a Blog is like a book.....
a book is like a LIFE.....
And there I was......one page and two days ago......
Sitting there.....in my life......
Quite possibly living out the loneliest eight hours.....OF MY LIFE.....selling the CONCEPT of LOVE to a bunch of soldiers that have more than enough going on in their LIVES......When I decided to curb my boredom......I should complete my "WILL" worksheet......
(Back Story: We were attending the SADDEST brief I have ever been to in my whole life....when the Colonel in charge of LEGS' battalion asked everybody who has a living will to raise their hands.....after not raising my hand the Colonel's Wife punched me in the arm......)- Obviously I needed to remedy my shortfalls......
Who would have thought the concept and realization that I will actually DIE....one day......would have hit me like a ton of bricks.....? That this life that I lead will be no more.....this life....the one where I am selling love....
I wonder sometimes.....do most 29 year olds start considering these things....because....and perhaps I am TOTALLY diluted....but I feel more young these days than I have in my WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE......
Do most 29 year olds have to complete a WILL? OR is the only reason I am having to address these real and morbid topics in life is because my husband's job is so dangerous???
HEAVY SIGH.......
So there I was making plans for when I die.....filling in the blanks for when I will be a blank.....space.......
There are parts of this exercise that come readily....and parts that give you the grandest argument.....who can handle YOUR DEATH?
What criteria is best when deciding who should be second in command????.....in a fairy tale world (which is where I reside most of my life) LEGS will be there to make all these decisions....and it is him who knows me best......but who should be second? Somebody younger? Somebody older? A sibling? A friend? Or a parent?
Geographically, physically, emotionally, mentally, and personally who can handle the absolute and crushing burden of dealing with your body and soul after you die?
And its especially difficult when considering the lifestyle in which your number one person leads.....when it is extremely dangerous.....it makes your number two that much more important......
And when you do finally settle on filling in that blank.......
I seemed to be more concerned with hurting peoples feelings???? In my mind: Well....if I pick "SO-and-SO" then "SO-and-SO's" feelings are going to be hurt........
You mid-as-well, forget the small, insignificant fact that you will be DEAD!.......
Being dead........that would hurt MY feelings........immensely!!......So why am I so concerned with other people's feelings???
Putting the burden of my death and its inevitable gory details (at least in my mind my death would be me going down in a blaze of glory).....is a punishment.....right? I mean you are asking that person to be strong when all they want to do is be weak, you are asking them to be responsible when getting out of bed may be challenging.....you are asking them to ensure your send off into the after life is not more painful, ugly and horrific than it will undoubtedly already be.......
Why would this be an honor?....as people treat it.....
And still there I was worried when I started to put down names I was definitely going to hurt some people's feelings.......?
When you start contemplating all the factors.....who you think would make the best decisions.....in your place? OR LACK OF PLACE? And your placing that burden on somebody you LOVE!?! Really you stop being concerned with hurting other people's feelings because.........
At this time.....filling out this paperwork.....you feel like you are ACTUALLY having a morbid experience right this second......and after double checking you become confident that you are in fact DYING.....RIGHT NOW.....(at least a little piece of you is.....)
I have it finally figured out for the most part.....but the idea and realization that I am in FACT A MORTAL was killing me......
I started to worry about the effect of my death on those that I love.....that broke my heart, because I flipped it around and thought of how devastated I would be if something happened to LEGS.....
It also made me think I am seriously overwhelmed with just the deployment details......dealing logistically with a death is a probably an organizational nightmare on top of heartache and emotional disaster......mostly I don't want anything fancy just a few songs, a little SPARKLE, and the people that know me and love me to remember:
ONE DAY. YOUR LIFE. WILL FLASH BEFORE YOUR EYES. MAKE SURE ITS WORTH WATCHING!!!!
ON THAT NOTE.......
If we are in FACT MORTAL. And if responsible adults have to make WILLS and Arrangements for their inevitable death......
WHY DON'T PEOPLE SAY WHAT THEY MEAN?
Why don't people say what they think?
I mean.....why?, With all of our modern communication.... is it so COMMON to be so COMPLETELY misunderstood???
Lately......in so many facets of the friend filled, international, growing family, complicated intricate life.....that I lead.......I have seen so many people act the fool, dance around, look stupid, I have been so confused, frustrated at times angry and absolutely dumbfounded on the severe lack of adult communication........
JUST SAY WHAT YOU MEAN. VIRTUAL NETWORKS AND COMMUNICATION DO NOT GIVE YOU THE EXCUSE TO ACT LIKE AN ASSHOLE. BEING AFRAID, INTIMIDATED, OR EMBARRASSED DO NOT GIVE YOU THE PERMISSION TO EXCUSE YOURSELF FROM BEING AN ADULT.
All this confusion has made me realize that there is no hope for our future when the adults in my life are talking about setting up fake facebook accounts, deleting their facebook accounts, being upset, angry and delivering that anger and frustration on those around you because things did not go the way you wanted them to AFTER THE FACT......
FACEBOOK.....is NOT THAT SERIOUS.........and its not a way to conduct business that is really more appropriate on the phone.......etc. etc.
And in your REAL LIFE....PIPE UP or be FOREVER DISAPPOINTED.....
You should say what you think and what you mean because LIFE IS SHORT and you MIGHT not get another chance to be understood by this world and the people in it......How horrible would it be to DIE MISUNDERSTOOD?
CLOSING SENTIMENTS:
I got this from a friend....and I fell in LOVE with it.....AND its perfect for this blog:
It is TIME to SPEAK YOUR TRUTH. Create your community, be good to each other. And do not look outside yourself for the LEADER. There is a river flowing now, very fast. It is so great and swift that there are those who will be AFRAID. They will try to HOLD on to the shore. They will feel as if they are being torn apart and will SUFFER greatly. Know the river has its own DESTINATION. We must LET GO of the shore, push off into the middle of the river, keep our eyes OPEN and our HEADS above water. NOW, see who is in there with you, and CELEBRATE.
Just another day in the life of an unlikely military wife......**
TIFF'S BOOKSHELF:
I just got done reading this book called Snow Flower and The Secret Fan by Lisa See.
HIGHLY RECOMMEND IT. And THANKS CHACH~! ,*X (SMOOCH)
Blooper Reel:
I had one of those crazy weeks where I LITERALLY ran around all week a hot mess, forgetting things, dropping things, showing up late or not at all....because I had so much going on........
So one task that I had was to pick up items that were donated to our FRG from one location and bring it to another......
So I stop. Park. Open the door......and this donated tea pot LITERALLY COMMITTED SUICIDE.
I swear. I opened the car door and the tea pot leapt to its death and smashed all over the sidewalk.......
Healthy Recipe:
Chicken With Spinach and Pears
This is one of LEGS' favorite dinners that I make- he said its my duty to share it with you guys-
Serves 4
Ingredients
4 boneless, skinless chicken breasts
Sea salt and freshly ground black pepper
3 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil, divided
1/2 cup diced red onion
4 to 6 cups (1 large bunch) loosely packed spinach (not baby), washed, dried, stems removed
2 tablespoons apple cider vinegar
2 ripe Anjou pears, peeled, cored and cut into 1/2-inch-thick slices
2 tablespoons chopped fresh parsley
3/4 cup blue cheese crumbles
Sea salt and freshly ground black pepper
3 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil, divided
1/2 cup diced red onion
4 to 6 cups (1 large bunch) loosely packed spinach (not baby), washed, dried, stems removed
2 tablespoons apple cider vinegar
2 ripe Anjou pears, peeled, cored and cut into 1/2-inch-thick slices
2 tablespoons chopped fresh parsley
3/4 cup blue cheese crumbles
Method
Preheat oven to 375°F. Generously season each chicken breast with salt and pepper. In a large, oven-proof skillet heat 1 tablespoon olive oil and sear breasts 2 to 3 minutes each side until lightly golden. Place pan in oven and bake until chicken is cooked through, about 15 minutes.
While chicken is cooking, heat 1 tablespoon olive oil in a large pan over medium heat and sauté red onion until just softened, 2 to 3 minutes. Add spinach and toss until wilted. Season with salt and pepper and transfer to a large platter or divide evenly between 4 plates. Wipe out pan and heat remaining 1 tablespoon olive oil with vinegar. Add pears and gently heat until warm. Stir in parsley. Arrange cooked chicken breasts on spinach. Top with warmed pear slices and about 2 tablespoons blue cheese per breast.
While chicken is cooking, heat 1 tablespoon olive oil in a large pan over medium heat and sauté red onion until just softened, 2 to 3 minutes. Add spinach and toss until wilted. Season with salt and pepper and transfer to a large platter or divide evenly between 4 plates. Wipe out pan and heat remaining 1 tablespoon olive oil with vinegar. Add pears and gently heat until warm. Stir in parsley. Arrange cooked chicken breasts on spinach. Top with warmed pear slices and about 2 tablespoons blue cheese per breast.
