Re: Dear Red....Light gives itself freely.....**

HELLLO BLOG-

Weather Conditions: Beautiful, Beautiful and Beautiful.  It now costs $1.50 for 1 Euro.

Listen Up! I have a serious letter to write to a reader of my blog.


Dear Red........


After receiving your sincere and guilt ridden apology, I felt horrible for blindsiding you in the previous blog.  ALL DAY yesterday I beat myself up over this. You did something incredibly thoughtful, genuine, and true....just for little old me.  

The box you sent could not have been more insightful, accurate and impeccable as for my interests, tastes and desires, it was supernatural in nature. Seriously. Are you watching me!?!


When I opened the box.....I was incredibly touched to the point of tears and utter astonishment.  I told LEGS, I didn't even think this girl likes me.  I asked him if he thought it wrong for me to tell the story in its entirety, and he said he didn't think so......


I searched for several minutes for reasons you would do something so amazingly kind to me.  Out of frustration LEGS told me that people know who I am because of my blog, I am real and I tell people my most intimate thoughts. In my mind: Okay....he's got a point.  He told me I probably inspire people and make many women feel less alone (especially military wives.) 


There are many times when I worry that I should or shouldn't include certain details of my life, or if I should include or exclude details that I think may hurt people's feelings.  Sometimes....when I go back and read certain blogs I can't even believe I put myself out there like that.  But I promised myself to be real, no matter how embarrassing, personal, and intimate the details of my life may be.  I tell myself that I would never want my life to be fraudulent, and that I hope even if I am crazy, I am not alone in this journey.


So my FRIEND Red.....


This is me in front of all the 10 people who read my blog, apologizing to you....down on my knees in my shame for EVER hurting your feelings or making you feel like you are a bad person- because your obviously not- and trust me I am a good judge of character. ;)


Out of all of this I have learned its time for ARMS, yes, at the ripe age of 28, to grow up!  Yes High School was horrible and people were mean to me, they left scares on my soul that have been there for a really long time.  Its really not pretty or even bad a** to play the victim anymore. (but I do intend on keeping the battle scars because that part is bad a**)

I obviously have issues with the way people see me.  I devalue my worth and the affect I have on people, I think people don't like me as much as they really do, and I can't imagine inspiring, touching or reaching others as I seem to have done.


I have decided to turn over a new leaf, start a new fad, begin again.  I, ARMS, promise with a pure heart, to FORGIVE those that have trespassed against me, or witnessed a trespass against me.  

There is somebody that I have not forgiven recently in my life.....as the result of a faulty bereavement  mechanism. I intend on writing this person and apologizing for being childish and immature.....not only did Red help me see this is the right thing to do, but I suspect the person who passed is up in heaven right now shaking his head at me.  


So Red....now you know, that even though you have made mistakes, you have helped me see the LIGHT and assisted me to live a more virtuous life....How could I ever repay you?

P.S. I tried to write you a heartfelt letter by hand, but crumpled up about 50 pieces of pretty paper- turns out I cannot write unless its on my computer.....and I wanted to save the trees of course!

Light gives of itself freely, filling all available space.  It does not seek anything in return; it asks not whether you are friend or foe.  It gives of itself and is not thereby diminished.  ~Michael Strassfeld

No random thoughts or guilty pleasures, just.....

Over & Out..

Just another lesson learned in the life of an unlikely military wife....**