No closer to a purpose.....**

(Insert Awkward Moment HERE....)


Hi BLOG.....how are you?..........


Look I know its been awhile since.....since we spoke.......


I have just.....I've just been.....I've been working on some material.....


After reading my last blog, I looked back to see what other things I had been THANKFUL for....if for no other reason then to document it so that I can look back on it........here is the rest of my 24 days of being THANKFUL- starting on Day 6 and ending on THANKSGIVING:


Day 6 of THANKFULNESS: I am a lucky girl, all my life I watched Disney Movies, read Fairy Tales, day dreamed and hoped for a TRUE EVERLASTING HAPPILY EVER AFTER LOVE, and to my dismay I got it.....LEGS is romantic, tender, he is smart and patient, he is strong, heroic, supportive and understanding, he blindly believes in me and most importantly he quiets my brain, calms me down, he allows me to live in the moment....he turns me into a noodle......I am THANKFUL for the LOVE we have and FOR HIM- I FOUND HIM, HE WHO MY SOUL LOVES and I HELD HIM AND WILL NEVER LET HIM GO.....**


Day 7 of THANKFULNESS: I am THANKFUL for my FAMILY- both the COUSSENS' and the MCKAY/JONES'- Growing up with my Sisters had a deep and everlasting impact on who I am today- they taught me to be a leader, to share, to play and make believe, patience, and how to PROJECT MY VOICE OVER MANY, The MOMMY taught me compassion and empathy, The Daddy taught me discipline, the importance of education and tonever give up, My brother taught me the miracle of life, my Step-Dad taught me how important humor is to life and he showed me the beauty of ALASKA, The COUSSENS' have taught me ACCEPTANCE and Generosity, ALL GRANDPARENTS have taught me WISDOM, and the power of RESILIENCE....RYLEE has taught me how beautiful the FUTURE is......

Day 8 of THANKFULNESS: I am THANKFUL for the SPORT and PHILOSOPHY of BOXING; It has made me a WARRIOR, it has created my character to be a person of STRONG WILL, great MENTAL FORTITUDE, it has taught me DISCIPLINE, SURVIVAL, SPORTSMANSHIP, it has given me the gift of understanding PEOPLE and PIN POINTING EXACTLY WHAT MAKES THEM TICK, I can see their WEAKNESSES and STRENGTHS, I have learned about HARD WORK and PERSEVERANCE through boxing, it has allowed me to walk in places people could only dream of, it has given me the ability to do what most others WON'T or say they CAN'T, I STAND OUT, I CONQUER LIFE, I STAND IN VICTORY always.....*


Day 9: I am THANKFUL for my health, it hasn't always been perfect....battling asthma as a high school athlete and BOXING CHAMP, being diagnosed with allergies to EVERYTHING, becoming SERIOUSLY SICK with an auto-immune disorder called HASHIMOTO'S disease (HYPOTHYROIDISM), which has caused and is still causing incredibly difficult obstacles to overcome- both personal and physical, I have to take medicines every day to function, some days I feel like I don't even know what it feels like to feel normal, I am constantly up against weight gain, fertility issues, fatigue, mood changes, impaired breathing, etc., BUT....I don't let it define me, or alter my ZEST for life, I don't let any of these conditions hold me back from pursuing my dreams, and EVERY ACCOMPLISHMENT I MAKE DESPITE THESE ISSUES- MAKES THEM THAT MUCH MORE MIRACULOUS! **


DAY 10 of THANKFULNESS: A humble and honorable THANK YOU to those who SERVE in the UNITED STATES MILITARY. I sleep peacefully at night because I know that they stand ready to fearlessly defend our nation and protect our way of life- *

Heroism is latent in every human soul - However humble or unknown, they (the veterans) have renounced what are accounted pleasures and cheerfully undertaken all the self-denials - privations, toils, dangers, sufferings, sicknesses, mutilations, life-long hurts and losses, death itself - for some great good, dimly seen but dearly held.
Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain

I have the honor of experiencing very personal and intimate knowledge of VETERANS and in specific ONE VETERAN-his desire to give up so much for so many, to give up even the most basic things, and even to give up our time together, to selflessly give so much amazes me on a daily basis-

Taking time today and EVERY DAY to COMPREHEND- this and to REMEMBER and be THANKFUL for these INCREDIBLE AND SELFLESS PEOPLE....**


In the last two months the number of hours I have been able to see LEGS has been dismal at best, and even though again he will only be home for a very short period of time (less than 48 hours).....today I am so THANKFUL for even the small number of hours I get with him.....DAY 12 of THANKFULNESS: It may not be much- but I am thankful for any.......**

DAY 13: I am THANKFUL for extended mornings in bed with LEGS, catching up on our shows, chatting, cuddling, eating, I am thankful for crumbs in the bed, the way he looks at me, the laughter we share, I am THANKFUL that even though he has to leave me again tonight.....I am sad, I want him to stay so badly I can hardly stand it, I am THANKFUL that our LOVE really hasn't changed THAT much in 10 years.....I am still wearing his jeans, and dreading the drive to drop him off......I am THANKFUL that I still want to call my MOMMY and BRAG about him....."MOMMY THAT'S MY HUSBAND...." (except back then he was my boyfriend).....**


Day 14 of THANKFULNESS: I am thankful that I am LUCKY ENOUGH to live abroad, living in GERMANY has taught me so many valuable lessons in life, it has given me so many AMAZING experiences, I find myself to be more patient, understanding, compassionate and aware of cultural differences, my non-verbal communication has reached a WHOLE NEW LEVEL, I realize that while I think my german is totally horrible, I know more than I give myself credit for.....and being able to LIVE in EUROPE versus VISIT EUROPE has given me a sophisticated experience that will be hard to rival.....**


Day 15: THANKFUL for unexpected THANK YOU notes in the mail, thankful that LEGS is home- FOR NOW, thankful for the like minded friends I enjoy laughing and shopping with, THANKFUL for Christmas Gift Ideas that are BRILLIANT and MAKE SHOPPING IN EUROPE FOR XMAS so damn easy....**

Day 16: LEGS says.....I am THANKFUL for MOVIE NIGHT in bed WITH HIM.....I really can't say that I disagree with him all that much.......

ALSO red wine and chicken pot pie with RICE CRUST and VERY LITTLE DIARY.....

and KARMELLA........

AND.....heat, lights, a place to live.....

AND LOVE.....LOVE for my FRIENDS, LEGS, MY FAMILY, KARMELLA.....so MUCH LOVE I just can't give it away......**

Day 17: This probably sounds a little stupid....but....I am THANKFUL for all the really cool, interesting and dynamic people that I have met through our travels, in boxing gyms, with ADVOCARE, it seems like I am always being surprised, impressed, excited and ready to get to know the new people I get to meet every day through these avenues...I find people to be so intriguing and totally RADICAL....I just LOVE THEM....and my life is exciting and something worth watching because of them- I don't care if this sounds dumb.....its true....... ,*)


Day 18: I am THANKFUL to have the freedom and youth to have nights like this, also I am THANKFUL to have the confidence in my body to go into a club with beautiful women and dance like nobody's watching.....and SECURITY in MY MARRIAGE! ,*P


Day 19: THANKFUL for the little taste of America I enjoyed tonight, long drives in the car with LEGS AND his UNWAVERING support and desire to support my BOXING CAREER.....**


Day 20: THANKFUL for my family in ALASKA they are CRA-ZY!!! But I love the quirkiness and excitement, I have been missing them something FIERCE lately....LUB LUB LUB YOU GUYZ...... :*)


Day 21: I am THANKFUL that me and my family have not experienced any spectacular car crashes, tragedies, extended hospitalizations, or any other life depleting situations.....We have known many families that have endured EXTREME HEARTACHE, LOSS, AND SEVERE MEDICAL SITUATIONS- For those families- we are always sending support and the knowledge that we don't take our GOOD FORTUNE OR LOVED ONES FOR GRANTED.....at least I DON'T....**

NOVEMBER 22: THANKFUL for MY LIFE....ONE DAY....YOUR LIFE...will FLASH before YOUR EYES....make sure its worth watching........every minute I live and breath I make it WORTH WATCHING....**

Day 23: I am THANKFUL for YOU. YES YOU. I consider you my friend, I share my life with you every single day and want you to know that you influence me, teach me, and touch me with all the moments of your life and our friendship...I am who I am because of YOU and I am wishing you and your family a happy, humble and THANKFUL THANKSGIVING!!!! Love on ya, ME **

THANKSGIVING: Last night I left THANKSGIVING with a stomach ache because I ate so much food and laughed SO HARD! I consumed some of the best food I have ever eaten- even though we are all far away from our families- 30 of us Americans gathered together and behaved like family- A BIG THANK YOU to the NEALS for hosting and PROPS to EVERYBODY WHO BROUGHT THE MOST DELICIOUS THANKSGIVING MEAL I HAVE EVER HAD! This kind of life is hard.....a lot of times.....but last night was so beautiful and full of love that it shall live on in my memory and carry me through many tough days of being a military wife......**

After reading all of these it became apparent that the original reason for me to create a new post became kind of LAME......

I started thinking- 

WHAT IF.....

WHAT IF everybody was as THANKFUL as they were on THANKSGIVING....EVERY SINGLE DAY????.........

(Heavy SIGH)

I know that I am lucky and I have a lot going for me......but I am floundering.......

Every where I look people are pregnant, or getting pregnant, or they have kids they don't give a sh*t about......

Recently I have been thinking......I am so lucky, and I have always wondered why and how I am so lucky- I like to believe I am a good person, but....NOT THAT GOOD.....

Not good enough to deserve LEGS.....Not good enough to LIVE this LIFE I have been given.......

Maybe......maybe this is the thing that is going to be hard for us......maybe having children is not in our future.........

I know there is more that I could be doing....I could be more proactive about my situation, but I am terrified that they are going to tell me I have to do all these crazy things to conceive......

And I keep telling myself that it will happen when its supposed to....mostly because that is what everybody keeps telling us.....

I have also found solace in the fact that DESTINY and FATE must have something in store for me, and when I am done accomplishing whatever it is then I will have a baby.......

BUT.....

I wrote a blog 3 weeks ago, searching for my purpose in life......and today.....I am no closer to discovering what that is.......

I'm a bored housewife.......

PS- I realize that for some of you the pictures in this blog are of random unknown strangers- every single one of these people are important to me- they have shaped my life, touched me, and operated like family members do while I live ABROAD- I am SO THANKFUL for them- and while we continue our adventure in NEVER NEVER LAND- they support us- I will always cherish the time I spend with them AND I shall never forget them!

Just another day in the life of any unlikely military wife.....**

Sometimes LETTING GO....is STRONGER than HOLDING ON....**

Hi BLOG.....

Weather Report: Starting to get really chilly and foggy.....My yard is covered in leaves and I have absolutely no motivation to get out a rake them up.....

Exchange Rate: BOGUS.....

While LEGS was home.....(let me quantify it since the END of SEPTEMBER he has been home for approximately 100 hours)....we went to the The GREAT PUMPKIN FESTIVAL in LUDWIGSBERG NEVER NEVER LAND.

Halloween is NOT celebrated in NEVER NEVER LAND the way it is in the states, while I was feeling seriously jealous of all the Halloween celebrations I was missing, I guess when you live in NEVER NEVER LAND its not NECESSARY to dress up and celebrate because you already live in a world of make believe.....

At the Festival EVERYTHING is PUMPKIN. Every year they have a theme, this year was DINOSAURS they make life size DINOSAURS completely out of pumpkin, they serve pumpkin food and drink, and also sell pumpkins/pumpkin products.

It was a crisp fall day, and luckily it stayed dry while we played around at the festival. It was also LIZA'S Birthday, so in honor of her, a large group of us planned to attend the festival on the same day at the same time. It was timed just right so that all of us sat down at picnic tables and enjoyed PUMPKIN treats together in celebration of her UN-BIRTHDAY! It was good for the kids too, everybody who has kids was able to take pictures and let the kids play on the various play grounds, court yards, and enjoy the dinosaur displays.

The food was pretty awesome- LEGS and I enjoyed PUMPKIN SOUP, PUMPKIN RAVIOLI, and PUMPKIN QUICHE, along with SUPERB BEER and PUMPKIN CHAMPAGNE!

I never met a pumpkin.....that I didn't like....

Here us a picture montage of that day;

Ahhhhhhh......my FAITHFUL readers.....I have hit a profound and really very interesting ROUGH PATCH.......it started on Tuesday of this week and by today I was floundering..........

My circumstances in life have taken me to live out a dream for many, I live overseas, in EUROPE, in NEVER NEVER LAND.  While that is a incredible opportunity there are some drawbacks.....there always are......

One such drawback is the lack of AMERICAN.  THANKSGIVING is a AMERICAN holiday.  This proves to provide a whole bunch of obstacles that must be overcome in order to celebrate THANKSGIVING.  These obstacles tend to come in the form of SUPPLIES and LOGISTICS.  

While residing OFF POST- many of our appliances such as refrigerator's, freezers, and ovens are of the smaller european variety.  This makes housing a turkey, cooking a turkey and having a place for the inevitable influx of leftovers more like a military operation in itself.

And.....as much as I appreciate the effort, and admire the quality whatever shin dig the ARMY puts on.....can be.....mostly....a little FORCED....and LAME......

I approached J. LO a month ago and asked if she wanted to do a little THANKSGIVING POTLUCK at her house for our group of friends.  J. LO LOVES FOOD, and LOVES PEOPLE and LOVES FEEDING PEOPLE FOOD, so in my mind- I thought MY GOD it couldn't be better matched!  The real bonus is she has an AMERICAN OVEN!  (one....that is large enough....to fit a TURKEY.)

Gracious and delighted at the idea- J. LO embraced and offered up her home to a mass of Americans who wish to celebrate the time honored tradition of GIVING THANKS.  

That solves the logistically problem with the exception that those attending MUST bring tables and chairs!

Now on to the SUPPLY issues......

Last year while we were stationed at FORT RUCKER both the commissary and the nearest WALMART RAN OUT OF PUMPKIN.....like RAN TOTALLY OUT.....

SUPPLIES over here are difficult and scarce to come by- in most cases a several hour drive or overnight stay to secure some AMERICAN GOODS is not out of the required behavior......

DUE to this FACT.....and the nightmare of having a CELEBRATION without the GUEST OF HONOR- THE TURKEY, I started to get pretty nervous when a trip to the LARGER Commissary on Tuesday of this week left me with an up close and personnel look at the ALMOST BAREN TURKEY SECTION....

The wheels in my head started turning and the horror of hungry AMERICANS in high hopes of the grand AMERICAN Tradition of eating TURKEY on THANKSGIVING DAY....mortified me into ACTION....

This ACTION was BOSSY in nature and offensive to the receiver......

You know those moments in life where you are going along just like you always do, and then suddenly OUT OF NO WHERE a bomb of drama just goes off....so you run, take cover, fight. flight.  attempt to survive....but during all the confusion every step you take is the wrong one? Insert one of these here......

The end result is that I went to bed Tuesday night very, very, very ANGRY.  You know the kind of angry where you feel like raging? Your heart is pounding, your pits gets sweaty, your face is red, there is probably steam coming out of your ears......

At this point....I had no where to turn, everybody that could console me was unavailable for my late night RAGE....so I started looking up famous quotes about ANGER through google.....I managed to calm down to a more laser guided angry (as opposed to RAGE) as a result of the quotes about ANGER online......I would like everybody to see that.....I was desperate enough to use GOOGLE as THERAPY.....

This is the beginning of descent......

I went to sleep like that......

And while I was laying in bed.....in the dark.....alone (LEGS IS IN THE FIELD....but of course he is...).....I hit it all.....at first it was fantasies of violence, then it was ideas of complete withdraw, and than it was utter and sheer apathy....

That kind of anger doesn't usually subside with sleep.....at least for me....so I woke up with a ANGRY hangover, it was like waking up and putting on day old socks.....you know how the idea of that is just icky and they don't fit right because they are all stretched out, and of course the bottoms are dirty.....

I got on facebook and started seeing posts from friends that I have all around the world.  One girl, her Mom was diagnosed with breast cancer and she had just completed her last round of chemotherapy, another guy, his son went for a minor surgery- but he said 'If you think you have it rough go to the children's hospital...'

I felt like a complete and genuinely cheap SHAM of a person.....

I realized that I NEED to GET A LIFE- FOR REAL!  I went to bed ANGRY, like sweaty, heart pounding ANGRY.....about a FRACKIN' TURKEY?! I don't give a FLYING AIRPLANE about a STOOPID TURKEY! I don't even really LIKE turkey.....I ONLY eat it ONCE a year!!!  

I was relieved that I had comprehended such REALITY, CLARITY, PERSPECTIVE, MINDSET........I was so glad I hadn't done anything rash, foolish or cruel as a result of my anger and thankful that LIFE had tried to sneak a JOKER in on me....but I hadn't fallen for it........

With discontent in my heart and disappointment on my face I had a ADVOCARE event to HOST......and a day to get on with.......

Naturally hardly anybody showed up to the event.......

Add on top of that a few choice texts/messages/comments that were troubling in nature, a sore throat and you have one of those days where you know tomorrow just has to be better......

My thoughts from that day are as follows;

I just do the best I can, I put myself out there, I try to be solution oriented, positive, enthusiastic, creative there is a great sense of pride in the things I have done this far in life, the obstacles I have overcome, been through, over, under, beneath, above, I attempt to execute action with wisdom, thought, with my eye on outcome, when I struggle I admit it, when I fall I get back up, when I feel something I show it...I really do just want to change the world, so many times I feel like I am too exhausted to do so, so many times I feel like its SIMPLY NOT ENOUGH......today I feel exhausted.....**

You know how I thought that the next day just had to be better?  Well....It wasn't......

I woke up with a sore throat again, and my spirit was still in the toilet, but I got myself up and hurried down to base for the workout group.  The group was at 9am, but I got there a little early, so I sat on the bench at the gym......on the big open basketball court and started watching the clock at 8:45am.....by 9am I started having that sinking feeling and by 9:15 nobody had shown up......I felt like a complete FAILURE.....one girl finally showed up and I was more thankful than she will ever know for the  sign of support- but by the time she came I had resigned myself.....

Just quietly decided that......somewhere along the way I had done something, something that was painful to somebody and now I was paying for it......

I never call LEGS when he is in the field......but.....I called him on the way home from the gym....typically....it was fruitless.....

By the time I got home, I curled up into a ball on the bed and laid there....I couldn't help but laugh....you know that laugh where you just cannot believe that you have reached that kind of unbelievable hysteria?  I even looked to the ceiling and said:

"DEAR UNIVERSE, I am a big fan of your work, GIVE ME A SIGN, I don't know what to do with MY LIFE!!!!, YOUR LOST and FAITHFUL SERVANT- Me"

Not in those exact words, but you get the point.....

Grasping at straws in my desperation to feel better I started watching you tube videos.....mostly funny ones, but there is a few violent/crazy ones in there- to pull me out of the funk.....I had a good laugh, but it didn't make me feel like I could keep on truckin'........

I just want everybody to note that I was now watching youtube videos to cope with how miserable and sad my life had recently become- that I found solace in the pain/embarrassment of others......

I got up off the bed and opened a package I had received from a dear friend and blog reader from AK......

And after that I received several messages/comments from other friends....

Its always TOO COINCIDENTAL for me the sequence of events that sometimes come together.....but..... I after opening that  package I was reminded of  who I am, what I stand for, and what I live for- 

Celebrating 24 days of THANKFULNESS.....I am THANKFUL for MY FRIENDS- I hope all my friends know- I could never be who I am without you- and I could never survive this military lifestyle without you either- I say....overcome with emotion- THANK YOU FOR BEING MY FRIEND! :*)

The contents of the package:  A handmade doily, a tank top with a boxer FELIX the CAT on it, a pin with a bicycle on it, a book called "The Edible Yard", a handmade/personally designed bandana for sports, and a letter.  

After opening this package.....I sobbed uncontrollably....and after that I rose to my feet with resolve.  If people around the world believed in me and supported me with such tenderness and consideration I needed to believe in myself!

I wasn't cured or completely out of the rough patch yet though......

Its easy when you feel this vulnerable and lost to get homesick......and that I did......

All it took was a facebook post to do it......

A picture of ALASKA imposed on the rest of the STATES.....

Sporting my AK Grown hoodie to the briefing tonight- while simultaneously suffering from HOME SICKNESS- Growing up in ALASKA I learned the most important thing in life and that is TO SURVIVE! Day 3 of THANKFULNESS- I am THANKFUL that I had the HONOR of growing up in such a rugged, remote, beautiful, rough and tough environment- it taught me how to ENTERTAIN MYSELF, and HOW TO SURVIVE in the cold, the woods, the water, in a little city with BIG PROBLEMS and ALONE.....AK GIRLZ KICK A**!

And with steely ice cold resolve I dragged my pathetic beyonce' to the briefing......

Today has been a full day.....I have reached the end of the rough patch- I hope.......

I realized today in the company of people that are both wise and understanding, that........

When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be. -Lao Tzu

On Day Four of THANKFULNESS:  Sometimes LETTING GO is STRONGER than HOLDING ON.

I had the epiphany today that even though you think you have moved on from something and dealt with it, and though its no fault of your own or anybody else's, certain circumstances remind you, haunt you, and drag you back into that mindset, situation, and emotional turmoil......sometimes though you may be done with the past, the past is not done with you.

I seem to have been learning this lesson over and over and over again these last few years but its always been under completely different circumstances.....

I am thankful that I have been lucky enough to experience all these wonderful, amazing, life altering, emotional chapters in MY BOOK OF LIFE, but......today I am embracing enlightenment, clarity and the strength to LET GO, after living out these sections of life and moving forward to the next........

Despite my guilt, and pain over things that I thought I could change about the past, I can't save every body.....as desperately and deeply as I wish I could.....I just can't........

Random Thoughts:

Literally LAUGHING out LOUD! You know your wrong when you say my team is going to suck AGAIN because they have for a long long time....and they start WINNING- that's a true lesson right there- its called STOP BEING A HATER....GO BILLS! **

Another rough patch in the life of an unlikely military wife....**

TRICKS AND TREATS....**

TRICK OR TREAT?


Weather: SPOOKY........eerily foggy......


Exchange Rate: Horrible.....


I always wonder what kind of obstacles or thoughts people who are clearly over weight are facing......especially when you hand them the solution on a silver platter......


I can't help but feel like their eyes fixate on my as I walk by, and that they are thinking the same exact thing I used to think when I was over weight too....


"That LUCKY B*tch.....I wonder how she stays that skinny.....she probably doesn't eat....or works out all the time.....Well....besides...I am happy where I am, I don't want to live a life killing myself to stay that skinny, I don't want to deprive myself of food......"


NEWS FLASH: I have the answer its right here......


I seem to have encountered a few closed minded individuals lately as well....


Like for some reason people keep bashing the FRG.....and I TOTALLY get it- FRG hasn't always been my RAY OF SUNSHINE- TRUST ME......but- as I have said before I went to the first meeting in NEVER NEVER LAND with a open mind and the adult maturity that you cannot possibly make judgements about something UNTIL you try it- its as bad as not voting but complaining about it-


If for no other reason- I believe the FRG is a place where I can influence the happenings in and around our military life.  If I don't like something, I I do like something, or if I just want to issue some concerns and gripes- I can do all that at the FRG meetings.  


Being part of the FRG has given me the peace of mind and perhaps the very SMALL percentage of CONTROL that I am allowed in this life.  I may not pick where we live, how we live in some instances, and most of the our life circumstances but I can at the very least have a say in the activities we participate in, the attitude of the FRG, and if I don't like how things are going I can use the proper political channels to at least be heard!




ADVOCARE.....its tough.....its tough when something has helped you be the way you want to be and you see it helping so many others, and......there is a dismissive attitude toward it.......I tried to get it out there and to make others feel as great as I do, but by my standards it was a complete failure.......I'm not getting too bummed about it though- sometimes when people don't want to help themselves it helps me to remind myself that at least I am where I want to be....as selfish as that sounds- 


I just want to shake some people though!  ITS GREAT STUFF I SWEAR! UGH!


I don't think about it every day, but sometimes I hear a song, or read a book, or see a movie, or feel something, sometimes a bird flies over head, or the sun dances across the room, or the wind blows the trees, sometimes I think about my life and what it would be like with out my BELOVED LEGS.....


I think about the moments that make us who we are, I think about the memories I am most fond of, I think about how I wish I could document every single whisper, every single look, even the most frivolous details of our life together.....I take a deep breath and I try to push all these thoughts out of my mind....but I also wonder if I am really LIVING during these snippets of clarity.....


What will be the most prominent memories, will it be him laughing, or playing with my hair, will it be the way he handles Karmella, or the way in which he makes me feel, will it be the last time I see him?  What moments will make the cut?  




We were laying in bed and LEGS got up to go downstairs to get a glass of water, before he was able to exit I grabbed him and pulled him close to me, I said 'shhhhh, you hear that?' He sat there and listened really hard.  After a few seconds he asked me what he was listening for.....I told him shhhhh....do you hear how quiet this house is?  He said yeah, I said its so quiet its maddening sometimes, its going to be a long 12 months.....


This week has been full of TRICKS and TREATS....


At first LEGS wasn't coming home until Saturday (TRICK), than he come home on Tuesday (TREAT), but had to leave on Thursday (TRICK), he couldn't fly Thursday due to weather so he left Friday (TREAT AND TRICK), he came back on Saturday (TREAT......sorta).....


I feel like every single step of the way I have had to plan and juggle two different lives.....


The LIFE I lead without LEGS looks something like this;


I eat simple meals that usually consist of; soup, eggs, salads, microwavable items, easy peasy.....


I spend most of the time in workout clothes or sweats, for two reasons- I am either working out or trying to stay warm.....


The house stays clean because I usually only occupy a few rooms, clean up behind myself, when....I am even home......


I live alone, I don't have children so my schedule LITERALLY revolves around only me and any social events I commit myself too.....


When LEGS is here my life changes in the following ways:


I TRY to plan and prepare proper well balanced meals....


I TRY to look "PRESENTABLE" on a more regular basis...after all he is the ONLY one I am trying to impress....


The house becomes a disaster for several reasons, number one the ARMY blows up all over every day all the time in the house, number two we occupy more rooms in the house, and have you ever noticed how DIRTY BOYZ are?  He is just dirty....pee on the toilet, whiskers in the sink, mud tracked into the house, more laundry, more dishes, more WORK!

Everybody laughs- but here is monumental proof the ARMY has indigestion in my house on a regular basis....


Suddenly my whole life is based on what LEGS has going on, what his schedule is, when he's coming, when he's going, what he needs, where he goes, what he does etc.,


AND.....WHEN....he IS HOME.....I WANT TO BE WITH HIM....


So.......about that "TREAT......SORTA...."


LEGS was kinda sorta supposed to come back home on Saturday- but....its the ARMY so I never get my hopes up.....


Friday and Saturday I spent a lot of time thinking about him....how much I missed him and wanted to just have him home......I even painted my toes and laid out LINGERIE...I NEVER wear it.....I only put that stuff on for TWO REASONS: 1. I messed up really bad 2. I really want something......


This time it was neither, I just wanted to make WHOOPI with him and I know he likes it.....


I was out volunteering at the ARMY HOWL FEST- (Halloween themed fest put on by the ARMY)- when he texted me and said he was home......


I rushed home with a complete fantasy of this romantic night we were going to spend together...when I pulled up to the driveway somebody's car was in the driveway but I didn't know whose it was......


1st LET DOWN: No romantic HOLLYWOOD KISS.....


When I entered the house two of LEGS' colleagues were there hanging out......while we were all there chatting it up I noticed LEGS was acting a little strange.....


He did have a beer in his hand.....but that's just one beer......


A few minutes later he admitted he was drunk.....he and one of the present colleagues had consumed a few beers prior to his arrival home....


2nd LET DOWN: IF WHOOPI was going to OCCUR....it would be SLOPPY WHOOPY......


I promptly thanked that Colleage for "COCK BLOCKING" Me.....


To salvage the evening I suggested a good Pizza Joint down the street for dinner.....but.....


3rd LET DOWN: It was closed.....


By this time I am just totally BUMMED.....no ROMANTIC REUNION, NO AMAZING WHOOPI, NO DINNER......


Legs and I grabbed something to nibble on and crawled into bed to watch a movie......


4th LET DOWN: He feel asleep 3 minutes into the movie and proceeded to thrash, toss, turn and snore late into the night........


Leave it up to a man to get in his own way......


This night was like a real life HORROR FILM......it was like my NIGHTMARE.....


After this house of horrors though- the only thing I could do is look up to the sky, laugh out loud, shake my head, and LOVE MY HUSBAND.....

I made a home made carrot cake with carrots from my garden for STITCH and BITCH in September- I never posted the pictures or the recipe so here it is- it was pretty AWESOME! It was my very first double decker cake!

Ingredients

• 6 cups grated carrots
• 1 cup brown sugar
• 1 cup raisins
• 4 eggs
• 1 1/2 cups white sugar
• 1 cup vegetable oil
• 2 teaspoons vanilla extract
• 1 cup crushed pineapple, drained
• 3 cups all-purpose flour
• 1 1/2 teaspoons baking soda
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 4 teaspoons ground cinnamon
• 1 cup chopped walnuts

Directions

1. In a medium bowl, combine grated carrots and brown sugar. Set aside for 60 minutes, then stir in raisins.
2. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Grease and flour two 10 inch cake pans.
3. In a large bowl, beat eggs until light. Gradually beat in the white sugar, oil and vanilla. Stir in the pineapple. Combine the flour, baking soda, salt and cinnamon, stir into the wet mixture until absorbed. Finally stir in the carrot mixture and the walnuts. Pour evenly into the prepared pans.
4. Bake for 45 to 50 minutes in the preheated oven, until cake tests done with a toothpick. Cool for 10 minutes before removing from pan. When completely cooled, frost with cream cheese frosting.

Random Thoughts:


YOU.....are not a DOCTOR......


My husband looks hot.....


Man.....I totally suck at changing gears......


I wish she would just TRY!


You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink......


Just another SPOOKY day in the life of an unlikely military wife....**