Day 4
050912
A LETTER
How am I supposed to breathe with NO AIR?
I have been slowly moving in the mornings....and I have inappropriately answered the door on numerous occasions to get Karmella to come inside....George (the neighbor) is always out there to greet me....while I sheepishly hide behind the door tugging at my t-shirt to cover more of my body.....even the workout clothes I have been wearing are unattractive.....
The Telecom guy came the other day....it took us 20 minutes to figure out that we have TKS....I am silly girl and I forgot. The whole time I was thinking "One wrong move sunny boy and I am going to PUMMEL you...."
I went for a run.....I ran so hard that I was dragging Karmella behind me the last mile and a half......I just kept thinking over and over that I was running to you...and even though I couldn't breathe, even though every moment of every day feels like I can never take a full deep breath....even though I am always breathing shallow.....
I told myself that change is uncomfortable and that I am literally undergoing a painful transformation......like the phoenix......I was rising from the ashes....
"The phoenix hope, can wing her way through the desert skies, and still defying fortune's spite; revive from ashes and rise. " -Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra
I started to think that these deployments can sometimes bring out the worst in me....I become leery, challenging, and jaded.....I lose that innocence and that blind trust....I somehow manifest a hero inside me.....and I have to be strong and brave and always ready.....the way that it hardens me frightens me.....
I have been slowly moving in the mornings....and I have inappropriately answered the door on numerous occasions to get Karmella to come inside....George (the neighbor) is always out there to greet me....while I sheepishly hide behind the door tugging at my t-shirt to cover more of my body.....even the workout clothes I have been wearing are unattractive.....
The Telecom guy came the other day....it took us 20 minutes to figure out that we have TKS....I am silly girl and I forgot. The whole time I was thinking "One wrong move sunny boy and I am going to PUMMEL you...."
I went for a run.....I ran so hard that I was dragging Karmella behind me the last mile and a half......I just kept thinking over and over that I was running to you...and even though I couldn't breathe, even though every moment of every day feels like I can never take a full deep breath....even though I am always breathing shallow.....
I told myself that change is uncomfortable and that I am literally undergoing a painful transformation......like the phoenix......I was rising from the ashes....
"The phoenix hope, can wing her way through the desert skies, and still defying fortune's spite; revive from ashes and rise. " -Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra
I started to think that these deployments can sometimes bring out the worst in me....I become leery, challenging, and jaded.....I lose that innocence and that blind trust....I somehow manifest a hero inside me.....and I have to be strong and brave and always ready.....the way that it hardens me frightens me.....
I am starting to get things in order....I cleaned things up, mowed the lawn, did laundry.....I couldn't bring myself to change the sheets yet, and every time I walk into the guest room it has that distinct ARMY man smell.....it always stops me in my tracks...and for that moment I just think of you.....
I am so thankful that the wives got together for comfort foods the first night you guys were gone....if it wasn't for leftovers I am afraid I would not be taking very good care of myself. I put dinner in the microwave.....(and you know me, always leaving cups of coffee in there for days on end...) I came back to the microwave after doing something and only 30 seconds had passed.....
I am so thankful that the wives got together for comfort foods the first night you guys were gone....if it wasn't for leftovers I am afraid I would not be taking very good care of myself. I put dinner in the microwave.....(and you know me, always leaving cups of coffee in there for days on end...) I came back to the microwave after doing something and only 30 seconds had passed.....
The distance, length, and time, between us is something that I can no longer deny, avoid, or rationalize away....in my dreams
I walked.I ran.I jumped. I flew, right off the ground to float to you....
LOVE ON YA- BIRDIE**
Just another day in the life of an unlikely military wife.....**
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