Beloved LEGS....
....a sadness has settled in on my spirit today....I feel so tired.....even the air feels heavy....and my heart is barely beating...but it still beats for you....I made it like night in the house....pulling down all the shutters and turning on the lights....and closing myself away from the world.....I do not wish to see the sun....or hear the laughter of others.....
....sometimes I think....what are they so f*cking happy about? Seriously what!?! I know....its bitter and ugly to think this way....but the truth is.....I am happy that after all we have been through....I feel anything at all.....its enough.....its been enough to kill all the charity and compassion I have in my heart for anything......
Don't you agree?....if there is any happiness to be had....its available only in complete oblivion.....knowing not of reality....or the world.....?
......the weight.....of all that must be carried crushes me....the force of it presses down on us so much....and still...despite the sadness....the longing....and this burden we carry....our love shines through.....we have our love......
....the romance......without the pain, unanswered desire and separation....I wonder if what we have would be as pure.?...I think it would not...
....the way you love me....is......miraculous.....:
....I was a b*tch to you today. You asked a question you were desperate to know the answer to and I could not answer it. The frustration flooded......and out came a sharp response. It was not without regret. I laid in bed and tortured myself, lectured and berated myself for it. I admitted this to you after delivering an apology.....and made the claim I don't deserve you.
And this is what you said:
"I don't think you are bad. RELAX. I wake up every morning loving you and go to sleep doing the same. What happens in the middle makes no difference...."
Its a miracle. And I don't deserve you......the forgiveness you show me.....is that of a saint...**
....Just another day in the life of an unlikely military wife....**
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