Dear LEGS: I'll be seeing you....**

LEGS.....

050812

Day 2

A MEMOIR

The Hours.....

To look life in the face, always, to look life in the face and to know it for what it is. At last to know it, to love it for what it is, and then, to put it away. Always the years between us, always the years. Always the love, ALWAYS THE HOURS...... -Virginia Woolf

Number one rule is to "look cool".....saying goodbye with some SWAGGER....I dug a antique kerchief out for the occasion one that Grandma McKay gave to me....it had little yellow flowers on it with a yellow ribbon.....and my ROSIE Kerchief atop my head....

I knew the car ride would be our last moments together.......so I put on LEGS' favorite song....and for a brief moment the sun came out.....we bombed down the road in the Audi.....

You know......I secretly wished that you would let go of the wheel....I imagined our car flipping in the field next to us....I felt security in the idea of being severely injured, maimed, or dead because at least we would be these things together.....our love has always been a little reckless, I have always felt braver, louder, and more wild with you......(tears.....)

When we arrived to the Hanger, I felt overwhelmed.....it was just rows and rows of bags and buses and soldiers.....it was controlled chaos and all I could think of was how sad it was to witness just hoards of soldiers being herded into lines, lists, signs, formations, and numbers, while us family members stood by with defeat, tears, and sheer horror upon our faces.....

You scared me when you started to stress out about packing up the last of your things.....I am not judging you, I would have started to freak out too,.....I just didn't know what to do......I asked what I could do to help....you gave me instructions.....I told myself just keep moving and assisting like a good wife.....

.....first I help hand you the plates you needed for your bulletproof vest, I studied you as you put your holster on, you were all issued weapons, you were packing your helmet which as I recall was a point of contention...which bag should your helmet go into....?

I had the epiphany during all this, a real EUREKA moment, that place where your brain is snapped so far into reality that you feel like you can't breathe......if my eyes were watering it wasn't tears of emotion, it was as a result of strangulation....

Both of us were dressing, pumping, fluffing......both of us were putting on our armor, packing, preparing and beginning that process of mentally dealing with what was about to happen.....

I started to curse and pace.....and you started a boyish bravado....that part where the shit is really real, we are really walking away from the only thing that makes sense in this world....

We collapsed into each other for our last moments, last kisses, last words....I breathed you in, felt and memorized your arms around me...I made admissions, we professed our love, and made a meeting place....

"If we get separated, and in our dreams, let's meet on the star....my star?...yes on your star...in our cabin? Yep, in the cabin......don't cry babe, I am coming back to you......I know babe, I am not crying for that I am crying because I am going to miss you so much....I know.....but you won't miss me for long because tonight, I'm coming to see you, we will be reunited in our dreams.......I love you, I love you too, I love you for eternity- I love you too....."

You pull away and smile at me, you give me that look like "don't make it harder" I nod....tears streaming down my face.........

And the last time I see you, I wave smiling and shout "I love you babe!"

LEGS.....I'll be seeing you......LOVE ON YA- BIRDIE**

Just another hour in the life of an unlikely military wife....**