....smithereens....**

090414
beloved LEGS....

.....people love dirt.  A picture of you and I and a caption that reads "I don't know you anymore" made my blog the most popular piece of smut to ever grace my facebook......trust me, I am celebrating.....

.....I lost my fight last Friday night, and with it a rematch, a following rematch, a championship and myself.  It was a fight we both thought I could win.  When I called you.....and told you that I lost.....I don't think I have.....been the source of such depression in you the entire time we have known each other......

.....you told me I should quit boxing.......

.....You have always been my faithful dreamer.....that magical source I feed on to keep reaching for the stars in the sport.  It hurt me that you gave up on me.  I felt like I made this leap because you told me too, only for my safety net to be pulled in the moments leading up to my demise.....

....it was so uncharacteristic of you to speak this way.....to be so angry, and disappointed.....so negative and hopeless......

.....I wanted to quit right then and there because I never want to feel like I did in those moments ever again.  I am not sure.....if people know how hard it is to break bad news to a deployed spouse.....last deployment it was the death of three grandparents and this deployment seems to be the slow death of our unifying dream.....

....the whole episode has put me in a place of total incapacitation........its not normal for me to ever question your judgement....its not normal for me to question mine......

.....to feel like I have lost my husband....and what has been the pinnacle of my life these last few years....has blown my self identity to smithereens......

....Just another day in the life of an unlikely military wife.....**