Dear LEGS: DAYS should speak....**

LEGS... 
050712
Day 1                                                                        


A Letter 


Days should speak.....


It was only our last days together that I really started to panic, and unravel at the seams......


I started feeling like we should live more recklessly......I had thoughts like "Tonight I want to open a bottle of nice wine....expensive wine, because if we don't open it tonight.....when will we?" I desperately clung to each moment that was pleasurable and winced in pain at the ones that drew first blood......


I stumbled badly over simple, easy conversations....


"Did you like that curry?  I got medium but I definitely think next time I should get hot...."
"I think we can handle hot..."
In my mind:  probably won't be making curry for LEGS any time soon....
"Well.....I mean.....I can make it hot when you get back.....we have lots of medium left so.....or I can get hot now......and make it before you go if you want......speaking of which do you have anything you would like me to make....?"


In my mind:  Great Tiff, way to make a guy feel like he is being put in the electric chair.....talk about the last meal and then the last walk.....


After these moments comes the inevitable awkward silences.....where due to the fact that there is no future plans or options while we are side by side we cease discussions......


But sometimes that magic would sneak out and it would feel like normal again.....like the night we caught the train to Bad Windsheim, and we were running late on account of me, so we ran to catch the train,  you ran ahead to get tickets and I tried to keep up with you but I couldn't......


I remember watching you run up ahead of me and thinking that very simply this is what it feels like.....it feels like I have to slow down my pace....do less, go slower, so that when you get back it was like a commercial break, and you......well you have to run ahead to save the day just like in the comic books......


Sometimes I think of war.....I think that since you are running ahead and saving the future....I worry that you are toying with the sequence of events....causing this wrinkle in time, and some how altering our fate.....We have this amazing past, I have to remain in the present, and you must sneak away to the future, I can only hope and pray in the present, that you find your way back from the future and that our destiny isn't affected.....


I have to talk myself down a lot.  I start thinking this way and I start feeling anxious.....I start to get upset or feel like I am going to lose it and I mentally chat myself down from the ledge.....


Its not that I don't want you to go.....I look around the base and I see the same thing on every soldiers face.....I even joked with you and said...
"Every soldier on this base has the same expression on their face...."
"What is that?"
"A mixture of fear and cock and balls...."
We laughed.....


I understand that you are a unique man, one that I am attracted to because of this alpha trait.....you have honor, commitments, and this duty you must satisfy, so I know that you need to go.....I don't mind you going- I just want the guarantee that you are coming back......but.....I can't have that.....


I think about death.....about life......I ask myself the riddle "What is it?" What is the balance?  How come some of us get to walk the world longer than others? Some people would answer this question with "Choices" and I accept this answer, some of us make bad choices and pay the ultimate price.....but this application of concept does not apply to LEGS.....


I want to know, Mathematically, what is the equation to increase your chances of survivability?  How many lives are we GIVEN? I think about the close calls I have had.....and they seem mediocre in comparison to others.....  


I mean is it more or less depending on the person?  While I type this I realize I sound completely crazy........and maybe I am, but I can't help but bargain with GOD or the UNIVERSE for your LIFE.....


I tell myself that if I am a good person, if I live a healthy life, if I don't curse, if I wear this necklace everyday, if I write to you every day, if I don't cut my hair, or give up sugar, surely.....I mean really surely....The Universe will be able to see inside my soul, and determine that I am pure of heart and bring you back safely to me....right?


Then I think.....what if this whole thing is a load of shit I do all this work and...and....you die?...ah sometimes how maddening and cruel life can be......


And then you do something.....you say something or you do something and I think to myself......even he believes in something....even he is a little crazy too......


I asked you to kill a spider the other night.  You looked up at it on the ceiling and you said "It will live."  You think you are so low profile sometimes.....but I saw it LEGS, I saw that bargaining you were doing.......


I asked you about the balance.....you said you think its a combination of luck and skill.  So perhaps my silly superstitions are not as silly as I think?  If I believe something brings me luck- and I cherish it- isn't that the same thing as believing in LUCK? I am wearing the wing necklace for luck.....I think of you and I touch it...and I feel a heart flutter....I pray for your safety.....


And skill......you are so right....I love it when you talk nerdy to me.....


This one time in my life.....I met goodbyes and transition with this cowboy bravado.  I said goodbye casually, I left casually because I thought that SURELY I would see everybody again......well.....it didn't happen that way.....so now I am always asking myself if I am being REAL with the people that I LOVE.....am I showing enough emotion, or too much??? I wonder if I should have kept more back or let more out.....is it really acceptable to fall apart?  Or is it better for you when I stay strong.....?


Everything I do is for you.......I spent time on myself......putting on your favorite under things....perfume....My USMC hoodie and US ARMY T shirt with sexy black leggings.....I thought to myself that my makeup is like my war paint....and dressing for a pep rally was the only way to shield myself from complete transparency....covering up the obvious heart breaking.....



Washing your uniforms......(heavy sigh).....I should have supervised better.....some of your shirts didn't get washed the way through....and they have this new plastic smell, but you said not to use fabric softner.....I hang them on the line with the sunrise while the day is still full of hope....and when I take them down at dusk......another day down.....the twilight is not far off.....I wonder if the neighbors saw the uniforms....I wonder if they know....how strange the line looks with just 10 full military uniforms on it....or...did they even notice?  the birds are chirping and I think of how you call me "Birdie".....I think that this sound shall comfort me while your away, I think maybe the neighbors never noticed....maybe I washed the uniforms and line dried them without so much as one witness.....this delicate, dedicated act....the intimate moment when you know these uniforms are bright, stiff and new.....when they return will be faded, worn and old......same as the man inside them......


When in doubt......BAKE.......


I don't know why it just seemed like the right thing to do.....but I spent most of our last day together being Susie Homemaker for you....I told myself that I was being a dutiful military wife....taking on the classic traditional role of waiting and feeding you.....homemade chocolate chip cookies to take on your trip, your favorite dinner......I invited your friends who are alone right now......I can't even imagine being alone during this....


And I threw myself upon the hearts of these men who are to go into battle on my behalf....I search my whole existence for the right words....I think of dinner conversation that is appropriate for the LAST SUPPER....and if there is a GOD what did Jesus and his Disciples talk about? 


 The next time we all intervene again circumstances could be drastically different and no one person will be the same after this experience......


I am with you.....finally......skin on skin.....I try so hard to focus on you and all the little details.....but there is this nagging wound and our last intimate moments are slashed and scarred by the reality of dawn......


LEGS.....its all for you....heaven is a place on earth with you....

* for those of you in Europe or other parts of the world where this video won't load- I highly recommend this song....


LOVE ON YA......BIRDIE**




Just another day in the life of an unlikely military wife.....**

A day, a week, a month, a year......**

The Adventures of Tank Girl Blog is taking a new direction, one that I think will be more consistent, focused, and abbreviated........


A day, A week, A month, A Year in the life of an UNLIKELY MILITARY WIFE......


(A Collection of snapshots, letters and memoirs DEDICATED to CHRISTOPHER ALLAN COUSSENS.......)

I FOUND HIM. HE WHO MY SOUL LOVES. I HELD HIM. AND WILL NOT LET HIM GO.




**

LEGS the WHITTLER.....**

Alas....My Friend....My Blog....


I have been avoiding you....and for that I am sorry.....you have become this thing that I unintentionally avoid because I know that very shortly you will become one of my only sources of comfort....my company....my way of communicating all those crazy thoughts I possess to my TRUE LOVE LEGS.....


And yet here you are....faithfully ready to embrace and comfort me like a mother to a grown child.....


Its complicated....it always is......


Life is moving by so fast and I have so many things to blog about....but every time I sit down long enough to write.....I stop myself for some other momentary distraction.....my blog has become a source of deployment reality that I just don't want to deal with right now.....


A few weeks back LEGS and I had professional pictures taken.....the photo shoot was a memento.....a pre deployment photo session....


One of the pictures taken was terribly sad......specifically the sadness in LEGS' face and eyes.....its was like we were thinking the same thing over and over again in our minds but not saying it out loud..... "THIS....IS....IT....this is all the time we have....."

Driving down the road the other day....I was thinking about this sad picture.......and I started to tear up a little.....I started to think how sad our picture looks.....and then I started to cry.....but only a little.....


I just can't believe that LEGS will be leaving so soon and for so long....But I think that picture illustrates the resignation that its really happening......


I keep telling myself that we have time....but I know the last night will arrive too soon and I will think I kept telling myself we had time....but now we have none.....what will my regrets be?  When he leaves what will be the most important things for us to do or finish while he is here....?


So far my automatic reaction has been to DENY.DENY.DENY. DELAY. DELAY. DELAY. and PREOCCUPY, DISTRACT, and PRETEND......that its not real.....


But this past week it has become....CRY.CRY.CRY. GET READY.GET READY.GET READY. REALIZE, COMPREHEND, and ACCEPT....that its real....


As per usual standard operation....we are making our sad and stressful rounds to visit family before his inevitable journey to war....where the fear is very real because so much of our futures will be unknown.....call me dramatic.....but most peoples careers don't extricate them from normal life for one year and put them in extreme danger every day......


We booked the tickets.....and we are making an unplanned trip to see my family in ALASKA for a few days.....


My first initial reaction to the surety of traveling to ALASKA to see my family was one of excitement.....


But then.....we turned out the lights and while LEGS peacefully snored next to me....instead of cherishing one of our few sacred nights together I started to panic......


What if......my family doesn't like me?  What if they act crazy and then I act crazy because they are acting crazy? I hate that....what if....I don't like them? What should my priorities be?  Should I even have priorities?  Its only three days.....I hate packing....and traveling.....I haven't seen them in 18 months.....Will America be too much for me?  We don't have television, we have operated primarily in a place where we don't understand most of what people say, and we live in a rural area.....imagine all of these thoughts with obscene fantasies that include unfathomable material from my wild imagination.....


Sometimes....I think I am just being a BIG cry baby....but then something happens......and I know right then....being apart from LEGS will eliminate a great sense of JOY, AMUSEMENT and hilarity from my life:


LEGS. THE WHITTLER.


I do not have to reiterate or illustrate my frustration over the ARMY and the endless SH*T the ARMY requires me to endure in my living space....Most everybody who reads my blog ALREADY knows...what a complete pain in the Beyonce', storing, organizing and just plain tolerating Soldier LEGS and all of his "baggage"......is...


That said....it gets really ramped up around deployment.....in fact my living room has been a pre-deployment STAGING AREA....OFFICIAL for the ARMY had indigestion of the multi-cam variety and barfed all over my living room......for several months now.....


So imagine my......reaction.....


The other day I walked into my entry way and saw two 2x4's leaning against the wall......


I stopped.  Looked at them.  And then I tried very hard for five minutes to think of the ways in which or the reasons why an APACHE pilot would need 2x4's for his job.....and specifically in my entry way.  


After coming up with some half baked reasons.....for the 2x4's in my entry way.....I continued on deciding that its such a busy and stressful time I should just mind my own business and let my man do his job......


Later on that day I came home and walked up to my front porch.  On the rug that is placed outside the front door there were WOOD CHIPS.....EVERYWHERE!   Immediately I was irritated.....IN MY MIND: AW MAN!  That is going to get tracked into and all over my house!.....and stick to my bare feet.....GAWD....son annoying...."


The door bell rings.....I am cooking dinner...the dog is barking her head off....and in the frosted glass of the front door I see LEGS in his uniform....HAPPIEST PART OF MY DAY....LEGS coming home......


I open the door thinking he must have forgot his key.  And there he stands.....


In all this 6 foot 2 inch (mostly consisting of LEGS) glory....In his uniform, standing strong with confidence, his heavy, large back pack slung over one shoulder......


A bright shit eaten grin on his face....


Exclaiming:


"LOOK AT MY SWORD!"


Yes.


You heard me right.


He did say SWORD.


LEGS.....is dealing well with the stress of deployment....in his spare time....he WHITTLES.....

Just another day in the life of an unlikely military wife....**

TOTALLY INAPPROPRIATE.....but funny?

HELLLO BLOG...


NEVER NEVER LAND Weather Report:  Its definitely March, it will feel like spring and winter in a matter of seconds.....


I have experienced a few things these last few weeks that have been blog worthy.....but.....I have let the thought of certain individuals reading my blog keeping me from sharing.....specifically Queen Di.....and just people that have told me they read my blog around town....sometimes I start thinking about what I have written in the past and I find myself humiliated secretly in my own mind.....


But in the name of humor....I firmly believe in humiliating myself.....


Experience number one:


I experienced.....I am pretty sure for the first time....EVER.....a first person narrative from LEGS the other day.  Its significance was the exact point in time when LEGS decided to share his little story.......


We were uh.....making whoopi.  We were short on time. And...well....LEGS told me exactly what was occurring between us, EVERY. STEP. OF. THE. WAY. It was like "I am (blank). You are (blank).  And now, we are (blank).  


I was so surprised and shocked during this little story that I had no idea how to respond......except to burst out in laughter afterwards......


Experience number two:


On my birthday I received a proposition......


LEGS and I were in bed on our computers......


LEGS:"So uh babe.....?"
ARMS:"Yeah?"
LEGS:"Since its your birthday do you want me to do anything special?"
ARMS:"GIGGLES....TURN INTO LAUGHS....TURN INTO...."Are you propositioning me?"  More laughs...then I realized he was serious...."Um...No babe I'm good....but thank you..."


Experience number three:


Lost in translation.  


My new boxing Coach is Russian.  Its already hard enough understanding Germans, understanding a Russian that speaks german (I suspect with a Russian accent) is even harder.  Add in the severe language barrier...albeit I am learning very fast......and you have many misunderstandings.......


After hard training the other day he looked me square in the eye right in the face and said to me really seriously...


Coach:" Du Duschen? Du (this is the german word for "YOU!")  Duschen in the german word for "SHOWER"....
In my mind:  I thought the man asked me if I douch....I bursted out in laughter and then I wanted to slap him (for a spilt second) and then I realized what he actually said and felt like a complete fool....


Story number four:


So....I may be getting back in the ring over here in Europe, but its not a sure thing.  LEGS and I have been doing our research and ordering any gear or things I might need, since its a different country the rules are a little different.  


I hope that my readers realize what a unique thing that I am doing.  As a female, I have immersed myself in a German boxing gym, and I have a Russian Coach.....my experience so far has been really interesting and eye opening.  They SEEM to support and accept female boxing a little better than in the United Sates.....


Anyway.....I watched a female match the other night and it was completely different than the fighting you see between females in the states....but I did notice a peculiarity.....


It seems as though I have to order "chest protector"  in order to compete.  I have seen a few girls wear them, but I have always found them to be frivolous and stupid looking.....


Watching the coach describe to our little translator in the gym what he means by chest protector and me responding with "That is stupid- do I have to wear it?"  was entertaining.....


I realize that these were TOTALLY INAPPROPRIATE but they were funny right?


Feel free to humiliate me some more by sharing this with all of your friends.....oh yeah and totally bring it up to me in public!  GIGGLES....


Random Thoughts:


I just can't believe LEGS is leaving.....its been a really emotional few days for me......




LEGS...I wish I could record the sound of your heart.....and when your gone......play it OVER and OVER again while I fall asleep......




I shudder at returning to the days where a hot bath....is the closet thing I can get to your arms around me.......

Just another day....in the life...of an..UNLIKELY...MILITARY.....WIFE.....**

Condolences from Queen Di......**

HEY BLOG!


Weather Chronicle:  Marz is always interesting.....sun, fog, mist, snow, rain more fog, more mist......


As most of my regular readers know......Our family lost a brilliant dog to a broken heart several months ago......You are also aware that the brother of JAKE, CLANCY was adopted by Queen Di and BobDad....LEGS' parents....


Humor is how I have gotten through many embarrassing moments, overcome fears, disappointments, and coped when there was nothing left to do but survive......


When we lost JAKE it was nothing short of devastating.....and we still miss him very much......


Living abroad means sending emails and facebook messages sometimes to deliver big news, new developments, and updates.....often times conversations that should really occur on the phone or in person are unfortunately conducted over the internet......


This makes for some really amusing material that is absolutely priceless because its ON RECORD.  


Sadly.....I had to deliver the news of JAKE'S fate to Queen Di over email.  I distinctly remember crying into my keyboard as my fingers clicked over the letters to make words....I had to stop every few words to wipe the tears from my eyes so I could focus on the screen......Email was sent.....


The reply is NOTHING SHORT OF HYSTERICAL.  In fact, it was so humorous to me that I recall laughing out loud uncontrollably.....I think I might have rolled back and forth on the floor a few times....


It was one of those moments in life where you are so sad but at that moment something is so funny that you laugh- I mean really LAUGH!- even though just minutes before you were sure you would never laugh again......


Queen DI sending her condolences.....:

"I'm so sorry to hear about Jake.  It makes me wish we would have taken him too.  He was such a great dog!

I think Clancy should make it until you guys come to visit sometime in April.  A lot of people have told me that Golden's only make it til eleven or twelve, but he seems to be doing great so far.  Some people say that they can go downhill all of a sudden.  I think it's helped that I have been home with Clancy alot.  I hate to go anywhere because I don't want to leave him by himself.  I sometimes just take him in the car it I'm just getting groceries or going quick to Costco.  Amy is sometimes home and takes him too.

Guess what.....I just fed Clancy and it was later than he usually eats so I thought 'GOOD FOR YOU!', you lasted longer!!  As we came in from the garage I noticed a bread wrapper on the floor in the family room.  I think Clancy ate a small loaf of bread that Bob and I had gotten at New Seasons this morning.  I just told Bob about it (he's not too happy)!!

I'm so sorry.

Love, QUEEN DI

Even reading this out loud to myself again has me laughing out loud while LEGS sleeps next to me.....

Clancy is doing well by all accounts......although just one month ago we did get an unsettling update about some of his bad behavior.  It seems that Clancy got into a bit of legal trouble.  BobDad sent us this update:

"At a recent trial, prosecutor A. Coussens was presenting the evidence.  Someone or some dog was charged with illegal entry and criminal mischief.  

Prosecutor Coussens entered exhibits A, B& C into  evidence, please see attached photo.  The perpetrator allegedly illegally entered the house and emptied the contents of the 3 bags.  The contents were not found at the scene of the crime.  

The contents of Exhibit A was dried Mangos.  The contents of Exhibit B was mixed nuts.  The contents of Exhibit C was  Four Bread Sticks with Cheese.  

Clancy Coussens was charged with criminal mischief.  He refused to speak to anyone, except his attorney, Queen Di.  The Defense Attorney recommended that the defendant take the fifth."

Clancy the dog has LITERALLY lived the AMERICAN DREAM.  He started out an unwanted orphan, bounced around from foster home to foster home and ended up in a mansion the west coast taking vacations in Palm Springs.  

As far as the legal trouble.....you can take the dog out of the hood but you can't take the hood out of the dog......

Just another day in the life of an unlikely military wife.....**

Do not DIE.....MISUNDERSTOOD.....**

Dear Blog.....


a Blog is like a book.....


a book is like a LIFE.....


And there I was......one page and two days ago......


Sitting there.....in my life......


Quite possibly living out the loneliest eight hours.....OF MY LIFE.....selling the CONCEPT of LOVE to a bunch of soldiers that have more than enough going on in their LIVES......When I decided to curb my boredom......I should complete my "WILL" worksheet......


(Back Story:  We were attending the SADDEST brief I have ever been to in my whole life....when the Colonel in charge of LEGS' battalion asked everybody who has a living will to raise their hands.....after not raising my hand the Colonel's Wife punched me in the arm......)- Obviously I needed to remedy my shortfalls......


Who would have thought the concept and realization that I will actually DIE....one day......would have hit me like a ton of bricks.....? That this life that  I lead will be no more.....this life....the one where I am selling love....


I wonder sometimes.....do most 29 year olds start considering these things....because....and perhaps I am TOTALLY diluted....but I feel more young these days than I have in my WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE......


Do most 29 year olds have to complete a WILL?  OR is the only reason I am having to address these real and morbid topics in life is because my husband's job is so dangerous???


HEAVY SIGH.......


So there I was making plans for when I die.....filling in the blanks for when I will be a blank.....space.......


There are parts of this exercise that come readily....and parts that give you the grandest argument.....who can handle YOUR DEATH?


What criteria is best when deciding who should be second in command????.....in a fairy tale world (which is where I reside most of my life) LEGS will be there to make all these decisions....and it is him who knows me best......but who should be second?  Somebody younger? Somebody older?  A sibling? A friend? Or a parent?


Geographically, physically, emotionally, mentally, and personally who can handle the absolute and crushing burden of dealing with your body and soul after you die?  


And its especially difficult when considering the lifestyle in which your number one person leads.....when it is extremely dangerous.....it makes your number two that much more important......


And when you do finally settle on filling in that blank.......


I seemed to be more concerned with hurting peoples feelings???? In my mind: Well....if I pick "SO-and-SO" then "SO-and-SO's" feelings are going to be hurt........


You mid-as-well, forget the small, insignificant fact that you will be DEAD!.......


Being dead........that would hurt MY feelings........immensely!!......So why am I so concerned with other people's feelings???


Putting the burden of my death and its inevitable gory details (at least in my mind my death would be me going down in a blaze of glory).....is a punishment.....right?  I mean you are asking that person to be strong when all they want to do is be weak, you are asking them to be responsible when getting out of bed may be challenging.....you are asking them to ensure your send off into the after life is not more painful, ugly and horrific than it will undoubtedly already be.......


Why would this be an honor?....as people treat it.....


And still there I was worried when I started to put down names I was definitely going to hurt some people's feelings.......?


When you start contemplating all the factors.....who you think would make the best decisions.....in your place?  OR LACK OF PLACE?  And your placing that burden on somebody you LOVE!?!  Really you stop being concerned with hurting other people's feelings because.........


At this time.....filling out this paperwork.....you feel like you are ACTUALLY having a morbid experience right this second......and after double checking you become confident that you are in fact DYING.....RIGHT NOW.....(at least a little piece of you is.....)


I have it finally figured out for the most part.....but the idea and realization that I am in FACT A MORTAL was killing me......


I started to worry about the effect of my death on those that I love.....that broke my heart, because I flipped it around and thought of how devastated I would be if something happened to LEGS.....


It also made me think I am seriously overwhelmed with just the deployment details......dealing logistically with a death is a probably an organizational nightmare on top of heartache and emotional disaster......mostly I don't want anything fancy just a few songs, a little SPARKLE, and the people that know me and love me to remember:


ONE DAY. YOUR LIFE. WILL FLASH BEFORE YOUR EYES. MAKE SURE ITS WORTH WATCHING!!!!


ON THAT NOTE.......


If we are in FACT MORTAL.  And if responsible adults have to make WILLS and Arrangements for their inevitable death......


WHY DON'T PEOPLE SAY WHAT THEY MEAN?


Why don't people say what they think?  


I mean.....why?, With all of our modern communication.... is it so COMMON to be so COMPLETELY misunderstood???


Lately......in so many facets of the friend filled, international, growing family, complicated intricate life.....that I lead.......I have seen so many people act the fool, dance around, look stupid, I have been so confused, frustrated at times angry and absolutely dumbfounded on the severe lack of adult communication........


JUST SAY WHAT YOU MEAN.  VIRTUAL NETWORKS AND COMMUNICATION DO NOT GIVE YOU THE EXCUSE TO ACT LIKE AN ASSHOLE.  BEING AFRAID, INTIMIDATED, OR EMBARRASSED DO NOT GIVE YOU THE PERMISSION TO EXCUSE YOURSELF FROM BEING AN ADULT.


All this confusion has made me realize that there is no hope for our future when the adults in my life are talking about setting up fake facebook accounts, deleting their facebook accounts, being upset, angry and delivering that anger and frustration on those around you because things did not go the way you wanted them to AFTER THE FACT......


FACEBOOK.....is NOT THAT SERIOUS.........and its not a way to conduct business that is really more appropriate on the phone.......etc. etc.


And in your REAL LIFE....PIPE UP or be FOREVER DISAPPOINTED.....


You should say what you think and what you mean because LIFE IS SHORT and you MIGHT not get another chance to be understood by this world and the people in it......How horrible would it be to DIE MISUNDERSTOOD? 


CLOSING SENTIMENTS:


I got this from a friend....and I fell in LOVE with it.....AND its perfect for this blog:


It is TIME to SPEAK YOUR TRUTH.  Create your community, be good to each other. And do not look outside yourself for the LEADER.  There is a river flowing now, very fast.  It is so great and swift that there are those who will be AFRAID. They will try to HOLD on to the shore.  They will feel as if they are being torn apart and will SUFFER greatly.  Know the river has its own DESTINATION.  We must LET GO of the shore, push off into the middle of the river, keep our eyes OPEN and our HEADS above water. NOW, see who is in there with you, and CELEBRATE.




Just another day in the life of an unlikely military wife......**

TIFF'S BOOKSHELF:


I just got done reading this book called Snow Flower and The Secret Fan by Lisa See.  


HIGHLY RECOMMEND IT. And THANKS CHACH~! ,*X (SMOOCH)


Blooper Reel:


I had one of those crazy weeks where I LITERALLY ran around all week a hot mess, forgetting things, dropping things, showing up late or not at all....because I had so much going on........


So one task that I had was to pick up items that were donated to our FRG from one location and bring it to another......


So I stop. Park. Open the door......and this donated tea pot LITERALLY COMMITTED SUICIDE.


I swear.  I opened the car door and the tea pot leapt to its death and smashed all over the sidewalk.......

Healthy Recipe:


Chicken With Spinach and Pears


This is one of LEGS' favorite dinners that I make- he said its my duty to share it with you guys- 

Serves 4

Ingredients

4 boneless, skinless chicken breasts 
Sea salt and freshly ground black pepper 
3 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil, divided 
1/2 cup diced red onion 
4 to 6 cups (1 large bunch) loosely packed spinach (not baby), washed, dried, stems removed 
2 tablespoons apple cider vinegar 
2 ripe Anjou pears, peeled, cored and cut into 1/2-inch-thick slices 
2 tablespoons chopped fresh parsley 
3/4 cup blue cheese crumbles

Method

Preheat oven to 375°F. Generously season each chicken breast with salt and pepper. In a large, oven-proof skillet heat 1 tablespoon olive oil and sear breasts 2 to 3 minutes each side until lightly golden. Place pan in oven and bake until chicken is cooked through, about 15 minutes. 

While chicken is cooking, heat 1 tablespoon olive oil in a large pan over medium heat and sauté red onion until just softened, 2 to 3 minutes. Add spinach and toss until wilted. Season with salt and pepper and transfer to a large platter or divide evenly between 4 plates. Wipe out pan and heat remaining 1 tablespoon olive oil with vinegar. Add pears and gently heat until warm. Stir in parsley. Arrange cooked chicken breasts on spinach. Top with warmed pear slices and about 2 tablespoons blue cheese per breast.

PEOPLE. FREAK! **

Hi BLOG.....


Weather: NEVER NEVER LAND is experiencing a REAL WINTER....


Exchange Rate:  Doable....


Deployment is well on its way.......things are going really fast, every body is really busy.....bags and boxes are being packed....paperwork is being put together and organized.....and the complicated extraction of a family member is inevitable.....


Its when the PRE-DEPLOYMENT EMOTIONS and inconceivable desperation sets in......DEEP......


QUEEN DI (LEGS' MOMMY) chatted on the phone with us the other day...She knew that LEGS had been traveling...she said that she had thought LEGS' plane had crashed so she started to watch the news......and the tone of her voice on the end of the line.....was a little higher pitched, a little more strained, a little more joyless.....she was very insistent on seeing LEGS before the deployment.....


It made me realize that.  IT.....HAS.....BEGUN.....


.....this fast and furious emotional roller coaster......of high highs, low lows, and the escalation to the final scene......


And the bottom line is....


PEOPLE FREAK.......


Scenes from normal everyday activities are tinged with high emotions and this clinging sense of committing every moment to memory........


The meaning of life....the reasons for life.....just a nonsensical weird pondering of life starts to occur and settle at the end of the day.......

The analyzation of your exact role....are you going to be tough, are going to be weepy......or are you going to be real?  Are you finally going to be REAL.....that real person that you never let out but really want to......?


Suddenly the definitions of morality pop up all over and deep discussions of right, wrong, life philosophies, ideas, and the pursuit of such infatuations are EPIC and AMBITIOUS.....


Under all this pressure, reflection, and raw emotion.....


PEOPLE........


FREAK..........

The things they have wanted all their lives.....they don't want any more......


Feelings they have or have had.....they don't even remember any more....

People either get married or decide on divorce.....they distance themselves or thrust themselves onto their significant other like a person clinging to a life raft during the PERFECT STORM.....

People just get a little crazy......


PEOPLE 
FREAK......


And can you blame them...?

They do things they would never normally do......


.....because.........


.......they........ want.........to..........feel.........


ALIVE.......

They rationalize and think in their minds......


That......THIS.........THIS MOMENT RIGHT HERE...........


 Is.....


THE MOST ALIVE THEY MIGHT EVER FEEL....... 


I'M 


FREAKING........


I have been surprising myself lately.......with this fleeting mania.....


I have been the kind of person that must exist some where inside of me but has never been let out to see the light of day......


A girl that probably would have existed in her early twenties but....was at home waiting for a phone call and reading horrible news stories about WAR......


I can't help but think its because of the deployment......


I guess perhaps it could be because of this special alignment of stars.....perhaps.....our lives are written out already.....perhaps destiny and fate really do exist......OR LIFE.....is LIKE A MOVIE.....


I was at the mall that one day.  I met a man.  A war started.  He went to war.  I wrote letters.  Just Married.  Home Sweet Home.  The start of a career.  Moving.  A bumpy road.  Dreams are Made.  Dreams Come True. And they keep coming true.  


ITS 
LIKE 
A 
FRICKEN
MOVIE.......


A movie where a GIRL becomes who she was always supposed to be......? Is this REALLY who I am?


Maybe its the part of you that wants exactly what you want and there is a shift between what you want and what is expected of you.....


Pre-deployment FREAK OUTS......


Where bizarre:


Connections ARE made. 


Affections ARE shared.  


Bonds that will last a lifetime are forged.......


A rare intimacy evolves........


And out of this rare intimacy.....


A transformation occurs......


The transformation between girl and woman......this is apparently my PRE DEPLOYMENT FREAK OUT......my first one at least.......


I FEEL.......that.......


I am a woman who is beautiful....so beautiful that people stop and stare....that people notice and are drawn to her like a moth to a flame...


Complex.....the thoughts in my mind will never be understood by any one average....it takes real talent, real emotion, real complicated people to REALLY see me......


And sexy.....for some reason it has become apparent, a sudden light from within, and sudden enlightenment that sex, sexuality, sensuality, and a desire to show it, share it, give it and take it away.......




I feel confident, intuitive, easy going....that nothing is THAT serious and YET....


THIS MOMENT.......is the only one I am certain I will have....


I long for what is next....


Yet I want this moment to last forever.....


I have been thinking beautiful amazing thoughts, having exceptional dreams, I am inspired by this picture....the one that is BIG......


I feel larger than life, but sensitive and deeply connected to people....only wanting to make them happy and love them, and shower them with sunshine and this energy, this magic I seem to be in possession of......


I have this power suddenly....its this enveloping power.......its addicting and tempting me always......but I realize the danger of corruption......never wanting to cause any one pain, only wanting to absorb the hurt.....


I am experiencing......


A chemistry.....a dream like trance.....a surreal-ness.......a kind of spark that has jolted and inspired me to desire, to explore more, see more, touch more, feel more, be more, fear more.....


A fire that enlightens.....


......and consumes......


And yet, all this anxiety, knowledge that power can be abused, that sexuality carries a darkness with it, the greed, the hunger and the desire....excitement....leads.....to the knowledge that 


THIS MOMENT will come to an end.....
........................................................just as all moments do....


Call me a FREAK.......


But.....I......Will.......







LIVE HARD.


LOVE HARD.


FIGHT HARD.









BLOOPER REEL:


Scenario: GAME NIGHT at our FAVORITE COUPLE FRIENDS HOUSE


GAME: TABOO.


MARITAL SPAT: About the reading of directions...to the game....


Question: "Do we really HAVE to read the DIRECTIONS?"
Reply: "SHUT UP! I'm SKIMMING!!!"


Add in copious amounts of wine......


CONCLUSION: ME. THROWING UP VIOLENTLY IN THEIR BATHROOM AT THE END OF THE NIGHT.......



POST SCRIPT:


I would like to take this time to THANK EVERYBODY who reads my blog for your OVERWHELMING SUPPORT.  If you do enjoy my blog, and you read on a regular basis OR liked a particular post- PLEASE SHARE IT with YOUR friends.....LOVE ON YA-


Just another DAY in the LIFE of AN UNLIKELY MILITARY WIFE........**