No closer to a purpose.....**

(Insert Awkward Moment HERE....)


Hi BLOG.....how are you?..........


Look I know its been awhile since.....since we spoke.......


I have just.....I've just been.....I've been working on some material.....


After reading my last blog, I looked back to see what other things I had been THANKFUL for....if for no other reason then to document it so that I can look back on it........here is the rest of my 24 days of being THANKFUL- starting on Day 6 and ending on THANKSGIVING:


Day 6 of THANKFULNESS: I am a lucky girl, all my life I watched Disney Movies, read Fairy Tales, day dreamed and hoped for a TRUE EVERLASTING HAPPILY EVER AFTER LOVE, and to my dismay I got it.....LEGS is romantic, tender, he is smart and patient, he is strong, heroic, supportive and understanding, he blindly believes in me and most importantly he quiets my brain, calms me down, he allows me to live in the moment....he turns me into a noodle......I am THANKFUL for the LOVE we have and FOR HIM- I FOUND HIM, HE WHO MY SOUL LOVES and I HELD HIM AND WILL NEVER LET HIM GO.....**


Day 7 of THANKFULNESS: I am THANKFUL for my FAMILY- both the COUSSENS' and the MCKAY/JONES'- Growing up with my Sisters had a deep and everlasting impact on who I am today- they taught me to be a leader, to share, to play and make believe, patience, and how to PROJECT MY VOICE OVER MANY, The MOMMY taught me compassion and empathy, The Daddy taught me discipline, the importance of education and tonever give up, My brother taught me the miracle of life, my Step-Dad taught me how important humor is to life and he showed me the beauty of ALASKA, The COUSSENS' have taught me ACCEPTANCE and Generosity, ALL GRANDPARENTS have taught me WISDOM, and the power of RESILIENCE....RYLEE has taught me how beautiful the FUTURE is......

Day 8 of THANKFULNESS: I am THANKFUL for the SPORT and PHILOSOPHY of BOXING; It has made me a WARRIOR, it has created my character to be a person of STRONG WILL, great MENTAL FORTITUDE, it has taught me DISCIPLINE, SURVIVAL, SPORTSMANSHIP, it has given me the gift of understanding PEOPLE and PIN POINTING EXACTLY WHAT MAKES THEM TICK, I can see their WEAKNESSES and STRENGTHS, I have learned about HARD WORK and PERSEVERANCE through boxing, it has allowed me to walk in places people could only dream of, it has given me the ability to do what most others WON'T or say they CAN'T, I STAND OUT, I CONQUER LIFE, I STAND IN VICTORY always.....*


Day 9: I am THANKFUL for my health, it hasn't always been perfect....battling asthma as a high school athlete and BOXING CHAMP, being diagnosed with allergies to EVERYTHING, becoming SERIOUSLY SICK with an auto-immune disorder called HASHIMOTO'S disease (HYPOTHYROIDISM), which has caused and is still causing incredibly difficult obstacles to overcome- both personal and physical, I have to take medicines every day to function, some days I feel like I don't even know what it feels like to feel normal, I am constantly up against weight gain, fertility issues, fatigue, mood changes, impaired breathing, etc., BUT....I don't let it define me, or alter my ZEST for life, I don't let any of these conditions hold me back from pursuing my dreams, and EVERY ACCOMPLISHMENT I MAKE DESPITE THESE ISSUES- MAKES THEM THAT MUCH MORE MIRACULOUS! **


DAY 10 of THANKFULNESS: A humble and honorable THANK YOU to those who SERVE in the UNITED STATES MILITARY. I sleep peacefully at night because I know that they stand ready to fearlessly defend our nation and protect our way of life- *

Heroism is latent in every human soul - However humble or unknown, they (the veterans) have renounced what are accounted pleasures and cheerfully undertaken all the self-denials - privations, toils, dangers, sufferings, sicknesses, mutilations, life-long hurts and losses, death itself - for some great good, dimly seen but dearly held.
Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain

I have the honor of experiencing very personal and intimate knowledge of VETERANS and in specific ONE VETERAN-his desire to give up so much for so many, to give up even the most basic things, and even to give up our time together, to selflessly give so much amazes me on a daily basis-

Taking time today and EVERY DAY to COMPREHEND- this and to REMEMBER and be THANKFUL for these INCREDIBLE AND SELFLESS PEOPLE....**


In the last two months the number of hours I have been able to see LEGS has been dismal at best, and even though again he will only be home for a very short period of time (less than 48 hours).....today I am so THANKFUL for even the small number of hours I get with him.....DAY 12 of THANKFULNESS: It may not be much- but I am thankful for any.......**

DAY 13: I am THANKFUL for extended mornings in bed with LEGS, catching up on our shows, chatting, cuddling, eating, I am thankful for crumbs in the bed, the way he looks at me, the laughter we share, I am THANKFUL that even though he has to leave me again tonight.....I am sad, I want him to stay so badly I can hardly stand it, I am THANKFUL that our LOVE really hasn't changed THAT much in 10 years.....I am still wearing his jeans, and dreading the drive to drop him off......I am THANKFUL that I still want to call my MOMMY and BRAG about him....."MOMMY THAT'S MY HUSBAND...." (except back then he was my boyfriend).....**


Day 14 of THANKFULNESS: I am thankful that I am LUCKY ENOUGH to live abroad, living in GERMANY has taught me so many valuable lessons in life, it has given me so many AMAZING experiences, I find myself to be more patient, understanding, compassionate and aware of cultural differences, my non-verbal communication has reached a WHOLE NEW LEVEL, I realize that while I think my german is totally horrible, I know more than I give myself credit for.....and being able to LIVE in EUROPE versus VISIT EUROPE has given me a sophisticated experience that will be hard to rival.....**


Day 15: THANKFUL for unexpected THANK YOU notes in the mail, thankful that LEGS is home- FOR NOW, thankful for the like minded friends I enjoy laughing and shopping with, THANKFUL for Christmas Gift Ideas that are BRILLIANT and MAKE SHOPPING IN EUROPE FOR XMAS so damn easy....**

Day 16: LEGS says.....I am THANKFUL for MOVIE NIGHT in bed WITH HIM.....I really can't say that I disagree with him all that much.......

ALSO red wine and chicken pot pie with RICE CRUST and VERY LITTLE DIARY.....

and KARMELLA........

AND.....heat, lights, a place to live.....

AND LOVE.....LOVE for my FRIENDS, LEGS, MY FAMILY, KARMELLA.....so MUCH LOVE I just can't give it away......**

Day 17: This probably sounds a little stupid....but....I am THANKFUL for all the really cool, interesting and dynamic people that I have met through our travels, in boxing gyms, with ADVOCARE, it seems like I am always being surprised, impressed, excited and ready to get to know the new people I get to meet every day through these avenues...I find people to be so intriguing and totally RADICAL....I just LOVE THEM....and my life is exciting and something worth watching because of them- I don't care if this sounds dumb.....its true....... ,*)


Day 18: I am THANKFUL to have the freedom and youth to have nights like this, also I am THANKFUL to have the confidence in my body to go into a club with beautiful women and dance like nobody's watching.....and SECURITY in MY MARRIAGE! ,*P


Day 19: THANKFUL for the little taste of America I enjoyed tonight, long drives in the car with LEGS AND his UNWAVERING support and desire to support my BOXING CAREER.....**


Day 20: THANKFUL for my family in ALASKA they are CRA-ZY!!! But I love the quirkiness and excitement, I have been missing them something FIERCE lately....LUB LUB LUB YOU GUYZ...... :*)


Day 21: I am THANKFUL that me and my family have not experienced any spectacular car crashes, tragedies, extended hospitalizations, or any other life depleting situations.....We have known many families that have endured EXTREME HEARTACHE, LOSS, AND SEVERE MEDICAL SITUATIONS- For those families- we are always sending support and the knowledge that we don't take our GOOD FORTUNE OR LOVED ONES FOR GRANTED.....at least I DON'T....**

NOVEMBER 22: THANKFUL for MY LIFE....ONE DAY....YOUR LIFE...will FLASH before YOUR EYES....make sure its worth watching........every minute I live and breath I make it WORTH WATCHING....**

Day 23: I am THANKFUL for YOU. YES YOU. I consider you my friend, I share my life with you every single day and want you to know that you influence me, teach me, and touch me with all the moments of your life and our friendship...I am who I am because of YOU and I am wishing you and your family a happy, humble and THANKFUL THANKSGIVING!!!! Love on ya, ME **

THANKSGIVING: Last night I left THANKSGIVING with a stomach ache because I ate so much food and laughed SO HARD! I consumed some of the best food I have ever eaten- even though we are all far away from our families- 30 of us Americans gathered together and behaved like family- A BIG THANK YOU to the NEALS for hosting and PROPS to EVERYBODY WHO BROUGHT THE MOST DELICIOUS THANKSGIVING MEAL I HAVE EVER HAD! This kind of life is hard.....a lot of times.....but last night was so beautiful and full of love that it shall live on in my memory and carry me through many tough days of being a military wife......**

After reading all of these it became apparent that the original reason for me to create a new post became kind of LAME......

I started thinking- 

WHAT IF.....

WHAT IF everybody was as THANKFUL as they were on THANKSGIVING....EVERY SINGLE DAY????.........

(Heavy SIGH)

I know that I am lucky and I have a lot going for me......but I am floundering.......

Every where I look people are pregnant, or getting pregnant, or they have kids they don't give a sh*t about......

Recently I have been thinking......I am so lucky, and I have always wondered why and how I am so lucky- I like to believe I am a good person, but....NOT THAT GOOD.....

Not good enough to deserve LEGS.....Not good enough to LIVE this LIFE I have been given.......

Maybe......maybe this is the thing that is going to be hard for us......maybe having children is not in our future.........

I know there is more that I could be doing....I could be more proactive about my situation, but I am terrified that they are going to tell me I have to do all these crazy things to conceive......

And I keep telling myself that it will happen when its supposed to....mostly because that is what everybody keeps telling us.....

I have also found solace in the fact that DESTINY and FATE must have something in store for me, and when I am done accomplishing whatever it is then I will have a baby.......

BUT.....

I wrote a blog 3 weeks ago, searching for my purpose in life......and today.....I am no closer to discovering what that is.......

I'm a bored housewife.......

PS- I realize that for some of you the pictures in this blog are of random unknown strangers- every single one of these people are important to me- they have shaped my life, touched me, and operated like family members do while I live ABROAD- I am SO THANKFUL for them- and while we continue our adventure in NEVER NEVER LAND- they support us- I will always cherish the time I spend with them AND I shall never forget them!

Just another day in the life of any unlikely military wife.....**