I died and went to FRANCE.....**

Bonjour! Blog!


If I did not talk about it in this blog, I should quit blogging....


September 11, 2001.


Everybody lit up facebook of stories of where they were, and other memorial quotes, thoughts and sayings....


Obviously, I said '9/11 We will NEVER forget...'


But since then I have been thinking about the most appropriate way to really grasp that particular day, that particular feeling....and specifically my feelings on it......


This is what I have come up with....


On September 11, 2001 I was 19 years old.  I was in my Freshman year of college at UAA.  I lived with my father, worked full time and went to college full time.  A few nights before the 11th, my father and I had a HUGE fight.  I don't remember what it was over, but I do remember the thing he said to me, that caused me to decide to "RUN AWAY."  He told me he would "Euthanize" my two beloved CATS; T.K. and Bentley.


The argument if I foggily recall correctly was something about me not doing what I should be doing around the house, I am sure it was that I was not being 'thankful' enough, humble enough, and hard working enough to be so lucky....and my thoughts were that I was now an ADULT, who was desperately trying to make her own choices, control her own destiny, and GROW UP.  I felt my father's treatment of me at that particular juncture in my life was unfair, I was not a child any longer and refused to be treated like one.  So.....I "RAN AWAY"....


When the World Trade Center was hit a few days later, I was so frightened that I quickly gathered my things from my friends "pad" and "RAN HOME."


And here is why it is significant.


In my very little life.


Today, my family is still fighting.


And....


Not even 1 year later I began dating the man I am married to today.  Obviously in the SPRING of 2002 the feelings of Patriotism, WAR, TERRORISM, Fear, Family, SURVIVOR...had a much stronger meaning then it does today.....


And....


My family MAY have to lay a dog down....


And....


My travels have taught me....that if September 11th happened any where else, people in that country would be just as STUPEFIED as we were.....


So there it is....The 10 year Anniversary of September 11th in my life....and I can't help be feel a little saddened.....we say that we will NEVER forget, but in my little pathetic, miniscule life it seems as though we already have.....


The week we spent in FRANCE:


We arrived in Carenac, France.  Its absolutely gorgeous.  QUEEN DI has a cousin that owns a house in France.  Her husband is French and they own and operate a successful bakery in Washington DC, Georgetown to be exact, called PATISSERIE POUPON.

The house they own in France is a stone house in the town of Carenac, which is dated back from the 12th-18th Century.  

Every time we travel to a new destination I try to come up with one word that describes that destination.  For ITALY it was SEX.  For FRANCE it will be ELEGANCE.  After I choose the word I go on to describe how I 'experienced' that place.  In FRANCE, I experienced the ELEGANCE MOSTLY with FOOD.


When we arrived, our eyes feasted upon the most adorable quaint French house.  With LEGIT antiques, decor and ambiance.  Feast your eyes on the place we lived in for a week;

We were welcomed by the sweetest, tiniest lady whom I will refer to as; 'Miss Ratatouille.'  Now....I have heard a few times a saying that goes something like this 'Never trust a skinny cook.' I would like to announce that Miss Ratatouille proved that ENTIRE premise VERY VERY WRONG.

For dinner when we arrived we were served a beautiful full course dinner that consisted of;


Wine and Grapes.
The most amazing delectable Quiche I have ever had my entire life.
A beautiful Veal Stew, complete with French Bread and Wine to bring out the flavors of all that we were served.

LEGS and I tucked into the most ROMANTIC PRINCESS BED ever...and were fast asleep after a long day of traveling and such incredible food.

The next morning I awoke the most incredible news, the team that "BLOWS" the BUFFALO BILLS beat the CHEIFS 41-7....and after my smug a** read this I went on to enjoy Fresh French Bread, Breakfast Cookies and French Coffee.....


We set out for a ride that day.  Did about 35 miles, the roads in France are not as well maintained as those in NEVER NEVER LAND so I found the riding to be more challenging and a tad more frightening....

When we got home we were all very famished and were offered a wonderfully artistic salad, with melted goat cheese, french bread, walnuts, tomatoes from my garden, homemade dressing, and water straight form the tap that is deliciously tasteless.....dessert was pots of chocolate....


And the people in France, despite popular belief have been VERY warm and VERY friendly.....


I had my first FRESH FIG in FRANCE.  Its official I am in LOVE with FIGS!  They are so delicious and sexy to eat- I can definitely see how the Romans were obsessed with them....


We met Miss Ratatouille's other half, his nickname is Santa Claus.  I know he is French and Santa Claus isn't generally depicted as a French guy, but in my world- I met Santa Claus ( a younger more attractive version), he is French and he is married to Miss Ratatouille.  


Santa Claus is everything you have ever imagined Santa Claus being, he is jovial, on the verge of laughter all the time, he is fun loving, genuine, humorous, and saintly.....and every time he speaks (with his French accent) I smile and my eyes glaze over....


While is this area we were lucky enough to see and cycle around some pretty intriguing French Countryside and historical areas....


One place that we saw a lot of was Rocamadour.  (pronounced ROCKA- MADOR)  

Rocamadour is an ancient city that mostly attracts visitors for its setting in a gorge above a tributary of the River Dordogne (pronounced DOOR-DONE), and its historical monuments and sanctuary of the BLESSED VIRGIN MARY, which for centuries has attracted pilgrims from every country among them kings, bishops, and nobles....


Again I have been lucky enough to witness the beauty of religion.  Several weeks ago I witnessed the Cologne Cathedral and now, a sacred sight where they say "Miracles" have occurred.  According to the legends- which of course have been nullified, rebuked and upset by scientists, philosophers, historians etc. etc., many unexplained events that can only be explained by and recorded as Miracles have occurred in and around this ancient land.


From my particular standpoint....that means that LEGS and I have been in several sacred places and have laid our wishes to conceive a baby at the ornately decorated high grounds....


More descriptions and pictures of FRENCH cuisine;


Savory DUCK, green beans and potatoes

Macaroons from PATESSERIE POUPON- these treats mentally assisted me in a 53 mile ride with 3000+ feet of climbing, I kept daydreaming about eating all the Macaroons I wanted when I arrived home....


Ratatouille with Zuchinni filled with sausage

Wine and Cheese


Miss Ratatouille and Santa Claus were absolutely BRILLIANT!  They epitomize so many incredible and difficult to master things; Hosting, Cooking, Tour Guiding, Entertaining, and generally speaking just being amazing selfless people......


The would do anything for you....and you could tell they were not ready for us to leave....


My week in France was, to me a life changing, unforgettable experience....


Some valuable lessons I learned;


Presentation is important- ESPECIALLY with food- the way that this couple presented food was so artistic that I know it made the food taste better.  Good china, pretty glasses and food structure make a difference in how you receive a meal....


You don't need a 4 star kitchen to make good food.  The kitchen in the French house was teeny tiny, with less than state of the art appliances....


When you host people, you should ENTERTAIN them....you should make them feel as if they never want to leave and you never want them to leave- LEGS and I need to work on this big time....


Religion- despite all the trouble it has caused- and certainly recently can be beautiful...and moving....


Being in France has made me want to read the Marie Antionette books all over again, I even had dreams last night of wearing beautiful french silk, riding in carriages, going to balls and dancing the night away...we have enjoyed so much amazing food that I could swear I have died and gone to heaven.....


OR FRANCE....


And I admit guiltily....I LOVE the FRENCH schedule....


Sleeping in (ISH), afternoon lunch, evening coffee, late dinner, and wine and cheese at midnight......

Just another day in the life...of an unlikely military wife.....**

• • • • 
        

Enough....even for myself....**

Hey BLOG....


As previously announced we are getting a visit from the IN LAWS; BobDad, Queen Di and Cupcake.


We met up with them in Ingolstadt Germany- which is a suburb of Munich.  It was perfect timing LEGS and I had just settled into our room when we got a call that they had arrived.  We hurried down to the lobby of the hotel to find that they had arrived early with all luggage....which NEVER happens- how LUCKY we are!  The only solid complaint was how long of a flight they had and how jet lagged everybody was.....


After some traditional german cuisine LEGS and I tucked into our "double" which appears to be more like a "twin" for the night.....


Is it unimportant that we both woke up feeling like we were on LIVE TV performing in the WWF Championships??? Pretty sure I conquered him and took home the belt, LEGS and BobDad are going to GEEK IT UP at the AUDI Factory while us girls check out the shops..... 


We headed back to where we live in OBERDACHSTETTEN that afternoon...


Cupcake road with us, and BobDad joyfully got to drive his brand new AUDI on the Autobahn.


I asked LEGS;


ARMS:' Did you ever think in your wildest dreams that you and your father would be driving tandem at a 100 miles per hour on the Autobahn in each of your respectful Audi's?'
LEGS: HUGE CHEESY GRIN....'No...never...'


Isn't it funny when you stop in a moment in your life and you really take it in???  It was at this time that my sweet dreamer of a husband was literally living out a fantasy day dream he had never actually came up with on his own....


I don't know why....its been a really long time....but every time the IN LAWS come to visit I still get nervous.  I am always praying that they will like where we live, that they will accept our lifestyle, and that the modest life we have created will in some way impress them...why I hold on to this fantasy is just beyond me.....but I still do....


After tucking every body in and making a healthy dinner, BobDad asked me if we have a television.  I told him 'No....isn't it peaceful here?'  


My feelings about Television are pretty strong.  


In Alabama and AK, we spent A LOT of money on Television, and most of the time....there wasn't anything on....we spent hours of our time clicking through the million channels trying to find something to watch.  


When we moved here, we debated on getting the AFN channel, which is like the Air Force Network....its American Television but with lots of military information, military related commercials, and of course military specific issues and programs. Which is fine, but there is a lot of complaints about what they actually offer and what they don't.  After months of debate- we decided to skip getting television.  


Our projector sits in a box and our movie screen sits behind the couch still packed up.  


We still watch programs on our laptops and rent movies, we just don't subscribe to or have a "real" television in our house.


First of all, since we eliminated the television in our bedroom, we both get more sleep, we both sleep better, and finally there is more room for our marriage.  We make WHOOPI more often, we chat, cuddle, laugh, star gaze, watch storms, and enjoy un-interrupted marital bliss.....


And since we have eliminated our household television- we spend more time chatting, listening to music, learning, blogging, gardening, surfing the net, enjoying peace and quiet and frankly....productivity.....


There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of how much I DON'T MISS TELEVISION....


But....there are some drawbacks....


Like for instance- we don't always know what is going on in the world, we know about the big stuff, but we don't saturate our lives with the HYSTERIA they have the audacity to call NEWS.....


Every time I am at the gym or Doctor's office and I spend some time watching the news I can see how American's are so stressed out, with high blood pressure, obesity, alcoholism, addiction, etc.,


The news is so incredibly obnoxious they just pick the most shocking thing and hype it up over and over and over again.....and please....let's not even talk about how ridiculous it gets with the natural disasters, they completely freak people out and than the weather changes and its not ever that terrible.....


The other trouble we run into is our complete lack of interest/knowledge of AMERICAN past times, sporting events, shows, commercials, movies etc.,


People will try to communicate via facebook/email/telephone/etc., with us about these things and we really have no knowledge of it.


Sometimes its hard....even if we wanted to watch these things we would have to get up at crazy hours and go to drastic measures to watch the event.


While I feel pretty isolated at times, I do appreciate the opportunity that I have been given to enjoy LIFE at the present moment.  I am not waiting around any more for things to happen, I am in a self projecting state....If I feel like being entertained, I entertain myself.  I have become more active and productive in my daily life......


On facebook, a friend that I have had for a really long time, was trying to chat about football with me.  The summation was basically that my team THE BUFFALO BILLS and my father's team THE RAIDERS, will totally BLOW this year......


I mistakenly replied with sarcasm....stating that the shared knowledge was "uplifting" and that I don't watch sports I do sports these days....


(heavy sigh) Wouldn't you know it.....


Next thing I know I was called a "conceited bitch" and told that I make people feel bad with all my talk of ADVOCARE, how many miles I run/ride, and the types of things that I talk about on facebook.


YIKES.....


My mouth was probably hanging open for a total time of 3 hours.....I was totally shocked....I mean...tell me how you really feel....


And...


The timing could not be more perfect, with my IN LAWS here I couldn't be MORE vulnerable to Self- Esteem, Self- Confidence, and identity issues....


SO there I was....my IN LAWS are here, its one of the few times in my life where I have to be absolutely together and I was just told by someone that I once TRUELY LOVED that I have changed from something good, to something horrible....


It doesn't matter how many years passes, this particular individual still knows how to hurt my feelings, make me feel small, insignificant and like I cannot accomplish anything in the world...My GOD have I tried to be friends with him, I cannot believe I still give him the power to make me feel as if I have nothing to offer the world.....


He deleted me on facebook.  Which I always prefer- because it saves me the trouble.  So all of this is just REHASHED drama but is it fair that he gets the final say?  He always does.....


Perhaps I shouldn't retaliate back, and I suspect that this is a life lesson that I must learn.  But I want to know....


Do you always lay down and take what others have to give out?  Is is best to just "ignore" them?  To tell yourself they are just jealous, or sad, or lonely?  Or...to perhaps entertain what they say- do some self reflection, think about how you sound to others? What is the correct action to take? Stand up for yourself, or just silently accept the verbal beating???


Some clarity (if necessary): I do not talk about how good I feel and how good I look to make ANYBODY feel bad about themselves, ADVOCARE has been a wonderful gift in my life- it just makes me want to share this gift with everybody- I want EVERYBODY to FEEL the way THEY WANT TO FEEL and LOOK THEY WAY THEY WANT to look, I LOVE people and I want EVERYBODY to FEEL AMAZING.....


I started to think pretty hard about how I have sounded....have I been coming on a little too strong? Have I really changed that much?  Have I become what I never wanted?  Do I really just talk about myself?


Yeah.  I have.  I talk about myself a lot.  I guess I am not exactly clear on what facebook is if you aren't updating YOUR STATUS.....I concur that this is narcissistic and that it does present the dilemma of being self-oriented...but that is why I write my blog......


Facebook provides for me a way to communicate.  I am far away from my family- telling them what I am up to, and how things are going in my daily life is my primary objective for using facebook.  I look to facebook to know exactly what is going in their lives as well, I know the tone, the pictures, the vibe, and all the familial drama via facebook, I would never let somebody's opinion of my posts change, or alter that channel of communication with my family, if you don't like it- don't read it.  In addition; talking about my garden, my family, giving inspirational quotes, sharing ADVOCARE, speaking on Military specific issues, my boxing, my travels/adventures, lessons learned, etc., is MY LIFE.  AND MY LIFE IS MY MESSAGE!


And even though I have come to this conclusion- it doesn't necessarily change that I am still reeling from the attacks on my character.  I have a wise friend that sent me an email just days before this happened....telling me that yes while I open myself up I may find more connections, but I may also experience more HATE.  When I first read the email I brushed it off- assuming that no matter what HATE came my way- that I would be able to easily overcome it......


This has not been the case....I have doubted myself, I have been more unsure, timid, and fragile.....the words that were spoken are still haunting me, they still have me wondering- if I am ever going to be ENOUGH.....


ENOUGH for even myself......


Just another day in the life....of an unlikely military wife....**

31 Jars of PSYCHO HOUSEWIFE RED VODKA SAUCE....**

Hey BLOG!


HOLY MOLY BATMAN!  I have lots of blogging to do to catch up to the present moment in my little life....


ROADIE and I made 31 Jars of PSYCHO HOUSEWIFE RED VODKA SAUCE with Fresh Tomatoes from my garden....


We had such a blast, we turned on big band music and pretended to be the women of MAD MEN ALL DAY LONG....


Here is a photo collage....

Mariannae made a surprise visit to us in the middle of the day.....


We teased her about her "boyfriend" and talked about cooking and knitting....

We started at 10am (ish) and I didn't take the last jar out of the boiling water until almost 7pm.


This day was a lot of work, but I still had so much fun with ROADIE.  It was one of those days in your life that you will remember forever, and when you think about it, you will smile, and maybe even giggle a little.


One day, your life will flash before your eyes....make sure its worth watching......


Just another day in the life of an unlikely military wife...**

I am a MAN...therefore I have NO CLASS...**

HEYO BLOG!


And now a weather report for NEVER NEVER LAND:  Incredible!  Clear Blue, Sunshine, and 80 degrees....


UHHHH....So I made an honest mistake.  


I'm a little anxious the IN LAWS are coming to town, so I won't get to see my friends as much as I would like.  So..on Thursday I hosted a STITCH and BITCH from 1030am-130pm.  I scheduled it at the last minute mostly so that I could see my girlfriends before I go MIA for a few weeks.  Because it was so last minute only a few people showed up, and they could only stay for a short period of time.


So....here is where the mistake comes in....I scheduled it during another person's event.  The honest truth is I really didn't think.  I sadly declined the invite because I was having my hair done that morning (which I had no idea how long it was going to take) AND my reasons for not attending otherwise has nothing to do with the individual host and more to do with my lack of interest in the product being sold at the event.


My character was attacked via facebook later on that evening.....this specific post touched on my lack of CLASS for my actions of hosting a event at the same time inviting the same people, and also indicated that I may suffer from immaturity....


My response to the post was as followed: YIKES...I realize this is directed at me....I actually did have a hair appointment today- and I was reckless in not respecting your event....my sincerest apologies...and to be a little defensive I have reached out to you on numerous occasions and have obtained absolutely no feedback....as far as my age- NICE....


Of course my response was not answered...so perhaps this individuals agenda was achieved and no further action was necessary.  However, this did not eliminate my particular frustration with this particular situation....


The Definition of CLASS via WEBSTER concedes that CLASS is defined at Social Rank; especially HIGH social rank, it pertains to High Quality; Elegance, in reference to a group, set, or kind sharing common attributes.


You can imagine my relief when I realized that many of the people that I seem to be surrounded by consider themselves of HIGH RANK, I am not this SPECIAL.  I don't pretend to obtain HIGH QUALITY or ELEGANCE, and what's even more is that these folks and in specific one that made reference to my "CLASS" think they are in this category.  


I guess it all depends on what your version of class is....but I rather like the definition of CLASS according to Webster.  Luckily I have no specific RANK social, economic or otherwise, I am not a ELEGANT girl, I wear blue jeans and box for crying out loud....I am more simple.  Just a simple girl...with a uncomplicated MARRIAGE, a uncomplicated LIFE, and a HAPPY DISPOSITION...


So there you have it....(sigh of relief) I DON'T HAVE ANY CLASS....(GASP!)


And since I NEVER want to grow up and that is WHY I moved to NEVER NEVER LAND.....luckily for me I operate on a 'grade school' mentality....


And just one more thing regarding this "event" thing.  I host events at my house called STITCH and BITCH.  We even have a book, its called STITCH and BITCH.  (This basically defines STITCH and BITCH as a religion) ,*D


Because I am not exclusionary, I INVITE everybody and I tell people to invite whomever they want.  So far I have hosted one a month since June, and a few afternoon sessions during the week.  So...roughly 5/6.  


Some people come every time without fail.  Some people haven't come but say they will next time.  Some people have come and never came back.  Some people say they are coming and never have made it.  I never take people's attendance or lack there of personally, EVER.  


I am high enough in grade school to realize that what I am putting out there may not be what some people enjoy. And that is okay with me.  I hosted one at FORT RUCKER and one girl came.....needless to say I stopped hosting after that, mostly because I know how to take a hint.  


Its the same with my blog.  Some people like it, some people don't.  They don't have to read it.  I would have stopped writing it a long time ago if I don't get countless messages/feedback on how much it means to people or how much they like it.....and...it gives me great pleasure to create this imaginary world with cartoons about the funny things in life- and to poke fun at myself and share my thoughts....


It is absolutely amusing to me when people knock what I do.  I will admit sometimes it hurts my feelings (hey they say the strongest are actually the most sensitive), but after a small period of reflection I come to the same conclusion every single time....


The more you put yourself out there, the more you share, trust, and open up about, the more things will be available for people to attack and hate on...I share so much of myself because I am just looking for that human connection, it is my sincerest hope that we will find something in common, I trust so many people by putting "EVERYTHING" in my blog, because I want to forge meaningful relationships with "EVERYBODY",  and I OPEN up because its so much easier living a HONEST life.......


I always think, you never know how somebody is going to change your life, or teach you something, I would hate to miss out on such an opportunity.....


Next subject:




I got my labs back the other day.....


Let me just say that the information I am about to divulge has had a profound affect on my psyche, so I'm feeling a little sensitive about it, however that doesn't mean I can't poke fun at MYSELF....


It turns out that I really may in fact have knocked up Princess Peach and the countless other women that are getting pregnant around me.  


According the the gestation period Princess Peach conceived while the BOYZ were in the field and since her and I spent so much time together, I suspect she may be carrying my child.....


It turns out I have EXTREMELY LOW ESTROGEN.


So low that they ran some other tests to rule out early onset of menopause and various cancers of my lady parts.


Obviously this is upsetting news and has had me thinking and talking with my doctor about the WHY possibilities......


The reasons that she gave were that due to the fact that I was on the pill so long, my pituitary gland probably stopped producing estrogen because my body was receiving it from my daily dose of the birth control pill.


Another contributing factor is how messed up my pituitary gland is from all my thyroid trouble.


And....I suspect that my athletic background may have also contributed to this issue.  They say woman who are participate in extreme exercise or training tend to have lower levels of estrogen.  After spending years in the boxing gyms, surrounded by men, and training and exercising at a Olympic Level this is not a surprising effect....


Because of ADVOCARE I have really slowed down on my exercise, but I am going to slow down even more, no more super long bike rides and only moderate exercise from now on for me.


The Game Plan:  Get my blood drawn again on Tuesday to double check my thyroid, and start a progesterone challenge (this will hopefully be a GRAND INVITATION to MISS DOT.)  and as said above slow my roll on exercise.....


I am not going to lie, I am scared.  I don't want to be a lab rat in order to get pregnant, I have been down that road with my thyroid and it was horrible!  At the same time its disappointing that we have finally made the decision to have a baby and it turns out I'm broken.....


I am kinda excited about pumping my body with progesterone right when the IN LAWS come to visit.... 


STAY TUNED for some more interesting blogs....'MY JOURNEY on HORMONES while SIMULTANEOUSLY ENTERTAINING the IN LAWS'


Okay....I gotta go...sorry they aren't any cartoons...


Just another day in the life of an unlikely military wife...**

The HIGHER you are the HARDER you fall...**

HOWDY DOODY, BLOG


NEVER NEVER LAND Weather Conditions: The leaves are starting to fall and suspect FALL is on its way....while I LOVE Fall and I am excited about snow this winter- I am a little sad to see this summer go....I think its because LEGS won't be around for the next one......


I hosted another consecutive STITCH and BITCH the other night.  It makes me feel good to get the GIRLZ together and teach them something new, or to allow them the time necessary to relax and chit chat with the girls....


We had a quieter bunch the other night, mostly because we had a bunch of new girls come, I suspect we may have overwhelmed them with our chatter, but it was fun to meet new girls and hear the stories of where they have been, what they have been through and how they have arrived her in NEVER NEVER LAND.....


While getting the house ready....I realized I have never been so excited about cleaning my house as I was on that day.....And even then, things went wrong.  I broke a shutter in the room used primarily for S & B....and LEGS was gone most of the day helping others even though I needed his help fixing/prepping some things around the house.  


All my stresses were washed away when I got on the scale before I showered and I weighed 135lbs.  I just cannot believe it has been this easy to reach my goal.  


STITCH and BITCH is a great event because its a beautiful mixture of Military Wives, from all different backgrounds, from all different places in the world who are married to men that have all DIFFERENT jobs, all DIFFERENT ranks, its a perfect night of all UNIQUE POWERFUL WOMEN, Stitching and just BEING THERE for each other....I have come to realize that I am so lucky, so very very lucky, I LOVE each and every one of these ladies they all bring a very special thing, trait and color to my life and make it so absolutely complete, and amazing to watch....


Sunday....my Baby Sis called me on Skype and told me that SISSY had fallen on her neck, she couldn't breathe and was on her way to the EMERGENCY ROOM....


Immediately, tears welled up in my eyes, a lump in my throat and panic set in.....but since I was sitting in front of my Baby Sis I had to be strong, hold it in and not make the situation more unsettling then it already was...


I was worried sick, but there was nothing I could do but sit and wait.....it was one of those times in my life when there was nothing I could do, I knew that I had to remain calm, but every inch of my being was freaking out, I  felt very far away, and I tried like hell all day not to cry.....


LEGS was gone that whole afternoon....and I started thinking....this is LIFE, and....WHY am I being SO CAUTIOUS!?!


I was able to let out a huge sigh of relief, when I got a report that she was released, everything is fine, she suffered some severe bruising to her larynx and vocal cords....I love her so much, I would be so distraught if something ever happened to her, or any of my sisters for that matter....


Did I say that LEGS was gone?  Let me tell you a little story....


On Sunday morning...we were sleeping peacefully in our beds and a alarm went off...I woke up and was wondering if I was a little confused on the day, or if I accidentally set my alarm.  LEGS tells me 'I am going on a Bike Ride.'  


At this point I am too docile and sub-conscious to really interpret this fact...I just say 'OH...?' Like I just didn't realize that that is what he was planning on....


He asks me a few minutes later if I want to go....


Usually I would say 'YES!'


But...I was feeling like I just wanted to relax.  I told him 'No...but you go and have fun.'


I know what you are thinking...you are thinking that I am such a cool wife....Ya...I am....


So I send him off with a kiss and tell him to be safe......


3.5 almost 4 hours later he calls me and tells me he is halfway, and that he didn't mean to ride that far.  At this point I am worried sick about my sister, and just want him to come home safe.....So I tell him to be careful on the way back.


When he gets home, its 5pm at night....


And I wasn't even really tripping....he came in telling me he was going to get all the 'BLUE CHORES' I had requested of him done, blah blah blah....


What this means is he is feeling really guilty.....


So I say to him....


'I am really not mad (because I wasn't), I just wish you would have told me what you were up to.'


He replies back with the 'I didn't know we were going to ride that far...' argument.


I say back 'Well....you wonder why all these other wives keep their husbands under lock and key, this might be why....we try to be cool and let you off the leash and than you muck it up by leaving at 10am and returning at 5pm when you know damn well you have things to get done...'


Like I said, I wasn't mad, so the discussion was over...


But something wasn't right....my SPIDEY senses were up....


By the time we made it to be at 11pm that night, I was fed up....


I put a laundry basket on the stairs....it was heavy and big...do you think LEGS could lug it up the stairs for me? 


NO.


So I say....'Man you got to go on your bike ride today, I'm not even sweating you, but you can't take initiative and carry the laundry basket up the stairs?'


He says 'I had other stuff to carry up the stairs...'


I say 'Well....So did I! But I just put that stuff in the basket and then I carried the basket...' (APACHE PILOTS ARE SO SMART)


And this is basically what it boils down to:  He invited me on the ride, but did not advise me that it would be an 80 mile ride- SO- one of two things he was hoping that I wouldn't come, OR he was going to totally shanghai me on prepping for that distance.  The whole "I didn't know" argument is bogus because I saw him writing down directions to the 80 mile destination before he left....and, even though he got out of the other chores he can't take some initiative???  But what I really hate...what I really HATE is the sneaky-ness.  If you want to ride 80 miles just tell me that is what you are up to, instead of being a gun pilot who can't inform me of the plan.....


I told him 'I understand why these other wives are getting a bad rap.  Its because you guys are running around pulling stunts like this all the time....if you want to be treated like an adult, you need to act like an adult- don't make me out to be the bad guy, because you were trying to be sneaky and got caught....'


GOD FORBID I SOUND LIKE MY MOTHER.....


All LEGS could do was shamefully laugh that guilty laugh that BOYZ do when they realize the jig is up.....


And just like that life perspective is tossed out the window and a small thing can throw you into a complete tizzy....


Everybody keeps saying they want socialized medicine.  I often wish I had private health care again....


After visiting the Medical Clinic on base the other day...I seriously almost lit that place on fire, then I tried calming myself down the whole way home, then I got even more furious, then I cried and now I am just furious again....I mean I AM HOT.....


Its always frustrating when you as the patient do all the proactive things that need to be done in order to receive your medical care at a timely and reasonable fashion AND the provider does not.....


I had some labs done.  Bases on the reported return date of those labs I wanted to schedule an appointment.  I was told to call the following work day.  Since I was on base, I went in.  The waiting room was full of people that I know, that my husband works with, and their kids.  After requesting the appointment, I was told it would be three weeks out.  


This is unacceptable to me.


If I have lab work done, I shouldn't have to wait three weeks to find out if I am going to LIVE a life which is reasonable to the average healthy person....


So I requested a nurse talk to me about the labs.


The nurse said that she can't discuss my labs unless the Doctor has already seen and discussed them with the patient.  UMMMMM OKAY?


Then why would you request a discussion in the first place?  If I already knew what my labs said I would never ask to speak to a nurse!?


I felt really bad because in front of all the children I told the front desk employees that this policy was "BULLSHIT."


I then apologized, profusely, took the appointment that is three weeks from now and left.....


After awhile I calmed down....I mean with so much to be thankful for who cares about your own health???....(JK JK JK....) 


I revel in having my house clean, the laundry done and LEGS on a night flight, it means; there are no explosions of disaster all over my house for the time being...and gives me time to enjoy the clean house....


I had a dream that MISS DOT came, this would usually be a total nightmare....but at this juncture in my life it would be a welcomed treat...


MISS DOT is eluding me....


How is it possible that my teenage years were spent just wishing and praying; that I wouldn't have to deal with her, that my Kotex Wings wouldn't let me down in gym class, that she wouldn't spill all over my white pants and require me to get the HORRID LONER CLOTHES out of the nurses office, that my current boyfriend wouldn't be aware of her presence, that nobody would hear the wrappers of her toiletries the next stall over, that I wouldn't suddenly have a bunch of new 'friends' located on my face, and that....she DID NOT...just paint all over the family couch, or start for the first time on a camping trip.....


And now, here I am, just begging, wishing, hoping and praying that she comes back to me soon....


I am armed and ready, emotionally, physically and mentally for all the horrible traits she brings with her, and so desperate that I would leap for joy if any of the embarrassing things that I listed above would once again be part of my monthly life....


Of course this is only to feel....


Just like you do when family visits.....the first couple of day would be fine, but then I would want MISS DOT to go back from wherever she comes from so that I could romanticize her character, yet again...


I need MISS DOT to come,


And then go away again....


For 9 months...


I don't even feel like I could ever find MISS DOT again, I keep hoping that I will feel moody, crave chocolate or feel tired....on my search for her...but nothing....I feel nothing...I am broken...


I spent some time with other people's kids yesterday, watching children figure out who you are, or learn something new, or even challenge their parents is refreshing to me- and their hugs are the best! It really makes you realize what is important, and thankful for what you have....Perspective is an incredible gift....


Lately.....


I have become disenchanted....


Ever since I met LEGS I have been so proud of him.  I have always held my head high, told everybody proudly what he does and that he serves his country.  The day that he graduated from Flight School, MAN I WAS SO PROUD- My Husband worked so hard and now he was an AVIATOR...


It seems as though, every day a little part of me becomes more....


Timid, Ashamed, and Quiet about his EXACT profession....


I have noticed that I don't tell other wives what he does.....


And I don't tell other people in the Military what he does....


Because.....


Frankly.....


Most of the APACHE PILOTS that I know are ASSHOLES....


When we were first new in AVIATION people used to say that APACHE PILOTS were ASSHOLES, but I always thought they were bitter, or jealous....I always thought they were just being negative.....


I am realizing more and more....everybody else may have been right...


Don't confuse what I am saying now....I said the word MOST....that doesn't mean ALL....


I guess I am just finding it fascinating, that such smart MEN, who defy DEATH everyday can walk around treating people the way that they do- you would think that if they are SMART, and they DO IN FACT defy death- they would have a better grasp on LIFE.....NOPE....they don't...


Jus....................


SAYIN'...........


After reading this blog over....I shutter coming up with a conclusion....


BUT if I had to....I would say that LIFE is all about perspective, while I am making forever friends in NEVER NEVER LAND, I am far away from my family, while I am trying to take the next step in my life my body is not cooperating, while LEGS and I have a excellent marriage he still (and I still) TRY to get everything we want always, having children is this incredible but also humbling experience, and while you can obtain a prestigious position, like PILOT, this kind of accomplishment does not mean that your moral character or personality is necessarily pleasant...


But you know what they say.....


They say the HIGHER you are the HARDER you fall....


MY THREE NEW FAVORITE THINGS:


My New PURSE:  (its a vintage bowling bag from ETSY- SO MOD!)

My New BOOK: THANK YOU SISTER NURSE! SIGNED BY MY IDOL!!!**

My New "DO":

Random Thoughts:


LOVE this quote:  'Dreams permit each and every one of us to be quietly and safely INSANE every night of our lives.  -Willaim Dement 


It also has me thinking though, that I may be crazy all day and sleep is when I am actually sane.....its like in my dreams everything makes sense....and most times in life- a lot of it doesn't.....



@#$%%#@! &*&^%$%%^! There is a MILLION reason why I LOVE cycling...but having a broken bike after eating, dressing, planning and prepping for a ride is not one of them...this is why boxing and running will always have my respect and love....*&^%$%#@.....


I am still in shock....looking back reflectively on everything I used to go through to weigh what I weigh today....I just wish I would have known about ADVOCARE sooner....watching LEGS gawk at me this morning while I pranced around in a mid drift baring hoodie, undies and socks, makes it SO WORTH IT....I am convinced I have NEVER looked this good my WHOLE life....**


Just another day in the life of an unlikely military wife...**