Weather: Sunny dayz, gonna chase the clouds away......and then there was thunder and lightening!
Exchange Rate: SAME!
I am what's up. I haven't seen this hour since before LEGS left and I feel exhausted. See.....LEGS went to bed....and I stayed awake....then I went to sleep....then LEGS AND I got up.....
We got a whopping 12 hours together. And here I sit, yet again, in a quiet empty house....I guess its better to start off slow....I don't want to get sick of him too fast.....On the other hand it felt more like a conjugal visit.....
I seemed to have trained my husband well. He apologized for having to explode, asked where a good place to explode is, and for the most part picked up after himself last night. Either that or he realizes how nice it is to be home, have me, and live in a clean environment. I ponder how long this current enlightenment will last.
While.....he was courteous, I still found evidence of the explosion after I said goodbye this morning and did my speed clean around the house......
I am a lucky enough girl to have a cellar room, where LEGS can explode as much as he would like.....
I seriously, didn't know what to do with myself today.
I have spent every day the last several weeks laboring in the garden to get everything ready for planting and everything planted. Even though I waited until the last possible day (LEGS' arrival day), to finish it, I am glad I got it done, but now.....I have to be very very patient and wait for everything to bloom!
Its kind of nerve racking....I am feeling insecure about my gardening abilities....what if nothing blooms??? And this whole time I have been talking about my garden and then people come to see my garden and its just dirt??? What would they say? What would I say?
I took a nap today. I haven't done that since we first moved here and I was experiencing the joys of jet lag. It was one of those naps where I was dreaming and drooling.....it took me like 20 minutes to focus on the world once I woke up. Since when did naps become so taboo? In NEVER NEVER LAND they shut everything down from 12pm-2pm, for lunch....how much you want to bet they are napping too???
I got tomatoes and chillies in the greenhouse. I finally pulled the bike out, put the peddles on it and attempted to straighten the handle bars and affix the tires, but gave up once I realized I needed a tool....I don't even know where the tools are....Since LEGS is home I am going to enjoy the luxury of having him around to help me do this kind of stuff. And since my ankle is still hurting, I am excited about bike rides!
ARMS' MAILBOX:
ARMS,
Reading your blog posts are very inspirational and from my standpoint gave me the motivation I was needed to get started. I've been talking about starting one for over 6 months and never had the confidence to put my feelings out there without sugar coating it. And I also had the fear I wouldn't be worth reading. How would I be different? How could I make it MY own? WELL, by following your blog, I could feel your confidence and vulnerability and I found these things in myself. So I have you to thank for it. Also, my husband read my posts and told me he was proud of me for finally doing it b/c he thinks it'll be a great outlet for me. He thinks I'm a great writer. That's a compliment I've never gotten from him and it felt so awesome. That he vocalized that he sees me as more than a great wife and a great mother. I think this Blog will be a way to keep from losing myself in the massive occupation that is motherhood. So don't feel like your unique fire is being put out by the small candles being lit around you. It's just more light for the night sky! Keep it real. Teach me jedi master!, LIZA
LIZA,
My only response is one of my favorite quotes, its a very special quote to me because its one that I had framed for a friend right before he died.....every time I struggle with somebody or something I try very hard to consider this quote and apply my late friends approach to life, being afraid just means that your are alive, people won't remember what you did but they will remember how you made them feel, and as demonstrated in his early death you are not promised tomorrow.....
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us, it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
ARMS,
I love your blog because you think and say things that I do and it's raw and uncut and uncensored and it's what you are feeling. I admire that you are able to take what people say / respond to you and then explain what you meant and you also look inside yourself. I find it humbling. In the best sense of humbleness. I wouldn't be able to say everything I feel about my life for everyone to see and then face those people and explain myself. I am too worried about people's feelings and what they think of me (opposite of humble right?) not to mention what people will say about my husband... Will it affect his career or the way his troops or superiors see him? Will his friends give him a hard time? Will i be the "oh thats that girl i was telling you about" ... anyways i ask myself how much would I change for the better if I allowed myself to be more humble, or vulnerable to those around me. I know my husband sees me in my most vulnerable times. He knows my thoughts and feelings sometimes before i do and often it's those moments that we've grown closer and our bond is stronger.
so my point in writing you is this...
Please don't change the way you write, you just say what others think inside and really the reality is that you make people relate to you because you are REAL. It may be misunderstood from time to time but in the end, people ask and you respond.
Mucho love, a fellow military wife ;)
Fellow Military Wife,
All because of this message from you, I promise I won't change how I write, UNLESS, I can make it better. Thank you so much for taking the time to write this letter, because it really meant the world to me.
And as far as people talking about you....
“Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people." Eleanor Roosevelt
I can't say that I haven't been small minded, because I have, but every time I hear this quote, I think to myself,
'Yeah, I don't care what they say anyways!'
And then I think.
"I need to brainstorm some cool idea's so I can be GREAT!"
Perhaps this makes me simple minded...lolz....but it works like charm!
Even though I did end up hurting people's feelings, I never said anything with out considering their feelings. One thing that I was able to do is explain my point of view, support my view intelligently, and articulate myself in a way that wasn't totally negative, it was more of a debate with myself and a question to my audience. Saying what you feel and what you mean isn't the same as flying off at the mouth without consideration, thought or a basis for your argument.
One thing that I can say for certain is that it takes courage to grow up and become who you really are (e.e. cummings) Some people have the courage, some people are looking for it, and some people, however so sadly, will never find it.
(My apologies for being "quote- y" in this blog- I just can't write like the GREATS!)
Random Thoughts:
Last night I showed LEGS these hairstyles that I have been thinking about getting....and I am not sure why I was surprised....that he seemed to have cared less.....but I think its because I had fabricated a certain response in my imagination....and let me tell you that was not it.....
There is a fly stuck to the fly paper that won't die, every once in awhile it bizzes over there.....I just wish the damn thing would die!
I always want LEGS to be romantic, and tonight while I was running around cooking dinner, he grabbed me in the kitchen to hug me and kiss me. He squeezed me real tight and then....and then I accidentally tooted. Once I had decided that he had definitely heard it, I sheepishly made the admission and laughed, and wished that I hadn't ruined the romance.....
I hate it when people copy my swag.......
Guilty Pleasures:
Laughing at somebody.....and finding great amusement in their actions...
Thank you all for the amazing week of enlightenment and for your enthusiastic support!
OVER & OUT
Just another day in the life of an unlikely military wife.....**
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