Dear LEGS: I have lost the light behind my eyes...**

DEAR LEGS:
072812
Day 83

A LONG LETTER:

"I have become....comfortably numb." -Pink Floyd 

I haven't written.

I lose the moment, the inspiration....I have lost the light behind my eyes.....what do people see now when they look at me? Do they see the obvious vacancy, the emptiness.....what do they feel when they are around me? Do they feel the apathy? The numbness?

And the truth is I have finally settled being without you.....the truth is.....I hardly FEEL anything anymore......

There was a time when I cried all the time. When I felt the sadness, the loneliness, the mania, the worry, the panic, the impending sense of doom.....all at once long into the depths and far into reaches of my existence.....

But now......I am NUMB. It scares me, I have become a monster.....if you burned me alive I wouldn't even cry out......this numbness.....I can't EVEN feel that I am numb because it doesn't totally engulf me.....its a black hole in my soul.....sucking parts of my daily happiness, daily sadness, my daily satisfaction, my daily apathy.....it never lets me fully experience these emotions, it robs me of half of my feelings.....and the other half are so weak and small and faint....its like they don't even exist.....

Its like tasting food when half your tongue is burnt, or watching a sporting event in such bad seats you can't tell what is going on.....its like fighting a fight without your vision.....

I have tried to cry.....I sit there....my face starts to wrinkle, I tell myself its okay if it comes out....I push a little you know try to get that wail going......and then I just stop.....my face returns to normal and I realize how silly I look....I have tried to conjure up some worrying thoughts.....or some sort of rise in my stress levels....I try to stoke the flames of my emotions to convince myself I can still feel something....but nothing ever comes.....

I wish some thing would knock me back. That I would have a few days when the sobering reality would backhand my apathetic face.....shake me to my core and help me be human again......

I don't like being comfortable without you. I don't like operating on a daily basis not aching, pining and missing you every single second of every single day. It makes me feel like a horrible wife.....like I don't love you as much as I should. It makes me feel like psychopath.......people assure me its a coping mechanism ...but somehow this explanation just doesn't cut through my fear of being a monster.....

Its not heartless and soul- less....its just that....nothing......and no one.....satisfies me the way you do.....I tell myself that if I spend time with people, friends, if I have good food, a long sleep and a glass of wine that I will be filled up with something other than emptiness.....you, you are what makes me human, what keeps me ALIVE.....you are what makes me FEEL ALIVE.......this is what purgatory must feel like......

When I think of what my life would look like if something happens to you I get so scared and frightened....I don't even have children to live for......what would my life look like? I am almost 30 years old....I have no children, no job, my whole life is about you......who would want such damaged goods? And would children even be an option for me after you? No.....they wouldn't. Because I am not one of those people that could pick up the pieces and move on fast enough to have a child.....it makes it hard to see past...into the future....to have hope....

Sometimes I think that I am actually happy and that I am okay....its during these moments I try very hard to remember all the details of the way you make me feel.....and then I remember.....

And after I remember I return to the existence that I now occupy.....

The desperation.....rips and claws away at my flesh.....it leaves me exposed and gives me no chance at self-respect....how I long for physical touch, for somebody to look me in the eye, to eat with somebody, to have a sentilating conversation, a laugh....of real genuine quality, a thirst for something only you can give me .....that skin on skin contact, but not just from anybody.....from your hands that are as gentle as a silk robe drifting over my back.......the desperation and vacancy make it so hard for me to be fully present in the minutes and hours, with others, I feel distracted because I am always reaching for that ALIVE feeling......

I don't play music in the house nearly as often as I used to.....I have accepted the silence.....I do however spend more time talking to the dog.....she looks at me as if I am mad.....I don't know why- she doesn't look at me LIKE I am mad....because I am......its like she holds out hope that I am not.....I wonder what a kick it would be to film what I do alone.....

Mid tour is coming.....I am excited, but also nervous.....The only time I can feel anything is when I think of seeing you again.....I get choked up, and tears well in my eyes.....and then I think of saying goodbye to you again.....

The anger that waves over me is so incredible that I think of that moment passing.....I think that once you walk away from me again.......I will no longer believe in the good in the world, I feel as if I will have gone to the dark side and I won't ever come back......

I try to be stimulated by the ordinary......I look up at the sky....sending out my prayers, I send you thoughts....but alas no body answers back....

This life is hard...I keep telling myself its the one that I have chosen and I still find solace in the small blessings...

I guess I just wonder what comes after STRONG.....I have been strong for so long I don't even know what it feels like not to be....and maybe we are all really alone.....because nobody really knows all of your thoughts and feelings- maybe any of the joyous times we spend with others is just.....a temporary distraction to the real trials of life...and in the end....don't we end up ALONE anyway?

Perhaps relying on anybody or even feeling as ALIVE as I have felt with you is only a glimpse of heaven.....and most of our days are spent like animals......eating, sleeping, and surviving.....one thing is for certain....I am not LIVING.....I am just EXISTING....

Just another day in the life of an unlikely military wife.....**

Dear LEGS: Queen DI and 50 Shades of SKYPE....**

Dear LEGS
072412
Day 79

A NOTE:

I received this email from QUEEN DI a few days ago and I cannot stop laughing.....

Dear Tiffany-

Maybe we can skype this weekend. I am kind of freaked out by skype because last Thursday I was just leaving it on because of everyone being so far away, and someone called and I answered and it was Rex somebody who had so shirt on and probably nothing else on either. Yuck, I didn't turn my camera on so he couldn't see me. How does that happen that someone calls you that doesn't know you? Anyway I will try and leave it on over the weekend when I am here.

Love Queen Di


I hope that this NOTE makes you laugh, and finds you safe and well......


I LOVE you TO ETERNITY for INFINITY......


BIRDIE**

Just another day in the LIFE of an UNLIKELY MILITARY WIFE......**

Dear LEGS....to HELL and BACK....**

Dear LEGS.....
061612
Day 40


A LETTER


Love seeketh not itself to please, nor for itself hath any care, but for another gives its ease, and builds a Heaven in Hell's despair.
-William Blake

I had such a good day at boxing.....it was a reflection of how hard I have worked and how far I have come.  I came home to a full house....we had a small BBQ for the WIVES....it made me happy to laugh, share, eat, and hold babies.....it also felt good to have a few cocktails for the first time since you left.....


BUT.......


Then you called me.......and you seemed to be falling apart......you were falling apart....


I can't begin to tell you.....that sometimes I feel as if my deployment life has become one of large quantities of mini-crisis's......


So.....I wrote this piece in a panic.....


I wonder.....sometimes....about how things work.....it seems as though our blissful days are long gone.....and now the grim reaper follows me everywhere.....the days seem longer, harder and more jading......


I have been feeling like I am paying to whatever, whomever, wherever, whenever, however.....for this INCREDIBLE LOVE we share......we always PAY MORE....for LOVE......


We are taught that we pay for our "sins"......it has me wondering.....if there is actually 8 deadly sins instead of seven.  Pride. Sloth. Wrath. Gluttony. Envy. Greed. Lust. Seven.


Do you think LOVE....is a sin too?  Because your killing me man.......it seems like I pay more for LOVE than I do any other virtue or sin in my life........more for LOVE, always MORE for LOVE....


The LOVE that we share....romantic LOVE.  Every time you leave I feel like parts of me die.  I feel angry, desperate, lonely, I feel quicker to hate, more guarded, defensive.....scared and scared of myself....these dues are so heavy.....I feel like they warp who I am......


Familial LOVE.....most of the families I know can't be honest, don't speak to one another, don't help and support each other the way they should.....and they ALL have sinister secrets that bleed out into every body's lives....manifesting some dysfunction and issues we attempt to change or avoid.....


A mother's LOVE.....isn't it really selfish at the end of the day?  Yes....she loans her body out for nine months, and spends YEARS if not her ENTIRE life, nourishing, nurturing and caring for this person.....but so many people I know are not thankful for their parents.....and if they are it is always much too little too late.....when you have a child....and trust me I fantasize all the time of doing so....I think of happy times- a rewarding relationship that I cherish in life......but what happens when your child disappoints you? hurts you? or neglects your relationship?


What are you willing to pay for LOVE?


Money.  Time.  Work.  Distance.  Transition.  Uncertainty.  What about a burden?  The kind of burden that a human with a conscience could never recover from?


What are you willing to pay?


What about a LIFE or Situation that will go with you to the grave?


LOVE.....is about personal gratification.....giving it and receiving it....so....are you willing to give LOVE no matter the cost?  Even if it means that person will never be able to return it? Or give it to you how you need it?  What if you fall in love with somebody and they become so damaged they are no longer the same person....what about then?


When somebody is going through something so horrible and all you want to do is hug them and comfort them and LOVE them.....is that what YOU want....is that what YOU need to feel better about yourself or....is it really for them?


Maybe every couple has a sin....something dark...something they just can't overcome....having a child, cheating, death, guilt, greed....maybe every couple....goes through life together with this one sin or obstacle that forever changes the relationship.....since humans are so complicated....is it that far fetched to believe every couple has an obstacle or secret or darkness between them....?


Maybe at the end of the day our relationships are the sum of all the flaws....all those imperfections that other people would discard you for from the very beginning...maybe what makes us work is the very same thing we would break off and disapprove from complete strangers...


This month of death is challenging all of my logic, all of the things I thought I knew and understood about life.....its exhausting trying to understand things that are not be understood....


Those days or nights where you just have to sit and feel the pain....there is nothing you can take, or say or do, nobody that could offer up the comfort that is necessary to dampen the blow....when you must just sit and feel it.....


I swear that I have never felt so low in my entire life.....I woke up tell myself to dig deep, but my conscious mind kept telling me there was NOTHING left to GRAB......my psyche could not overcome this incredible emotional storm we both are going through..... I scare myself when I am like this.....we scare me when we are like this.....


I will have you know....that I CLING tenaciously to you and us and our love when I feel this way.....I think its because we BOTH KNOW....that we would LITERALLY GO TO HELL AND BACK FOR EACH OTHER.....so.....at the end of this....while we might be damaged, old beyond our years, weepy, guarded, a little crazy......we will surely accept each other, be these things together, hear, understand, empathize, sympathize and LOVE hungrily at the dark parts of ourselves......


Here's to the darkness in our future......because I am willing to go to HELL and BACK as long as I am with you......

I LOVE YOU TO INFINITY FOR ETERNITY.....


BIRDIE**


Just another day in the life of an unlikely military wife.....**

Dear LEGS: Do you think we PAY for LOVE?**

Dear LEGS
061112
Day 35


A LETTER:


The price we pay for love is grief- Elizabeth


I stared at the painting I made of you today....I stood there looking at it for a long time.....after awhile I decided to get moving....my passing thoughts as I walked away was that was the closet I have felt to you since you left.....just gazing at my recreation of you, the way I always think of you in my mind...

It makes me sad that I am already forgetting you....all your little habits, quirks, all the facial expressions you make....I'm forgetting what it feels like to be touched, and held.....and these things are so important to a person's make up.......


I physically feel as if one side of my heart is growing larger.....larger in the sense that I am becoming more thankful for the little things in life, larger because though I knew it not possible under these circumstances....I have more love to give you.....but its shrinking on the other side, the side that controls who I am as a person, what kind of emotional state I am in, and because when your gone it feels almost impossible to love myself.....

I feel insecure all the time.  Vulnerable in the worst and brutally desperate way.  I second guess everything I do.  I worry all the time.  I wonder more often what people think of me and I have become increasingly paranoid about ridiculous, frivolous, imaginative sentiments......

I fall into bed at night feeling lonely, cold and sad.....I desperately cling to Karmella for warmth and company......Every single shift in the universe has me up in the middle of the night, a phone call, a skype notification, sometimes its not a thing that I can determine, just my eyes shoot open and I wonder if everything is alright.....I lay in bed alone and listen to the train rush through the middle of town....nobody to know that I heard it, no other witness to find comfort in that sound....


My dreams are a cruel joke.......they taunt me with things that I want and can't have, or feelings that I wish I could feel, or being touched but not physically drawing any satisfaction from it.....but....even in my dreams I know....that I am going to wake up to reality......


I rise in the morning and I feel as if I haven't slept a wink.....


Our conversations are so interrupted and bizarre.....it doesn't even feel like we are the same people....I write so that you still know me, I write so that you know my thoughts I write because I love you so much.....and though I was wishing and hoping for a seamless return- that has been dashed with the recent events and my adverse reaction to it.....

Every once in awhile especially when things are heavy it helps to watch or experience something that gives us hope.....or to remember that our love is powerful......That even in our minds.....we will die believing....believing that we were star crossed, destiny realized, fate accomplished, soul mates in true love......


I am working on my faith.....even if I question it and worry that my wishes and hopes may not turn into a reality, I wake up every day believing whole heartedly, that you will return, that we will make it through this......because I can't answer the big questions, I turn to faith.....because thats all I have found there to be......


There is this one thing that I question, it nags me, and harasses me in the back of my mind.....its the premise that when good things happen, we thank the UNIVERSE, and when bad things happen we pray to the same ENTITY.....and we speak of being strong and getting through this.....which in our minds was sent from the same thing that we thanked for all of our luck before.....doesn't that seem so foolish?


I need something to hope for, to be inspired about, I need more of your presence in my life....I feel as if I am spinning aimlessly through the world, I am playing with fire to feel alive, and in the between times I feel numb and apathetic....please don't tell me that this is the cost....the cost of the LOVE we have been lucky enough to share between us......perhaps it is.....perhaps.....the price we pay for LOVE is GREIF.....


LEGS....do you think we PAY for LOVE?  Do you think that this is the COST of our romance?

LOVE ON YA- BIRDIE**


Just another day in the life of an unlikely military wife......**

Dear LEGS: Just in case...**

Dear LEGS.....
060112
Day 26


A LETTER


For one human being to love another; that is perhaps the most difficult of all our tasks, the ultimate, the last test and proof, the work for which all other work is but preparation. -Rainer Maria Rilke

Just in case......Okay.  So I have decided that if something should ever happen to me......it is my wish that you live a life that will rival the one we currently have.....in order for this to occur you simply NEED another COMPANION....to take care of you......


I am taking the initiative here and writing your personal ad or online dating profile so that you won't have to bother with it, I mean let's face it your spelling and typing abilities are deplorable, and this will ensure you get some good bites......And before you protest Ill have you know that I went through a lot of trouble for this- I even did RESEARCH....like REAL RESEARCH.....


It is as follows:


I am putting out a world wide request for support   You see, I have lost my world....and I need to find a new one.  Since my world has often been imitated but it could never be duplicated, I am in search for a new planet.  I have a couple of leads, assurances, and good authority that give me hope that its possible to find a new planet to inhabit, including a vague description of a place where I could THRIVE...


This new planet is female, she appears to be between 27 and 36 years old (years are subject to change- but I would recommend only several years above or below), but is definitely a "young" version of her age she is fit, strong, and energetic.  She has high maintenance looks but a down to earth attitude.  


She loves people, travel, cooking, she is artistic, larger than life, and sensitive but tough.  She may be found at a shooting range, an airplane, a zombie apocalypse survivor course,  on the road cycling, having an IPA at a cool pub, rescuing somebody or something, or possibly working with children, the unfortunate, or otherwise helpless.  


I have conflicting reports that she's unique and talks a lot, even too much, she is also very nosey and will interrogate me on a daily basis.  She is intelligent, independent, a hard worker and gutsy, a dreamer of sorts. 


She doesn't mind co-habitating with a man who is sometimes messy and unorganized, in fact she knows exactly where every single thing I could ever possibly need is.....she also doesn't mind long silences, my obsession with google, and my often semi-banana pipe dreams.  She has children or wishes to have children, my previous world thought that I would make a good father to any child that needed it.  


She would also enjoy my childlike infatuation with the world, my desire to live for others in some fashion, and my ability to play the part of a super hero.  


If this new planet can be found, I can offer the reward of a lifetime.....a strong, honorable, and courageous adventurer, a steady man who enjoys being spooned, long baths, a gentle calm, a safe place,  a constant supporter of any dreams and desires, a open minded and intelligent approach to life, a loyal friend, talented lover, that becomes more and more handsome as the years pass......a man in search for a companion to live a life that will rival the previous chapter- which cannot even be captured on the silver screen or in books......If you think you may have found my planet, or know where it might be, please contact me.  


This is the picture I would also advise you to use:

LOVE ON YA- BIRDIE**


Just another day in the life of an unlikely military wife...**

Dear LEGS: Are we WORTHY?**

Dear LEGS...
053112
Day 24


A LETTER


What we have done for ourselves alone dies with us; what we have done for others and the world remains and is immortal.
-Albert Pike



Everybody has been touched by the loss....not one person around here does not have that sad look in their eyes, the fear.....the slouch that happens when your burdens are heavy, and your sleep is broken and filled with worry.....nobody has the words or has the courage to say something....or to avoid the conversation.....its as if we are all trapped in a storm and our ship of hope and positivity has been wrecked....we are all bobbing in the ocean dangerously close to the rocks......


I cannot describe to you the utter sadness in entering a widows home......the Irish blessing on the outside of the door that promises to treat every person who crosses the threshold as family, the proclamations of love given from one spouse to another, the photos, the keepsakes and the items that define and encapsulate a person....and their mark on the world.....it makes me think of what people would know about us, about our life and our love together......


It is my wish that they would see, a once in a blue moon love story, and just like the ones on the silver screen, two people that have fought hard, loved hard and overcome so many obstacles to be together....a love that has created miracles within each other, a love that will be remembered and rival all fairy tales, famous loves, a love that will make history....and be written about in books......and will posses a magic that cannot be illustrated, or written or captured....a love that will really be forever, that is infinite and will last for eternity.....an out of this realm, world, and universe kind of love....one that can only be explained by the supernatural, the miraculous, and GOD himself.....because, to me, that is the kind of LOVE we have.....


I sat in the tub tonight...because what else can I do to heal?  I thought of the soapy water taking all the anger out of me.....all the pain and sadness....and leaving only the scares on my soul....the little pieces of my innocence....my nativity......my fresh untouched self....marred by the pain I have seen, the losses I have bared, the burdens I carry....the guilt.....


What can be drawn from these tragedies?  What can I do better...well.....I can be.....a more humble, grateful, thankful, appreciative person.....even for the little things.....the air in my lungs....the heart beating in my chest, water to wash away the dirt, and the pain, the blood pumping through my veins......my spirit....my whole LIFE even the hard, unfair, challenging parts of it......


I think of the physical pains.....my swollen ankle the pain it has caused me all day, the limp I permanently possess....my knee, my back.....the wrinkles in my face....the age and wisdom that has diminished my young self.....


The fact that I still have YOU....that we again dodged a bullet....and the sincerest, deepest hope that we will be reunited......


Obtaining satisfaction from my daily labors, taking care of this body, loving people, teaching, learning, living hard and loving hard and fighting hard for the right in the world.....


Defending the prices that those I have been honored to walk among, witness and know.....I absolutely dread the day I ever have to defend those prices.......


I think of how horribly painful it is to me when people don't take off their hats, or remain silent for the national anthem.......


I think of the possibility of people forgetting about us....forgetting about the prices, tolls, and scars that we all carry and will always carry......I think of them dying with us.....or time passing and diminishing our recollections...so I write....I write so that somebody many years from now will know that we were REAL, that we were HERE........that we were SIGNIFICANT.......


And I always come to the end of this long train of thought wondering ONE THING........


ARE WE WORTHY?


and.....my answer is always NO...NO we are NOT WORTHY to be alive, and to live at the cost of these individuals lives...........which is why I live in fear.......


It hurts me to admit......that if I died tomorrow.....I would not be sad that my time is up, with the exception of ONE. KEY. ELEMENT.  I would FOREVER regret.....that I have not made the people in my life know how special they are to me.....by making them feel the way that I want them to feel....


We all say it....but do we "act" it?  Do we really SHOW people how we feel?  

LOVE ON YA- BIRDIE**


Just another day in the life of an unlikely military wife......**

Dear LEGS: The sound of FREEDOM....**

Dear LEGS
Memorial Day
Day 22


A LETTER


We will remember them....**


Memorial Day of 2012 was beautiful.  The sun was shining, the sky was blue and the weather was absolutely perefect.  I had no idea when I posted this poem on facebook that morning that I would be the most frightened version of myself that I can recall in recent memory.


They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old:
Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning
We will remember them.


They mingle not with their laughing comrades again;
They sit no more at familiar tables of home;
They have no lot in our labour of the day-time;


But where our desires are and our hopes profound,
Felt as a well-spring that is hidden from sight,
To the innermost heart of their own land they are known
As the stars are known to the Night;


As the stars that shall be bright when we are dust,
Moving in marches upon the heavenly plain;
As the stars that are starry in the time of our darkness,
To the end, to the end, they remain.


REMEMBER. REMEMBER over this LONG weekend what its REALLY ABOUT........


And REMEMBER I SHALL FOR THE REST OF MY DAYS ON THIS EARTH......

Its incredible to me sometimes how people will speak about Memorial Day, and they will speak about the military......and people in the military or tied to the military will speak about "Military Family"  but nobody ever wants to do the hard things.  Nobody ever wants to acknowledge or feel fully the total cost of serving for something bigger and greater.......


I went over to help pack up and prepare the house for the widow who lost her husband in the motorcycle crash just a week prior.  I knew that this would be difficult, but I told myself that this is the least I could do......I could give this women something tangible, I could comfort her friends, and I could HELP........I could DO SOMETHING......

It was a difficult day.......especially when drawing to the conclusion that FOUR DAUGHTERS will go through life without their father.  It made me think of my sisters and I.  The FOUR of us would NEVER BE who we are today without the presence of our father......it was so hard that I am permeanantly marked for life......

The WIFEY and I decided to have dinner together.  We sat there at the table....good food, beautiful sunset...champagne.....we celebrated Memorial Day....we even poured one out for the fallen......we laughed, comforted one another, and we talked of how normal we were beginning to feel......how we felt like we could handle it.....everything.......

By Tuesday morning the vibe of this deployment had revealed itself........

That morning there was a violent storm that passed through.  It was so severe the sirens for the fire department in our town were going off.  Karmella and I huddled together while lightening and thunder crashed and struck right above the house......I got up and stood at the door in my underwear.....watching the trees get whipped around by the wind, the hail pound down on the driveway, the electricity was so thick I could feel the hair on my arm standing up.....I stood in the doorway of the house enamored with the storm.......something was just not quite right........


And things weren't right.  On Memorial day of 2012, two helicopter crashes occurred.....One was witnessed by our friends and luckily there were no casualties.....


Unfortunately......an APACHE crashed as well and claimed the lives of two brilliant pilots from Illeshiem....CAPTAIN BRAINARD and CW5 PRATT.  


I write their names so that we shall never forget them.  Here they are as a record in our lives, every day, and every memorial day we shall celebrate and remember the heavy cost of freedom......we will remember what they did, what they stood for and how selflessly they lived their lives, we will remember their families and send them strength and compassion.....and we will pray, and appreciate, and love each other....because we are lucky enough to do so......


Upon hearing the news....a new reaction manifested in me....while I have always been the crying girl- this time I just felt a blinding anger.....I started pacing and cursing....my friends begged me not to break something or punch their walls.....I have never felt this kind of anger before......I never understood people who do violent things when they get upset....but there I was feeling like I could tear my whole house down with my bare hands.....

Feeling helpless and utterly out of control the wives and I clung to each other.....the fear, desperation and anger.....tears pouring down.....


Its on the back of every ones mind.....


WHO is NEXT?  Which one of us will receive the next knock at the door?


I kept thinking about how scared you must be.  How worried you probably are about me.....I spent a lot of time in the TANK that day....driving.....I thought of our last moments together....I reached for every detail in my memory.....I wish now more than ever I could hold you, and cry, that I could tell you that I love you so very much......I wish I would have taken more pictures, that I wouldn't have washed some of your things, or moved the things you touched.....and that I would have been able to give you a child......


I spoke to Kahlua.....I could hear the kids in the background.....She still has to be a mother, a leader.....I let her go so that she could focus on that.....


When I hung up the phone the house was so quiet.....and all I have is this silly blog....the only thing that can hear me out right now....the only thing that I won't frighten with my anxieties....all the family is still asleep and I don't want to wake them....sleep is so precious to me, and its not a pressing matter, nor anything specific that pertains to you and I......its just upsetting.....and I am alone......


After many hours you finally call......I feel so relieved to see that you are okay.  I feel so happy to see your face and I can't help but cry and cry and cry out of my relief......


Its been several weeks now since you guys have been away.  I miss terribly the sound of the helicopters over head.  I have longed for that sound.  Like if I heard it, every thing would be right in the world.  Like a hug from your favorite person, or eating your favorite comfort food, or that familiar smell....


While we were on skype, I heard the helicopters flying overhead in Afghanistan.....as soon as I heard it....a huge wave of comfort, relief and warmth passed over me....like a tidal wave.....I felt a calm that I haven't felt in weeks.....I told you how happy I was to hear that sound.......


And you said to me.....


"That is the sound of FREEDOM....."


When you said this, I couldn't help but cry again, but this time it was tears of a fighter, tears of a survivor, tears of a champion......I felt a strength and resolve that rivals all the times I have had to be strong and resolute in my lifetime.....


LOVE ON YA- BIRDIE**


Just a day in the life of an unlikely military wife.....**