Weather: We are experiencing a INDIAN SUMMER to my great delight...this is what I was hoping for all summer.....I am having a hard time embracing FALL, I think its because I know that I will not see my husband's squinty eyes, the sun on his face, I won't bike ride with him, or enjoy his presence when next summer comes.....
(HUGE GASP INWARD; MY APOLOGIES I AM GOING TO PLAY CATCH UP SO.....WE HAVE A LOT TO COVER...)
We are finally getting our lives back on track after the IN LAWS came to visit....
I have noticed over the years that when you visit people, specifically family you really see the changes mostly in yourself, that have occurred since the last time you saw them....
The last time we saw the IN LAWS it was February at LEGS' flight school graduation....
I have learned since being in NEVER NEVER LAND;
My Riches Consist not in the EXTENT of my POSSESSIONS, but in the FEWNESS of my WANTS. - J. Brotherton
I am simple. It doesn't take much to please or entertain me, I don't have many desires or need many material things, I don't require a lot of fanfare or colors or sights, I prefer to live in the moment instead of planning what happens next.....
I also learned the impatience that comes with youth....and I am so glad I am out of that phase in my life.....
Despite the nightmare I had in my mind of being on hormones while they are visiting....I held back, restrained myself and performed pretty damn well....I only felt violent toward them and myself a handful of times....
It was THE DADDY'S BIRTHDAY....HAPPY BIRTHDAY DADDY! I have to say that every time I speak with him we always laugh so hard that tears spring from my eyes, and my cheeks hurt...I will be giggling about our mischief for days on end- I LOVE YOU so so very very much- I wish I could be there to hug you and celebrate with a GRANDE! Sending you Birthday LOVE from NEVER NEVER LAND!!!
I have been troubled lately with issues that are so far out of my control its maddening.....
The reports from AK is that JAKE, the dog we left to come here is not doing so well.....In fact, ever since we left him behind he hasn't been doing well, he was diagnosed with a thyroid disorder, and now he is displaying troubling behavior such as aggressiveness and urinating n the house, I have been up several nights this week unable to sleep...
The guilt is heavy and intense....all I can think is that he must have cracked of a broken heart....its just another example of how the military career of one family member affects more than just them....
And even more frustrating....when I have tried to get back to sleep...I haven't been able to....even knowing that LEGS will be gone soon and I will regret not staying in bed with him...feeling his warmth, hearing him breathe...finding comfort in his presence....
But...when you can't sleep.....COOK....
I have been giving back to the UNIVERSE this past few weeks by cooking with all my emotional baggage and putting that energy into kindness....
I was hoping that my good deeds would bring me peace, a peace of mind knowing that while my heart is breaking I was mending the hearts of others because let's face it, food can feed the soul.....
Instead......
NO GOOD DEED GOES UNPUNISHED.....
All that cooking has been completely nullified and all the gratification that I wanted to feel has been completely taken away from me....
Somebody once told me if I did something nice for somebody to do it out of the kindness of my heart and NEVER to expect anything in return-
I have used this little nugget of wisdom often- but I guess I did expect at least apathy.....even if they didn't care or appreciate the good deeds that me and my other counterparts have been working so hard on it would be nice if......if they have nothing nice to say- they said NOTHING at all....
I absolutely DESPISE playing the victim, and while I would love to keep on trucking on my merry escapade of being a saint.....it makes it very difficult when there is complaints and negative words launched all over your good deeds like eggs all over an X-BoyFriends Car.....
I feel like I have been shot in the heart.......
So here is the day that put it all in perspective;
I received reports that the LOST BOYZ were making complaints and doing some side ways, uppercut type actions to upset our charitable initiatives....I was of course upset and angry....but....I still hadn't decided what I was going to do.....
I went to a german store to get special sugar I needed to make Apple Jelly with OMA Mariannae.....
On the way out to my Tank, my head down, in my athletic clothes, a woman across the parking lot, called out my name.....
I looked up and didn't recognize this woman, but being the circumstances I knew that I MUST have met her somewhere....
She walked towards me and said 'Do you remember me?' I nodded yes and said 'Of course I remember you!' It was suddenly becoming clearer...
I sat next to this woman for an hour one day several months ago at the hair salon. She had told me about a FEST that I must attend....
For whatever reason- mostly because I didn't see the signs for the FEST- I didn't make it to the FEST despite my insistence that I would....
She told me that she sat at the entrance of the FEST looking for me.....
Embarrassed and completely flabbergasted I apologized profusely, I hugged her and apologized some more.....she was gracious enough to spare me her disappointment by assuring me it was no big deal.....
On the way home....I couldn't help but think I am spending my energy and time on the wrong people.....
Why would I spend any more time and energy on the FRG for the LOST BOYZ when they don't even APPRECIATE IT? Instead I should be learning German, and spending my time and energy on people who actually want it.....
I AM SO SICK I ACTUALLY WANT TO QUIT VOLUNTEERING....
And to top it off....When LEGS went back to work OFF LEAVE, our happy home was turned into an unsettling, unsatisfactory, and bitter situation- NOT AT EACH OTHER THANKFULLY....but at the most mind boggling institution built on the fact that it USED to WIN WARS...yep..I said it...
ITS HARD....I keep trying to look at the bright side, but if the same institution that took me far away from home, family and career.....is making ME UNHAPPY AND LEGS UNHAPPY......its the kind of toxic lifestyle that makes you want to completely give up and turn my back on it all together....
Its pretty sad when you lose respect for a lot of the men that do the job your husband does- ESPECIALLY when you go from being so proud and the assumption that this elite community actually possesses some of the qualities that leaders should....
To deal with all this emotional turmoil....
Who needs a SHRINK when you have INCREDIBLE FRIENDS? I feel so much better now that I have UNLOADED all of LIFE'S UPPERCUTS with the people I KNOW would DO ANYTHING FOR ME.....they know who they are and I am giving them CREDIT.....because CREDIT is DUE....
AND....there is always mustaches in the world....and mustaches....cause evil doers to second guess their existence.....
Getting KNOCKED UP:
The hormones did their job and MISS DOT made her GRAND ENTRANCE-I was jumping up and down in celebratory shrieks and so was LEGS....(first time for EVERYTHING!!!)
We watched a documentary 'The Business of Being Born.' It was recommended by several of my close friends. It was an absolutely INCREDIBLE film, that I personally believe all HOPEFUL MOTHERS and EXPECTING MOTHERS should see, it was just awe-inspiring emotional ride about the ART of GIVING BIRTH, and the ASTOUNDING STRENGTH of WOMEN.....LEGS was glued to the movie the WHOLE time...it was very very informative, and we made some BIG decisions about giving birth when we do in fact conceive....
I am pretty sure it was MISS DOT'S fault but every time a baby was born in the movie I was a bucket of tears!
And this blog would not be as entertaining if I didn't include this golden ray of LAUGHTER TO MY DEAR FAITHFUL READERS:
LEGS grew his facial hair out while on leave. It was a pretty big accomplishment in his book, although the poor man cannot grow a very thick beard, he did manage and stiff, red (yes his facial hair grows in red) 5 o clock shadow. Not wanting to part with his manly achievement he decided to keep a mustache.
MUSTACHE-
A universal icon representing the epitome of authority and raw MANHOOD. It graces small children the chance to believe in a hero and causes evil-doers to second guess their existence. There are very few things in this world that could ever achieve the divine status that each individual hair is birthed into. Resting just above the upper lip, the mustache is a beacon to all mankind that there is hope for this world and a bright future for all who have been gifted with this treasure from GOD himself.
So my dear husband is rocking a blonde mustache which is reminiscent of the 1970's film genre......Please picture this in your mind.....
There we were making WHOOPI......
I am looking up at him while he is (throat clearing) trotting along.....
And he says to me;
'Well....could you at least show me some boob and make some noise?'
We both busted out laughing, and kept laughing hysterically that we barely accomplished the task at hand.....
Guilty Pleasures:
I have been consuming lots of booze.....I just keep telling myself that I may not be able to drink for 9 months and......that won't be IMPOSSIBLE- but it will be annoying....
Random Thoughts:
Do people know how hard gardening is? I always thought of it as something old people do, but I am starting to really realize that this is something for young and fit people to do. I think....it may even be as hard as boxing....I know I can't believe I am actually saying this out loud- but seriously....plowing by hand is REALLY HARD WORK.....
I seriously cannot believe how much other people LOVE TO HATE, its astounding....
Or those people that are constantly negative- its like did your parents ever tell you that all you do is complain or put other people down- I always wonder- did they put their parents down?
Now that I have all my personalties figured out and sorted, I think the eight of us are going to drink a SPARK and spend a few hours GARDENING....if you need us- any of us- we will be in my back yard....I suspect the DRIVEN, DETERMINED, INDEPENDENT BITCH is who will be dominating today's full frontal.....
Let's just say that IF I NEEDED TO....Today I learned how to bury SOMETHING or SOMEBODY in my back yard....I will BE CHARGING A HEFTY FEE THOUGH....
Just another day in the life of an unlikely military wife....**
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