....lure....**

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beloved LEGS...

.....temptation...and the lure of love in all forms.....even unsavory ones....is a difficult thing to abstain and reject when I long to feel alive again......without the touch and companionship of another human being for extremely long periods of time it is impossible to feel lucid.....

...and even though I wander through my days practically deceased......I diffuse this sexual aura into the universe.....and I become acutely aware of every sexy thing that happens around me.....things that I would normally be oblivious to are suddenly glaringly apparent......and once I notice them....its like I can't take my eyes away.....I don't feel particularly or dangerously drawn to whatever it is I find appealing....but I find myself captivated......

....I can't help but think....that.....like many Heroines in our history,  books,  and films.....people are drawn to this Day of the Dead creature I have become.....like Cleopatra.....Medusa, Lilith, and even Eve.....both men and women alike are attracted to her.....

.....I would be lying if I didn't admit that I have indulged in conversations, connections, chemistry, and relationships that were not always in your best interest......And I will not defend nor make excuses for my behavior except to say.....

.....they made me feel.....good about myself.....desired....and in some shallow way.....concerned about and cared for......I had something to look forward in my day....something exciting....an escape.....a time or infatuation where I didn't have to be myself.....I didn't have to live with and deal with all the hardships and atrocities of you being away at war.....or going to war....

....I wonder what "IT" is.....what entices people to want to be close to something so departed?  Maybe its the darkness.....the mystery......the sadness......the danger....?  Is there something about a beautiful and dangerous fatalistic woman that begs to be saved?  Ravaged?  Understood?  Or conquered?

It would be untruthful if I didn't say.....I hope every time they will break me from this curse.....that with their attentions they will save me from this purgatory....and for that fleeting moment I feel alive and hopeful......

....and when I really question it....really dig deep and think about whether or not its possible for them to do so.....the answer is always no......I am cursed and only one can save me from living the rest of my days in this afflicted limbo....

....when I explore it further.....I become bizarrely aware that I rather enjoy and encourage the so called pursuit....but what's even more strange is.....they aren't pursuing me at all....they are pursuing a fantasy....an illusion that I allow them to believe....because in truth.....I am hunting them.....like a Tiger......I have no intention of keeping them, and no intention of mating them.....my only intention is to feed on them until my eternal food supply returns......

"you cannot possess someone so completely because they won't be yours.....but if you let them be free they will always be yours.....I don't know.....its science....." -Christopher Coussens

.....Just another day in the life of an unlikely military wife.....**