Weather: BOOOOOOO! Its cold and cloudy!
Exchange Rate: WHO CARES I AM RICH IN LIFE!
Holy Moly Batman! Its amazing what sleep will do for a girl!
I was able to get some rest last night.
This morning I woke up, and my plan was to get some more sleep, but I couldn't. I couldn't wait to get on my lap top to write, I couldn't wait to shout out on the roof tops, I wanted to hire a man with an airplane and have him fly over Illesheim with a sign that says:
'BAWHAHAHAHAHA! You though you could shut me up?! The B*tch is back!'
No, but seriously....
What happened to me yesterday was HORRIBLE. I haven't cried this hard, or been this vulnerable and hysterical in a long, long time. So here is my retracted, recanted, loud, brave, and SINCERE thoughts.....
I screwed up hardcore, with the title of the said, Controversial Blog: 'Low Down Dirty Shame- Can the WIVES trust females???' My thought process when I titled it that was to get people who don't normally read my blog to read it. It was a unthought out, impulsive, shallow, insensitive thing to do and I am extending a billion heartfelt apologies for those that were offended or damaged by my words.
I have also read the said, Controversial Blog: Low down dirty shame, 100 times and still stand by MY words, MY experience, MY perspective as a SPOUSE. Which means, that apparently APACHE pilots cannot read past line #1. (OK....for real.....don't get so offended you can't read the rest of my words)
I do not feel that I was unfair, mean, or insinuated any of the things I was accused of insinuating. And, it is MY opinion, that I was bullied into silence yesterday. Am I not allowed to experience things? Am I not allowed to say things, or write things? Am I not allowed to have insecurities, concerns, or even experience emotions of envy? All because, I am a SPOUSE!?!
LEGS requested, as a gesture of good will, for me to temporarily remove my blog. Instead, I wrote 'My Job....is to SHUTUP and Look Pretty....**' I felt like that was a fair compromise, and this morning I can't stop shaking my head.
Females in the military have a special and unique role. I love them because they are brave enough to do what the men do. Which, I assure you, is a BIG deal to me. My blog, only expressed my insecurities as far as these brave and unique woman are concerned, and if that is not a form of flattery, I don't know what is.
It is untrue that I would ever expect them to ensure anybody behaves accordingly, and if they do, good for them! I will say that I hold women to a higher standard.......because I am one.
Have you ever heard the quote: 'Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily this is not difficult."
I first heard this quote in grade school, it made me smile then, and I have held on to it my whole life. It has inspired me and shaped who I am today.
The truth is, that most military wives have sacrificed everything that they do in the world, to follow their brave men around the world. Yes, it is a choice they make, but surely not one that is made easily, or even happily. Women in the military, have their careers, they are still contributing in this amazing way. They have what we don't have......
They serve bravely with our husbands, they deploy with our husbands, they do brave and exciting things with our husbands, and can 'talk shop' with our husbands, which puts them in a unique and envious position. Do you know how badly I wish I could talk helicopters with my husband the way she does!?!
So....yes.....admittedly....there is a element of envy. And insecurity....
But....that doesn't mean, I am ugly, or rude, or even judgmental of these females! There isn't any shame in my game, I will admit when I am insecure or envious. Does this make me shallow? Does this make me a B*tch? Nah, man! It makes me REAL! (And just so we are clear, it also doesn't mean I don't have self-confidence that stretches far out into the atmosphere)
Yesterday, a voice was lost. A position was lost. And my spirit was almost tore away from my soul.
I will not sit back, SHUTUP and Look Pretty. I have things to say. I have feelings. And I will share them with anybody who wants to read about them in this blog.
Just because I gave up my job, my college, and my dreams, to follow an amazing man around the world, doesn't mean that I don't have a place in this world, next to this man and in WHISKEY COMPANY that is not important.
I was disappointed.....with LEGS.
I was disappointed that several APACHE Pilots, as smart as they have to be, would behave the way they did. This is why: I wrote a blog about my perspective, on very general terms, using hypothetical situations.
They took that material, warped, twisted, and filled in the blanks, putting me in a situation that I should have NEVER accepted. I wasn't speaking on anything or anybody in particular. My marriage and my husband's career were used as a collateral to scare me, bully me and ultimately hurt me.
Yesterday I was angry and sad. Today, I am just amused.
LEGS has redeemed himself. He told me that he will be with me LONG after he is an APACHE Pilot in the ARMY. I respect his feelings, and he seems to understand my insecurities. I am a very lucky woman, because I have a man that will stand up for himself, his beliefs, and tells me when he disagrees with things that I do, but, at the end of the day LOVES that I am a firecracker, that I say what I want, and I have a spirit that can't be broken. LEGS, for ALL ETERNITY, I am yours, and I LOVE YOU.
I am not mad at anybody for stating their opinions either, that is the beauty of blogging, facebook, etc. etc.
This is what I learned, in all the conversations, feedback, letters and messages. I don't like the separation of the WIVES and Females in the military keep. What is up with that boundary? I am a cool chick, she is a cool chick, so why can't we be friends? Why aren't BOTH the WIVES and FEMALES breaking down that barrier?
NO Random Thoughts
NO Guilty Pleasure
NO Mailbox- tomorrow! tomorrow!
POST SCRIPT: Because, I am quite sure a particular female thinks that I was referring to her in my general hypothetical blog, due to a person's various comments, I made the first step in breaking the barrier down, with a phone call last night. It went unanswered.....but my intention was to clear up any confusion....hopefully this blog succeeds in that specific mission and the next time we are out..........you never know, maybe I will get a chance?
OVER & OUT
I am an UNLIKELY MILITARY WIFE.....hear me roar!
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