053112
Day 24
A LETTER
What we have done for ourselves alone dies with us; what we have done for others and the world remains and is immortal.
-Albert Pike
Everybody has been touched by the loss....not one person around here does not have that sad look in their eyes, the fear.....the slouch that happens when your burdens are heavy, and your sleep is broken and filled with worry.....nobody has the words or has the courage to say something....or to avoid the conversation.....its as if we are all trapped in a storm and our ship of hope and positivity has been wrecked....we are all bobbing in the ocean dangerously close to the rocks......
I cannot describe to you the utter sadness in entering a widows home......the Irish blessing on the outside of the door that promises to treat every person who crosses the threshold as family, the proclamations of love given from one spouse to another, the photos, the keepsakes and the items that define and encapsulate a person....and their mark on the world.....it makes me think of what people would know about us, about our life and our love together......
It is my wish that they would see, a once in a blue moon love story, and just like the ones on the silver screen, two people that have fought hard, loved hard and overcome so many obstacles to be together....a love that has created miracles within each other, a love that will be remembered and rival all fairy tales, famous loves, a love that will make history....and be written about in books......and will posses a magic that cannot be illustrated, or written or captured....a love that will really be forever, that is infinite and will last for eternity.....an out of this realm, world, and universe kind of love....one that can only be explained by the supernatural, the miraculous, and GOD himself.....because, to me, that is the kind of LOVE we have.....
I sat in the tub tonight...because what else can I do to heal? I thought of the soapy water taking all the anger out of me.....all the pain and sadness....and leaving only the scares on my soul....the little pieces of my innocence....my nativity......my fresh untouched self....marred by the pain I have seen, the losses I have bared, the burdens I carry....the guilt.....
What can be drawn from these tragedies? What can I do better...well.....I can be.....a more humble, grateful, thankful, appreciative person.....even for the little things.....the air in my lungs....the heart beating in my chest, water to wash away the dirt, and the pain, the blood pumping through my veins......my spirit....my whole LIFE even the hard, unfair, challenging parts of it......
I think of the physical pains.....my swollen ankle the pain it has caused me all day, the limp I permanently possess....my knee, my back.....the wrinkles in my face....the age and wisdom that has diminished my young self.....
The fact that I still have YOU....that we again dodged a bullet....and the sincerest, deepest hope that we will be reunited......
Obtaining satisfaction from my daily labors, taking care of this body, loving people, teaching, learning, living hard and loving hard and fighting hard for the right in the world.....
Defending the prices that those I have been honored to walk among, witness and know.....I absolutely dread the day I ever have to defend those prices.......
I think of how horribly painful it is to me when people don't take off their hats, or remain silent for the national anthem.......
I think of the possibility of people forgetting about us....forgetting about the prices, tolls, and scars that we all carry and will always carry......I think of them dying with us.....or time passing and diminishing our recollections...so I write....I write so that somebody many years from now will know that we were REAL, that we were HERE........that we were SIGNIFICANT.......
And I always come to the end of this long train of thought wondering ONE THING........
ARE WE WORTHY?
and.....my answer is always NO...NO we are NOT WORTHY to be alive, and to live at the cost of these individuals lives...........which is why I live in fear.......
It hurts me to admit......that if I died tomorrow.....I would not be sad that my time is up, with the exception of ONE. KEY. ELEMENT. I would FOREVER regret.....that I have not made the people in my life know how special they are to me.....by making them feel the way that I want them to feel....
We all say it....but do we "act" it? Do we really SHOW people how we feel?
LOVE ON YA- BIRDIE**
Just another day in the life of an unlikely military wife......**
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