'M' is for the million things they give us....**

Hi Bloggy Wahgy....

Weather Logbook composed by KARMELLA BELLA (dooty doo!) FINALLY we have RAIN!!! We are doing the rain dance over here because our Garden needs rain to grow! Exchange Rate: 1 Euro equals $1.46 American Dollars.


Special Edition Day 2 & 3: ARMS without LEGS:

LEGS called me the first night in the field. (Smug look on my face) Yep he misses my high maintenance a** already.


This makes me laugh.  I bet he will be so happy to come back to a nice clean house, home cooked meals, and clean laundry, that  he will finally and happily start doing some 'Blue Chores' around this house without an act of NATO. Being a military spouse has its perks and this is one of them- please check back for future statistics.....

Shortly after this I started to feel sick.....I went to bed wondering, was I making myself sick with anxiety over LEGS being gone? Or was I legitimately coming down with something? Several Aleve, Airbourne, and 8 hours of sleep later....I was just fine....

When the Boyz (and when I say BOYZ, I mean it in the most respectful and including way since there are woman out there too) are in the field, all kinds of challenges and disruptions occur.   Child Care, Doctor Appointments, Certain Blue Chores, and the list goes on and on still need to be accomplished without them.  This is when everybody rallies, we accompany, help, support and endure all the possible up's and down's of LIFE WITHOUT MEN(and Women).


One of the Pilot's in Whiskey Company looks and acts JUST LIKE Conan O'Brien. In real life Conan is married to a gal named 'LIZA' for purposes of the blog this couple will be known as LIZA and CONAN.  They have a daughter and I have nicknamed her Thumbelina.  

LIZA is sick with a syndrome called Fibromyalgia. Fibromyalgia is a syndrome that is the most common arthritus-related illness after osteoarthritus. Still, it is often misdiagnosed and misunderstood. Its characteristics include widespread muscle and joint pain and fatigue as well as other symptoms.  Being a person that has personally suffered with an auto-immune disease (Hypo-Thyroid Disorder- which is also misdiagnosed and misunderstood) I agreed on the spot to help LIZA with anything she needed.

In NEVER NEVER LAND, it is not uncommon to have to travel long distances to receive specialized health care.  LIZA had a special Doctor's appointment up in Ramstein, this week.....while the BOYZ were gone.....with Thumbelina (toddler who just turned 2 years old).  During her special appointment she may have needed a treatment which would have prevented her from driving herself home.

Since GIRLZ JUST WANT TO HAVE FUN!, Three of us decided to make it a fun trip.  We would travel to Ramstein a day early, shop at the JUMBO PX/Commissary, eat at all the American Food Restaurants, stay the night, and help LIZA with Thumbelina.  It was our Adventure to AMERICA IN NEVER NEVER LAND!

We hopped in the VAN, got on the autobahn and away we went to RAMSTIEN on Tuesday morning.  We arrived in the late afternoon and decided to do some shopping.


I know what the 3 men that read my blog are thinking.....typcial....typical women.  But let me clarify our situation.  Our access to American priced, American Goods is pathetic down here at Illeshiem.....trust me we were doing Mankind a favor by shopping at this location- its called 'the closest thing to a WALMART in NNL.'


While its reputation proceeded itself as the largest PX (PX is where you can buy EVERYTHING but FOOD.) I was a little disappointed because the things that I needed weren't available.  For example 220V Lamps, Bedding that is not absolutely hideous, and other gadgets like a blender, hair dryer, and iron that are 220- they had some but nothing LEGS would approve of.  (heavy sigh....being married to a gizmo sucks.....)

I was modest, I bought Mother's Day Cards, a birthday present (since THE Mommy screws me every single May) with her birthday and Mother's day, a dog bed for Karmella- because don't ask me how or why but her's completely disappeared in the move, and some mascara.


We acquired a big healthy dose of American Cuisine at the Macaroni Grill. Stocked up on snacks and food items that cannot be found at our local Commissary a.k.a. a small Pantry....and headed to the hotel. 

I decided.....against my better judgment....to bring Karmella.  I really want her to become a better traveler so that she can come with me when I take trips.  Back in the States I took her with me in the car all the time, but I never kenneled her, she was always in my lap or in the passenger seat next to me.  

In NEVER NEVER LAND they are very particular about the dog being kenneled or separate from the main cabin (i.e. doggie gate etc.)  So.....Karmella struggles with that because she wants so much to be with everybody else. The struggle includes a very annoying persistent whining noise that is made continuously......on the way up she did pretty good.....but on the way back.....not so much.....also traveling with a dog has its drawbacks, they have to be walked and we were on the top floor, they have a certain neediness that is annoying when you have a lot of other things going on, and I often wonder the same way parents do with their kids if she is annoying everybody else?


A few other observations:  

You really shouldn't bring a dog when your also caring for a two year old toddler.  

It takes an ARMY to raise a child.

SINGLE PARENTHOOD WITH NO HELP IS IMPOSSIBLE!


I love kids and have contemplated having children and have decided that YES....kids are in our future.  But DAMN.....kids are a lot of work, and this of course is no indication of sweet Thumbelina or LIZA....


The things that I struggled with:


Have you ever had a child decide they don't want the banana you just gave them and return it after its been in their mouth???


Or reach for you and touch your things with their gooey hands???


Dump Food, Juice, and all other substances on themselves???


Test your patience??? 

Have you ever told a sweet darling child to:

"Stop!"

"Don't!"

"Put your feet down"

" Use your words"


"Bottom in the chair!"


8000 bazillion gazillion times???

Is this Child Abuse or Animal Cruelty???

And this same child hands you riddles such as:


What is the proper way to change a diaper? How could that stink so bad?


What is the best way to feed a toddler? How long is this supposed to take?


Entertain a toddler? Hand Sanitizer....bad idea.....plastic bag.....bad idea.....anything in YOUR purse....bad idea....


How could that have happened so fast???


Why are kids so gumby and flexible??? How do they move so quick and how is it possible they become so heavy in several seconds??? 

Or why do they put EVERYTHING in their mouths???


In case you didn't know.....Gravity Sucks....

After the Doctor's appointment we returned for more shopping.  I bought LEGS and I some clothes....even though I know I shouldn't have.....it was so elevating to have access to American Clothes at American Prices....

We ate lunch in America.  I had to have Baskin Robbins Ice Cream before I left, and I bought Thumbelina some too.


On the car ride home, I started to feel tired.  Not because Karmella was whining her head off, or because I ate like a fat kid on a diet all weekend, or because Thumbelina wore me out....but because.......


I see these women.  They are strong, so strong for living this life of constant change, constant absences, erratic schedules and the fear.....the fear of loneliness, the fear of fear....the fear of losing their entire lives as they know it......add on top of that a beautiful child....and health problems.....it started to sink in......


There really is NO POSSIBLE WAY LIZA could have made that trip by herself.  NO WAY.  She absolutely needed our help.  

If you are a military spouse you absolutely have to be prepared to be a single parent for long periods and possibly forever.....right before my eyes this weekend, I saw how incredibly heroic it is to bring a child into the world knowing you will be alone like that......and it scared me....

I was exhausted.....I had no more to give.....and I got quiet.....


Sometimes the world becomes too much for me to handle.....the pain, the struggle, my own neurotic tendencies, and all the complications become too much for me to bare witness to, I wish so badly I had a magic wand, and that I could take away all the bad things these Heroic Women DON'T NEED.....but.....I haven't learned to control my power that well yet.....


Right before we got home, another wife called and asked me to accompany her to a Doctor appointment on Monday.  She was fragile as glass on the phone, almost in tears.......I of course agreed to go with her...but.....


I didn't know what to say to comfort her.....I tried to make her feel better...but I fear....I failed......


When we arrived at my house...I couldn't escape out of the VAN fast enough- I was drained and needed some down time....

The very same child I had said negative things to the ENTIRE WEEKEND......reached for me, and when she realized that I was leaving her, she burst into a zillion tears, and tried to come with me.....


IMA SUCKER.....she melted my heart into a million pieces....how could a kid that I just said 'NO!' too a billion times this weekend like me so much???


I was able to unwind, and talk to LEGS.  I told him I didn't know what to do.....people were coming to me for help and I didn't think I could help them....because I didn't have the magic pill or special powers to fix the problems.


He told me they were coming to me because they see me as being strong.  

(Side Story: When I left my job in AK, I was devastated......for the first time in my life I was helping people and making a difference in the world- I had found my calling....I was saving the world one kid at a time.....and although it was difficult and draining work.....:


I would rather live a life of meaning, then a life of happiness....)


In addition; my phone rang off the hook today, and most of it was invitations to other events where children are highly involved.....

I know this sounds nuts but the 'Universal Power' is speaking to me and giving me ways to really HELP people who need it, I wish I had a magic wand to take away the pain and struggle, but I haven't mastered my power that well yet....so until then......I've gotchu babe!

And.....

....that Power.....obviously likes to relish in my Amateur status with Gooey, Gumby, Children......

Guilty Pleasures:

FOODIE CONFESSION: Macaroni Grill, Taco Bell, Baskin Robins Ice Cream, Oreo's, and Flaming Hot Cheetos.

Buying Clothes

Avoiding changing a poopy diaper

Random Thoughts and Stories:

Have you ever seen a man shopping......and you see what he has on and its ALL WRONG....and there he is shopping for the same kinda wrong? And you just want to go over there and say 'Nah man.....let me change your life....STOP BUYING THAT!!!!'

Besides LIZA, another Lady accompanied us....I haven't decided on a nickname for her yet...but I will very soon....her and I were to share the double bed in the hotel......so she and I joked at Macaroni Grill that we were celebrating our 'One Day Anniversary.' It didn't work out.....we have Intimacy Issues....the entire night for fear of making the other person uncomfortable we slept on opposite sides of the bed.

Somebody told me that LEGS has started a movement. A fashion movement (which if you knew my husband you should be laughing out loud right now)....apparently.....his MAN OF STEEL UNDIES are showing up on men in Oregon, his home state.  

I am just throwing this out there.....But I swear to God, if my child after I change its sh*tty diapers, disrespects me......oooooooh somebody better call Child Services......

I know its not until next Sunday, but it seems like a perfect blog to put this in.

Happy Mother's Day to ALL the Mom's out there, it became CRYSTAL CLEAR to me these last few days how hard it is to raise a child.

And a very special Mother's Day to the Mom's that brought these amazing men into our lives! (To Queen Di, sorry LEGS is in the field, but I know he wishes you a very Happy Day indeed!)

And a very very Special Mother's Day to THE MOMMY, you did good MOMMY, you did good..... if I do say so myself....

Over & Out

Just day 2 & 3 of ARMS....without LEGS.....in the life of an unlikely military wife.....**

LEGS' LEGS........**

Hey BLOG....

Weather Chronicle brought to you by TANK GIRLZ little Super Dog Karmella: All Weekend it has been BLUE SKIES AND SUNSHINE!!!  

All over NEVER NEVER LAND there is fields and fields of dandelions!!!

I am happy to announce that the American dollar has increased in value over the weekend, it now cost $1.45 American Dollars for 1 Euro, still not great...but better than it was.

On Friday night we went out on the town, to a "pre-Gunnery" party at the Plaza- which has an outdoor bar area.   I was incredibly proud of my outfit; Black Shiny Wedge Heels, Distressed and Ripped up Jeans with Red Belt, a Black Tank with Snake Skin Patterned Tinsel, LEGS' man jacket and Grandpa Pollock's Gentlemen's Hat. LEGS is so cool I was dressing up like him......

We rode the train downtown, with "Roadies" of Champagne, stopped at the smoke shop and got some Cuban Cigars, and hit the Plaza with our friends. 

It was a great night....I especially enjoyed the part where a bunch of us were in the elevator and some of the guys were asking me to hit them as hard as I could in the face......I told them I wasn't going to break my hand on their faces but I would hit them in the body....(yes...we were all intoxicated)...so I hit this one dude as hard as I could in the Liver and he crumpled to the floor.....WHOOPSY.....

KayBear- this is a friend of mine that is Pregnant, they are having a girl in the beginning of June- I forced her to take a picture with me because its the closest I have been to a PREGGO! Sending you some belly love and laughs from NEVER NEVER LAND!!!


When LEGS and I arrived home we drunk skyped The Daddy over Doner's.  


On Saturday....I mostly just spent the day annoyed with LEGS.  I wonder if other wives experience this phenomena.....here it is...the dirty dirty...


LEGS and I woke up at a decent hour due to the previous nights alcohol intake we could not sleep in longer then 8:30am. We enjoyed coffee over some internet time....and then I asked him what the day looked like to him.  We mulled over a few idea's and settled on a plan......


But then......LEGS just kept doodling on the internet......which was NOT the plan.....


And I waited for a long long time for the execution of the agreed upon plan and then I got tired...of waiting.....so I snoozed on the couch while I waited......and before you knew it it was 2pm......and I was still waiting...


OMG......LEGS decided to start the day at 2PM!.....

He wanted to wash his Baby....being the kind, generous wife that I am....I thought to myself.....'He's going to the field for a month, I should let him do what he wants to do today.....' 

So I told him 

ARMS: 'Yeah Go wash the car babe!'


Apparently washing your car takes 3 hours......he robbed me! Totally robbed the charity in my heart....took advantage of my kindness....I wanted to let the man wash his car but I was hoping to also get him to help me with a few things too!?!


Nothing like going to a BBQ with friends pi**ed off at your husband......


Of course I received the puppy dog eyed apology in the car on the way over- but we all know he wasn't apologizing for the dirty deed he committed, he was apologizing so I wouldn't make him look like a JACK BALL in front of his friends......


(Heavy sigh....)Men.....you can't live with them...but when your married you kinda half to.......

I offered to drive to the BBQ so he could have a few beers with his friends the last few nights he was in town.....when we got home, he made me pull the Audi in the garage.....which makes me nervous doing....

The garages here in NEVER NEVER LAND are not the fancy ones you are familiar with in the states....instead....they are more like old- fashioned dungeons.....No automatic garage door, no lights.....


We both exited the car.....and there it was.....a GINORMOUS spider....casting its large shadow on the wall of the garage by way of the street light.....


I looked around and yelled:


ARMS: LEGS!?! He was no where to be seen....
LEGS: From behind me....'What?'
ARMS:'There's uh....uh.....' trembling.....
LEGS:'I see it.'
ARMS: I frantically got back in the car and shut the door- while shouting 'I can't come out of the garage until its dead!'
LEGS: 'You are such a B*tch...' BAM....GINORMOUS ARACHNID dead....Large carcass on the ground.....
ARMS: Exits the car in a hurry, bumping the car door on the side of the garage wall and does the heepy jeepy run, dance hauling a** out of that damn garage......


I have had nightmares ever since.....


And here is a life size portrait of Charlotte:

Imagine her on your computer screen.....


We don't have kids, and we don't have religion....so that takes all the fun out of Easter.  So......We decided to ride the train to Nurnberg for a Volksfest.  

Here is a spooky tunnel we had to walk through....

A Volksfest is a lot like a state fair in the states......except better.....

We rode the rides.....(NO LINES)

First the Ferris Wheel....

 

I love this picture its us in the mirror above our heads in the Ferris Wheel!

View from the Top!

Happily Ever After!

An Old Nazi Relic Where they used to hold Rallies..... 

Then we went on (horror movies sounds) the 13th Floor Tower of Terror!!!

LEGS flies APACHE's but was afraid....

Last but not least the Loopy Roller Coaster!!!

We drank good beer and high class cocktails.....(Caprahnina's)


We ate delicious food......the food....was......if heaven was food that is what we ate.....

 

 

LEGS left this morning for a month the field.  Its been a long time since we have been apart, and I thought all the years of deployments I would be used to him leaving, but I still feel the anxiety and desperation.  

Apparently the dog has the same anxiety; In her mind:
'Um....excuse me....where do you think your going?"

 

 

So far I have cleaned the entire house....set up more of the house, mowed the lawn, did large amounts of laundry, scrubbed the kitchen cabinets, worked in the Vegetable garden, and wrote this blog.......


The house is dead silent......


Guilty Pleasures:

Eating Fest Food.

Sleeping on the train because I know that LEGS is there to protect me and wake me up at our stop....instead of keeping him company....


Eating an entire bar of Ritter Sport Chocolate.


Sleeping in instead of helping LEGS get ready for the field.


Being judgmental of complete strangers....particularly their ensembles....

Random Thoughts and Stories:

When we were out Friday night there was a dog at the outdoor bar, it had a big pair of ballz, and they were smushed into the sidewalk....because he was laying down.....that's very interesting.....I don't think I have ever seen that before.

A round of shots was purchased......after everybody took the shots, one guy said "That sh*t just made me salivate...." Laugh's! That just happened....

Yesterday at the train station I looked down at LEGS' LEGS ......and I thought for sure he had a some sort of disease.......turns out its just REALLY dry skin- damn dude put some lotion on those scale covered twiggy gams!

Stay tuned for the next chapter in the Adventures of Tank Girl Blog: 30 Days ARMS without LEGS.....

OVER & OUT....

Just another Easter Weekend in the life of an unlikely military wife....**

Re: Dear Red....Light gives itself freely.....**

HELLLO BLOG-

Weather Conditions: Beautiful, Beautiful and Beautiful.  It now costs $1.50 for 1 Euro.

Listen Up! I have a serious letter to write to a reader of my blog.


Dear Red........


After receiving your sincere and guilt ridden apology, I felt horrible for blindsiding you in the previous blog.  ALL DAY yesterday I beat myself up over this. You did something incredibly thoughtful, genuine, and true....just for little old me.  

The box you sent could not have been more insightful, accurate and impeccable as for my interests, tastes and desires, it was supernatural in nature. Seriously. Are you watching me!?!


When I opened the box.....I was incredibly touched to the point of tears and utter astonishment.  I told LEGS, I didn't even think this girl likes me.  I asked him if he thought it wrong for me to tell the story in its entirety, and he said he didn't think so......


I searched for several minutes for reasons you would do something so amazingly kind to me.  Out of frustration LEGS told me that people know who I am because of my blog, I am real and I tell people my most intimate thoughts. In my mind: Okay....he's got a point.  He told me I probably inspire people and make many women feel less alone (especially military wives.) 


There are many times when I worry that I should or shouldn't include certain details of my life, or if I should include or exclude details that I think may hurt people's feelings.  Sometimes....when I go back and read certain blogs I can't even believe I put myself out there like that.  But I promised myself to be real, no matter how embarrassing, personal, and intimate the details of my life may be.  I tell myself that I would never want my life to be fraudulent, and that I hope even if I am crazy, I am not alone in this journey.


So my FRIEND Red.....


This is me in front of all the 10 people who read my blog, apologizing to you....down on my knees in my shame for EVER hurting your feelings or making you feel like you are a bad person- because your obviously not- and trust me I am a good judge of character. ;)


Out of all of this I have learned its time for ARMS, yes, at the ripe age of 28, to grow up!  Yes High School was horrible and people were mean to me, they left scares on my soul that have been there for a really long time.  Its really not pretty or even bad a** to play the victim anymore. (but I do intend on keeping the battle scars because that part is bad a**)

I obviously have issues with the way people see me.  I devalue my worth and the affect I have on people, I think people don't like me as much as they really do, and I can't imagine inspiring, touching or reaching others as I seem to have done.


I have decided to turn over a new leaf, start a new fad, begin again.  I, ARMS, promise with a pure heart, to FORGIVE those that have trespassed against me, or witnessed a trespass against me.  

There is somebody that I have not forgiven recently in my life.....as the result of a faulty bereavement  mechanism. I intend on writing this person and apologizing for being childish and immature.....not only did Red help me see this is the right thing to do, but I suspect the person who passed is up in heaven right now shaking his head at me.  


So Red....now you know, that even though you have made mistakes, you have helped me see the LIGHT and assisted me to live a more virtuous life....How could I ever repay you?

P.S. I tried to write you a heartfelt letter by hand, but crumpled up about 50 pieces of pretty paper- turns out I cannot write unless its on my computer.....and I wanted to save the trees of course!

Light gives of itself freely, filling all available space.  It does not seek anything in return; it asks not whether you are friend or foe.  It gives of itself and is not thereby diminished.  ~Michael Strassfeld

No random thoughts or guilty pleasures, just.....

Over & Out..

Just another lesson learned in the life of an unlikely military wife....**
 

The Full Monty tours NEVER NEVER LAND....**

BLOG! You look AMAZING! Have you LOST weight?

Your local NEVER NEVER LAND weather brought to you by ALWAYS IMITATED, NEVER DUPLICATED, Tank Girl: It's been absolutely beautiful outside.  The local's tell me April is usually the month they see Rain, Hail, Wind, Fog, Snow, Ice, Sun, (ran out....can't think of any more) but instead its been like summer outside, today it was 70 Degree's.   

Sorry....I have been on hiatus.....OH I have missed you.  We finally received our household goods in its entirety (On Tuesday....which I realize was yesterday....but it feels more like its been a week in two days).  So....you will have excuse me...I am deliriously tired and am liable to pop off at the mouth about any damn thing I want....

I was really relieved for several reasons, and these reasons played over and over and over in my head like a broken record.  

In my mind: 

"Ohhhhhh man, I hope my stuff gets here....what if it is lost!?! What if its gone forever!?!.....sunk in the ocean.....burned up in a fire.......
Ohhhhhh boy......I hope my stuff gets here.......I need LEGS to put all the furniture back together again.....I might be able to do it......with like 15 tutorials on how to assemble furniture on the internet....or we won't have any furniture just a house full of pieces.....pieces scattered about....
Ohhhhh baby I hope my stuff gets here.....LongShanks and the Boyfriend in a Band are arriving at the end of May.....I don't want them sitting on pieces of furniture......please God, Godly God, please let my stuff get here...."

The highlight of the delivery was when the "Middle Aged" (and I say this with the utmost respect and sensitivity- I suspect he was MY version of middle aged, which is older then I think most other people's definition ) German Unpacker Dude was reaching high above his head for (I can't recall for what now...because....) I glanced back around and his pants had dropped down......around his knee's.....In all his Old Man Glory he was sporting his his European Briefs.....Complete with the Bright Green Moving T-Shirt tucked all the way in....so far 'IN' it was hanging out the bottom....And there he stood not a care in the world, no notion that Me and all his worker bee's were getting a Red Light Special FULL MONTY STYLE!


In my Mind:


In these situations what do you do? Laugh! Inform the poor man of the situation? Look away and giggle? Pretend it didn't happen? Laugh? I mean really....what would Anne Landers say? 


Also, in case you didn't know.....Designer Briefs are big in Europe.  LEGS and I have been eye balling a pair of Pin Stripes for MONTHS downtown in one of the shop windows.....

I have also thought....I wonder how people who are a (little) older then us manage these moves....no matter how much you require the movers to lift and put things in the right rooms, it seems as though you are still schlepping your sh*t, up and down, over and under, across and down, and from side to side.....Moving is hard back breaking work! 


As soon as we were able I requested forcefully that we banish the lovely ARMY ISSUE purple sofa OUT to the garage.....sorry to say I am not sad to see it go.  While carrying the heavy couch to its final resting place in my possession LEGS was walking backwards and I was following.  This is when the small detail that both of us have gotten so old, we were both sporting the ergonomically correct CROC's becomes necessary.....Not sure exactly what happened....but LEGS collided with the gate to the driveway severely crippling his foot (momentarily)....

LEGS: Now hopping on one foot 'OW! OW! OW! I REALLY HURT MYSELF! OW! I THINK I NEED A TETANUS SHOT!'


LORD help me.....I could not stop laughing.....I laughed so hard I cried!


I needed LEGS' help moving a bunch of boxes to the attic.  One box I had half-a** taped (in my exhaustion) with scotch tape instead of packaging tape.  He was standing half way up the a latter with the box near his face in preparation to lift it into the attic, while we stood there having a "discussion," the tape gave out and the box flap literally b*tch slapped him in the face........


LEGS: In his brain: SHOCK....that just happened.
ARMS: 'BAWAHAHAHAHA! You were just b*tch slapped by a cardboard box!' In my mind: There may be something to this whole Karma thing, he shouldn't been arguing with me in the first place.....


Today, while I was unpacking stuff, I ran across an old Calender of Marilyn Monroe.  I fancifully studied every picture in sheer admiration for her beauty and noted that she was ANYTHING BUT skinny.  I thought to myself.....


ARMS' BRAIN: Man.....I spent ALL last year starving myself of water and food that I like, to be a certain number on a certain scale for competition, and here I am still battling my own insecurities....Even when I killed myself, I still did not have the body that I wanted....so....I would rather possess the same raw sensuality that Marilyn Monroe did in her full figure than all this BS I am going through now....YEAH!'


My Brain is WHACK!


I had to help a friend with a college project today.  It was a psychology project about women and their problems with body image.  The plan was to take a picture normally, then take a picture of us in a swimsuit with marks on our body of the things we don't like, then take a final picture of how much more we are.  

My example was that I am a normal girl, but I have issues with my body (which I of course do) BUT I am ranked nationally at number 7 in the US as a female boxer I won the National Golden Gloves. As for the other girls one is a soldier and the other is getting her Masters in College.


The other two girls have had children and I have not, which basically eliminates any solid excuses for my fat a##.  I have heard them consistently complain about their bodies.  As we all stood there and I compared my body to theirs (because WE ALL DO) I felt ashamed, and mortified.  Like deep down in my soul.....

I mean.....here I am....supposed to be the most physically in shape and I WAS the FAT GIRL (FOR REAL FOR REAL).  As much as I would like to be okay with my body, something in me snapped today.  


And.......wearing my gloves felt really really good......I think...uh....I think its time to get back in the boxing gym.


FYI- (Please See the BLOG 'She is a Maniac.....Maniac' featured in March for reference if you have not already read this one) Remember the blog I wrote about Goodie Box shame? Well....turns out I was right....I got a letter in the mail today- My Primary Care Manager changed....they have assigned me somebody else now.  

Now that.....that, is what you call Goodie Box rejection....he went there and doesn't want a return visit....


OMG! And here I was thinking I was being so progressive and forward thinking having no shame! 

Okay.....straight up Jerry Springer Style here is my final thought.

Middle School and High School were horrible for me.....I HATED IT I would never under any circumstances want to repeat that time in my life....I think because things at home were confusing and difficult, it was hard for me to come to school and deal with even more confusion and complication in the most tactful way.....I felt targeted, threatened, insecure and totally UN-COOL......


And really to hammer the point home.....

A friend of mine had asked me a while back if I had the middle school yearbook because she was looking somebody up.  I told her I did, but, it was packed up, and I would, when we finally settled, dig it out.  So today I did as promised.....as I skimmed through the Middle School yearbook I was brought back to the most distressing time of my life.....and I can see why- we ALL looked freakishly creepy and disgusting.....and I was so INCREDIBLY LOST- 


At a time when you really need to KNOW WHO YOU ARE, you DON'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE!?!


So....fast forward to today.....I am glad I went through everything I did....its made me who I am today....and minor issues aside I KNOW... WHO I AM! 


There was a girl in school.  We basically went to same school from grade school all the way up to Graduation, and somehow we were never 'friends.'  She wasn't actually mean to me, but she hung out with people (and still does) who were mean to me (like....seriously mean) and I suspect that even though she didn't agree, she didn't have the intestinal fortitude to stand up for me either......

I don't know, is it too much for me to expect that in high school? Perhaps.  Does she even remember this? I don't know.  And....am I immature for hanging on to it? Or wise for remembering? 

Can people change?  For a long time I said NO WAY JOSE'! 

Then....a down on his luck super hero came into my life, and through his recovery, I was a firm born again believer, YES PEOPLE CHANGE!  But....tragically....this volume of LEX the Super Hero ended sadly and I was reverted back to a non-believer.....not because I don't want to believe....but because I have no reason to.....because I want to believe people!


This girl did something quite exceptional for me today.  She sent me a very thoughtful care package, with yarn for knitting, seeds for my garden, magazines, doggie treats, knee pads for my gardening (GOD SEND!), and a handful of other goodies, and she wrote me a nice little note telling me how much she loved my blog......


What she doesn't realize is this......


The jury is still out on whether or not people change, and perhaps this whole example is gray area, maybe people just grow up, or life experience teaches them....and me.....that sometimes life can be summed up in a song:

http://youtu.be/UMAFAqOxyOc

I GET HUNGRY FOR LOVE AND THIRSTY FOR LIFE AND MUCH TOO FULL OF THE PAIN....pure genius.......

And for the record when I opened the box, I really felt deep down in my core that I didn't deserve such a thoughtful gift......

She touched my heart today.....and she has me thinking....maybe people do in fact change....


GUILTY PLEASURE:


Cursing.....I find myself increasing my bad language around one of my Mormen friends and I can't figure out why? I know its especially offensive to her- so do I do it because I am nervous or do I do it because its so overtly sinful?


Gossip.....I have been gossiping behind people's backs.  It hasn't been ugly its been more my thoughts, reactions, emotions and perspective on life events.....just making sure I ain't crazy.....


I judged somebody too quickly......I figured them to be immature, but somehow today I was drawn to their wisdom.....


Random Thoughts:

My yard smells so amazing I wish I could bottle up that smell and put it on my skin......


I am convinced that I have a sadistic twisted sense of humor, when I see people fall or hurt themselves I laugh hysterically.....is this condition listed in the DSM?


If another one of these dizzy girls talks badly about their bodies in my presence......SO HELP ME.......

Moving sucks.....and this move has been particularly annoying....however....it is cool that I get to dig out all the pictures, letters, yearbooks, and keepsakes of the past and relive, revisit, and smile over the beautiful memories I've had in my life.....(heavy sigh)....if I died tomorrow- it would all be worth it....even the heartbreak....**

Today...is a special day... not only did I unpack EVERY SINGLE BOX (from 1 cross-country move and 1 one overseas move) BUT (can I get a drum roll please?) I accomplished a feat only very few military wives have accomplished- I took that room- you know- the one the military exploded all over and I put it in the dungeon, it will no longer share or occupy any rooms in my house! FIST PUMPIN' my ass all the way to bed!**

Damn.......there are so many funny graphics I could have done for this blog but I am completely wiped.....my sincerest apologies, and my genuine hope is that my writing will give you the picture necessary to ENJOY!

Over & Out.....


Just another week....I mean day.....in the life of an unlikely military wife....**