Weather: Its gotten cold.....WINTER IS ON ITS WAY!
Exchange Rate: 1 USD = 1.36 EURO WE ARE RICH!!!!
This is not a complaint....merely an amusement...and IF YOU FOLLOW it...I promise it will amuse you too....
There is nothing more IRRITATING than trying to call a friend from Germany, who lives in TEXAS with an ALASKAN CELL PHONE. While he is currently standing outside (because that is where he gets reception) I am desperately and impatiently redialing his number 500 times, all the while clinging and anxiously watching facebook for him to come on chat status or respond to my previous notification that his phone is going straight to voicemail....and/or my phone is telling me 'all circuits are busy'....with all the COMMUNICATIVE TECHNOLOGY IN THE WORLD- EPIC FAIL!!!!
OFFICIALLY...WINTER- you may come....its been tough work but....the garden and yard have been winterized minus the remaining apples on the trees, the chillies that haven't turned red in the greenhouse, and remaining salad plants....the garden is finished for the season. And I SURVIVED.....
I started from nothing. I had never been a girl with houseplants, I have never owned and operated and yard or garden in my life. Thanks to Marianne, and my hard work, I was successful. Next year I am really hoping to tackle the flower beds, my flowers were mediocre at best. It was really disappointing when many of the seeds I planted didn't grow, and when they did it was pretty crazy and out of control. It was difficult to manage and it got away from me before I could do anything about it with the weeds...Next year I will be growing my vegetables from seeds, but my flowers will already be alive and growing when I put them into the ground. So that is my one piece of wisdom-
PLANT SEEDS FOR EATING, BUY FLOWERS ALIVE AND GROWING....
I am getting girls who want to do a CO-OP Garden next year together, I can't possibly grow all this food and eat it myself. I hope they are ready for the HARD WORK!
This is THE STORY:
Seven years ago, a one year old black lab was on his way to the pound. Having a sense that this lab could be a great dog, and knowing that my FIANCE' was going to WAR in IRAQ, I begged LEGS to RESCUE him. It took three days. LEGS finally said yes. We got Jake.
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| Winter 2004 |
Once Jake got with our golden Clancy, he was the greatest dog ever. He was energetic and athletic OUTSIDE, but a TOTAL STONER DUDE inside, mellow, low maintenance, happy go lucky. LEGS deployed for a very dangerous and difficult tour in Iraq, while I was left behind and UTTERLY DEVASTATED at home. Jake and Clancy were my ROCKS during the deployment, I clung to them as if they were my last breath of air, my last hope of survival.
They both slept in the bed with me at night. I was lonely and frightened of the world during that horrible time. I was afraid that something would happen to LEGS and because LEGS wasn't there something would happen to me.
Since I was putting myself through college, I worked at a liquor store. It was privately owned and the owner allowed me to bring Clancy and Jake with me to the store. This was so awesome for several reasons, number one I was able to work extremely long hours without worrying about my dogs being taken care of, number two, this job allowed me to wear blue jeans and study when most of my counterparts were partying, so it kept me on the straight and narrow during school. But....the most important reason was having the SECURITY of having the dogs there with me.
Everybody knows that liquor stores are stop and robs. This one was no different. I worked in a city with a lot of problems, every Friday and Saturday night for the better part of 5 years. While every other shift and person was robbed at one point during my time there. I WAS NEVER.
People knew my car. They knew my dogs. And even to this day they still ask about 'the blonde girl who brings her dogs to work.' I never felt threatened, or unsafe, I always felt at home and secure because I had Clancy and Jake with me. And the customers at the store became attached to them as well.
LEGS thankfully returned safely to me, and we proceeded to live out our years with Clancy, Jake and our new edition Karmella. Karmella was a post deployment gift to me from LEGS. He knew what I had been through so he got me a little lap dog. I always tell him, she is the best present he has ever given me. Her and I are twin souls, the connection and companionship I have with her is indescribable.
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| LEGS returns unharmed Summer of 2007 |
Those that have followed my blog know the heartache and angst LEGS and I went through when we found out we were being stationed in NEVER NEVER LAND- while we were excited about our new adventure, we were also making some very tough decisions about the dogs. At this time I felt incredibly attached to and guilty about giving Jake up. We knew that it would be harder for us to find proper living in NNL, if we had more than one dog, and a big do to boot.
After months of debate, indecision, heartbreak, and horrific stress we had finally made decisions regarding our family members. Clancy would go to Queen Di and BobDad. Jake would go to SISSY, and Karmella would come with me.
I had horrible nightmares and extreme anxiety over the transition and idea of splitting up the dogs. They had been a pack for so many years, now we were splitting them up, moving them to different homes, all over the holidays, while DRIVING to Oregon and back to Alabama. The trip was ASTOUNDING, and even when I comprehend what we did last Christmas I feel.....utterly speechless.
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| Jake was always a protector in this picture Clancy is very sick- Also notice the customary shoe- Jake would always carry up one shoe when you came to visit...... |
The day we sent Jake to Alaska. LEGS and I tearfully shipped him out at the airport in Portland. When we got back into the car, we both sobbed, wailed and clung to each other with a heartsickness that put a man of LEGS' nature down. We comforted ourselves by telling each other that we would see him again.....
But since I have lost a dear friend telling myself that it was hard for me to accept.....I had a inkling that I would never see Jake again.
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| Squeezed onto Karmella's bed.... |
I think it was right than that Jake's heart started to crumble. When he arrived in ALASKA he had almost clawed his way out of his kennel. Things seemed to be going well for the first month or so, but then he started to show troubling behavior. He was urinating in the house, so my SISSY couldn't take him more places, than he started to lose weight. A LOT of weight.
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| The list LEGS made before we left for Oregon Xmas 2010 |
The original suspicion was that he had worms. I was kind of surprised because I had him on medication to de-worm him once a month in ALABAMA. None-the-less the Vet gave him medication to get rid of the worms. Still continued to lose weight. Back to the Vet. Blood tests showed that now Jake had a thyroid disorder. He had Hyperthyroid disorder- hence losing all the weight.
Okay stop. I find this so surreal. I have a thyroid disorder which I have battled for many years, now the dog I gave up and sent away was struggling in life and was no diagnosed with a thyroid disorder too?! This one troubles me, and makes me wonder about the nature of the world, and this life.....its just too ironic for me.
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| Pictures of the Last SLUMBER- last night the pack was together |
My SISSY tried. My WHOLE FAMILY tried. But how do you save a dog who has a heart in a million little pieces. Jake started being aggressive toward other dogs.
(This wasn't the first time either. When LEGS and I moved to Alabama, right before I shipped the dogs down, he attacked another dog. The dog he attacked was very small and almost died. LEGS and I paid the Vet bill, and at one point were discussing how we were going to afford getting Jake down to Alabama since he just spent his plane ticket money....Because LEGS loves me so much, and knew what I was giving up to join him, he came up with the funds to get Jake down to Alabama. The Vet said he probably had behaved that way due to the extreme stress of transition)
It had become an issue, this aggressiveness, and everybody was trying to figure out how to fix the problem. Bringing him over here, (which is impossible with the aggression problem- in NNL the first bite is death, whereas in America the first bite is free), finding him an alternative home that could give him what he requires, and SISSY was desperately trying to give Jake everything he needed to be a good boy.
I was experiencing an incredibly amount of agitation, concern and guilt over the situation. SISSY was breaking under the pressure to do right by me, LEGS and I were feeling terrible for letting Jake down, I was feeling angry that we had left him to come here in the first place, The Daddy was at a loss for solutions....but we all just held our breath and started to pray.
A few weeks later, Jake attacked Snickers. Snickers is also a Min Pin like Karmella, she is the equivalent of Karmella to SISSY. I got a desperate call from SISSY that there was blood all over the house and that Jake had once again crossed the line.
It was clear. He heart was TOO BROKEN FOR LIFE. As much as we had tried- which was a lot- we just couldn't save Jake. This has been an underlying reality and tone in my life these past few years. Sometimes no matter how hard you try or how much you work, or how badly you want it- you can't save "them"......
I NEVER thought it possible to EXPERIENCE this kind of GREIF over a dog, but all I could think of was how much he had been there for me, and how I have failed to be there for him now.....OH MY JAKEY BOY, our lives are so INTERWOVEN it will take more than an angel to detangle us....
We all had one day. I was alone in NEVER NEVER LAND...(GO FIGURE) and SISSY was spending Jakes last day doing all the things he likes to do. Long walks, fetch with a tennis ball, sleeping like a human in the big bed, eating lots of treats and bones, being unconditionally pet and loved, being the center of attention....
That day......I cried so much I thought I was having a nervous breakdown. I wailed, I sobbed, I shed a few tears, I got angry, wailed some more, cried some more. I just couldn't stop crying. Karmella never left my side, her ears were the first to catch my tears, she licked my face as we laid on the hard wood floor and mourned our beloved Jake The Snake. I felt like I had really failed something I really loved.....I HAD FAILED something that I LOVE......
"The best friend man has in the world may turn against him and become his enemy. His son, or daughter, that he has reared with loving care, may prove ungrateful. Those who are nearest and dearest to us, those whom we trust with our happiness and good name may become traitors to their faith. The money a man has he may lose. It flies away from him, perhaps when he needs it most. A man's reputation may be sacrificed in a moment of ill-considered action. The people who are prone to fall on their knees when success is with us may be the first to throw the stone of malice when failure settles its cloud upon our head.
The one absolutely unselfish friend that man can have in this selfish world, the one that never deserts him, the one that never proves ungrateful or treacherous, is his dog. A man's dog stands by him in prosperity and poverty, in health and in sickness. He will sleep on the cold ground when the wintry winds blow and the snow drives fiercely, if only to be near his master's side. He will kiss the hand that has no food to offer, he will lick the wounds and sores that come in encounters with the roughness of the world. He guards the sleep of his pauper master as if he were a prince.
When all other friends desert, he remains. When riches take wing, and reputation falls to pieces, he is as constant in his love as the sun in its journey through the heavens.
If fortune drives his master forth, an outcast in the world, friendless and homeless, the faithful dog asks no higher privilege than that of accompanying him, to guard him against danger, to fight against his enemies. And when that last scene of all comes, and death takes his master in its embrace and his body is laid away in the cold ground, no matter if all other friends pursue their way, there, by the graveside will the noble dog be found, his head between his paws, his eyes sad, but open in alert watchfulness, faithful and true, even in death."
(Senator George Graham Vest, speaking to a jury about his dog, Old Drum, shot in 1869) **
Sometimes I get angry....I am exhausted, my eyes are red and swollen from crying, I get angry because I am married, I took a vow, I walked down the aisle I meant every line and I did it so I wouldn't be alone...and here I am alone....Karmella knows I have a broken heart, she won't leave my side, here I am relying on, being comforted, talking and crying to and being UNCONDITIONALLY LOVED by another canine....**
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| I cried in my keyboard when I found these-SISSY with JAKE |
I sought comfort, and words by looking on the internet for pet loss sympathies......and boy did I find a few things that REALLY grasp what a DOG is TO ME.....
All DOGS GO TO HEAVEN.......I received the call.....Jake was laid to rest.
You are my other eyes that can see above the clouds; my other ears that hear above the winds. You are the part of me that can reach out to sea. You have told me a thousand times over that I am your reason for being; by the way you rest against my leg (which you Jake did to everybody); by the way you them your tail at my smallest smile; by the way you show your hurt when I leave without take you (I am sorry- that I left you and separated you from Clancy- I am sorry that I broke your heart.) I think it makes you sick with worry when you are not along to care for me.) When I am wrong you are delighted to forgive (which is the ONLY thing that is SAVING MY SPIRIT RIGHT NOW) When I am angry, you clown to make me smile. When I am happy, you are joy unbounded. When I am a fool, you ignore it. When I succeed, you brag.
Without you, I am only another girl. With you, I am all-powerful. You are loyalty itself. You have taught me the meaning of devotion. With you, I know a secret comfort and a private peace. You have brought me understanding where before I was ignorant. Your head on my knee can heal my human hurts. Your presence by my side is protection against my fears of dark and unknown things.
I hope you promise to wait for me....whenever....wherever- in case I need you. And I expect I will- as I always have. You are just my dog.
(Gene Hill)
JAKE THE SNAKE
Fall 2003- Fall 2011
MY GUARDIAN THEN AND NOW.....
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| Always WATCHING...Always GUARDING....THE BLACK KNIGHT |
Sometimes....I get very ANGRY...I am exhausted, my eyes are red and swollen from crying, I get ANGRY because I am married, I took a vow, walked down the aisle- I meant EVERY LINE and I did it so I wouldn't be alone....and here I am alone....(I haven't even told LEGS our DOG IS DEAD!)....Karmella knows I have a broken heart, she won't leave my side, here I am relying on, being comforted by, talking and crying to, and being UNCONDITIONALLY LOVED by another CANINE....(IRONY BLOWS)....
On this night.....I had one of the loneliest nights I have ever had in recent memory....I literally cried myself to sleep, I am sure I had many of these nights when LEGS was deployed last but I have forgotten how bad it really can be.....
"If you have a dog, you will most likely outlive it; to get a dog is to open yourself to a profound joy and, prospectively, to equally profound sadness." Marjorie Garber
While my heart is just sick with despair, I am so glad I was able to experience that kind of love, and I think it has gotten even more serious with Karmella because of her I did not cry alone last night....
It just goes to show you that this lifestyle is FULL of sacrifices that MOST PEOPLE don't even think of or COMPREHEND.....
Do me a favor- LOVE YOUR PET tonight and be thankful that you are able to cry on the shoulder of the one you love, be thankful that the one you love is right next to you- during the trials and tribulations of life.......some are not as fortunate.....
LEGS is away.....
So....if he could read this or I could talk to him these are the things I would say....
I was ALMOST BRAVE tonight....I made dinner, and sat at the kitchen table by myself to eat it- no TV or book, just me eating by myself...I did sit in your chair though....and than Princess Peach showed up and chatted me up while I ate....that is why I was ALMOST BRAVE...I do miss you....I slept last night on my "side" just like you were next to me.....LOVE YOU LEGS...
The other night- I was in bed and took my nightly meds- like I ALWAYS DO, a pill got caught in my throat and I started choking....I panicked, got off the bed and ran to the bathroom, I was able to get the pill dislodged by hitting my chest as hard as I could and breathing out really hard, I kept thinking how scared I was, I kept thinking I would be dead in the house and nobody would find me , how scared Karmella would be....at least if we had a child they could call the emergency number, so....IF I am not knocked up by the time you leave- I am purposing one of those necklaces old people wear to alert people they have fallen.....
I watched a romantic movie, part way through I busted out the rainbow nerds Queen Di sent despite my ambition to remain disciplined on ADVOCARE, its rainy and windy, Karmella keeps barking at nothing and the house is making strange noises- IM FREAKIN OUT OVER HERE MAN! I miss you....wish you were here to play with my hair...Meet me tonight?
Love you boopy....
Call me.....not because I NEED you....but just because I WANT you too...
DEAR LEGS, My "TIFFANY'S" are starting to get a little PSYCHO.....that is all....Love on ya, ARMS
Random Thoughts:
I always thought people who used Mac's and REFUSED to use PC's were NUTS....UNTIL I got one. I absolutely LOVE LOVE LOVE my MAC and I LOVED MY IPHONE....I MISS...MY IPHONE....the man who created these two very delightful things once said "I WANT pt out a DING in the UNIVERSE"....Me too buddy and I THANK YOU for giving me the tools to attempt such a crusade....GOD SPEED MR. JOBS...
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| MISS YOU JAKE! |
A day of GRIEF in the life of an unlikely military wife....**
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