A low down dirty shame.....**

WHAAAASSSSSUUUPPP BLOG!

Karmella's interpretation of the weather: One minute its raining the next minute its sunny.....

Exchange Rate: We are losing money hardcore! ! Euro= $1.46

I want to thank everybody for reading my blog, and supporting me, especially since the last blog I wrote was difficult and sad. It really means a lot to me that so many people care and empathize with me, and it is also comforting to know that I could help comfort people with their own grief as well.

The topic that has occupied both my thoughts and numerous recent conversations as of late is FEMALES in the Military.  As a wife, can you trust them? Or....are we just being hard on them BECAUSE they are female?

There has been a lot of debate recently about females in the military, FOR VARIOUS REASONS, but it has been brought to my attention numerous times that The WIVES are being exceptionally hard on females in the company. 

I would like to debate and state my position on this in hopes of some feedback, and also to clarify my feelings, as I have been lumped in with The WIVES....on the subject.

First let me state, that my Bestest Friend in the WHOLE WIDE WORLD served as a United States Marine for the past decade. I have spent numerous hours on the phone with her, and several times have conversed with her about her awkward position as a female in a man's world, with a very strong element of how to "cope" with the wives.  

In addition, I have been angered that my kick a** friend has not had all the opportunities that the men in her branch have had as far as jobs in the military are concerned.  

I AM EXTREMELY PRO- FEMALES IN THE MILITARY.

The debate begins.....

First of all, most of my career (yes its a career, broken down in rank, deployments and moves) as a military spouse, I have never had to deal with there being females around, because they weren't allowed to be  RECON.  Therefore, it has been exceptionally easy for me to say that I am pro-females in the military, because I haven't had a first hand experience with a female in my husband's unit.  

It has been brought to my attention, by both soldiers and wives, that females in the military "sleep around."   My opinion on that is first, its none of MY business, nor should it be anyone else's, AND, I happen to know many men sleep around in the military......so I think that if females are  living and working in a man's world, why should any of their personal actions be rated or judged any differently?

Today, in my husband's company there are several females.  When I first landed in NEVER NEVER LAND, it suddenly occurred to me that I would have to "cope" for lack of a better word with the idea and fact that he would be working, flying, going to the field, going to war etc., with females around.  

I felt like a complete hypocrite, for years I had been touting fair treatment for females in the military and now.....I was getting cold feet.  

And.....It wasn't JUST BECAUSE she is female.  I have heard the stories.....in fact, when we got her there was one, where a Pilot was hooking up with a Female Specialist, in a war zone, while his pregnant wife was waiting at home for his return.  If for no other reason, any females in my husband's company were getting a second look from me.

One night, we were all out, and I was excited because there were two military females out, and I felt that we would have a lot in common.....I mean I am a strong female, I box, which is primarily a man's world, and I have positive feelings about females in the military.  Surely, they would see that we could be friends???? Instead......

EPIC FAIL! I was excluded (probably not on purpose) and surprised how wrong I was about my assumptions......

I found these females to be more squacky, and more immature then I expected.  I struggled to find topics to discuss with them (which usually isn't a problem for me) other then....their JOBS, to no avail.  But.....I guess I didn't really care.....my feelings weren't hurt, I didn't judge them too harshly, I mean who am I to judge? And how can you be upset with somebody for being immature....especially with a few drinks in them? I just fluttered along to the next interesting conversation......

I did, after this night, talk to LEGS about it.....I told him I wasn't so sure about the 'moral character' of these particular females......is that wrong of me?  I mean, I tried to have a meaningful interaction with them, I was surprised by the outcome or lack of one, and therefore concluded, it may be in my best interest to at least give my significant other a head's up.  

I mean.....if you search for somebody's depth, and there is none, and if you try to find a common bond and understanding , but you can't find one, chances are they don't give a sh*t about you....Am I wrong!?!

So...if I wasn't UP on their radar, and I wasn't (in my opinion) properly acknowledged, then who is to say I am even a figment in these women's mind?  And if I am not considered, respected or acknowledged.... and LEGS is...well AMAZING....and Marriages are fragile (ESPECIALLY IN THE MILITARY), then who's to say things couldn't get a little shady???

As mentioned on my previous blog, I have learned the hard way, that things TEND to get confusing between MALE/FEMALE friendships.  Since I have learned that, I am a firm believer that women and men cannot be good friends. And I MOST definitely believe that.....when.....a person is married, and they aren't getting what they need out of the marriage.  

SO a bullet point list of my beliefs up until this point: 

-Females in the Military, should be treated like one of the guys.

-They should have the same opportunities as the men do.

-They should not be judged just because they are female on their sex lives.

-It has been my experience that Men and Women cannot have close friendships, without confusion....

Next section of my argument:

I think that its a fair statement, that both men and women should and can be judged on their behavior.  

Hypothetical situation #1: If a man is a jerk.  He is a jerk.  If a woman is a jerk.  She is a jerk.  It doesn't make the conclusion any different because of the change in gender.  

Often, I have told LEGS, that I don't particularly care for people we have come across during his military career, which up until this point has been primarily male. So nobody, who knows me can say that I am being abnormally HARD on anybody, because I am HARD on everybody.

Hypothetical Situation #2: If your experience with a man, a woman, a group, a unit, or any other fill in the blank, has been negative it doesn't necessarily mean the next experience will be negative....every ADULT knows this because we have all dated, married, had children, new jobs, and met many different people along the way.

Just because one group of wives was shady, or your last unit was bad, or the last female soldier, or male soldier you encountered was a jerk, doesn't mean you can rationalize your disdain for the next one.

Hypothetical Situation #3: If you marry somebody, you better be damn sure they are the right choice.  Marriages are fragile, they take work, commitment and HONESTY.  Your marital problems and drama, don't give you the excuse to behave badly, no matter the situation.

LEGS and I are VERY PRO counseling.  We are very PRO reading self-help books, and communicating always.  No marriage is perfect, we have our issues, but we work them out- because that is the vow you make on your wedding day.

If we were having struggles, and tried all avenues of help, but couldn't work out our issues, then.....Life is too short....we would get a divorce.

Hypothetical Situation #4:  A friend comes to you and tells you their problems.  As a good friend, you should give them sound advice, that is YOUR responsibility as their FRIEND.  It is not a good thing, to become an ally for your friend to run to when their problems flair up......you are only providing them a place, to avoid their problems, instead of face them.

Again...I will reiterate my views:

-Females in the Military, should be treated like one of the guys.

-They should have the same opportunities as the men do.

-They should not be judged just because they are female on their sex lives.

-It has been my experience that Men and Women cannot have close friendships, without confusion....

-It doesn't matter male or female a person can still have low moral character.

-You can't assume that everybody is the same.

-Be careful who you marry, because your marital problems don't give you an excuse to behave badly.

-You should always be a good friend, that means giving good advice, and holding them accountable.

A few other thoughts in conclusion:

The other night while I was holding STITCH and BITCH, a female in the company was hanging all over LEGS.  Another female in the company carefully told her that he is married to a really cool chick, and kindly escorted her away.

One question: What if I wasn't "cool?" Would I not be afforded the same courtesy?

And what it boils down to is this; If your a good person, you are a good person. And a good person always has the fortitude to look at the big picture, to be aware of how their actions are affecting others, to be responsible for their actions and to own who they are. A good person always keeps in mind how they make others feel....and when they make mistakes, they admit and apologize for them.

No matter what gender, what role, or where your loyalties and opinions lie, YOU HAVE TO OWN WHO YOU ARE, AND WHAT DAMAGE YOU ARE DOING TO OTHERS.....

So.....the question is,

Can we trust females in the military??? It DEPENDS....and that sucks.....

But to keep my sanity while my husband is in the field or at war, I am choosing to TRUST him, and he will have navigate himself in accordance with my concerns and wishes........

Are the wives coming down too HARD on the females in the company???

Not really.....nobody is being UNFAIR, or OVERLY JUDGMENTAL based on certain behaviors.....but it is my hope and wish that GIRL POWER will succeed and we will all look out for each other......(which means we need to communicate people!)

In the end, What I see at least two WOMAN, being LITERALLY crucified for a MAN's actions......and that....is a low down dirty shame....

NO Random Thoughts

NO Guilty Pleasures

NO Mailbox

This blog is TOO LONG!

Post Script: Everybody keeps asking me if I am going to punch the female that was all over my husband.  The answer is NO, while I am thankful the other female discontinued the UTTER DISRESPECT, if I did something nasty, or mean, I would have to OWN that, and that's just not me baby, its just not me.......**

Just another day in the life of an unlikely military wife....**