Not in Kansas anymore Lenny....**

BLOG! My long lost friend:

This morning we woke up at 4am- which has been killing me because I get my best sleep between 4am-7am....

The Moon looked crazy.  It was like a dallop of margarine in the sky, it looked like an accordion with the way the clouds lay over it, I was convinced it was a fake moon, put in the sky much like a movie set.....

I took the first shift of driving, and sure enough we hit a long and super curvy road on an Indian Reservation.  LEGS said 'Let's not break any laws while were are on here.' I started thinking 'Oh yeah that was first on my list, break some laws on an Indian Reservation with a bunch of guns in our car.'  

We also hit some deep, dense fog, which freaked me out because I felt the need to get off the Indian Reservation as soon as possible.....and I had to slow way down just to see two feet in front of me.....since we were in Oklahoma I kept thinking we were going to bump into a cow any second....I was also a little spooked because I know the Indians have different beliefs about death and ghosts....this did not calm my imagination in the thick foggy drive....

We also saw a sign that said "Hitchhikers may be escaping incarceration!" Okay....I have seen enough of the old Indian Res- time to get the hell outta here!!!

LEGS argued with me about Coffee this morning. Huh????? I know right???? I wanted to have some in the hotel room, but he wanted to get some on the go, the first place we went to, didn't have any, so I got upset at him for not letting me have some in the hotel room in the first place.......

NO COFFEE: Grumpy Driver.

After driving for awhile I said I need to stop to go to the bathroom.  It was 21 degrees out which I haven't felt in awhile.  LEGS had mercy on me and switched for driving.  I promptly fell asleep and when I woke up I had to pee again.  He looked at me like I wasn't serious, but I was, I really had to pee......Then he says 'Look at my water and look at yours....' I looked down at the water, clearly he had drank more than me....fixated on the water I started to feel guilty....

Then.....I started to think and said 'What do you want me to do...be the NASA lady? And where a diaper???'  Oh, I know I could just hang my a** out the window in crazy, religious, God fearing, God loving country...?'

Don't you hate when people camp out in your blind spot? Like Duh!  That is very unsophisticated driving...

Can you believe my LEGS humiliated my poor baby girl this way?

Damn it feels good to be a Gangster......

Karmella 'liking' me more than LEGS.....


I saw the Marlboro Man at a gas station this morning...


Sex sells even in the land of Churches....Gentleman's Clubs, Adult Novelty Stores.....are every where.  What is not readily available are gas stations, and fast food places....so don't run low on gas...or need the rest room, or need food while in Kansas.

Random Thoughts:


Karmella tried to attack a brat kid through the window at a gas station.  She also fights her own reflection....

When we entered Colorado, first it looked just like Kansas and second, it smells bad.  For awhile we thought one of the dogs had an accident in the car.  Turns out it's the cattle farms in Greeley...


LongShanks and her Boyfriend, he's in a band.......have been kind and crazy enough to house our controlled chaos- The Grinch (LEGS), ARMS and Three Dogs is a pretty major commitment.  Karmella has already pooped in their house. They have attended to your every need, treated us to great food, great wine, great company and for that we are in debt for the same in Germany! .*D

Meet our new friend Lenny.  He is Jena's guardian angel, he was hit by a car in September and almost died.....he's a miracle and we love him....


Just another day in the life of an unlikely military wife.......**





























Just another day in the life of an unlikely military wife......**

Thank the Lord we are LEGIT.....**

To the Blog it May Concern:

I was awake entirely too late last night writing my blog, and posting pictures on facebook......NICE.......

LEGS and I were up at 4am and on the road by 6am.....I think I got 4 hours of sleep....maybe....

'Then the Grinch said, "Giddyap!"
And the sleigh started down
Toward the homes where the Whos
Lay a-snooze in their town.'

Where in the car is JAKE the SNAKE?

 

Santa is making a list and checking it twice....

Not sure if you can read this but it was LEGS' list this morning the last two items read;

Hot Wife

3 Dogs

(as if we would ever let him forget us!)

Between Montgomery Alabama and Birmingham, Alabama we saw a billboard that said “ Go to church or the Devil will get you.”

The first rest stop because LEGS had to pee was a little po-dunk gas station in the Ghetto of Birmingham, Alabama. I am very serious when I say Ghetto. While we were there a bum approached LEGS and asked him if he wanted to buy “pecans” out of two greasy brown paper bags. I watched the bum he was picking the "pecans" out of the grass around the gas station..... LEGS declined politely. Then the bum asked if LEGS would buy him a sandwich, when LEGS left the gas station the bum asked where his sandwich was. Upon reflection of the season perhaps we should have bought him a sandwich, however, the sense of entitlement proved our decision was correct.....

It makes me laugh when LEGS bobs his head not side to side but front to back to my hip hop music.  We switched sunglasses and pretended to be each other......

When we got near Little Rock, Arkansas (where the infamous former President Bill Clinton was from originally) there was a billboard that said “Thou shall not commit Adultery, Jesus will not like you and I will not like you either.” Shortly after we saw one that said “If you die today, where will you spend eternity?”

LEGS says: “I don't know.....”

ARMS: “Legs, you know I don't like it when you say things like that...”

LEGS: “Hopefully its in a cabin in perfect wilderness with you...” (Side note: LEGS and I have always promised to meet in a cabin somewhere out in the wilderness of Alaska.....if one of us dies before the other....)

I don't know how but we forgot to give Karmella a bath and she really stinks, so we are going to give her a hotel bath tonight. 

We saw a semi that had "Jesus Christ is Lord, Not a Swear word!" It was in big red letters on the side and the back......

 

We have finally stopped for the night.  We made it to Tulsa, Oklahoma, and are staying at a La Quinta Suites- VERY VERY pet friendly- all three dogs no extra charge, and the rooms are decent.....huge grassy area to take them out for walks.  

Random Thoughts:

We found a whole bunch of band aids in LEGS' shaving kit this morning.....would have been nice a few days ago when I cut my finger and was bleeding out.......

I sincerely love my husband, we don't even have to speak to understand what the other is saying.......its like our hearts have a conversation all day long.....

Does every family from India own a Gas Station in the United States? WHOOPSY.....

I love, love, love Karmella, even though I was exhausted and cranky she just wants to cuddle with ME......she even likes me better than LEGS......

Karmella had a hotel bath and smells much better...... 

PART ZWEI of HOW THE GRINCH STOLE CHRISTMAS AND THE THREE DOG CIRCUS RUN: 

Some Gourmet Death in a Box to top off the evening- I hate eating this kind of food, but we are so exhausted and its right across the street....LEGS said Jack-in-the-Box is the place to be on a Saturday night in Tulsa if you are a teenager......

The only casualty was a headlight.....which LEGS fixed

We drove over 800 miles today........Next Stop LongShanks house is Fort Collins, CO!!!

Time to be wrapped up in LEGS.....THANK YOU LORD WE ARE A LEGIT MARRIED COUPLE!

Just another day in the life of an unlikely military wife.....**

The GRINCH got an AWFUL WONDERFUL IDEA...**

Dear Blog: Once upon a time, It was a dark stormy night.......AND

The Grinch hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season! Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason. It could be that his head wasn't screwed on quite right. It could be, perhaps, that his shoes were too tight. But I think that the most likely reason of all May have been that his heart was two sizes too small.  

Then he got an idea! An awful idea!  THE GRINCH GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA! "I know just what to do!" The Grinch Laughed in his throat. And he made a quick Santy Claus hat and a coat. And he chuckled, and clucked,

"What a great Grinchy trick! 

"With this coat and this hat, I'll look just like Saint Nick!"

"All I need is a reindeer..."
The Grinch looked around. But since reindeer are scarce, there was none to be found. Did that stop the old Grinch...? No! The Grinch simply said,
"If I can't find a reindeer, I'll make one instead!" So he called his dog Max. Then he took some red thread, And he tied a big horn on top of his head. 

THEN

He loaded some bags
And some old empty sacks
On a ramshakle sleigh
And he hitched up old Max. 

Part Eine Of HOW THE GRINCH STOLE CHRISTMAS AND THE THREE DOG CIRCUS RUN!!!!  

Packing the Sleigh the night before.....to be continued......

Just another day in the life of an unlikely military wife......**

Kembree's Blanky....**

OMG BLOG!:

I was rudely interrupted during the most satisfying REM cycle I have had in a long long time......by my alarm clock......at 5am.  I was having a dream that I was telling some girl who was talking trash to shut her pie hole.  I got up so early to get my last run in before vacation.


LEGS had to go clean the class room as part of his last day of 'school.' 

ARMS: 'How long will that take?'
LEGS: 'I don't know......I am not so much concerned with the cleaning part (damn if the ARMY knew what I knew they should be...) just the fact that we may get up there to clean and there won't be any cleaning supplies.'
ARMS: In my mind I am thinking perhaps LEGS should bring our cleaning supplies if for no other reason then to finish as soon as possible.....I am also wondering with a ARMY like this how we have ever won ANY Wars....


I went to the travel office this morning.  All of the ladies that work there were very nice to me.....but you catch more bee's with honey so that is why I brought baked treats! (I WIN!) I was able to successfully apply for my special passport to NEVER NEVER LAND. 

(Side Note: I did fill out the wrong form so while I was there I had to fill out the correct form while being supervised.....if you have not experienced this, I would avoid it because I am sure that your IQ literally drops a few points or at least your confidence does....)


While I was there the nice lady that helped me was very sure to hand me back my military ID.  I put it in the back pocket of my jeans.  I left building 5700 got into my car and headed to the gym.  When I got to the gym I searched frantically for my military ID.  I couldn't find it.  

So I went back to building 5700, retraced my steps, worried now that I had lost my ID, went into the transportation office, the lady told me I put it in the back pocket of my jeans......I got back to my car and there it was wedged into the seat....Self full-filling prophecy??? 


This gets on my nerves because I never lose my ID doing 'ordinary' things, but I always lose it doing 'special things'....sometimes I would rather be micro-chipped like a dog, for lack of a better reason then not having to lose your whole existence in a silly cheap plastic id with horrible picture included.....


We took Jake to the vet today to get his health certification for travel back to AK.  His weight is perfect, his joints are awesome, and he made me so proud, he was calm and happy, totally chill......While we were waiting in the waiting room, a woman in there got a phone call......she said: 'What do you have?..........One bag of breasts....' It was very hard for me to contain myself, because she was obviously talking about chicken....but seesh lady!


We had our goodbye dinner with Moot, Jelly Bean and Baby Kembree tonight....I had finally finished the blanket I knitted her and was very happy to present it to the whole gang.....

We wanted to steal Kembree and take her home! Love you Kembree!!!!

Just another day in the life of an unlikely military wife....**

Random Chatter....**

Dear my wittle bloggy blog head:

(Rain Jacket with hood on) It is raining cats and dogs! People in the South act like they are going to die if they get wet...... .*D


My EFMP paperwork was submitted!!!! I have been enrolled into the program due to my asthma, HOWEVER, it SHOULD not prevent me from going to NEVER NEVER LAND........(doing the victory dance!) OH yeah OH yeah!  .*D


I was on a mission today to get LEGS his anniversary present.  I wanted to get him a XBOX 360 game called 'Black Ops' or whatever, but they were sold out at the PX.. :( I can always try Walmart, but I am upset I didn't go to Best Buy when I was down in Dothan on Tuesday.....too caught up in my own world.....BAD BAD ARMS! .*/

When I was leaving the PX this man stopped me, he said he saw me roll up in the tank, noticed my Golden Gloves hanging from my mirror and asked me if I box. I was able to share with him my many accomplishments in the boxing world, he said that it was an honor to meet me.  .*D

These instances always put a little bounce in my step and make me smile......it was ACTUALLY an honor for ME to talk with him, it makes all the hard work worth it.....I am glad some people DO in fact notice my little gloves! .*D


I was in the Lyster medical facility 2 times today, in the Doctor's yesterday and Monday........I absolutely hate it......it makes me feel like a real life sick person......However I did bring some baked treats and 'Thank You' notes to my Doctor's/Nurses there, because even though I have heard horrible things about the ARMY health care, the providers have been amazing to me- it just sucks going through all the steps to actually see them...... .*D

I sent my Sister's a care package with a few things in it....mostly boring....I feel like their care packages to me are always so much cooler...shoot I don't even think they realize it- but they are cooler than me...... .*)


Went to Walmart to try and get LEGS that game, but they didn't have it.  So I got him the one that I really wanted to get him its a XBOX 360 game called APACHE AIR ASSAULT.  Its a real like version of flying the APACHE....he said he is happier with the APACHE game, even though its harder to play.  You know your are BA when you buy your husband a video game for putting up with your sh*t, and they made a video game out of what you do for a living......Just to burst his bubble I want to say 'yeah...well....they made boxing games a LONG time ago! (Evil Laugh) .*D

I went to the Toyota dealership and they taught me how to reset the maintenance button on the FJ....it just feels so good to be free of men having to do every thing for me... .*D



Did some more packing, got the dog's paperwork separated and ready to go where they go.....kinda made me sad.......


I told LEGS at dinner tonight, we could always strap the guns to the roof of the truck instead of my shoes.......he gave me a look like I am outta my mind and that suggestion is grounds for divorce.....!


He has to go into work tomorrow, I told him it was a good thing they called him because he will get more time in the simulator, and they probably called him because he is such a good student etc., then I said that they might be calling him because he is a pushover and they knew he would say yes.....he didn't like this......


Random Thoughts:


This old man that bags groceries at the commissary and has really bad teeth because he smokes stopped me today and told me a bunch of his stories.....I was annoyed, I was in a hurry and I really hate smoke, but I just told myself to be a good listener......then I started thinking, really the only thing you have when your his age is your stories......


It amazes me how you can be really nice to all customer service associates- but some can be pure evil and some can be the best friend you ever had.......


I painted me toes....I thought it would be cool to pull out all my reds and greens of nail polish and paint them Christmas Red and Green but they look like poop...I am too lazy to re-do them.....


I told LEGS to grab his 'nice socks' to pack for Oregon, and he grabbed all his raggy ugly work socks.....

I am happy with my life and excited about our trip to Oregon and Christmas!!! 

I honestly can't wait to be in the care for three whole days with LEGS minus flight school!


Just another day.....in my life.....as a unlikely military wife....**

Carrying the Burden....**

Dear B to the L to the O to the G:

Weather Report Brought to you by TANK GIRL: Its warmer .*D

I think GOD answered my prayers yesterday.  When I went to Yoga, it was only me in the class so........one of the 'Elusive Officer Wives' asked ME to Coffee. .*D  It was nice to talk to another person that endures the same things I do on a daily basis.....I am grateful and blessed to have this precious 1/2 hour of time with Miss Rico.



We were the only two people in the bowling alley at 730am, but it was the only place open on base that served coffee (kinda weird being in there that early).....we discussed how we both do not always comprehend fully what our husbands do everyday.  I think that it is a coping mechanism, if we were to really deal with the fact that they get into a helicopter and do a dangerous job everyday we would be utterly exhausted and unable to go on......we also discussed 'deployments.'  


Mimi is from Germany and she was talking about 'Going to War.' I was interested in her vocabulary- we say 'deployments', but isn't that minimizing in words the fact that our men/women are 'Going to War?' Is it because her country has actually experienced WAR in her homeland, and America has not?


I went to my Doctor's appointment with all this on my mind. (side note: I brought some coffee to the Doctor's appointment, I always hate when they say 'Please no food or drink in their office'- um excuse me I am not a child and neither are any of the patients that go to this particular office- irritating!!!)


I sat in the waiting room which was packed full of people and thought most of these people probably don't even consider what I do on a daily basis- not that I hold it against them.  My Doctor is a very politically minded man, luckily he and I see eye to eye on politics and he thanked me for what LEGS does......I wonder if he could see that I was struggling with the emotional baggage this lifestyle comes with?



(Side note: while I was in the Doctor's office, this young lady got up when they called her, and she asked if they were going to do the Ultra Sound first, when the nurse confirmed that, like 15 people got up and followed her into the back.....I am not sure if I would want that big of an  audience for a Ultra Sound!, is that normal?)



When I got home the newspaper was at the end of my driveway.  I went and picked it up, grabbed the mail in the mail box, I looked down at the paper and could see the story through the transparent plastic.  It was the picture of a marine, 'Daleville Graduate Killed in Action.' 


Stacy Green was a star football player for Daleville High School (Daleville is located 10 miles away from where we live), he was a Staff Sergeant in the US Marines and died while conducting combat operations in Helmand Province in Afghanistan. He was around the same age and rank (when he was in the Marines) as LEGS. 



I was thinking no matter how blissful, happy and content I am there is always a reminder......a reminder that LEGS is a brave man and I could lose him early. 


Sure enough I got on facebook and  Flora (a military wife wrote):

'Being a military wife really wears on me sometimes... Constantly having to say goodbye to amazing friends that you don't know if you'll ever see again... Its a vicious cycle & it never ends & it never gets easier... Said goodbye to one of my best friends this morning and next month will be saying goodbye to my husband... once again... :'('

 

LEGS got home from his last check ride.  He passed.  This is supposed to be a joyful time full of elation, instead he said 

 

LEGS: 'do you want to hear the bad news?'

 

Of course I didn't who knows what it could be.......he told me it didn't have anything to do directly with us.....which relieved me briefly....then he told me.

 

Last night a Kiowa Helicopter crashed.  The Instructor Pilot died.  The student is the in the hospital.  

 

I broke down and cried......it is very tiring and hard to carry this burden, to walk this path, how ironic that I was just discussing this and thinking about this all day?  

 

We were asleep last night, we were peacefully asleep and didn't even hear it.......if LEGS ever dies, many of us will be asleep, some of us will never even know.....

 

This is why they say that there is a wife for every Warrant Officer Promotion, this is why the divorce rate is so high in the military......Do you know how many times this week I have been asked if this is my first marriage- Hell yeah it is! 

 

The student was in LEGS' primary flight class.  He has some pretty serious injuries.

 

I have made friends with many of the Instructor Pilot wives.  They too travel a hard road.  Many of the IP's are prior military, they love teaching students how to fly.  My prayers are with the families of these incredible individuals......I hope the IP's and their wives know, we are thankful, and we realize how dangerous their jobs are as well.....

 

If you haven't today, you should thank a military wife/family- because we too carry the burden......

 

Just another day in the life of an unlikely military wife.....**

 

I AM ONE! **

Dear Bloggy Blog:

I went to sleep at 9pm....now its 330am and I am WIDE awake.....I am experiencing a muscle spasm in my back which I am praying that yoga fixes, I am a busy girl today, and did you know that SLEEP spells PEELS backwards??? In an effort to clear my head of my 'To Do' list I discovered this in one of my sleep mantras.  

I was saying 'S-L-E-E-P, S-L-E-E-P, S-L-E-E-P...now spell it backwards P-E-E-L-S.......hey! Sleep backward spells peels...how come I am 27 years old and just figuring this out?.....I have so much to learn- LORD don't take me now I am not ready......' Needless to say I am now awake so it didn't work.....but I CANNOT WAIT FOR TODAY... .* D

I think people are surprised by how cold I claim it is down here.  Let me clear up some confusion.  First of all that wind you are now experiencing my Fellow Alaskans, has traveled all the way from LA....ha hahahhaha! ..Second when it is cold outside and you go into your toasty warm house- just think in AL this concept does not exist because a little thing called insulation is lost on the folks down here.... .*P

I am curious and curiouser.  When life isn't funny, when it is real I always feel bad weighing everybody down with my 'reality blogs', however, these are the ones I get the most feed back on.....its never the ones that I am like "OMG I CAN'T WAIT TO POST THIS-ITS SOOOO FUNNY, people are gonna LOVE IT!"  .* ?

Curious: Why do I feel guilty about posting these blogs?  Curiouser: Am I not funny? Do I just think that I am funny and you all have been letting me make a fool of myself?  That is worse then letting someone walk around with something in their teeth all day- SMH. (Either way thank you all for the support and encouragement- when I read all that stuff I feel like a real life superhero that can SAVE THE WORLD!!!!) .*D

If you could have a super power what would it be?  Mine would be to eat whatever I want and never gain a pound, and lately I have been thinking immortality would be pretty cool...... ;D

I literally rolled out of bed yesterday, called that EFMP dude, when he answered I didn't even know what to say I was so stunned he was ACTUALLY there.......it was like dead silent on the line....he was 'Hello?' I even forgot my name....., then I proceeded to throw on shoes and haul balls to base in my pj's, hair all crazy, and dirty mouth to turn in my paperwork.  The guys was worth it, really funny and smelled amazing!-Wish I could have said the same about myself...... ;)

MiMi Marmelade and I went to Dothan to get material to fix my graduation dress- ha ha correction: The dress I will wear to LEGS' Gradutation.  

First of all, I love MiMi, I feel like when we get together we could be great famous fashion designers that could make awesome clothes for everyday normal chicks.  Second, material is cheaper than I thought it would be.  Together we turned a boring dress into FABULOUS!!! here is the before, during, and after pictures:

BORING!!!

THANK YOU MIMI!!! So what do you think? Fashion designers that could take the world by storm? Yes? No? I feel bored with the clothes I see in the store- like there is so much more I would do to that garment.....(side note: I cannot wait to learn how to sew!!! Clapping and jumping up and down!) .*D

While I was at Mimi's house yesterday: It is like a magical fairy land, there are many things to see, touch, lots of sparkly things ME LIKES SPARKLY THINGS.  I saw this thing that was shaped and colored like a strawberry, so I picked it up and literally spilled the beans.....its was one of those heat pad you put in the microwave I dumped all the seeds in it all over the floor and the table.....NICE! :/

A friend of mine messaged me the other day- and asked me how I was liking the military lifestyle because she knew that last we spoke I wasn't exactly thrilled about it.  She asked me if I have made friends as well.......

My reply: Actually I have been afforded many opportunities I would not have had otherwise if we did not do the Military route so I am thankful and happy with the choice.   

OBSERVATION: Most of the friends I spend time with and have made down here are enlisted wives.......not that I care- or mind-or have been specifically selective..... because I love my friends and I have found many officer wives to be interesting individuals that I would like to get to know better, but I must discover the secret code to being friends with this elusive breed known as The Officer Wives........for heaven sakes I AM ONE!

When I got home yesterday evening......we skyped with my Daddy.  I didn't want to work out, but I forced myself to run, and I am glad I did.  We went to bed early because today is LEGS' VERY LAST CHECK RIDE!!! WAHOO!!!! Please send him good vibes!

Random Thoughts:


'Bless her heart' is a bad thing in the South, like really bad- they feel sorry for you......


The higher the hair the closer to GOD......news to me........


Nativity Scenes are big during Christmas time down here....they are plastered all over the yards in our neighborhood.....


'Its not 'Happy Holidays' its Merry Christmas with a Capitol C!' (found on a church billboard next to our sub-divison)


OREGON OR BUST: We are three days from the "Three Dog Circus Run!"

Gym time!

Just another day and a half in the life of an UNLIKELY military wife......**