
While we are both VERY excited.....
MISS DOT was VERY ANGRY.....
I sported a U-SHAPED super extra maxi pad for three days. You know the kind that reach all the way up to your belly button and all the way up your backside.......
A saddle.
Upside down rainbow.
Horse Shoe.
A neck pillow.
Upside down bell curve.
Or one of those u-shaped magnets in the cartoons....
An upside down arch....
A swing.....
A slinky.....
Every time I went any where it was like I was riding in on a horse.......a horse named MAXI.......and it never fails.....there is always some important public event that you have to attend.....finding an outfit where you can't see THE HORSE NAMED MAXI is always a THRILL.....not to mention the inevitable silence that will inevitably occur....so that everybody can hear the "rustling" from your raggedy granny panties.....and somehow a WATER themed activity magically appears....and there is some special reason why you just can't believe MISS DOT had to visit right then and there, during that time, when you really needed to not have her visiting.......
I have three vocabulary words for you.......
BLOW OUT.
And.
GEYSER.
And.
PIZZA FACE.
And a little wisdom.......
Its physically IMPOSSIBLE to be "SEXY" or even remotely ATTRACTIVE when you are experiencing the above mentioned symptoms.......
Especially when you are violently reverted to your most embarrassing childhood puberty moments......
While on the couch with LEGS one night I experienced a blow out. I didn't realize it until I had gone to the bathroom......instantaneous panic erupted when I realized I might have exploded all over the couch......
HORRIFIC CHILDHOOD MEMORY: I was on the couch when I was 14 maybe 15, just barely coping with MISS DOT, watching television with my father. I got up to use the bathroom during a commercial break. While I was in the bathroom dealing with the obnoxious MISS DOT, my father announced that I had left some of MISS DOTS "things" on the couch.....How horrifying it was to be cleaning up my teenage blunder in front of my father.......
I lucked out.....
I didn't leave any evidence on the couch.....
But......do I really have to relive some of the most humiliating moments of my life......over?.....again....?
Random Chatter:
ARMS: OMIGOD.....I look......OLD.......
LEGS: No you don't......
A few days later......(in the middle of whoopi- out of NO WHERE!)
LEGS: Babe....you don't look OLD!
ARMS: OMIGAWD....he thinks I look OLD....why else would he say that right now......what should I say.....I have to say something......."Um.....that's because I put wrinkle cream on......"
Just another period in the life of an unlikely military wife....**
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