LEGS the WHITTLER.....**

Alas....My Friend....My Blog....


I have been avoiding you....and for that I am sorry.....you have become this thing that I unintentionally avoid because I know that very shortly you will become one of my only sources of comfort....my company....my way of communicating all those crazy thoughts I possess to my TRUE LOVE LEGS.....


And yet here you are....faithfully ready to embrace and comfort me like a mother to a grown child.....


Its complicated....it always is......


Life is moving by so fast and I have so many things to blog about....but every time I sit down long enough to write.....I stop myself for some other momentary distraction.....my blog has become a source of deployment reality that I just don't want to deal with right now.....


A few weeks back LEGS and I had professional pictures taken.....the photo shoot was a memento.....a pre deployment photo session....


One of the pictures taken was terribly sad......specifically the sadness in LEGS' face and eyes.....its was like we were thinking the same thing over and over again in our minds but not saying it out loud..... "THIS....IS....IT....this is all the time we have....."

Driving down the road the other day....I was thinking about this sad picture.......and I started to tear up a little.....I started to think how sad our picture looks.....and then I started to cry.....but only a little.....


I just can't believe that LEGS will be leaving so soon and for so long....But I think that picture illustrates the resignation that its really happening......


I keep telling myself that we have time....but I know the last night will arrive too soon and I will think I kept telling myself we had time....but now we have none.....what will my regrets be?  When he leaves what will be the most important things for us to do or finish while he is here....?


So far my automatic reaction has been to DENY.DENY.DENY. DELAY. DELAY. DELAY. and PREOCCUPY, DISTRACT, and PRETEND......that its not real.....


But this past week it has become....CRY.CRY.CRY. GET READY.GET READY.GET READY. REALIZE, COMPREHEND, and ACCEPT....that its real....


As per usual standard operation....we are making our sad and stressful rounds to visit family before his inevitable journey to war....where the fear is very real because so much of our futures will be unknown.....call me dramatic.....but most peoples careers don't extricate them from normal life for one year and put them in extreme danger every day......


We booked the tickets.....and we are making an unplanned trip to see my family in ALASKA for a few days.....


My first initial reaction to the surety of traveling to ALASKA to see my family was one of excitement.....


But then.....we turned out the lights and while LEGS peacefully snored next to me....instead of cherishing one of our few sacred nights together I started to panic......


What if......my family doesn't like me?  What if they act crazy and then I act crazy because they are acting crazy? I hate that....what if....I don't like them? What should my priorities be?  Should I even have priorities?  Its only three days.....I hate packing....and traveling.....I haven't seen them in 18 months.....Will America be too much for me?  We don't have television, we have operated primarily in a place where we don't understand most of what people say, and we live in a rural area.....imagine all of these thoughts with obscene fantasies that include unfathomable material from my wild imagination.....


Sometimes....I think I am just being a BIG cry baby....but then something happens......and I know right then....being apart from LEGS will eliminate a great sense of JOY, AMUSEMENT and hilarity from my life:


LEGS. THE WHITTLER.


I do not have to reiterate or illustrate my frustration over the ARMY and the endless SH*T the ARMY requires me to endure in my living space....Most everybody who reads my blog ALREADY knows...what a complete pain in the Beyonce', storing, organizing and just plain tolerating Soldier LEGS and all of his "baggage"......is...


That said....it gets really ramped up around deployment.....in fact my living room has been a pre-deployment STAGING AREA....OFFICIAL for the ARMY had indigestion of the multi-cam variety and barfed all over my living room......for several months now.....


So imagine my......reaction.....


The other day I walked into my entry way and saw two 2x4's leaning against the wall......


I stopped.  Looked at them.  And then I tried very hard for five minutes to think of the ways in which or the reasons why an APACHE pilot would need 2x4's for his job.....and specifically in my entry way.  


After coming up with some half baked reasons.....for the 2x4's in my entry way.....I continued on deciding that its such a busy and stressful time I should just mind my own business and let my man do his job......


Later on that day I came home and walked up to my front porch.  On the rug that is placed outside the front door there were WOOD CHIPS.....EVERYWHERE!   Immediately I was irritated.....IN MY MIND: AW MAN!  That is going to get tracked into and all over my house!.....and stick to my bare feet.....GAWD....son annoying...."


The door bell rings.....I am cooking dinner...the dog is barking her head off....and in the frosted glass of the front door I see LEGS in his uniform....HAPPIEST PART OF MY DAY....LEGS coming home......


I open the door thinking he must have forgot his key.  And there he stands.....


In all this 6 foot 2 inch (mostly consisting of LEGS) glory....In his uniform, standing strong with confidence, his heavy, large back pack slung over one shoulder......


A bright shit eaten grin on his face....


Exclaiming:


"LOOK AT MY SWORD!"


Yes.


You heard me right.


He did say SWORD.


LEGS.....is dealing well with the stress of deployment....in his spare time....he WHITTLES.....

Just another day in the life of an unlikely military wife....**

TOTALLY INAPPROPRIATE.....but funny?

HELLLO BLOG...


NEVER NEVER LAND Weather Report:  Its definitely March, it will feel like spring and winter in a matter of seconds.....


I have experienced a few things these last few weeks that have been blog worthy.....but.....I have let the thought of certain individuals reading my blog keeping me from sharing.....specifically Queen Di.....and just people that have told me they read my blog around town....sometimes I start thinking about what I have written in the past and I find myself humiliated secretly in my own mind.....


But in the name of humor....I firmly believe in humiliating myself.....


Experience number one:


I experienced.....I am pretty sure for the first time....EVER.....a first person narrative from LEGS the other day.  Its significance was the exact point in time when LEGS decided to share his little story.......


We were uh.....making whoopi.  We were short on time. And...well....LEGS told me exactly what was occurring between us, EVERY. STEP. OF. THE. WAY. It was like "I am (blank). You are (blank).  And now, we are (blank).  


I was so surprised and shocked during this little story that I had no idea how to respond......except to burst out in laughter afterwards......


Experience number two:


On my birthday I received a proposition......


LEGS and I were in bed on our computers......


LEGS:"So uh babe.....?"
ARMS:"Yeah?"
LEGS:"Since its your birthday do you want me to do anything special?"
ARMS:"GIGGLES....TURN INTO LAUGHS....TURN INTO...."Are you propositioning me?"  More laughs...then I realized he was serious...."Um...No babe I'm good....but thank you..."


Experience number three:


Lost in translation.  


My new boxing Coach is Russian.  Its already hard enough understanding Germans, understanding a Russian that speaks german (I suspect with a Russian accent) is even harder.  Add in the severe language barrier...albeit I am learning very fast......and you have many misunderstandings.......


After hard training the other day he looked me square in the eye right in the face and said to me really seriously...


Coach:" Du Duschen? Du (this is the german word for "YOU!")  Duschen in the german word for "SHOWER"....
In my mind:  I thought the man asked me if I douch....I bursted out in laughter and then I wanted to slap him (for a spilt second) and then I realized what he actually said and felt like a complete fool....


Story number four:


So....I may be getting back in the ring over here in Europe, but its not a sure thing.  LEGS and I have been doing our research and ordering any gear or things I might need, since its a different country the rules are a little different.  


I hope that my readers realize what a unique thing that I am doing.  As a female, I have immersed myself in a German boxing gym, and I have a Russian Coach.....my experience so far has been really interesting and eye opening.  They SEEM to support and accept female boxing a little better than in the United Sates.....


Anyway.....I watched a female match the other night and it was completely different than the fighting you see between females in the states....but I did notice a peculiarity.....


It seems as though I have to order "chest protector"  in order to compete.  I have seen a few girls wear them, but I have always found them to be frivolous and stupid looking.....


Watching the coach describe to our little translator in the gym what he means by chest protector and me responding with "That is stupid- do I have to wear it?"  was entertaining.....


I realize that these were TOTALLY INAPPROPRIATE but they were funny right?


Feel free to humiliate me some more by sharing this with all of your friends.....oh yeah and totally bring it up to me in public!  GIGGLES....


Random Thoughts:


I just can't believe LEGS is leaving.....its been a really emotional few days for me......




LEGS...I wish I could record the sound of your heart.....and when your gone......play it OVER and OVER again while I fall asleep......




I shudder at returning to the days where a hot bath....is the closet thing I can get to your arms around me.......

Just another day....in the life...of an..UNLIKELY...MILITARY.....WIFE.....**

Condolences from Queen Di......**

HEY BLOG!


Weather Chronicle:  Marz is always interesting.....sun, fog, mist, snow, rain more fog, more mist......


As most of my regular readers know......Our family lost a brilliant dog to a broken heart several months ago......You are also aware that the brother of JAKE, CLANCY was adopted by Queen Di and BobDad....LEGS' parents....


Humor is how I have gotten through many embarrassing moments, overcome fears, disappointments, and coped when there was nothing left to do but survive......


When we lost JAKE it was nothing short of devastating.....and we still miss him very much......


Living abroad means sending emails and facebook messages sometimes to deliver big news, new developments, and updates.....often times conversations that should really occur on the phone or in person are unfortunately conducted over the internet......


This makes for some really amusing material that is absolutely priceless because its ON RECORD.  


Sadly.....I had to deliver the news of JAKE'S fate to Queen Di over email.  I distinctly remember crying into my keyboard as my fingers clicked over the letters to make words....I had to stop every few words to wipe the tears from my eyes so I could focus on the screen......Email was sent.....


The reply is NOTHING SHORT OF HYSTERICAL.  In fact, it was so humorous to me that I recall laughing out loud uncontrollably.....I think I might have rolled back and forth on the floor a few times....


It was one of those moments in life where you are so sad but at that moment something is so funny that you laugh- I mean really LAUGH!- even though just minutes before you were sure you would never laugh again......


Queen DI sending her condolences.....:

"I'm so sorry to hear about Jake.  It makes me wish we would have taken him too.  He was such a great dog!

I think Clancy should make it until you guys come to visit sometime in April.  A lot of people have told me that Golden's only make it til eleven or twelve, but he seems to be doing great so far.  Some people say that they can go downhill all of a sudden.  I think it's helped that I have been home with Clancy alot.  I hate to go anywhere because I don't want to leave him by himself.  I sometimes just take him in the car it I'm just getting groceries or going quick to Costco.  Amy is sometimes home and takes him too.

Guess what.....I just fed Clancy and it was later than he usually eats so I thought 'GOOD FOR YOU!', you lasted longer!!  As we came in from the garage I noticed a bread wrapper on the floor in the family room.  I think Clancy ate a small loaf of bread that Bob and I had gotten at New Seasons this morning.  I just told Bob about it (he's not too happy)!!

I'm so sorry.

Love, QUEEN DI

Even reading this out loud to myself again has me laughing out loud while LEGS sleeps next to me.....

Clancy is doing well by all accounts......although just one month ago we did get an unsettling update about some of his bad behavior.  It seems that Clancy got into a bit of legal trouble.  BobDad sent us this update:

"At a recent trial, prosecutor A. Coussens was presenting the evidence.  Someone or some dog was charged with illegal entry and criminal mischief.  

Prosecutor Coussens entered exhibits A, B& C into  evidence, please see attached photo.  The perpetrator allegedly illegally entered the house and emptied the contents of the 3 bags.  The contents were not found at the scene of the crime.  

The contents of Exhibit A was dried Mangos.  The contents of Exhibit B was mixed nuts.  The contents of Exhibit C was  Four Bread Sticks with Cheese.  

Clancy Coussens was charged with criminal mischief.  He refused to speak to anyone, except his attorney, Queen Di.  The Defense Attorney recommended that the defendant take the fifth."

Clancy the dog has LITERALLY lived the AMERICAN DREAM.  He started out an unwanted orphan, bounced around from foster home to foster home and ended up in a mansion the west coast taking vacations in Palm Springs.  

As far as the legal trouble.....you can take the dog out of the hood but you can't take the hood out of the dog......

Just another day in the life of an unlikely military wife.....**