...Life Flashes Before Your Eyes.....**

060414
...My beloved LEGS.....

....When you leave its a crazy chemical, emotional, physical, UNIVERSAL reaction that happens inside me....and outside me.......and at best I become a ghostlike version of myself....its pathetic how insecure I become and I literally second guess every single thing I do through out my day.....

....this bleeds into my writing.  Every thought, every word, becomes this....glaring uncertainty......I start to worry people won't read or won't like what I write.  I get scared how much I tell the world, and my voice becomes weak....my voice becomes a whisper.....

Why is that I feel like I can't see myself when you are away?  Like when you left you took every mirror with you too? 

 And suddenly I need constant validation, of which I don't normally receive, for every thing. And when I search for my appearance its all blurry and distorted.  I rub my eyes and squint.....and I start to believe I need glasses in order to see clearly again.  

Your absence blinds me.  I wake up.....

.....and I cannot see.  Every step is taken with a cautionary shuffle, my hands desperately outreached because I don't trust where I am going.  And because I can't see....sharing myself, my thoughts and my words becomes this insurmountable vulnerability, so I shrink away in fear.....

....When you leave....its as if....my Life Flashed Before My Eyes and now I dwell inside the darkness....

.....Just another day in the life of an unlikely military wife.....**