....a riddle that you solve....**

090414
beloved LEGS....

....sigh......

.....that inevitable echo....it both disgusts me and frustrates me to feel so undeniably lost.....and helpless.....

.....I need you.....but I can't have you......is there anything more......hopeless?

.....I really can't believe myself.....I need you to help me deal with all the emotional turmoil swirling around in my head and there you are busy just trying to stay alive.....how could I possibly burden you will all my craziness?  Simultaneously how could I not share my thoughts and feelings with you....what would a marriage be if it weren't even in the smallest ways a shared.....journey?

.....the oscillation between being strong, making independent decisions and troubling you with it all is a full force monopolizing affair.....I can't seem to come to any conclusions....and when I do.....I change my mind.....I am in a tornado and your the only thing solid enough to hang on to.....

.....because so many parts of my life are so vastly different, I feel broken.....a classic case of multiple personality disorder....my soul, the language I speak, and all the thoughts I have, things I want to do, things I want to make, people I want to be......are so endless.....and strong.....and varied.....

.....I stumble along aimlessly in a house full of mirrors of which every girl in the reflection does not recognize herself....tell me LEGS....when you look in the mirror do you recognize the man you've become?  For if you don't, at least we have that......

....so many parts are unstable and unsure....and every decision, every move has monumental influences on the direction of this life we lead......even when I calmly think every detail through....the right answer still eludes me.....

......I know....that even if I could only see your face through plate glass......I would have all the answers I seek.......for me.....you are like a rune....you give my soul all the answers to all the questions....I am a riddle that you some how solve......

.....Just another day in the life of an unlikely military wife....**