ARMS Rents a Kid for the weekend....**

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Weather Conditions brought to you by Karmella: We are experiencing the Celestial ball of heat and Cumulus mediocris which  is a low to middle level cloud with some vertical extent of the genus cumulus. It may or may not show the cauliflower form characteristic of cumulus clouds. These clouds do not generally produce precipitation. These clouds are common in the advance of a cold front or in unstable atmospheric conditions such as an area of low pressure. They can grow into larger clouds which could bring storms. 

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For the weekend I thought it would be fun to 'Rent-A-Kid.'  His name is Spiderman for blogs sake.  Did you know SpiderMan's Mom is actually J. Lo? Anyways, J. Lo is a Soldier in the Guard ( I know right!?! I didn't know that either!) and had to drill for the weekend.  Since the BOYZ are in the field she needed somebody to watch her two boys.   

I knew that my abilities and talents were not advanced enough to sign up for the whole gig for the whole weekend so I volunteered to 'assist.' I was scheduled to pick up my 'Rent-a Kid' on Saturday morning, bright and early.  

Here is my first mistake.  I have been burning the candle at both ends all week, staying up late, getting up early and doing hard labor.  So....I stayed up entirely too late Friday night trying to get stuff done.  Word of Advice if you are watching somebody else's kids- stock up on sleep, I thought 6 hours would be enough, but it most definitely was not.

Here is Radishes and Lettuce from the Garden....a product of the hard labor:

This is special for The Mommy: Look what I found hiding in my salad!

I woke up early Saturday to feed Karmella, let her out, enjoy my morning cup of coffee and relax as I knew my day was about to kick into high gear with lots of kids- ALL DAY LONG.  First thing I did was burn my tongue, like scorched it so bad- my taste buds were gone.

I went over to SpiderMan's crib to pick him up. I then inserted a carseat into the Special Edition Audi S4, V8 Engine, Leather Interior. I took a picture, texted and facebooked LEGS the status of his HOT ROD a.k.a. His Baby. And used it as a Mommy-Mobile giggling the whole way about it.

Here's where it gets complicated.  I was handling two dilemma's at once, I had to let LIZA's dogs out and feed them, and then get the car seat delivered to Mick so she could go rescue LIZA from an unfortunate event. Luckily Princess Peach and Luigi were able to hang out with SpiderMan. The Summation: I had to get a babysitter, even though I was a babysitter for my Rent-A-Kid.

Around 1030am, we loaded the kiddos in the Van and were en route to the Birthday Party for Luigi.  The Birthday party was at a large Indoor Playground that looks a lot like a gigantic McDonald's Play Land. SpiderMan and I played air hockey, obviously I let him win, but I kept him honest when he got cocky and I taught him a few things....it felt good to teach....We spent the whole day getting sauced up on Apple Juice, Chicken Nuggets, Fries, Cake and Ice Cream.  We partied HARD!

Side Story: Obviously I was the only illegitimate person in the group, when the Mommies and Daddies asked me which kid was mine, I told them 'I rented SpiderMan special for this event.' They laughed, but what was more funny to me, is one mom asked if anybody had hand sanatizer.....In my mind: I do!, Another Mom asked for nail clippers...In my mind: I have those too....It was scary to me how many things I have that Moms need in MY purse.

When we left I felt emancipated! Fresh air and the absence of 5 million screaming kids.  By 4pm I had my sights set on bed time.  And by 730pm I thought it was 1030 pm.  I was utterly exhausted.

By the time we got to SpiderMan's house, I was on survival mode.  My patience was running thin and I was in the role of bad cop.  I hate playing bad cop.  But now I know, that I am capable of doing it when I have my own children.  

I played with an Etch a Sketch.  It was soothing to know that kids still play with things that I recognize as a legit toy and used to play with myself as a child.  SpiderMan asked me what I was drawing, I told him I didn't know, when I handed the Etch a Sketch back to him, HE told ME what I drew.....who would have thought, a patron of the arts would know better what the artist was creating???

We watched Toy Story 3.  I found it amusing that the kids entertained the idea that the Toys really do come alive when people are not around.....and then I started to think as a child, that would have freaked me out so badly I would have refused having any TOYS in my room.

SpiderMan has a little brother, I do not have a nickname for him yet. At one point I was assigned to comfort him, but he doesn't like me and is very strong willed.  I cannot begin to describe how frustrating and horrible it is to console a unconsolable child when they don't want you and don't like you. 

And yet I had a blanket war with the same child who smiled, giggled, played and laughed with me.  All the satisfaction of that moment was shot to hell when he bonked his head.  He missed his Mommy and I miss my LEGS, both of us just wanted to curl up in the arms of somebody who loves us unconditionally...

I was finally able to get some sleep after I returned SpiderMan for the night, but all day I have been feeling exhausted and off.....I think I haven't fully recovered from the Apple Juice and Cake....

I picked up my Rent-A-Kid for one more ride this morning.  The plan was to take him to Luigi and Princess Peach's for a play date.  But first, I had to do somethings at my house like brush my teeth, and let Karmella out. During this time we played SpiderMan's FAVORITE game, its called 1 BAZILLION questions.  I would just like to take this time and insert a qaulifier.  I cannot be held responsible, accountable or liable for telling lies, stories, fabrications, fairy tales, truths, or exaggerating or minimizing facts.

SpiderMan:'Is this Knife Real?' (pointed to a dagger from the Chech Republic)

ARMS: 'Yes...its real.'

SpiderMan:'Why do you have it?'

ARMS:'So I can cut little kids when they are bad.'

SpiderMan:'You cut little kids!?! Where do you cut them?'

ARMS:'Yep I cut them only when they are bad, and I ususally cut their hands. DON'T TOUCH!' 

ARMS: 'SpiderMan if you don't stop right now, its going to be bad.'

SpiderMan:'What is going to happen?'

ARMS:'Let's just say you won't like it.' 

SpiderMan:'Look! Its another snail! I have a good eye!'

ARMS:'Yep, uh huh, you do.'

SpiderMan: 'Why do I have a good eye?'

ARMS: 'Because the GOD gave you one.'

SpiderMan:' God is Nice...'

ARMS:' Yes God is nice...'

In my mind: Jeez, I hope I am not preaching to this kid if his parents aren't religious.  And little does he know, GOD can be sometimes be mean....

Here is a picture of SpiderMan and his 'pet' Snails.

Time Out is an AMAZING tool.  

Never tell a kid 'The Plan' because if you deviate or do not execute the plan quickly YOU WILL NEVER HEAR THE END OF IT.  So this is what I did. I left out the plan/details as much as possible and when we started to go somewhere or do something I told them it was a surprise.

Guilty Pleasures:

Pshh....are you kidding me? If sleep counts, then I indulged in sleep...

But....I wasn't completely honest with you the other night I went and had a burger at the Aussie Pub....with my WHISKEY CREW!

Random Thoughts:

When is his mom supposed to be home? What time is it?

I think its different when you have your own child and you grow with them, then when you just end up with a child you don't know very well....

I can smell manipulation a mile away....

This isn't REALLY BRIBERY....is it?

I tripped up my stairs, because I was tired, I was carrying a bunch of things and Spiderman kept asking me questions.  I got so angry, that I ALMOST took it out on him.  But I just took a deep breath and told him I needed him to be quiet for a few minutes.....

DAMN! I am really proud of myself!!!! 

OVER & OUT!

Just another day in the life of an unlikely military wife....**