...the idea...**

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beloved LEGS...

....The United States has begun bombing Syria and has announced it will be sending a Division Headquarters to Iraq as part of a "sustained Campaign."  In addition, US Troops are being sent to help with the worlds worst Ebola outbreak.  A woman was beheaded in the heart of the USA, and the first confirmed case of Ebola in the USA was just announced today.   At the moment you are in Afghanistan, and not set to return home for another 6 to 7 months. 

.....At first I feel....a bereft kind of sad....the air from my lungs is stolen away and any comfort, contentedness is taken from me....the sadness turns to hopelessness....a future so hard and bleak no light at the end of no tunnel.....the hopelessness turns to anger....an anger that devours any good....the anger turns to frustration....an irritatingly persistent inflammation....and the frustration turns to worry, disbelief and shock.....

.....I feel foolish and disappointed with myself for ever thinking that maybe we would see some peace at some point in your military career.....why did I ever hold out hope?  Whatever hope I have, will have or had is gone forever....its a waste of my energy.....

....And when I look to our country....for solace....for trust...for a renewal of patriotism, I only feel ashamed....embarrassed and I question even my own loyalty to my roots.....is it normal to feel this way?!?!

.....I feel powerless, out of control, and abandoned.....do you?!  I don't like feeling this way, and when I think of ways to....fix the problems, or the feelings....I am thoroughly at a loss for solutions....its a deep kind of helpless and hopeless......I often wonder if others share this burden with us, or even care....its hard to know.....

....I cling to the idea of us, because I am not even sure when you return what kind of life or issues we will be able to lead, the idea of us is the only thing I see or have in my mind that is hopeful, positive.....that is beautiful...but if you were paying attention you noticed I said the "idea" of us.....its not meant to be a malicious statement....but more an honest fact...that when you come home, after 13 months of living separately we will have to begin again....

.......To convince you the depth in which I hold on to this "idea" with every single molecule of my being......and that I absolutely depend on it for the survival of my TIGER spirit......I want you to know that......when. I. tell. you. I. Love. You.....

.....its like this fire rises up from deep within my soul....it sets my heart aflame....it burns me....and the only way to cool it down....the only way to let it breath....to put it out.....is to love you......

....when. I. tell. you. I. Miss. You......your missing from me.....I feel a morose despair for your presence.....every single second that I had with you....I relive in my mind....and I want nothing more....I would give, or do anything to have you back......

.....when. I. tell. you. to Infinity. For Eternity.  Its because I believe that possibly our love could change the course of history.....perhaps.....it could cause a wrinkle in time....or transcend all that is evil.....and maybe, if I just love you that hard, that much, for that long.....and you love me back.....

......just maybe, we could save the world......



.....Just another day in the life of an unlikely military wife.....**