Is it even... possible....to be 'Special?'

Herrrlo Blog!

Weather Logbook: Overcast, Chilly and Breezy.  I have been working in the yard all day and to stay warm I have been wearing a scarf.  If its going to be like this at least it could rain.

Exchange Rate: SAME!

Since LEGS has been gone over the last month, I have been running around like crazy helping others.  Tonight, I was planning on a quiet evening at home with Me, Myself and I.  But.....the Universe had other plans.

WHISKEY Company got a new Apache Driver.  LEGS is his Sponsor, which is hysterical since LEGS is in the field, he can't perform his Sponsor duties.  So I have been helping the new guy as best I can, which means I haven't been helping at all....

Last week I lent him my vehicle, and tonight he called to let me know he hadn't wrecked the FJ, and he is looking at a flat in Oberdachstetten (where I live).  After talking with him for a few minutes on the phone I started to get the feeling he wanted some company, which is totally understandable.....

So I invited him over for dinner.  Stupid girl.  I have been living like a Single Gal for weeks and there is very little in my fridge.  He asked me if I would go with him to look at the place and I agreed.  So first we were going to look at a place to live and then I was going to make him dinner.


Okay....this is weird.....


It was bizarre looking at a place to live with a man I hardly know, when LEGS is gone and has been for several weeks.  I mean what do you say?


'Wow that is a nice bathroom? There isn't a tub, do you take baths? What a romantic fireplace.' Or....'I could help you decorate !?'


I opened my fridge and told him all I have is salad (part of my get skinny while LEGS is gone plan).  I made him and I salads, cooked up some hard boiled eggs, warmed up some soup, and gave him those banana pepper thingy's with cream cheese in them.  He seemed completely satisfied, but I felt incompetent as a hostess....


Over dinner we discussed some fundamentals of finding a place to live.  He was asking me for advice, but I don't know this man, so I felt like I couldn't give him sound advice without knowing more about him.  

He is single, no pets, no car, no furniture.  So then I asked him, what kind of lifestyle he wants to live over here.  He is stuck on that.  His world is wide open as you can see, but he's not sure if he wants to live as the ultimate bachelor or live a little more low key.  Oberdachstetten is more low key, and the place we looked at was VERY nice, but maybe a flat in the city would suit him better.  I found myself telling him how great Oberdachstetten is, and how happy we are here.....and now I wonder, should I have said anything at all?

Subject change....


As you know, I have been slowly dealing with my sudden realization that people actually like me, and they think that I am cool for some unknown reason.  


In high school, (as promised this is not me playing the victim) I was on the outskirts of popularity, I had many friends, but I was only close to very few.  In college, I was dating a Recon Marine in the middle of a WAR.  Most people didn't understand or care about my sensitive situation on a liberal college campus, and I felt isolated because of this.  Then I started to Box, and worked in a Armed Security position, which means in most cases I was the ONLY girl or one of very few.  

Each segment of my life up until now, I have taken the road less traveled and some how managed to be only a blip on the radar, I have had a few close friends, and people knew who I am, but it has been a pretty modest existence.


Now suddenly, I feel like I am back in high school and I am the most popular girl in school.  Its very overwhelming and slightly disconcerting....I just don't know how to deal with people calling me so much, and inviting me so many places. How do you find balance? Am I sellout? 


Its like this.  Part of my identity (my WHOLE life) has been being the outsider, the weird girl, the girl that nobody understands....So its like being a little known artist and suddenly making it big.....but part of your whole identity as an artist is being little, do you embrace the popularity??? And if you do are you a sellout?


The other wives here have started to take a active interest in the hobbies that I have by starting blogs and gardens too, they think I am funny and good with kids, they ask me for advice and tell me their problems.


I feel like I have been thrust into this leadership position, and in my mind: I don't want to do that, somebody else should....you should, or she should....but not me.....


How ironic is it that all my life I have been ALMOST cast in a leading role.....and now that I am in a leading role I am frightened half to death.....I have not been taking it very well.....AT ALL.....

As I have said before, MY BLOG, is mostly about what I think and even though it can be very embarrassing its about MY issues.   So....here is it is in all my childishness, immaturity, and BRUTAL honesty: I feel like I am back in my childhood and my little sister is repeating everything I say.


All of our lives our parents have told us we are special, and our best friends and our boyfriends, and now our Significant others.....but how would it feel if suddenly everybody in your life was telling you you are special??? You would probably be freaking like me.....you would question and suspiciously wonder when will the jig be up? When will the big letdown, surprise or Ashton Kutcher jump out of the bushes???


People say 'Imitation is the sincerest form of Flattery', but is it??? 

I have said that I want to change the world.  And my plan was to change it one kid at a time, because kids are the future, but....unfortunately that plan due to my husbands career has been put on hold.  So then I decided that I would change the world by positively influencing everybody I meet.

8 months ago I started this blog.  I started a blog because too many funny things happen to me and LEGS to not share it, and I needed some release.  LEGS was so busy that he didn't have time to hear all my ramblings.  Also, I knew that it would be good for my family to stay in touch especially since we were moving overseas.    

And then I realized....this could be one of my tool's, this could help me change the world.  And....I think my wish has been granted.....my blog has gained in popularity, I have loyal followers and people have said if I write a book they would buy it.....this makes me very happy because I have read a few excerpts from books written by military wives and I find them to be ridiculous....I am honored and take very seriously my ability to talk about being a military spouse, without being squacky, dizzy, or weak.....and for being an individual and not just an extension of my husband.

Lately I have been asking myself, if its even possible to be an individual, to be special and unique.  In a world where, everybody is always following what others are doing, or trying so hard to be different, it seems as though everybody is just copying everybody else.....we wear what the stars wear, we listen to the same songs over and over again on the radio and we let popular media influence us without even knowing it....and even worse, we treat all of our kids the same, we tell them they are all special and we worry obsessively about everybody's self esteem...


I guess what I am trying to say is I want people to think outside the box, challenge themselves, and make a change using their special talents. I like people that are unlike anybody else, people that are odd, artistic and adventurous, even up to the point of being utterly bizarre.  Everybody thinks that Angelina Jolie and Lady Gaga are weird, but I find them to be fascinating....because they are weird.  

One thing that I have clung to in my life is the fact that I too, am different, I do things that other people don't do, and now.....I feel like I am just doing what everybody else does.....

I am excited because I don't feel so alone, and I feel more 'normal.' 
But I am frightened about being in this unknown territory.  I am wondering, if I wanted to be different....what should I do next? I am cautiously thinking and waiting....to see...to see....something different.


And also....am I full of sh*t? Or have I gotten arrogant? Maybe since I have started writing the blog, I am just like everybody else, and never knew that because I never shared this much of myself, and maybe, since everybody has been telling me I am special, I actually thought for a moment that I was.....

ARMS' INBOX:


OKAY....Like seriously I have had enough.  

I woke up to a text this morning from LEGS.  As much as I would like to say it was a nice text, or a mushy text, it was not....it was a text about something I said to somebody else being twisted into something negative.  


I absolutely refuse to give any major details because I won't entertain this high school mentality....but I would like to make an observation and also clarify my existence.


I am real.  I say stuff all the time, whatever is on my mind.  I don't have a very big filter because I think its fake.  So what you see is what you get.  I find it absolutely amusing and kindive shocking that these men are more dramatic then we (the wives) are.  

Since the boys have been in the field, certain things have happened and been said that make me think.....all they have done up there is gossip and suffer from PMS.  Since PMS stands for Putting Up with mens Sh*t, I can't say that I am surprised....


But really? 


Attention BOYZ OF WHISKEY:


We haven't had time to talk about you.....I know you all think you are God's gift to mankind because you fly Apache's but we have been very busy holding it down while you have been away....so busy....we haven't had time to say anything about you, or your friends....not a word....your just not THAT big of deal...


Second, if you read something on facebook....GROW UP!  I mean really, if something is going on between LEGS and I, its between LEGS and I- your not his significant other and consider yourself lucky for that....don't be a tattle tale!

And last but not least.....if you hear something from your significant other....maybe you should keep that between your significant other and you.....


Don't you remember that game telephone as as kid?


If I say something to your wife....

and she says something to you...

and you say something to LEGS....

and he says something to me....

don't you think by the time it gets back to me, its not at all what I said?


Moral of the Story: Men in the ARMY are WAY MORE DRAMATIC then the Spouses....


Random Thoughts:

I always wonder about people who can't be alone....I always want to ask them.....do you not like yourself? Because really, when you are alone that is who you hang out with, yourself.  

Always Imitated, Never Duplicated....


Oh for the LOVE OF GOD! I didn't say that....and I don't appreciate being woken up for this....I don't have time for it....


J. Lo brought me flowers and a gift certificate to the Spa, she really didn't have to do that, but my favorite part was SpiderMan's signature on the card.....


I noticed the other night that the friends I was closest to in high school that I am still close too......have lived completely different lives then me, and they still don't have children, just like me.....it got me thinking, what was it that we had in common, even though our lives could not be more different right now, that has made us wait on kids?


Man.....I think I have some serious issues.....I need a shrink.....

Sometimes....my childishness astounds me....

After spending the weekend with a Rent-a-Kid, I am acting like a kid....


Guilty Pleasures:


Being Childish....


Being Immature...

Being selfish....


Thinking I am special....


OVER & OUT...


Just another day in the mind of an unlikely military wife...**