Dear LEGS: The sound of FREEDOM....**

Dear LEGS
Memorial Day
Day 22


A LETTER


We will remember them....**


Memorial Day of 2012 was beautiful.  The sun was shining, the sky was blue and the weather was absolutely perefect.  I had no idea when I posted this poem on facebook that morning that I would be the most frightened version of myself that I can recall in recent memory.


They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old:
Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning
We will remember them.


They mingle not with their laughing comrades again;
They sit no more at familiar tables of home;
They have no lot in our labour of the day-time;


But where our desires are and our hopes profound,
Felt as a well-spring that is hidden from sight,
To the innermost heart of their own land they are known
As the stars are known to the Night;


As the stars that shall be bright when we are dust,
Moving in marches upon the heavenly plain;
As the stars that are starry in the time of our darkness,
To the end, to the end, they remain.


REMEMBER. REMEMBER over this LONG weekend what its REALLY ABOUT........


And REMEMBER I SHALL FOR THE REST OF MY DAYS ON THIS EARTH......

Its incredible to me sometimes how people will speak about Memorial Day, and they will speak about the military......and people in the military or tied to the military will speak about "Military Family"  but nobody ever wants to do the hard things.  Nobody ever wants to acknowledge or feel fully the total cost of serving for something bigger and greater.......


I went over to help pack up and prepare the house for the widow who lost her husband in the motorcycle crash just a week prior.  I knew that this would be difficult, but I told myself that this is the least I could do......I could give this women something tangible, I could comfort her friends, and I could HELP........I could DO SOMETHING......

It was a difficult day.......especially when drawing to the conclusion that FOUR DAUGHTERS will go through life without their father.  It made me think of my sisters and I.  The FOUR of us would NEVER BE who we are today without the presence of our father......it was so hard that I am permeanantly marked for life......

The WIFEY and I decided to have dinner together.  We sat there at the table....good food, beautiful sunset...champagne.....we celebrated Memorial Day....we even poured one out for the fallen......we laughed, comforted one another, and we talked of how normal we were beginning to feel......how we felt like we could handle it.....everything.......

By Tuesday morning the vibe of this deployment had revealed itself........

That morning there was a violent storm that passed through.  It was so severe the sirens for the fire department in our town were going off.  Karmella and I huddled together while lightening and thunder crashed and struck right above the house......I got up and stood at the door in my underwear.....watching the trees get whipped around by the wind, the hail pound down on the driveway, the electricity was so thick I could feel the hair on my arm standing up.....I stood in the doorway of the house enamored with the storm.......something was just not quite right........


And things weren't right.  On Memorial day of 2012, two helicopter crashes occurred.....One was witnessed by our friends and luckily there were no casualties.....


Unfortunately......an APACHE crashed as well and claimed the lives of two brilliant pilots from Illeshiem....CAPTAIN BRAINARD and CW5 PRATT.  


I write their names so that we shall never forget them.  Here they are as a record in our lives, every day, and every memorial day we shall celebrate and remember the heavy cost of freedom......we will remember what they did, what they stood for and how selflessly they lived their lives, we will remember their families and send them strength and compassion.....and we will pray, and appreciate, and love each other....because we are lucky enough to do so......


Upon hearing the news....a new reaction manifested in me....while I have always been the crying girl- this time I just felt a blinding anger.....I started pacing and cursing....my friends begged me not to break something or punch their walls.....I have never felt this kind of anger before......I never understood people who do violent things when they get upset....but there I was feeling like I could tear my whole house down with my bare hands.....

Feeling helpless and utterly out of control the wives and I clung to each other.....the fear, desperation and anger.....tears pouring down.....


Its on the back of every ones mind.....


WHO is NEXT?  Which one of us will receive the next knock at the door?


I kept thinking about how scared you must be.  How worried you probably are about me.....I spent a lot of time in the TANK that day....driving.....I thought of our last moments together....I reached for every detail in my memory.....I wish now more than ever I could hold you, and cry, that I could tell you that I love you so very much......I wish I would have taken more pictures, that I wouldn't have washed some of your things, or moved the things you touched.....and that I would have been able to give you a child......


I spoke to Kahlua.....I could hear the kids in the background.....She still has to be a mother, a leader.....I let her go so that she could focus on that.....


When I hung up the phone the house was so quiet.....and all I have is this silly blog....the only thing that can hear me out right now....the only thing that I won't frighten with my anxieties....all the family is still asleep and I don't want to wake them....sleep is so precious to me, and its not a pressing matter, nor anything specific that pertains to you and I......its just upsetting.....and I am alone......


After many hours you finally call......I feel so relieved to see that you are okay.  I feel so happy to see your face and I can't help but cry and cry and cry out of my relief......


Its been several weeks now since you guys have been away.  I miss terribly the sound of the helicopters over head.  I have longed for that sound.  Like if I heard it, every thing would be right in the world.  Like a hug from your favorite person, or eating your favorite comfort food, or that familiar smell....


While we were on skype, I heard the helicopters flying overhead in Afghanistan.....as soon as I heard it....a huge wave of comfort, relief and warmth passed over me....like a tidal wave.....I felt a calm that I haven't felt in weeks.....I told you how happy I was to hear that sound.......


And you said to me.....


"That is the sound of FREEDOM....."


When you said this, I couldn't help but cry again, but this time it was tears of a fighter, tears of a survivor, tears of a champion......I felt a strength and resolve that rivals all the times I have had to be strong and resolute in my lifetime.....


LOVE ON YA- BIRDIE**


Just a day in the life of an unlikely military wife.....**