In the road......

GUTEN TAG!


Weather Report brought to you by Karmella Bella: Humid, Cloudy and Windy.....


Exchange Rate: 1 Euro = $1.39


Last night LEGS and I decided to go for a spin.  I was so anxious and excited to put my new 'Boy' threads on and get out on the bike, that I was revving to go by the time LEGS got home.....

We set out on a 20 mile ride, and I was doing so good.  I was going faster, I felt strong, and I was even showing off in my new outfit. 

On Saturday's ride my feet were coming out of the clips TOO easy, so I asked LEGS to tighten them....since then I have had one heck of a time getting unclipped on the left side.... 


Apparently....


Cool bike clothes don't make you any more skilled and who would have thought?  

They just make you look even more ridiculous when you fall....


In your own driveway.....


We climbed the hill to our house, but I couldn't unclip so I had to keep going, I even messed LEGS up and he had to keep going.....


He got turned around, into the driveway and off his bike without any hiccups.....


I...on the other hand.....did not.....


I was coming back down into the drive way, I had one food unclipped and I was slowing down to go over the curb......


Well.....


I slowed down too much....


And.....


CRASHED......


HARD......


SO HARD......


That on the way down my buttocks hit the seat so forcefully that it knocked the seat loose and completely sideways........


At this point, I was obviously in the road.....


And....in such pain that I couldn't speak....I could only lay there half in the drive way, half out, slightly under the TANK.......


LEGS spun around and was in complete astonishment.....


And of course.....


My young, slightly attractive German neighbor witnessed the whole thing, and came up right after on his bike....asking me if I was okay....

This is one of those moments where, you are really in pain, but you decide you should put on a good performance....


'Yeah I am fine, I am tough, this was nothing....happens all the time....'


While still laying in the road.....


LEGS came over....but instead of helping me, he ran to the bikes rescue.....


Can you believe this guy?


I even had to say out loud- 'Yo! Help me up!'


Did I mention that I was still laying in the road?


Once I was up and the mangled bike was taken away....my neighbor was still there with one of those undercover smiles on his face, so I decided my best option to save face....was to change the subject......


I asked him how his home renovation was going...while my knee was bleeding profusely.......


After this slight attempt at not feeling completely stupid...I let him go and experienced a wave of anger.  I messed up my knee, I messed up my bike, I messed up my shoes.....MY SHOES!!! The most expensive shoes I own now have a deep scuff on them........


Today, I got back on the bike.  Hey- If nothing else I was going to show this bike who was boss- and I even gave myself a 'I will not wreck today' pep talk before I climbed on.  


Now....my gears were grinding....and the bike was not functioning properly...who showed who, who was boss?  


LEGS and I discussed taking it to the bike shop.  What you are about to witness in this blog REALLY happened.


I rode down to base on the broken bike.  We discussed taking the bike in once we established together it was broken.  There are a few bike shops around our area, so I purposed the closest one.  He indicated he didn't think they would be able to repair my bike and suggested another one, that was further away.  In addition to being further away, I was not sure EXACTLY where it was.....I knew only the vicinity......


After voicing the dilemma of the exact position of the bike shop LEGS gave me these directions verbatim:


LEGS: 'Okay listen to me, are you listening? (Insert Positive Nod) Okay so your going to head to Rothenberg just like on our bikes...Do you know? (Insert Negative Nod) Okay listen, listen to me, your going to go down that hill, and up that hill, and then take a right, you know that right? You know the right I am talking about? (Insert blank stare) Okay, your going to go down that hill, then up that hill, then take a right, then there is these dashes in the road, remember the dashes? (Negative Nod) These dashy things in the road? 


ARMS: 'Can you give me a street name or town?'


LEGS: 'I am trying to, but your not letting me....Okay your going to head to Rothenberg like we do on our bikes, then your going to come to that town (Insert wrong town name here)


ARMS:' You mean Poppenbach?'


LEGS: 'Yeah Poppenbach.....(Insert more of the same).....

By the end of this fiasco I was laughing hysterically and he couldn't look my straight in the face either....


As I was leaving LEGS asked me to take his bike to the shop too for a tune up......


I grumbled.....


Not only did I not know where I was going....but now I had to load two bikes into the truck without doing damage to either....I know it sounds like I am being petty- but I am not.  These bikes are fragile and awkward, so putting them into the truck is annoying and tedious......


By the time I got home I had resolved to get both bikes in the truck, and navigate myself, to the bike shop, because any person of strong character would execute this plan without complaint.


While I was loading the bikes, LEGS called.....while holding one bike up in the air I answered, chatted and then hung up, placing the phone on the bumper of the Tank.


I was able to successfully load both bikes and navigate to the bike shop with only minor difficulty.  When they told me how long it would be before we could pick up the bikes....I just knew LEGS wasn't going to be happy....so I thought I should call him.....


Sure enough I remembered that the last time I had my phone was on the bumper of the TANK......


@#%#!!!




OH *(&^%$!


................................*&^%^$%##............................

(heavy sigh) &^%$#%%......................


So.....the whole way home......there I was.......searching the ROAD.....for my PHONE......


Of course it was gone......and who knows how or why? Maybe it was smashed into smithereens, maybe somebody picked it up....All I knew is that if I got lost I had no phone and I had no way of telling LEGS I had lost my phone either.....

(Side Note: In NEVER NEVER LAND there is this funny little rule.....you can only call cell to cell or land line to land line UNLESS you want to pay LOTS and LOTS of MONOPOLY MONEY.)


So.....there I was......


With a Land Line trying to call a cell phone.....which was...in the road......


Or at the very least LEGS, to let him know that I had lost my phone.....in the road......


I was able to get ahold of LEGS, but at this point I was TICKED.....I told him the whole story and was bracing for his frustration, when he assured me it was no big deal and that everything would be okay.....


SPIDEY SENSES ARE UP! 


Why is he being so cool about this?


When he arrived home he had brought me a new prepaid phone.  


MY HERO!!!


At dinner I reiterated my whole tale of adventure, but this time included the time frame in which we would receive our tuned up bikes......


LEGS went to the DARK SIDE.....and simply stated that, that time frame was unacceptable, and he would pick up his bike Friday whether is was done or not.  


SUMMATION:  I loaded the bikes up, today, drove to Rotherberg without clear guidance, today, Lost my cell phone, today, Went into a situation where we are first time customers in a German shop, Speaking a combination of German and English- because that is all I know, all so we could both have our bikes sooner rather than later, and that is just NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR THIS CHEIF WARRANT OFFICER 2.........


Right now......I am thinking its either me......


or him........


either I need to lay in the middle of the road......


or I need to push him into oncoming traffic.......


but one of us needs to be out in the middle of....


the road......

Just another day in the life of an unlikely military wife.....**