.....everything...and so much of it.....**

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beloved LEGS...

.....I have everything....and so much of it....

.....I slept in this morning.  I woke up when the sun peeked through the shutters.  I laid in bed for entirely too long,  surfing the internet.  I spent several minutes cuddling with Karmella, telling her how much I love her, she was in that cute mood that I love.   I put on some music, made the bed.  I went down to the kitchen and made breakfast in my underwear.  I baked.  I baked some sweets for you.

And then, I made the decision, to lounge the rest of the day.  I snuggled back into bed, worked on a knitting project while watching my favorite show.  Later, I plan on taking a hot bath. 

No two days are exactly the same.....I enjoy a variety of places, people, errands, chores, routines.....I rise and tuck into bed according to my needs, I am my own business, I am my own trademark.......

I have everything, and so much of it......

People keep asking me what is wrong, or if I am okay, the question has become so common I feel like screaming.  

I sent you a message....reaching out.....because after being asked more than one day in a row....I figured I am holding some kind of stress.....a wrinkle in my forehead, a fall in my smile, a sadness in my eyes, that despite my attempt to be aware of it.....escapes me....

"I've been sad and angry all day....and yesterday, because I just fucking miss you. I really miss you. I hate you for making me so miserable and dependent....because I love you....that is all...."

It wasn't exactly poetic or pretty but I think my point was delivered clearly.  

And you wrote me back...typical Christopher swagger.....a few words that drive a rippling impact straight to my heart....as I begin to read them....tears immediately rise in my eyes.....and yet I come back to them over and over to remind myself its not only a dream.....its real.....what we have is real.....

 'I love you too......I promise to love you twice as hard when i get home that is all'

I have EVERYTHING........... and so much of it........

I have  complete and total freedom, the time, and the means, to pursue my passions, I have an attractive, heroic, hard working, incredible man who gives me the kind of love that people only think exists in only fairy tales, I am a kept woman......my hair, my body, my clothes, the car I drive,  the house I live in,  the nutrients, the warmth, and bountiful basic needs.....

It true..........I have everything and so much of it.....

....almost every day I wake up with gratitude, I look at my life in awe and cannot believe how lucky I am,  in order to maintain balance and give back to the universe I try to always be a good person, to love, to help, to write, to make myself invaluable to you and to the world.....

.....I have everything......and so much of it......but it means nothing.............all of it is valueless......I am not worthy.......

.....YOU are what gives it all value......and without you its all worthless.......including myself.....

Just another day in the life of an unlikely military wife.....**