Entry from 102010 "They say......."

They say we never stop learning in life and I shall hope to never stop learning because life would be dull and boring if we did not continue to learn and more importantly be surprised.....I read somewhere the other day that you should scare yourself everyday- because fear means your alive and because its exhilerating! Of course I agree and am frightened and excited about living another country for three years and during some periods- alone.  I can only think what my father must have felt and how we could not have understood his plight at this point when he went to Norway to work..........

Just when I think I have people figured out, just when I have given up on people, just when I have become disenchanted with with goings on in the family, relationships, friendships because of how complicated and very tiresome they can be- I am delightfully surprised and utterly inspired..........by people showing up in the clutch.....

Lord knows I have been disappointed, let down and down right angered by my baby sisters Kayla's mistakes, decisions and choices in life.  It has divided the family, strained relationships and tried patience.  Today I spoke to her on the phone from a humble and needy position which is quite the role reversal......I needed her to agree and commit to take Clancy.

Clancy is a beautiful and loyal dog that has been with Chris and I since first go together- he very much symbolizes our relationship.  He has been through deployments, moves and cross country moves, climate changes, we have added dogs to his pack, he is 10 years old he gets stiff when we work him too hard, he has started to need help getting in the car- but still a young dog for periods during the day- still loyal and beautiful and caring.  Kayla said she wanted to help me, and she acknowledged we have Clancy and Jake because of her.  I cannot tell you how much this means to me- it makes me tear I as I write- I had no idea I meant that much to her, and although I want to be ready for disappointment- I want to play it safe and wait guardedly for a change of mind- I must simply have faith- and it feels good to believe in her and love her again- (damn Kayla don't make me wrong about this lol)

I also spoke with Rachel and Megan because they would both share in the responsibility of take on Jake.  Jake is a special needs dog- he is great in the house but is socially retarded with other dogs (not Bubbles or Snickers of course) If they could not take Jake I would probably have to put him down- which let's face it Jake has been on the chopping block since he was born- in fact Chris and I save him once from the pound.......Jake has always been my guardian- in the liquor store I am sure he saved me many times from being robbed, raped, and victimized otherwise- he is very protective and should be thought of as such......

These dogs have been like our children- they have been there every single day- during times of pain, sadness, happiness and they have become some of my best companions and I hope and pray they are regarded as such in your care- as I know they will be.....

The phone conversations that I have had with family members and friends lately has been so refreshing and so exciting that I cannot thank you all enough for surprising me- that yes people let you down, you lose touch, you have feelings that cloud your judgment, you perception and their perception of the same picture is distorted for whatever reason........I have been let down by different people in different roles in my life- 

But today I have charity in my heart again- I will remember this day for a long time and possibly forever- so thank you for restoring my faith........