Your local NEVER NEVER LAND weather brought to you by ALWAYS IMITATED, NEVER DUPLICATED, Tank Girl: It's been absolutely beautiful outside. The local's tell me April is usually the month they see Rain, Hail, Wind, Fog, Snow, Ice, Sun, (ran out....can't think of any more) but instead its been like summer outside, today it was 70 Degree's.
Sorry....I have been on hiatus.....OH I have missed you. We finally received our household goods in its entirety (On Tuesday....which I realize was yesterday....but it feels more like its been a week in two days). So....you will have excuse me...I am deliriously tired and am liable to pop off at the mouth about any damn thing I want....
I was really relieved for several reasons, and these reasons played over and over and over in my head like a broken record.
In my mind:
"Ohhhhhh man, I hope my stuff gets here....what if it is lost!?! What if its gone forever!?!.....sunk in the ocean.....burned up in a fire.......
Ohhhhhh boy......I hope my stuff gets here.......I need LEGS to put all the furniture back together again.....I might be able to do it......with like 15 tutorials on how to assemble furniture on the internet....or we won't have any furniture just a house full of pieces.....pieces scattered about....
Ohhhhh baby I hope my stuff gets here.....LongShanks and the Boyfriend in a Band are arriving at the end of May.....I don't want them sitting on pieces of furniture......please God, Godly God, please let my stuff get here...."
The highlight of the delivery was when the "Middle Aged" (and I say this with the utmost respect and sensitivity- I suspect he was MY version of middle aged, which is older then I think most other people's definition ) German Unpacker Dude was reaching high above his head for (I can't recall for what now...because....) I glanced back around and his pants had dropped down......around his knee's.....In all his Old Man Glory he was sporting his his European Briefs.....Complete with the Bright Green Moving T-Shirt tucked all the way in....so far 'IN' it was hanging out the bottom....And there he stood not a care in the world, no notion that Me and all his worker bee's were getting a Red Light Special FULL MONTY STYLE!
In my Mind:
In these situations what do you do? Laugh! Inform the poor man of the situation? Look away and giggle? Pretend it didn't happen? Laugh? I mean really....what would Anne Landers say?
Also, in case you didn't know.....Designer Briefs are big in Europe. LEGS and I have been eye balling a pair of Pin Stripes for MONTHS downtown in one of the shop windows.....
I have also thought....I wonder how people who are a (little) older then us manage these moves....no matter how much you require the movers to lift and put things in the right rooms, it seems as though you are still schlepping your sh*t, up and down, over and under, across and down, and from side to side.....Moving is hard back breaking work!
As soon as we were able I requested forcefully that we banish the lovely ARMY ISSUE purple sofa OUT to the garage.....sorry to say I am not sad to see it go. While carrying the heavy couch to its final resting place in my possession LEGS was walking backwards and I was following. This is when the small detail that both of us have gotten so old, we were both sporting the ergonomically correct CROC's becomes necessary.....Not sure exactly what happened....but LEGS collided with the gate to the driveway severely crippling his foot (momentarily)....
LEGS: Now hopping on one foot 'OW! OW! OW! I REALLY HURT MYSELF! OW! I THINK I NEED A TETANUS SHOT!'
LORD help me.....I could not stop laughing.....I laughed so hard I cried!
I needed LEGS' help moving a bunch of boxes to the attic. One box I had half-a** taped (in my exhaustion) with scotch tape instead of packaging tape. He was standing half way up the a latter with the box near his face in preparation to lift it into the attic, while we stood there having a "discussion," the tape gave out and the box flap literally b*tch slapped him in the face........
LEGS: In his brain: SHOCK....that just happened.
ARMS: 'BAWAHAHAHAHA! You were just b*tch slapped by a cardboard box!' In my mind: There may be something to this whole Karma thing, he shouldn't been arguing with me in the first place.....
Today, while I was unpacking stuff, I ran across an old Calender of Marilyn Monroe. I fancifully studied every picture in sheer admiration for her beauty and noted that she was ANYTHING BUT skinny. I thought to myself.....
ARMS' BRAIN: Man.....I spent ALL last year starving myself of water and food that I like, to be a certain number on a certain scale for competition, and here I am still battling my own insecurities....Even when I killed myself, I still did not have the body that I wanted....so....I would rather possess the same raw sensuality that Marilyn Monroe did in her full figure than all this BS I am going through now....YEAH!'
My Brain is WHACK!
I had to help a friend with a college project today. It was a psychology project about women and their problems with body image. The plan was to take a picture normally, then take a picture of us in a swimsuit with marks on our body of the things we don't like, then take a final picture of how much more we are.
My example was that I am a normal girl, but I have issues with my body (which I of course do) BUT I am ranked nationally at number 7 in the US as a female boxer I won the National Golden Gloves. As for the other girls one is a soldier and the other is getting her Masters in College.
The other two girls have had children and I have not, which basically eliminates any solid excuses for my fat a##. I have heard them consistently complain about their bodies. As we all stood there and I compared my body to theirs (because WE ALL DO) I felt ashamed, and mortified. Like deep down in my soul.....
I mean.....here I am....supposed to be the most physically in shape and I WAS the FAT GIRL (FOR REAL FOR REAL). As much as I would like to be okay with my body, something in me snapped today.
And.......wearing my gloves felt really really good......I think...uh....I think its time to get back in the boxing gym.
FYI- (Please See the BLOG 'She is a Maniac.....Maniac' featured in March for reference if you have not already read this one) Remember the blog I wrote about Goodie Box shame? Well....turns out I was right....I got a letter in the mail today- My Primary Care Manager changed....they have assigned me somebody else now.
Now that.....that, is what you call Goodie Box rejection....he went there and doesn't want a return visit....
OMG! And here I was thinking I was being so progressive and forward thinking having no shame!
Okay.....straight up Jerry Springer Style here is my final thought.
Middle School and High School were horrible for me.....I HATED IT I would never under any circumstances want to repeat that time in my life....I think because things at home were confusing and difficult, it was hard for me to come to school and deal with even more confusion and complication in the most tactful way.....I felt targeted, threatened, insecure and totally UN-COOL......
And really to hammer the point home.....
A friend of mine had asked me a while back if I had the middle school yearbook because she was looking somebody up. I told her I did, but, it was packed up, and I would, when we finally settled, dig it out. So today I did as promised.....as I skimmed through the Middle School yearbook I was brought back to the most distressing time of my life.....and I can see why- we ALL looked freakishly creepy and disgusting.....and I was so INCREDIBLY LOST-
At a time when you really need to KNOW WHO YOU ARE, you DON'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE!?!
So....fast forward to today.....I am glad I went through everything I did....its made me who I am today....and minor issues aside I KNOW... WHO I AM!
There was a girl in school. We basically went to same school from grade school all the way up to Graduation, and somehow we were never 'friends.' She wasn't actually mean to me, but she hung out with people (and still does) who were mean to me (like....seriously mean) and I suspect that even though she didn't agree, she didn't have the intestinal fortitude to stand up for me either......
I don't know, is it too much for me to expect that in high school? Perhaps. Does she even remember this? I don't know. And....am I immature for hanging on to it? Or wise for remembering?
Can people change? For a long time I said NO WAY JOSE'!
Then....a down on his luck super hero came into my life, and through his recovery, I was a firm born again believer, YES PEOPLE CHANGE! But....tragically....this volume of LEX the Super Hero ended sadly and I was reverted back to a non-believer.....not because I don't want to believe....but because I have no reason to.....because I want to believe people!
This girl did something quite exceptional for me today. She sent me a very thoughtful care package, with yarn for knitting, seeds for my garden, magazines, doggie treats, knee pads for my gardening (GOD SEND!), and a handful of other goodies, and she wrote me a nice little note telling me how much she loved my blog......
What she doesn't realize is this......
The jury is still out on whether or not people change, and perhaps this whole example is gray area, maybe people just grow up, or life experience teaches them....and me.....that sometimes life can be summed up in a song:
http://youtu.be/UMAFAqOxyOc
I GET HUNGRY FOR LOVE AND THIRSTY FOR LIFE AND MUCH TOO FULL OF THE PAIN....pure genius.......
And for the record when I opened the box, I really felt deep down in my core that I didn't deserve such a thoughtful gift......
She touched my heart today.....and she has me thinking....maybe people do in fact change....
GUILTY PLEASURE:
Cursing.....I find myself increasing my bad language around one of my Mormen friends and I can't figure out why? I know its especially offensive to her- so do I do it because I am nervous or do I do it because its so overtly sinful?
Gossip.....I have been gossiping behind people's backs. It hasn't been ugly its been more my thoughts, reactions, emotions and perspective on life events.....just making sure I ain't crazy.....
I judged somebody too quickly......I figured them to be immature, but somehow today I was drawn to their wisdom.....
Random Thoughts:
My yard smells so amazing I wish I could bottle up that smell and put it on my skin......
I am convinced that I have a sadistic twisted sense of humor, when I see people fall or hurt themselves I laugh hysterically.....is this condition listed in the DSM?
If another one of these dizzy girls talks badly about their bodies in my presence......SO HELP ME.......
Damn.......there are so many funny graphics I could have done for this blog but I am completely wiped.....my sincerest apologies, and my genuine hope is that my writing will give you the picture necessary to ENJOY!
Over & Out.....Just another week....I mean day.....in the life of an unlikely military wife....**
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