My job....is to SHUTUP and Look Pretty....**

Dear Blog....


Weather: It was supposed to be nice, instead it has been cold and cloudy...


Exchange Rate: I don't know, and wish I cared.....


My whole world has come crashing down on me today.  I sit here on my laptop, with sore, red eyes, a sniffly nose, feeling completely exhausted because of how much I have cried.


Have you ever felt like you were doing the right thing? 


And then suddenly you realize that your version of the right thing happens to be everybody else's version of the wrong thing?  


I felt that instead of whispering, gossiping, chatting, arguing, debating and talking about the feelings I was having on the subject (Females in the Military) that I would openly share my experience and opinions in written format, via MY BLOG. I felt that at least I was being transparent, open, honest and articulating what MY PERSONAL position was, instead of hiding, avoiding, ignoring, and covering my personal feelings and/or position.  


Yesterday, I felt so brave, I felt so sure of myself, that I was doing the right thing, that I was settling the debate at least on how I feel.


I read the previous blog to LEGS and he was disappointed with me.  Last night, we debated over what I intended, what I said, how I sounded, and whether or not posting this blog was the right thing.  At the end of our debate, we both decided to agree to disagree.  


Today, we had a conversation in which he felt I was being extremely unfair to the females in the company.  


To support his argument he brought up things that had happened before we came to NEVER NEVER LAND.  To be fair and balanced, I again, repeated that MY BLOG is from MY perspective, it is only based on what I perceive and experience, I could not in my right mind, include circumstances before my time here, that is not MY story, and NOT my position.


He also stated that based on his interactions and witnessed interactions with females in the company, all of the females are above reproach.  


It made me feel extremely bad, that my words came off so harshly that they could have possibly damaged or hurt the females in the company.  I even felt scared and frightened that because of my blog, they wouldn't even consider being friends with me EVER......seriously, it was NEVER my intention to slander reputations or provoke such distress.....

I did know that my last blog was controversial when I posted it, I was fully aware that I would be getting all kinds of feedback on it, but....I had no idea my words would be misconstrued so badly, so horribly, and so completely.  

Please, please let me clarify.

I was not, I repeat, was not in fact, attacking any specific females.  It was my intention with my words, to ONLY, illustrate my perspective as A SPOUSE, because, that is what I am.  

But again, I am not speaking for LEGS, or The WIVES, or anybody but myself.......the previous blog was MY EXPERIENCE.....


I was hurt that people questioned LEGS' character, that people misconstrued my words so badly, especially since most of them know who I am and what I stand for, and that I was pigeon holed into such a vulnerable position that I even question continuing writing the blog....


This whole time I have been thinking that I have this fantastic life, where I can have my own identity, I can say what I think, that I don't have to be just an extension of my husband, and today, that whole fantasy has been crushed.


I have sent my husband to work feeling vulnerable about his position and reputation in the company.  I have put my friends in a position, of neutrality, where they have been afraid to comment, agree, or give feedback otherwise, due to the politics of our husband's career. In some cases, friends of mine have had to delete comments and posts.....


My whole world has come crashing down, because no matter how unfair it is to both LEGS and I, the truth is;


Mark my words:  If you are a spouse you really are just an extension of your husband's career.


What I write, will affect my husband's career.


So there it is.  


I left my dream job in ALASKA, the return for my master's degree, and my budding career to follow my husband.  


Going back to school will be difficult with our constant relocations, and having a career or working the same job I had are GONE.


I cannot freely speak, freely write, or freely be who I want to be.


And this is why its different, this is why its difficult, the best I can hope for, is a life, hoping, praying and wishing ......


That I won't be left out in the cold, some years from now, 


when I have labored over 


our home,


our children, 


and his career......


OVER.....and.......OUT......


Just another day in the life.....of an unlikely military wife....**