And now....Karmella with the Weather: This week has been wet, rainy, soggy and cold.....
Exchange Rate: $1 USD = 1.44 EURO :(
I am feeling better since my last blog. I always feel bad posting the sad stuff because I don't want to bring anybody down, or make anybody worry, or heaven forbid appear weak and needy. I felt even worse when LEGS read it and felt bad because I feel so alone.
Its kind of a weird phenomena. I don't miss home exactly, I just miss the way I used to feel when I was home. I have friends I can lean on and call here, but I guilt myself out of it because I don't want to bring anybody down with my melancholy.
TRUST seems to be a big issue here. You can't say much to anyone with out it getting around, I don't mind so much, I mean I put so much of our lives out there in the blog, but I dislike the judgement part of things. People are quick to make assumptions, and often misconstrue your identity.
I have decided to be patient toward all the things that are unresolved, to let the answers of my questions come to me, to actually live out the questions and gradually discover the answers.
I think I may be done caring what people think. I have been doing a lot of soul searching this week.....I have been thinking about how I was in ALASKA, how I was in ALABAMA and how I have some how misplaced and mis-represented my priorities.
Some people here have gotten more charity from me than I would have granted anybody in the past. In the past I would have written them off and moved on STAT, but, I have been really trying to be more forgiving, and more receptive to the differences that people possess.
In the end I know that I am good person, and I am satisfied with my performance as a wife, a friend, a daughter, a AUNTIE, and specifically as a MILITARY WIFE. I have come to the realization that this is just a phase, and in a month or two I will laugh at myself.
I cannot stress enough, how hard it is to give everything up to be with the man you love, just to stand in the the shadow of his career. Looking in from the outside there is a real "macho" attitude, (which I find more hysterical than upsetting) so if you are strong personality for a wife people fixate on you.
The Phoenix hope can wing her way through the desert skies, and still defying fortune's spite; revive from ashes and rise' -Miguel de Cervantes
I used this quote to motivate me a lot in boxing, because there really is nothing worse than getting your a** kicked in public. And I am finding it to be quite helpful to me now in my search for my identity here in NEVER NEVER LAND.
Its an honor that so many have fixated on me, and that my name, my blog, and my marriage to LEGS is on the lips of many, instead of feeling like the performer being socked with rotten food, I am choosing to stand on stage NAKED and SING, SING my little heart out. :D Yeah....so there!
"Marriage is hard.....just two people slogging through the shit, year after year, getting older, changing. Its a fucking marathon okay? So, sometimes, you know, you're together for so long, that you just...stop seeing the other person. You just see weird projections of the your own junk. Instead of talking to each other, you go off the rails and act grubby and make stupid choices..."
My Sissy sent me this quote on facebook. I am sure you could detect by my last blog that our marriage was not all happy in NEVER NEVER LAND. I would say that we haven't made it to the part where we don't talk....but I would agree that marriage is hard, and that we have slogged through a lot of sh*t.
I mean, we have been together for a decade. We have been financially stable, not so financially stable, we have been through some tough deployments, been through the party phase, been through career changes, personality changes, rebirths, plateau's, we have outlasted many of the couples we knew way back when, and survived the CONSTANT attack on the sanctity of marriage.
Getting married, when the divorce rate is so high, getting married even though its becoming more and more frowned upon in our generation, getting married in the military, where not only does the lifestyle consistently put obstacles in place to prevent a happy marriage, but some of the population in the military repetitively treat marriage as a stigma, makes it the most EPIC BATTLE OF ALL TIME!
Its US against the WORLD!!!
People fight. If they don't, somebody is eating sh*t all the time. Our fights are few, we have more happy times than sad times. And God strike me with lightening, I don't want to sound like a romantic sap but..... I really LOVE him. I LOVE him more and more every single day. He still gives me butterflies, he still makes me weak in the knees, I am still insanely attracted to him. But....our love has grown, he gives me the confidence I need to be who I am, we support each other's dreams- ALWAYS, and we always have the Mr. & Mrs. Smith thing to fall back on......
I have started to focus my energy on things that I am afraid of. I am afraid I will never learn German, so I have been reading books, completing Rosetta Stone tutorials, listening to German on my iPod, and aggressively looking words up that I don't know. While I feel accomplished, stimulated and excited....I can't help but feel like a toddler learning English.
I am afraid of my sewing machine....but I really want to learn how to sew, so that I can line my knitting. I faced that fear this week too and spent several hours practicing. I was hoping to get back to it, but I have been so busy!
And I have started doing 'kind' things for others. I have made baked goods and delivered to my neighbors, I have spent some quality time with some of the frazzled Mommies over here, and I delivered flowers to my NEVER NEVER LAND OMA the other day. She had a knee replacement done so I went to visit her in the hospital. I was kinda surprised that they cram 5 people in a room over here- can you imagine? These acts of kindness have made me feel so priceless that nobody could bring me down!
When I saw Mariannae I almost cried. She is recovering well and to my delight will be home in Oberdachstetten this week!
At dinner the other night.....LEGS and I did a 'What do you Miss about the States?' night. Its where we go back and forth about the things we miss.
The top of our list was the "Commercialism" of the States. Being able to shop easily, bargain hunt, buy everything at one store. I know that I have been missing the shopping because I have been dreaming about shopping for weeks now. LONGSHANKS sent me this video a couple of weeks ago, and I have been wanting to start using this philosophy in my own life, however I feel that it may be difficult over here in Europe. Nonetheless I am going to attempt it, and I will keep you posted on how it goes.
Isn't this AMAZING?
Its all fun and games until Karmella knocked the #9 key off my mac book, luckily LEGS fixed it!
Did I mention I suffer from Tourrette's in the kitchen?
The other night LEGS made homemade guacamole, poured me a german beer, turned on TRUE BLOOD, and sat on the couch with me while the rain poured down outside......damn....he is really putting the moves on me.... :D
Workout Status:
Weight:142
Diet: Semi-Disciplined, but there have been a lot of functions I have had to attend in which eating is necessary to be socially acceptable.
I got my bike back from the shop this week. I almost cried when I saw it.
LEGS and I were sitting on the couch, he was watching the updates on the Tour de France, and he keeps telling me 'THERE ARE YOUR LAMPRE GUYS!!!' I looked over at him and said 'Where are the GIRLZ at?' LEGS:' They don't ride in this race....' :( On one hand, what a F ING disappointment....on the other hand....Yeah....if it was easy more chicks would be doing it!
LONGSHANKS' Story:
She is wanting to lose weight. So she downloaded a "Lose It" App on her phone. It counts your calories and puts you on a schedule etc. She did well for the first 9-10 days but then fell off the wagon. It has been too hot where she is to cycle, so she has been doing a very intense spin class instead. But just recently she has been cycling more. She is down 4 pounds. She said that she is going to try out the 'Men's Cycling shorts' as I told her I found them to be more comfortable and get back to me. MORAL of the STORY: If an App helps you- USE IT!, Everybody falls off the wagon, just get back on! Find Exercise that you ENJOY!
So....I have wanted to do a 'cleanse' for a long time, but have never had the ballz OR felt like it was a "safe" thing to do after hearing so many horror stories about cleanses......After doing research on products, I just ordered the stuff to do the 24 day TRIM Challenge by Advocare, I plan on blogging about my experience, and hopefully becoming a healthier, fitter me.......
Guilty Pleasures:
I have been guilty of spending the day in my pajamas and vowing to stay inside the house all day.....is this kind of behavior excused if we got 2 inches of rain?
Random Thoughts:
LEGS was flying a VERY late night tonight, I have been super lazy all day and LIZA brought me dinner, she saved me from eating a bunch of random stuff out of the fridge, and feeling even more sorry...This is me, justing thanks her fromt eh bottom of my heart, and thanking the Universe for sending me an angel that I desperately needed....WHISKEY GIRLZ 4 LIFE! :*)
(Yawn) man.....I hate being on the same schedule as LEGS....late nights, mid-days, early night, early days....SEESH....**
My Sissy had a dream: LEGS took her for a ride in a helicopter, she said it was kinda weird because he wasn't feeling well, like he had diarrhea or something. Instead of a real helicopter, this one had a thing in the middle that you spin to make the blades work (like the tea cups at the fair) I guess he was spinning the thing in the center but his stomach was hurting so bad he had to make an emergency landing so that he could go to the bathroom....
I cannot begin to tell you, how on point this dream was. (LEGS suffers from IBS).
"No one cares what you know, unless they know that you care." -Unknown PRICELESS! .*D
All I can say is that my life is pretty plain
I like watching the puddles gather rain
And all I can do is just pour some tea for two
And speak my point of view
But it's not sane.....its not sane....
My Grandfather on my Father's side has bent pinky's, he is the most stubborn difficult man to deal with. I too, have bent pinky's and I always say if you box, you have to be really stubborn, otherwise the sport will break you down......Guess who else has the stubborn bone? RYLEE! FUTURE BOXER! Can't wait to see the affects of this family trait when she is a teenager!
My apologies about not being more consistent with my blog- I really am trying to be better about it from here on out.....
Just another week in the life of an unlikely military wife.....**
No comments:
Post a Comment