052612
Day 20
A Confession
"Is that crazy enough for ya? Want me to take a shit on the floor? -McMurphy in One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest.
PRECURSOR: I would like to take this time to publicly apologize to my domestic partner, Kahlua.....upon reflection of my actions I realize the error of my ways......
I had a little psychopathic episode the other day.....at the Commissary...just a little break with reality.....it was little I swear.....and I think the level of crazy was more prominent from the outside in.......
From the outside in:
My wifey and I went to the commissary together....I know I am such a catch! Who else's domestic partner goes grocery shopping with them!? It was the typical girls chatting and laughing at the rate of one million miles per hour......
There I am clad in workout clothes, a bandana over my hair, sporting crocs.....outwardly just your average hippy girl freak.....inwardly my clothing choices make perfect sense comfort and mobility being my top priorities.....
I really dislike when they move things around in the grocery store....I find this to be very, very.....very unsettling......
I pushed my cart down the aisle and nonchalantly strolled over to the VITAMIN section....this is where they are...this is where they always are......but today.......
they were NOT there......the panic sets in and I trailed off asking my WIFEY "Where did they put the vitamins?" Two chicks just trying to assess the situation....okay....there is the sign saying where the vitamins are.....
It reads as follows: (Can I just add that the letters were OVERLY HAPPY?) "We have moved out vitamins to provide you with more options in our BABY department." :D
OKAY........so I basically went ape sh*t......I started yelling and throwing my hands up....pacing up and down the aisle.....saying:
"WHERE THE F*CK ARE THE VITAMINS!?! I MEAN.....PEOPLE NEED VITAMINS.
PEOPLE NEED TO BE HEALTHY TO TAKE CARE OF BABIES!!!!
WHAT ABOUT PEOPLE WHO DON'T HAVE BABIES?!? WE ARE PEOPLE TOO!
AREN'T THEIR ANY HUMANS AROUND HERE?!? I MEAN ADULTS NEED TO BE HEALTHY TO TAKE CARE OF BABIES!
IS THE WHOLE WORLD BABIES NOW?!!? EVERYTHING IS ALWAYS ABOUT THE FUCKING BABIES!"
It was LOUD....and several other patrons were starring......Wifey was trying desperately to calm me down.......in fact one customer came over and tried assisting in the search....but as soon as he realized that I was crazy he immediately regretted his helping hand.......
After vacating that particular aisle.......I just kept having a meltdown.....we were several aisles away and I was still ranting hysterically about it.......I was that silly hippy girl who was ranting about vitamins.....
I realize now how it appeared to others......but seriously......sometimes I just feel like because I don't have a child......I have no consideration......Like I am not doing some seriously LEGIT stuff in my own life so......inconveniencing me is no big deal.....
In my defense they did move the vitamins to a completely different building at a completely different part of the base....which is INCREDIBLY inconvenient....
LEGS.....you keep me CALM and you keep the CRAZY away.......
I should probably also admit that I have fantasized repeatedly that I continued with my meltdown.....I threw all the baby shit all over the store and the MPS had to haul me out.........
LOVE ON YA- BIRDIE**
Just another day in the life of an unlikely military wife.....(she's cray cray.....)**
No comments:
Post a Comment