WEATHER: ITS FALL! and a chilly one, every morning has been frosty and every night clear as a bell.....
EXCHANGE RATE: 1 USD = $1.38
THANKFULLY! The last two weeks haven't been so crazy. Its always funny like that. The LOST BOYZ leave out, everybody panic's, there is a bunch of household/maintainance/childcare issues and then.....it all calms down, everybody gets into their routine, everything starts flowing, jiving and running along smoothly.......
I have had more time to focus on my home projects. Queen Di would be so proud, I finally overcame my fear of the sewing machine. I completed all the mending in the household and almost finished a WHOLE POT HOLDER. I only spent one hour picking thread out of the machine....giggles...
In preparation for the GRAND HOMECOMING me and 4 other girls took a trip to NUREMBERG to embark on a day of a BRAZILLIAN CUSTOMS....to get BRAZILLIANS.....fun times, we all piled into a van and took the waxing place by storm.....
I have missed LEGS and felt more lonely this past week. I have got to stop eating dinner at the breakfast bar in the kitchen, I just sit there while chewing my food in silence, gazing at LEGS' and I's engagement/wedding guest book picture, by the time I am on the third bite I start feeling lonely, fifth bite sad, sixth pathetic and before I complete the meal I am crying in it because of how much I miss him......
I have been feeling so sorry for myself that I started to take it out on him....I was complaining to LEGS about the loneliness this military lifestyle forces me to endure, in response he wrote to me some of the most profound words I have possibly ever received from him, they are as follows:
'Tiff a long time ago, you made a decision, a decision that changes your life for the better. You found a man that will treat you the way you deserve, one far better than those around us, others in your family, one that will love you unconditionally....you say you did not want this life, but do you really want a different one? i think that this life will keep us together growing old and being happy. Distance sucks but so does divorce, we have not gotten this far because we spent time together, we got this far because we work at it and we genuinely care for one another, you say you never wanted this life but did you want this love? Only a few people on the planet love this much, like this....143-
MY DEAR LEGS- I DID WANT THIS LOVE- I WANT IT AND I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR IT.....143.....
So with this lonely and sad frame of mind....I stupidly subjected myself to another Doctor's Appointment on Government Health Care........
BABY FRONT:
MISS DOT has not come.....despite my best hopes she would.
And.....I'm not pregnant......
The not pregnant thing doesn't bother me nearly as much as the lack of having a normal period since MAY! So I scheduled an appointment. The first thing the Doctor says when she walks in a room is "Why are you here today?"
I don't know why....but this question just ticked me off.....
So I tell her I am not pregnant and I haven't had a period. She tells me I should wait longer, that my body will figure it out soon enough.
I tell her all of my concerns......(my last labs indicated EXTREMELY LOW ESTROGEN)
LOW ESTROGEN raises the risk of:
Osteoperosis
Heart Disease
Premature Ovarian Failure
Failure to get Pregnant
AND....
Thyroid disorders.....so now I am wondering which came first? The chicken or the egg?
She says that she will call somebody for me and get a second opinion.....Gee really? Thanks.....
She comes back with a completely different attitude after speaking to a person in OB/GYN. They decided to run a bunch of tests on me- to include:
Thyroid Check
Estrogen Check
LH/FSH- Ovulation hormones
Testosterone
Poly-cystic Ovarian Syndrome- they check the blood to see if I have elevated amounts of certain hormones that would indicate this syndrome...
I left the appointment feeling sad.....
I felt sad because I hate having to be so pushy to get the care that I would have gotten when I paid for it myself. I feel sad because I know how badly LEGS wants kids and how badly I want kids, and it just seems like its going to take us some time to work out these obstacles.....
At this point its not even really about getting pregnant, which would be great, its more about finding out why my body isn't getting back to normal....
I was crying on SKYPE to THE DADDY about this exact appointment and the feelings I was having.....
He was being so sweet....For those of you who don't know my father- at least during my childhood, he was always a hard a**, never showing emotion/affection....not sure if its his old age, or my new step mom, or a combination of them both, but he said:
"I feel weird telling you this, but with LEGS going to WAR, maybe you should think about.........
Surrogacy
Mayo Clinic
LEGS checking a sample into a Sperm Bank......
At the time it was a very emotional response, but looking back on this now- its quite hysterical.....
During all this conversation, Karmella started barking and I could swear I heard LEGS' voice.....
I DID HEAR HIS VOICE! HE SURPRISED ME BY COMING HOME EARLY!
I was so happy because it seems as though this hitch in the field has left me dealing with more than one emotional pit fall....first I had to handle the loss of JAKE, and now a startling set back in our future plans to be parents.......LEGS, ALWAYS makes me feel better, he always calms my nerves and makes me feel at home again in my own body and mind........
The first thing he asked me is if I wanted to go to dinner. Since we really had no feasible options for dinner I was delighted at the thought. He told me that while he was gone he did a lot of thinking.....he said he made a couple of decisions. One decision is that he was going to "put the romance back into our marriage."
I have never felt that our lives were devoid of romance, or that my marriage was not full of love, consideration and tenderness......so I was momentarily dumbfounded, and left questioning what he could possibly mean.....
But after getting on the train, walking down the street, eating dinner over a few cocktails, all hand in hand and close to one another in the frigid air, while sharing the parts of our lives that had just been separated by the distance I began to see what he meant.....
He also told me that we would no longer being "TRYING SO HARD" to get pregnant......PHEW! I am so glad it wasn't just me that found that so annoyingly pesky and completely UNROMANTIC.....
BTW- that particular lift seemed to take affect IMMEDIATELY with a record number of WHOOPI's ;)
And when.....THE LOST BOYZ return....and a new kind of chaos ensues....
Every time LEGS comes home I have to get re-acquainted with him. There I was telling him, what I thought was a funny story, and he just sat there and starred at me like I had just told him the news of a family death.....I told him, I am not used to being around you, all my friends laugh and give me verbal/non verbal cues and you just sit there......
He called me to pick him up, the weather was too bad for him to fly out. So I hopped in the tank in my night gown and a hoodie to go and pick him up. I sat in the car for 45 minutes, waiting for him, before I got frustrated enough and ballzy enough to exit my car in a my linen nightgown to fetch him.....
There were several times during his two day visit home, where he would do something that would thoroughly anger me, I would scream 'HONEY!?'.....I would take a breath and he would say 'What?' I would just smile and say 'I LOVE YOU.....'
And just like that.....he was gone again......
I came home today and cleaned up the gigantic mess he left for me....and I snagged the hoodie he wore last night out of the dirty clothes basket...so that I could lay it over his pillow and pretend he is still here......
I wasn't sick of him yet........
FITNESS STATUS:
I have been holding a workout group. We have been hitting the gym really hard, most of the days I have left the gym walking like I have a sick up my Beyonce'. I woke up sore a lot this week.
I think that people who read my blog and facebook posts assume that staying fit and eating right is easy for me....STOP....its not....on Sunday I ate an ENTIRE box of cookies....I have weaknesses, fears, mental blocks just like everybody else, I REFUSE to eat broccoli every single meal for the rest of my life because it doesn't taste good....but I also refuse to let these obstacles keep me from what I want, and what I want is this: When I die....I want to show up to my grave broken, tore out the frame, I want my body to resemble somebody who really LIVED....and I want to LIVE for a very long time.....
Its always so refreshing and heartwarming for me to see these women, working so hard.....Its refreshing to see people taking control of their lives....
I am excited about our group, there is a one girl who is an extreme runner- so she is in better shape than me, all the way down to people who never work out. I feel like its the perfect hierarchy because one person is better than the next person and so on and so forth.....on top of that we have a great group of personalities even though one girl is in better shape the girl who is below her has a better attitude....
I have been working really hard, every day I come home and research a workout, so that its always changing, its always challenging, and everybody is benefitting from it.
We did a cross fit workout. For the next three days in order to get down the stairs I would lock my knees- because I was literally incapable of bending them, I would hover my foot over the stairs and pitch my chin out over my toe and let gravity take its course.....
I made a major achievement this week. I currently weigh ONE HUNDRED THRITY TWO POUNDS. This is my fight weight. I really cannot believe I was able to reach it- being that when I used to be down at this weight I was skipping dinner, watching my water consumption and working out 6 hours a day. ADVOCARE WORKS. ENOUGH SAID.
RANDOM THOUGHTS:
I stole this from the girl I fought in the GOLDEN GLOVE CHAMPIONSHIPS 2010:
'I'm not a regular girl. I can't have petite arms and shoulders, soft hands and the bridge of my nose isn't so straight. Most of the time I don't stand knee to knee, I always have my balance. A stance that is wide, like the field of my soul, and its filled with only the purest of will. A girl that is a fighter, is not a regular girl. '
It couldn't be more perfect of a BREAST CANCER AWARENESS WALK I did with my GIRLZ- SAVE THE FUN BAGS!
I have the mouth of a sailor, I need to slow my roll and clean up my verbage, I have a friend that inspired me to do this. So far, its not been going so well.....but I am still trying......I am working on myself.....
JUST ANOTHER WEEK IN THE LIFE OF AN UNLIKELY MILITARY WIFE....**
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