beloved LEGS...
....I had no idea what I was promising.....on the day we wed.....
I have to laugh because....people tried to tell me.....even though on the day I walked down the aisle and promised you all those things....that honestly seem a little silly to me now, I was blind and oh so naive, but.....to assure your soul......I was completely in love....a childish, oblivious diluted kind of love.....but still completely in love with you and all the promise that lay in your extraordinary blue eyes....
....there are days when I long for those insensible times...just because even though we were still dealing with the rest of the world and its problems.....I wasn't jaded.....I believed in blissfully blind love and I believed in the romance of war, of love, I believed we were both perfect.....I believed that....those silly things would last forever......
....in my wedding vows....I said "a dream is a wish that your heart makes".....and we up until that point spent more than half our relationship only in our dreams.....it makes me sad that we still continue to exist mostly in our dreams.....the dreams we have of each other...the day dreams of our past, and the grand dreams for our future.....
....every day I hope to see the future....even though I am not foolish enough to believe that it will be easy or perfect....I just want to see it....the one with you and me.....together.....in the flesh......I want something I can touch, something solid I can believe is real.....
.....I wish I could say that I understood fully all the promises I made to you the day I told you I would love you for all eternity....I wish that I was angelic enough to honor all those hearty words....that I was heavenly and graceful enough to devoutly practice and commit even the selfish parts of myself to those vows....but alas I am not.....
....I don't think I have ever been so remorseful as I am in this moment writing you this letter.....I am deeply, truly and madly sorry that I wasn't enlightened enough to be all I said I would be....but I have hope.....baby I have hope.....
....I can't do or undo what has been done on one side or the other....nor can I even promise that I will be or do all that I promised....but the hopeless romantic in me is completely head over heels in starting over when you return....
......not because I can do better, but because I yearn for romantic oblivion....let's not kid one another....the promises we made.....are unimaginable....inconceivable....and perhaps rendered impossible by us both up to this point.....
......my hope is wrapped up in this extraordinary understanding of human nature you and I seem to command.....the realistic view that promising someone something so big, miraculous unforeseen and eternal....is impossible for a mere human....and what was promised on that day 8 years ago.....will really only be achieved when we become immortal...and perhaps that is what makes us survivable....a little star crossed....realistic......
.....Just another day in the life of an unlikely military wife....**
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