Dear LEGS: SLEEP.....**

LEGS....
051112
Day 5


An F.Y.I.


Definition of SLEEP: The natural periodic suspension of consciousness during which the powers of the body are restored... 


I was doing really good.....but then......I wasn't.......


It is imperative to have a sleep aide, and sleep ritual in place....those of which include SLEEP. I found myself out of Melatonin.....and under extreme pressure to completely change our sleep ritual....it doesn't really work with just one person....I tried it.....


Without you......when its time to go to bed.  I stall.  For hours.  I look at the bed without you in it and I decide I have other "very important" things to do.  You know me....I hate sleep, I mean, I LOVE sleep, but I hate MISSING out on life....sleeping....


So....I look out all the windows of the house like there is something out there...sometimes I close them or open them...I spend ENTIRELY too much time writing this blog, I pace the house....checking the perimeter, answer emails, face stalk people.....none of these rituals amount to much....besides wasting valuable sleep hours....


And once I finally crawl into bed.....I spend time watching something or reading....until I can barely keep my eyes open any more.....( I often feel in life that I have not enough hours in the day to read all the things I want to read, do all the things I want to do, see all the things I want to see, and succeed at all the things I want to be good at.....)


I reach over and turn off the lights.....settle in....(at usually a very obscene hour...)


LEGS LET ME TELL YOU......


ALL HELL BROKE LOSE......


My eyes shot open and my heart skipped a beat.  I started to think about it.  About the fight on Saturday.  (Narrator: the main character in this story (the author) has a very important boxing match on Saturday and must get her beauty rest- because super heroes need to restore their powers...)


My heart started beating really fast.....and I started to think about how perplexed I am about the fight, ONLY YOU...ONLY LEGS could fully understand my angst.....


I thought...."I don't feel nervous....which makes me nervous....and I worry that nobody will come and I will be there alone......my insecurities are seeping in....and I know what must be done and I feel confident that I can do it......its just irrational fear....and the minor detail of a language barrier.....


I told myself....."GIRRRRL!  freaking out about this fight isn't helping you, you need rest, so stop freaking out and GO TO SLEEP....."


Mentally I envisioned sleep......But I couldn't fight it.....the Crazy GIRL inside of me wanted to have a full fledge freak out.....so I told her FINE....you want to FREAK OUT....GO AHEAD, BUT YOU CAN'T FREAK OUT THE NEXT TWO NIGHTS......YOU NEED SLEEP......


AND THEN.....I (THE OTHER ME) HIT A WHOLE NEW LEVEL OF CRAZY.......


(SHOCKED) I start thinking about THE GIRL....MY GIRL....MY OPPONENT....I know, I know, I shouldn't but I still did....do....isn't it WEIRD that we have sparred before?  Its just weird.......right?  


(Backstory:  Several weekends ago I was invited to attend a 8 hour boxing training camp with CHAMPION FEMALES that LIVE WHERE I LIVE.....I sparred a few of them, one particular girl I felt very strong against.  I did not initially believe that she would take a fight against me because I felt that I had hurt her during the spar. But I was assured she had agreed to take the fight.....)


IN TIFFS BRAIN: COMIC BOOK STYLE


I SHOW UP IN MY CAPE TO WIN THE BATTLE.

THE BELL RINGS AND WE BEGIN COMBAT.

I AM DOING GOOD....I AM WINNING....

AND THEN.....SUDDENLY SHE PULLS OUT....
A SECRET WEAPON.....SHE RAISES HER WEAPON........

AND KNOCKS MY BLOCK OFF.....


By this point I was sweating, sitting straight up in bed, patting myself on the back, rocking myself telling myself "ITS OKAY....YOU CAN DO THIS.....YOU CAN DO THIS...."


It was like.........A NIGHT TERROR.........so vivid......


Needless to say....I barely slept.....and I can't figure out how to turn off the alarm clock on your nightstand so every morning since you have been gone.....it goes off at 5:45AM.....how do you turn it off?

LOVE ON YA- BIRDIE**

Just another night in the life of an unlikely military wife.....**