Our weekend of 'Retirement'.....**

Dear Blog,

Tank Girls Weather Narrative: After being spoiled with hot weather all weekend, today we are being punished with sheets of rain.

On Friday night we went to dinner with a big group of friends and then went to play "PUTT, PUTT." (Miniature Golf) LEGS and I never play but right off the bat we each made a hole in one.  Later on in the game we lost our consistency and ended up coming in second to last.  

Here is our weekend Montage:


We cleaned together.

We took a bath together.

We made Whoopi.

We took a Cat Nap.

We walked Karmella.  And We talked.  We made plans for the future.

We Vegged out.

We are living in an empty house, one good thing about that is there are no distractions.  We starred at each other.  There were long silences.  There were long conversations. Its a good thing he sits so quietly over there anybody else would be getting on my damn nerves.....and I kinda like having him hang around.....I guess this is what marriage is all about, never being alone.....

We had a crazy hectic week and now we have nothing to do but wait.  


Random Thoughts:

What should I say to him? 


Was he going to say something to me?


Is this what retirement feels like? This sh*t is boring.


I cannot believe LEGS and I have turned into one of those couples that have nothing to say to each other.

Damn I am glad I like my husband, we have spent ALOT of time together....


I am bored......does that mean I am boring?


Over & Out....


Just another weekend in the life of an unlikely military wife......**

Living in a cardboard box....**

Gut Morgan! 

TANK GIRLZ Weather Narrative: Sunny and HOT HOT HOT!

Last night LEGS and I went to Golden Corral for a friends birthday celebration.  Everybody should do what they want to do on their birthday and this particular birthday girl wanted mashed potatoes from the Golden Corral.  

So.....

We walk in and the first thing that happens to you is you are 'corralled' in just like cattle, excuse me!.... I was slightly offended.  Of course it suddenly made perfect sense to me when I realized everybody eating there was at least 300+ pounds.  I am sure that it was widely accepted to walk my skinny ass in their wearing my USA Boxing hoodie, no wonder nobody smiled back at me.    

In order to get to the 'trough' you had to bull your way in through some very large, unhappy and aggressive people.  The more I looked around the more I realized that the same people from our garage sale last weekend were eating at 'the ol' Corral' with their families.  SOME of the food was pretty good, and I understand the concept of a Buffet (its your own menu, you get what you want) but the best reason for a return visit is CHEAP ENTERTAINMENT.  


Once LEGS and I returned to our empty home, we both started experiencing extreme flatulence, we tooted quietly, loudly, some were stinky some were not, as we existed in our new condition of being a real life whoopi cushions I thought to myself: I will never be cattle again!

I asked LEGS what room he wanted to sleep in and he said 'Let's just sleep in 'our' room.' So we started set up the air mattress, I forgot to charge the 'Quick Pump' to inflate the air mattress (that leaks air all night anyways).  LEGS was really tired and all he wanted to do is climb into bed and go to sleep.  Out of a combination of frustration and desperation he started blowing air into the air mattress himself and then using the half baked 'quick pump' every five minutes, which wasn't fully charged.  So...its performance....is well.....a little lame, guess that's why they call it a 'quick pump.'


LEGS protested when I unintentionally switched sides of the bed ( I always put him nearest to the door, although I haven't a clue as to why because the man can sleep through anything!) I thought, 'Dude! You are upset over which side of the bed you are on and we are moving to another country!?!'

The air mattress was barely inflated before LEGS had given up his attempt...so he just climbed into 'bed'.  I soon followed, as I laid there and thought about how ridiculous this was, I observed that laying on the floor in an empty room makes everything bigger than you, just like when you were a kid.  

Then I heard Karmella casually walk over to LEGS' water glass (one of those red plastic cups you use at Frat parties) and drink out of it.  In my mind: Laughs.....here we are in LUXURY!

About an hour later..............

We were both up.  So we were finally able to use a charged pump to completely inflate the bed.  LEGS ran downstairs to get us both some water.  As he ran out of the room he said 

LEGS:' Don't wear that thing out before I get back!'
ARMS: I just gave him the I'm unhappy look.
LEGS:'Cardboard box babe, remember cardboard box.'


(Side Story: Ever since we have been together we haven't always had a lot of money.  For a while LEGS was cutting my hair (the pictures prove  how horrifying this concept really is), and we were barely getting by.  I have always told him 'I don't care where we live, even if its in a cardboard box, as long as I am with you.')


ARMS: In my mind: He is right. 

We were up twice last night refilling the air mattress with air.


Today has been a super fantastically wonderfully awesomely radical day!  LEGS went to Bravo company, who told him to check back in next Wednesday! Then we took cupcakes to the ladies at the travel office, where we were then treated royally!  

We booked the Hold Package Items (survival items) and LEGS' 'Pro Gear' (Uniforms etc.) to be shipped early next week.  We checked in on my passport- its still not here, and may be delayed because of bad weather in Washington D.C., BUT we were able to make an appointment to get tickets.  Both Miss Ellie and Miss Kim assured both of us they would do everything they could to ensure we travel together and the whole situation goes smoothly.


After getting some business taken care of at the JAG office and as we were leaving, LEGS started to walk outside......I said 'LEGS don't forget to put your hat on!' He of course got mad at me because he said he was going to do it. But every good military wife makes sure Army Soldier Ken Doll has the 'outfit' in place so he doesn't get into trouble.


AND we bought a new air mattress.

Random Thoughts

I saw a lady talking on her cell phone while pumping gas today.....on base.  SMH......


LEGS is super excited about our new kitchen table.  This makes me laugh because he's a man and he is excited about furniture, AND, its been packed up we won't see it for MONTHS!


Sometimes people do things that I don't quite understand, I try very hard always to empathize with others so it is very difficult for me to grasp the fact that I cannot for any reason understand where they are coming from......its worse.....when they are family.


CHEESE AND RICE, I don't want to run.....running sucks...I am the captain of my soul, I am the captain of my soul!


I like these shoes.....


DOOBY DOO DOODY DOO......


I am going to miss Alabama for days like this.....


Over & Out...


Just another night and day in the life of an unlikely military wife...**

ARMS: 'Which room do you want to sleep in?'

HI BLOG!!!!

Tank Girlz weather commentary: It was 26 degrees when I went for a run this morning.  But its turning into a typical beautiful sunny day in Lower Alabama. Which is nice because my doors are going to be open all day for the MOVERS!

SO here is the story.  Two years ago LEGS graduated from Warrant Officer Candidate School. I came down to promote him.  While I was here visiting, I went over to 'Manda's' house.  The first thing I said when I walked into her home, was 'OMG! I love that table!'  

She had this modern table, black in color, made of wood, it was triangular in shape, 2 bar stools, 1 bench, Leather pads, sits high.  (pictures included- keep in mind they are not high quality because we are moving)

LEGS and I have been on the market for a kitchen table since 2006.  For now we have a card table, with four cheap chairs.  Last night we went to dinner with Manda, Bouf, and Asher.  While we were exiting the restaurant this is what happened.

Bouf:' Those people haven't called me.' 
Manda: 'Oh....'
ARMS: 'What people?'
Bouf: 'I am not supposed to tell you.'
ARMS: In my mind I am thinking this guy is bizarre.

ARMS and LEGS climb into the TANK after hugging goodbye.


LEGS:'I told Troy not to tell you this but, they are selling their kitchen table.'
ARMS: My mouth dropped to the floor of the TANK, while Manda and Bouf laughed at me from outside the car. 'OMG! I love that table!, how much are they selling it for!?!'
LEGS:'I don't know but I'll text Bouf and see.'
ARMS: In my mind I cannot believe our dream table is slipping through our hands! I just keep saying out loud, that table that table, that table, all the way home. 'LEGS can we get the table? I know we shouldn't be can we?'
LEGS:' Well.....it is a pretty unique table....'


Manda and Bouf, did not think we were serious, but they didn't know who they were messing with!  They said they wished they could give it to us cheaper, so LEGS said, 'I am gonna pay what they other guy was going to.' Manda said she would rather we have it, and I felt like I had just won big on a game show and no.....it wasn't because I had a few margaritas. 

My wonderful husband and my wonderful friends made it happen.  We went over there, picked up the table, which is being graciously and kindly packed by the movers today and shipped to NEVER NEVER LAND. 


Its really happening.  All of our things have been wrapped, boxed, broke down, wrapped some more , and are right at this very moment being put in large wooden crates that are on a big truck to be driven to Atlanta and shipped to NEVER NEVER LAND.  

Then they put the boxes in a truck and fit everything in like a puzzle piece.

Hey you guys in the Rucker area! Who do you want to move you? The answer: These guys: COVAN MOVING COMPANY! They have been ginger with all my furniture ALL DAY!

Over the course of three days, these men have seen every single aspect of our lives, they have carefully packaged all of our personal belongings and we have gladly put them in their care.  We have gotten to know them personally, laughed with them, worked with them and treated them like family.  


Just another cool group of 'allies' we have met along the way in our Adventure to NEVER NEVER LAND.

The Ganster Shot- Doesn't LEGS look like Eminem?

Tonight roughin' it begins.  Everything will be gone, and we will be camping in a empty house......I wonder what room LEGS wants to sleep in? 

Over & Out.....


Just another day in the life of an unlikely military wife....**

What I'm reading.......**

Hey Blog, 

X-amine Y-our Z-ipper..........

Once upon a time it was VERY VERY WINDY DAY. And that is THE End of Tank Girls weather story time.

My Book Shelf: 

I have been trying to improve the lack of stimulus I incur by being a 'Trophy Wife' by reading more books.  In 2010, I can't recall exactly how many books I read, but it was a lot more then any other year in recent memory.  See....see what is happening? I am only 27 years old and I can't remember what I read.  Anywho, some of the highlights of 2010 were:

Against Medical Advice: True Story written by James Patterson about a kid who struggles with the sudden onset of Tourette's Syndrome.  If you have any serious medical ailments like myself I recommend it because you won't feel alone when the Jack Ball Doctor's can't magically cure you like they lead you to believe in popular media.  If you are not sick, it will open your eyes to the people who are.  

The Reliable Wife: A fictional work by Robert Goolrick, a twisted love story similar to the movie 'Original Sin.' I enjoyed it because it was different but was also haunted by the darkness.

19 Minutes: Another work of fiction by the gifted Jodi Pocoult (who also wrote 'My Sister's Keeper').  It was a very thought provoking book in light of recent events about an Active Shooter situation and all the complicated roles, emotions, and events that follow. This book was my favorite because it provided many controversial topics for LEGS and I to discuss- Great Table Talk!

So far this year I have read: 

'Somewhere Inside' by Laura and Lisa Ling.  It is the true story of the American Journalists held captive in North Korea in 2009.  I finished it last night, and the feelings I had while reading the book varied greatly. 

At first I kept having nightmares of being held captive in Never Never Land (I think it was the combination of reading about being held captive in North Korea and the anxiety of moving to another country), but I also found the inside view of North Korea fascinating. 

I felt a great deal of empathy toward both Journalists while in captivity but it was mixed with a great deal of frustration and even anger about some of the actions that placed them in the situation. Toward the end of the book I felt a small amount of irritation toward the political fluff that was unnecessarily included, although I suspect I was more aware of it as a result of my difference in political opinion.

Last night while LEGS and I were in the shower we discussed the 'replaceable versus irreplaceable' topic in regards to our move to NEVER NEVER LAND.  LEGS firmly believes that everything we have can be replaced.  I beg to differ, there are certain items that I am in possession of that just cannot be replaced if broken or destroyed.  Here is the conversation:

LEGS: 'You are just irrationally attached to the material things in the house.'
ARMS:'Yeah....your right, I guess it wouldn't be THAT big of a deal if a blade was missing off your helicopter and there was a crack in the fuselage. '
LEGS:'Your view of real world is distorted.'
ARMS:'I am merely pointing out that I don't dismiss your care and concern for the items in your world and you shouldn't dismiss the things in my world.'


(This conversation continued with a plethora of other analogies and examples, but the bottom line is this: I am not saying LEGS should fly the broken helicopter, or that a broken cup would be of the same magnitude, all I am saying is my sentimental value of these priceless family heirlooms is just as important as the engorgement of his member over the Commanche.)


Did you see the news coverage about the Terrorist Airport Bombing in Moscow? This terrifies me.

I had to contain myself today.  I wanted to be a babbling brook to the movers  but then I thought, your stupid, they have seen every aspect of your life, all your pictures, your style, keepsakes, they hear the casual conversations you have with your husband, see how you treat your dog, whether you are clean or dirty, they know your hobbies etc.  


Out of this very boredom I got on facebook and randomly chose friends of mine to stalk.  I looked through all their pictures, their friends pictures and their friends' friends pictures.  A few observations; I like how people are a combination of silly and cute when they are younger, some people from high school really haven't changed, and I wonder how my pictures look from the outside in........

Random Thoughts:


I feel bad watching the movers pack up our stuff.  They are working so hard and we are just sitting here, listening to music, playing on our computers.

I can't imagine my life without Thai Food.  We introduced the movers to Thai Food today, I was worried they were going to think we are weird people who eat bizarre food, but they ate it and liked it. 

Somebody help me.....I am so bored.....I'm a facebook creeper and its freaking me out. 


High School was not my favorite time in my life.  I wouldn't go back if somebody offered me and bazillion dollars.  Today while being a facebook creeper, it was amazing how pictures of the people I liked brought back a feeling a happiness and comfort, and pictures of the people I disliked made me feel sick to my stomach.  

I find it absolutely captivating that the people I liked in high school are out there doing amazing things and seeing the world, while people that I disliked are still up to the same old bullsh*t.  How drab, dreary and dull it must be to be in the same place, with the same friends, doing the same thing......perhaps there is something to this whole Karma thing.


Over & Out....


Just another day in the life of an unlikely military wife....**
 

Dirty words, Fighting and Whoopi.....**

HEY! What are you doing?

Weather update brought to you by your faithful weather girl: Its raining Cats and Dogs.

Just in case you wanted to know, the definition of 'Tank Girl' according to URBAN DICTIONARY: a cult British comic, about the adventures of (usually law enforcing adventures, but with sex, violence and bad language) of a tank loving girl called TANK GIRL. An attractive punk rocker that has a comic book name for her. 

In my mind: I have adventures, but they are usually more 'moral' enforcement in nature and usually promulgated with public humiliation, and jesting.  I have the mouth of a sailor when necessary, 'fighting solves everything', and yes......LEGS and ARMS make Whoopi.  As far as the 'attractive punk rock bit' I will take any compliment I can get.

The movers came today.  They have been fast and furious, and the move has gone well so far, although its probably easy when you have an anal retentive cleaner/organizer for a customer. 

Every time I watch them pack up my belongings I get this weird feeling.  I worry about the things I hold dear to me getting broke, then I tell myself its just stuff, you can't take it with you when you die, then I wonder if I am too attached to my material belongings, then I think that so many of the things that I have, represent some place I have been, or time in my life, or give me a certain feeling.  

And I always end up with the same conclusion.  Being a military wife is hard and uncomfortable.  I should at least have a little fluff and luxury wherever this life takes me because at the end of the day I am usually alone, in a foreign place having extraordinary emotions.  

I canceled our NETFLIX account today, I feel bad they don't give you the "OTHER" option when telling them why you are canceling.  So I basically made it seem that we were going into complete financial ruin, even though we are just moving Overseas.  Two thoughts: 1. How come they don't consider people in the military when coming up with their options for cancellation? 2.  That was a little embarrassing.

All of our other bills/statements have been transferred to paperless or online.  Our PO Box situation is still being figured out.  All other important business/documents have been accounted for, and any other business we have left in the United States has been designated.  

I am very happy the movers haven't moved or packed up the bed so we get one more night on a real bed versus the air mattress from HELL!

Our house looks like a city of cardboard boxes, I think a game of hide and seek is in order. 

Random Thoughts: 

I saw a squirrel today, I felt shame and guilt for eating one over the weekend.  I wonder if I would feel this way about a cow or chicken if I could see it in my backyard.

There is something surreal about people you don't know, coming to your house and touching all your things. 

Is it bad when your dentist has a messed up grill? 

I felt like strangling the hygienist that cleaned my teeth today, damn she was hard on me, and she kept telling me how pretty my teeth were, I was like then don't break them!

Okay, let me see if I can say this.  Sometimes by putting my life out there I get more feedback then most other people would.  And I really don't mind, in fact I welcome it. There have been a few comments made lately that make me feel like the bride being pigeonholed or her wedding day.  I am not mad, my feelings are not hurt, its just a little irritating.  I realize by saying this I sound like a super movie star who complains about the paparazzi, but....at least I am not crashing my Mercedes into a parked car because I am high on crack.

Over and Out......

Just another typical day in the life of an unlikely military wife......**

An appointment for an appointment.......**

WHATTTTUPP! Blog?

TANK GIRLZ weather deposition: The birds are chirping, helicopters are flying, sky is blue and the sun is bright! I have a feeling today is going to be a good good day.

I went for a run with Karmella today around the neighborhood.  As hard as it is to motivate, I feel so much better when I work out. 


I cannot believe I am about to say this, but I am feeling a little sad about leaving Alabama.  Its been nice being able to run outside year round, not have to shovel off or out your vehicle, wear flip flops to and from the gym, and of course I am going to miss some of the most wonderful people I have ever met.

I finished packing today.  The last items to be packed were the toiletries and medications.  I think I might be a hypochondriac.  I have so many vitamins and supplements I take on a daily basis I am like a walking pharmacy.

Also, if I need this much crap to look good, I need to quit while I am ahead and just embrace the ugliness. 

LEGS and I went to PetSmart to get Karmella a travel carrier for the ride to NEVER NEVER LAND.  We actually brought her with us today so that we could find the best carrier to put her in size wise.  I felt like a horrible pet owner as we stood in the aisle of the store and proceeded to forcibly cram our dog into a mesh cage.

Then we made her ride home in it.  She actually did so much better than I expected due to my previous experience on the airplane with her. (see Blog 'Farwell' in December of 2010) Once we jammed her in the carrier in the TANK, LEGS said 'DON'T LOOK AT HER!!!' LMAO! 

So........the logistical nightmare continues.  LEGS went to Bravo Company today to let them know he is still at Fort Rucker and why he is still here.  He spoke to a really nice lady that told him to come back on Friday to make a plan based on the status of my passport.  

Then he went to the Travel Office.  (As said before all the ladies at the Travel Office love me but they hate LEGS) He asked about the status of my passport, which was of course not here yet, and there is no guarantee it will be here on February 1st as previously indicated.  Then the lady said that in order to book tickets we have to make an appointment when the passport arrives which could be two weeks out.  

In my mind: I am telling myself to be calm, but I am irritated that you have to have an appointment to make an appointment.  I have also racked my brain about how we could have done all these things a little faster and a little sooner.  Every time I do this I come up empty handed due to the fact that all of our actions have been reliant on everybody else and everybody else has been operating on the later date stated in the original orders. (heavy sigh....)

I just keep praying, hoping and wishing that they will let LEGS stay here so we can travel together.   Today was not as bright as I had hoped it would be this morning.

I am relieved and excited that the movers are coming tomorrow.  I cannot bear the sight of my material possessions any longer.


Random Thoughts:

I really don't care about football. 

Have you ever had somebody that you know, but not very well hug you repeatedly? Its like they hug you and you hug them the first time, then they keep going in for hugs and its like dude we already hugged three times in the last half hour!

I feel really bad for saying this but some people have really ugly babies.  

Have you ever heard someone say, 'Hold on before we do a shot I need to eat my spam?' I have.   

I wonder what those TSA guys think of people when they go through your luggage, or what people at the grocery store think of you based on the items you buy?

Alabama HOARDERS and a Redneck ShinDig......**

HOWDY BLOGGER!

My Weather Story Continues: Shunshine and Brrrrrrr!!!!

Yesterday our house was descended upon by Locusts.  At 6:45 am 20 cars rolled up for our Garage Sale.  LEGS and ARMS scrambled to set up the items to be sold.  LEGS hopped into his car to go hang up another sign.  As soon as he departed folks climbed out of their cars and hiked up into our driveway.  

It was like a scene from a Tim Burton movie.  It appeared as though they were all from a traveling circus, limping up the driveway, with crazy faces and bizarre clothes, bad teeth, pungent odors, and a rabid look in their eye. 

I felt like I was an Auctioneer, lots of people were picking things up and asking me prices, they were rooting around in the garage, asking me how much for things that weren't even on sale.  I panicked and sold a $200 dollar portable DVD player for $8.  All I could do was desperately tell these scavengers to wait until LEGS returns to ask him about the prices of items.

People were aggressively asking us if we had any guns, ammo, gold or silver coins, gold or silver jewelery, any knives for sale.....

They all seemed to know each other, they were asking about each others health, kids, etc.  They were shaking hands and informing each other about good deals we had. One guys said, we are 'junkers' around here.  They were heading off to buy storage units.  Some people left and then returned, some insulted items that we had for sale, some manipulated, some dismissed our prices and items and left.

One lady told me all about her lung cancer.  23 treatments of chemo, 33 treatments of radiation, a partial lung extraction, and a lymph nod extraction.  Moral of the story: Lung Cancer is real.  She obtained it by smoking ciggarettes.  Quit Smoking because I love you. 

Many were curious about us.  They asked about Alaska.  They Thanked LEGS for his service.  They asked where we were headed.  They wished us well. 

I watched LEGS greedily count his bank roll over and over yesterday with dollar signs for pupils.

After this bizarre garage sale experience we took the items we could not sell to Good Will.  Many people were in the Good Will store, scavenging for cheap items, they all starred at LEGS and I like we were out of place.  The show 'Hoarders' came to mind.

A wave of sadness and exhaustion came over me.  I didn't know how to feel.  Should I pity these people? Should I feel sad? Or is this just how they roll? Never in my life have I needed to behave in such a manner to obtain items that I need.  Are these things people needed or did they just want them?  LEGS and ARMS retired for a nap.  I slept for 4.5 hours.

Luckily we ended the night at Jethro's house.  The Christmas Tree bonfire, HOG, Squirrel and other delicacies were an undeniable, knee slappin', hootin' and hollerin' of a good time.  I was reunited with my girlfriends, we met new friends, drank beer, drank wine, ate amazing food, and I was deemed the 'baby whisperer.' One of the babies wouldn't fall asleep so I took the little nugget and vibrated him to sleep.  

I wore my Pabst Blue Ribbon Trucker hat over to complete my redneck costume.  People offered me money for it all night, but I gave it to Jethro for FREE.  He is heading to WAR, and I want him to have this sentimental item of mine.  I know it means a lot to him, but it means even more to me, that these amazing men I am honored to know in my life are pleased as punch over a hat and yet carry such a heavy burden of maintaining our freedom.

Random Thoughts:

For the record, this is the longest that I have not had my nail polish on my toes. I have neglected myself due to the obscene number of things I have to achieve. Since I was old enough to master motor skills enough to paint my toes I have had paint on them.  

WOW......just WOW.......

LEGS still has not completed his mission to roll all the spare change I have accumulated.  He has been furiously going through all the places in the house searching for more spare change. And bringing it back to the 'rolling room.' This is all too reminiscent of the days when as kids we would return to the table at Chuck E. Cheese ONLY to get tokens.

Seriously lady, you want to give me a few dollars for a $160 carpet shampooer?

OMIGOD LEGS PLEASE HURRY BACK!!!

This is for real.....this is really happening........

SOME military wives really entertain my brain.  I can't help but giggle and gaggle over their astonishing ability to retreat to the days of high school and behave like Alicia Silverstone in the movie 'Clueless.' Thank you ladies for giving me something incredibly thrilling to observe.

For the record: Squirrel isn't bad.  It tastes like chicken, but its a very dense, tough meat. You should try everything at least once in your life.

Over & Out....

Just another Saturday in the life of an unlikely military wife.....**