She's a maniac......maniac...**

Heya Blog!

NEVER NEVER LAND weather conditions brought to you by TANK GIRL: Windy, Cold and they are saying rain, but that hasn't happened yet....Also 1 American dollar buys .69 Euro.  

Also.

Let me just say.


I am neurotic.

This morning LEGS skipped PT because he needed to take the TANK to get it permanently registered here in NEVER NEVER LAND.  Don't you hate it when you can sleep in a little but your body still wakes up at the scheduled time? Since both of us were stirring in bed, Karmella woke up and was ready to go for the day.  

Irritated I tried to quiet her whining so we could both get some more sleep, but she was persistent and kept whining.  This is the point in my life where I imagine having a child......and I think to myself, seriously? I slept for seven hours, not 10, or 12, I am not a lazy person, I am a hard worker, in fact I don't mind work I rather enjoy it, yet when the dog is whining and I want to sleep for an extra 15 minutes I feel violent toward something I couldn't imagine loving more.

So far today Karmella has had diarrhea three times in the house and thrown up once.  I see a European Vet visit in my near future.  And now horrified with anxiety about the well being of the dog and cost of the vet visit.....I sit and ponder.....am I ready in my life to have a child?

Next subject......(Side Note: Daddy if you are reading this, please note this is me taking steps to become a mature, confident woman, and for everybody else, I suspected every step of the way that I should not write this due to the fact it may be a classic case of  'T.M.I' and then I thought, I bet every other woman out there has these anxieties and would rejoice in the fact that they are not alone! Am I right ? Or am I right?- please....due to an unbearable amount of humiliation do not tell me I am wrong....)

My whole life I have obtained ALL my medical care from a female.  When I moved from Alaska to Alabama, I started to receive care from two different doctors.  One was my medical doctor and the other was my 'Goodie Box' Doctor.   

I was VERY nervous at first about seeing a male doctor for my female stuff, but he was very pleasant and professional.  

Here in NEVER NEVER LAND, I see ONE doctor for EVERYTHING.  So this morning was my first 'Goodie Box' check up with my regular doctor.  All week long I have been apprehensive and fretful over ONE MAN knowing every single thing about ME and MY Goodie Box.  


In my mind: 'This is so stupid.....the man is a professional.  Why do I care so much? Will it be awkward? What if something weird happens? I am sure everything will be fine......Its not like he has the issue....you do....that is right I have an issue....I seemingly have an issue with the man who gives me regular medical care seeing me naked. Why?'


But as I laid there in that ridiculous blue gown, and the doctor actually said 'Let me just wipe up the LUBE here....' I started to think......

I don't really care about the nudity, my body will never look like a bikini super model as much as I dream of that day.....

I care more about the humility and dignity part.  I guess the reason that I was more comfortable with the female is, she couldn't judge me, she had to get up there and do the same damn thing.  

This little issue I have is getting buried today, the man is a professional, and I should be so lucky to have one doctor than can oversee my comprehensive care.....I will no longer suffer from Goodie Box shame!

Did I just seriously tell you about that?

Heavy sigh......After my ridiculous mania I decided to go for a run, a REALLY LONG run.....as I was taking as shower I made the decision to completely delete this blog thinking it was a bad case of diarrhea of the mouth....then I read it to LEGS...as I read it out loud I was like this is GOOOOOOD......why was I so insecure about it? And wouldn't you know.....LEGS agreed.

I picked up the dress and it was perfect, the little Greek man told me I would look like a princess in it- after that compliment I left him a BIG European tip.  


Time to cuddle up on the couch with LEGS and knit on this rainy evening....

Random Thoughts:


I sometimes wonder......when I was growing up my mom would say things to me like, don't do that, or you are making a mistake, or she would give me these little tid-bits like don't try and grow up so fast.....and now....that I am grown up and did it way too fast....I wish I would have listened to her more........how come.....even though everybody that genuinely loves you, and cares about you gives you advice do you refuse it?  Why do humans like to experience the ever miserable line "I told you so...." over and over again?  


Don't you hate it when you can't decide what to do?  Like today I needed to take a shower (after I went to the gym) and get dressed, but then I was like, well I don't have to take a shower, I can just throw on some clothes, then I was like well maybe I will go for a run, but I don't want to run, I am hungry, maybe I should eat......instead I blogged....about nothing......


Then I felt bad about not running.....if I don't run....I don't deserve to eat.....jeez....get real Tiffany.  Okay....that's it I am going for a light jog....I need to since I am a psycho crazy person....

I wish my husband had a foot fetish, I don't know what it is.....but it makes me really really happy to have my feet rubbed.

LEGS and I really wanted to have a few cocktails tonight.....but like good little dieters we refrained- HIGH FIVE FOR MORAL SUPPORT.


OVER & OUT


Just another manic day in the life of an unlikely military wife.....

ARMS: In Her Shoes.....**

HELLO BLIGGITY BLOG!

TANK GIRLZ Weather Story: Once upon a time in NEVER NEVER LAND, the weather was beautiful and warm, then the mean old atmosphere made it cloudy and cold with a BIG chance of rain, The END. (What?......Not all stories have a happy ending).

Remember how I said that the walls of our house are filled with WWII rubble?

Last night LEGS had plugged the GPS into his computer to charge it up because he needed it for work.  In the middle of the night the damn thing came alive and starting saying things like 'Recalculating', 'Calculating Route Now.' 

At first I thought it was some bizarre dream but then I realized it was the GPS downstairs.  And...then I realized....I suddenly needed to pee.......I got up, used the bathroom and then stood at the top of the stairs.  I tried to convince myself to go downstairs and turn it off.  I told myself I had nothing to be afraid of, but as I peeked down the dark stairwell I decided it was probably best that I let the ghosts live it up. They have probably never seen a GPS before.  'Recalculating Route Now' 

Maybe they are trying to find heaven.

Today I needed to go and purchase yet another pair of dress shoes I will probably only wear one time.  This makes me wish my stuff was here more than anything.....is there anything worse then wasting money buying a bunch of stuff you already have?  I hate shopping.  What happened to me? I used to like it.


To my surprise I actually had a great time.  

When we got there we parked, LEGS would be so proud of me I parked the Audi against a wall so that nobody would ding the door.  Of course I parked it so close to the wall I literally had to be a gymnast to get in or out.  Princess Peach was teasing me she said 'Honey you would be so proud of me I parked the car so that nobody would ding the door but I DID!'  


Then we walked to the elevator and promptly got lost all the way to the top of the parking garage....this is isn't the mall? Where is the mall?  We were in the parking garage elevator expecting it to take us to the mall....

Shopping in Europe is like learning how to shop all over again.  (Side Note: Luigi's Mom, my friend, will be known as Princess Peach from here on out for blogging purposes.) Princess Peach and I set out hopelessly depressed and unexcited about the ball, and shopping for shoes.  

We went into one shoe store....and seriously found nothing.  Even with my bizarre fashion sense I could not even stretch MY imagination to wear any of the shoe options available.


Not willing to give up and certainly out of desperation we carried on.....to the next shoe store- who knew this tiny mall had more than one shoe store?


It started out rough in the front of the store, but by the time we arrived to the back of the store it was like we hit the shoe jackpot.  

Silly girls....neither one of us had any clue what size we would wear. Did you know that European and American sizes are NOT anything ALIKE or the SAME AT ALL? Of course nobody that worked there could be found.

So we just plopped down and started trying on shoes.  It looked like the shoe jackpot blew up around us by the time we were finished, but we happily bounced out of the store with NEW SHOES....

A few shopping observations: When Princess Peach and I gab in English everybody stares at us like we are aliens.  Also Germans do not RECOGNIZE the Personal Space Bubble that we Americans are so absolutely anal about.

The Ball is themed 'Old Hollywood' here is a sneak peek at my costume:

This is a hair clip with a veil that fits over one side of the face:

The Clutch and Cocktail Ring:

The SHOES:

European Radio is also quite amusing.  They listen to some new stuff, but its usually this crazy mix of 80's top hits, one hit wonders, and disco style tunes.  No kidding.....


LEGS and I were driving home the other night from a friends house and this song comes on.  When I heard it I was like.....Nah-Uh....for real?  HOLY MOLY BATMAN, it is!  


ARMS:'OMG....I cannot believe they are playing this song....'
LEGS:'What is it?  (yeah no joke- What is...IT?) 
ARMS:' Don't you recognize it?
LEGS:'No.....'
ARMS:'Its the Macarena. Do you remember that dance?'
LEGS:'I don't know its something to do with your head and your hips...'
ARMS:' Can I get a demonstration when we get home?'


LAUGHS!


Random Thoughts:

A line I never thought that I would use: ARMS to LEGS
"You have broccoli on your lip." 

Don't you hate it when people are SOOOOOO NICE that you simply cannot say NO? 


I got an email today for 'The Scooter Store.' GREAT........


Cottage cheese is delicious...


I hate to say it but I am missing the great American fast food, in specific Taco Bell.


I feel bad for taking the Audi from LEGS......but it so fun to drive!

I ran into a mutual acquaintance today... you may remember him as 'The Hef'..he was scoping the 'Free Shelf' outside the library.  Yeah....I am pretty sure he doesn't like my sense of humor in the daylight.  I gave him a hard time about the free shelf deal and after that I felt like he maybe forgot to take his Midol BEFORE he came to work.

Why is it that no matter what I cannot bring myself to wear cute fitness clothes?  I always look like a hobo when I go to the gym.  I mean....what is the point of buying cute fitness clothes when you are just going to sweat in them? I don't get it?

OVER & OUT


Just another day in the life of an unlikely military wife.....**

ARMS Walks with Sticks.....Sorta.....**

Hey You...How YOU doin'?

Just, in case....you were curious, the weather is Sunny, Warm almost HOT, Clear, and Absolutely AMAZING!

When I found out we were coming to NEVER NEVER LAND, I had heard about these Volksmarches.  The Germans are very into walking and marching.  I thought it would be fun to participate and a great way to learn the language and culture of the German people.

When I arrived I started talking to people about it, and I heard about this march.  You know how I do it- I go big or I go home- (and I don't want to go home).


This particular March is World Famous and a HUGE commitment- which also means a HUGE accomplishment and thus bragging rights for LIFE!


THE NIJMEGEN MARCH

It's a International Four Day March called Nijmegen (or Vierdaagse). It's also  the largest marching event in the world. It is organized every year in Nijmegen (which is in Holland) in mid-July as a means of promoting sport and exercise. Participants walk 30, 40 or 50 kilometers daily, and, on completion, receive a royally approved medal (Vierdaagsekruis). The participants are mostly civilians, but there are also a few thousand military participants.

Standard categories:

• ~30km x 4days
• ~40km x 4days
• ~50km x 4days

 I am shooting for the 40 km catergory.

The "vierdaagse" (Dutch for "Four day Event") is an annual walk that has taken place since 1909, being based at Nijmegen since 1916. Depending on age group and category, walkers have to walk 30, 40 or 50 kilometers each day for four days. 

Originally a military event with a few civilians, it now is a mainly civilian event. Numbers have risen in recent years, with over 40,000 taking part, including about 5,000 Military. It is now the world's largest walking event. 

Due to crowds on the route, since 2004 the organizers have limited the number of participants. The first day of walking is always the 3rd Tuesday in July. Many participants take part every year, including several that have taken part in 50, and even 60 different annual marches.

Each day of the marches is named after the biggest town it goes through. Tuesday is the day of ELST, Wednesday the day of WIJCHEN, Thursday the day of GROESBEEK and Friday the day of CUJIK. The routes always stay the same unless there is a specific need to change, as it did in 2007 (route changed in 2006 but cancelled) when the walkers went through the Waalkade on Wednesday for the first time since the original route got too crowded and walkers had to wait for over an hour at some times. 2006 was the first year to be cancelled in 90 years (apart from WWII). After the first day's march there were thousands of drop-outs and two deaths because of extreme heat.

On the Friday, as participants near the finish, the public awards the walkers with Gladioli. A symbol of force and victory stemming from Roman times where gladiators where showered with Gladioli, the Nijmegen walkers are similarly 'showered' in flowers on their arrival. The entry into the city and towards the finish, the St. Annastreet, is for that reason called Via Gladiola during the Nijmegen Marches.

With that said.....I need practice.


The first day we moved into our house we met our neighbors just down the street.  Their names are Ursula and HORST (god I love saying his name!) and they have a poodle named Rocky.  After weeks of observation and friendly conversation (what little could be said with the language barrier) I asked if LEGS and I could go walking with them on the weekend.  


They agreed, and after a brief game of Charades, we decided on a day and time.  Saturday or (Samstag) at nine or (nuen). They asked if we wanted to barrow the 'walking sticks' the Germans are known to use when they 'Go Walking.'  I said 'YES!' (hey, don't judge me, when in Rome do as the Romans do.)

Like a typical German they showed up right on time, strapped LEGS and I up with some 'walking sticks' and off we went.  

LEGS had Karmella and walked up ahead with Ursula, while I got a 'How to Walk with Sticks Tutorial' from HORST....

(This would be after my loud mouth husband told them about my boxing- so they were expecting an athlete) 

Yeah......it turns out.....walking with sticks is hard.  

I am afraid that I completely frustrated HORST....


He kept telling me NEIN! Which means NO! And then he would Mimic me.....which was hysterical.  All I could do is laugh, and try harder to do it right.

Keep my chin down.
Don't walk like you are skiing.
This is not boxing.
The sticks do not need to be out in front of you.
Relax.
Put your arms down.
Use your shoulder, don't use your shoulders.

I kept stabbing my one foot with the sticks, or they would drag and bounce behind me....I am pretty sure HORST almost lost an eye at one point.  

And guess who just picks the technique up all easy? LEGS......so I am looking to him for some advice but he straight up ditched me for an older woman- Ursula- up the trail.  


Today was my third day of walking with Horst, Ursula and the sticks.  They say I am getting better, and that I should belt Karmella around my waist so she doesn't disrupt me perfecting my technique. LAUGHS!  


Most of our walks are like Nature Walks, they tell me all the German words for each tree/plant in the forest and then the next day I am quizzed on the material from the last walk.  Its actually pretty fun!

Not that I care.....but did I mention Horst and Ursula or older? So they have absolutely NO QUALMS about stopping to pee in the woods.  I find it to be funny for two reasons number one because they treat it as 'business as usual' and two because the awkward silent moments while they relieve themselves are priceless!

Random Thoughts:

For some reason I cannot stop using the word "amazing" today....

Gardening is hard work....


What in...the hell......Do they think they are boxing? THAT....is not boxing....SMH.....


I hate it when I bump into people that I have been reminding myself to call or hang out with.....because then I feel like such a bullshitter when I say 'I have been meaning to call!' FYI- if this happens to you with me- I really have been meaning to call....


Sometimes I look at the things that the ARMY calls "PT" (Physical Training) and I wonder how on earth first they could call that PT and second how the soldiers can keep a straight face while doing that silly a** sh*t.....


Over & Out....


Just another day in the life of an unlikely military wife......**

Taking the Good with the Bad.......**

MORGEN BLOG!

Tank Girlz Weather Chronicle: Morning Fog is a normal occurrence here since we live up in the hills, luckily its burning off into a beautiful sunny and semi-clear day!

I am hoping this is the last blog playing catch up and we can get back on track to daily blogs about life in NEVER NEVER LAND.

On March 22, 2011.  Something wonderful happened to me.  I made a new friend out of my neighbor.  Her name is Mariannae (pronounced MAR-EEE-ON-AAA) her son Jens speaks English, so I was able, over the fence to convey my desire to garden and of course explain my complete lack of knowledge on how to do so.  She kindly made an appointment to come over the next evening and tell me what is good and what is bad in the front garden that is overgrown, and also give me a run down of what is actually in my yard.  

Patiently, and with sheets of paper from the internet of plants in English and German her son Jens and her walked me through the yard, told me what I have and what I need to do.  I have about 10 trees in my yard and all of them are fruit trees.  I have several plum, pear, and apple trees and two cherry trees.  I am sure you can imagine my surprise as I realize how amazing my yard already is but the possibility of access to so much fresh fruit for pies, jams, jellies etc. made me simply ecstatic! 

After the yard tour I invited them in for cookies that I specifically baked for this occasion- a gift of thanks- and gave them a walk around of the house.  Mariannae was quite enthused when she saw my knitting on the couch.  She picked it up and upon careful inspection offered to help me.  (What just happened is a senior-pro knitter, just offered to help this rookie because her knitting is a hot mess.....how embarrassing.....)


As promised Mariannae arrived the next afternoon and I watched very carefully as she showed me a few knitting tips and tricks.  Then she showed me her own work......I am pretty sure my mouth hung open for a few minutes and I was in complete awww of this woman's brilliance.  


She generously allowed me to pick out a few items that she had made for myself, and gave me some jams that she herself had made.  The only thing this nomad could offer back was some American Coffee ('Kaffe').

  

So far Mariannae has helped me plant salad plants and radishes in my greenhouse, given me tomato plants and chillies that she has already germinated, and assisted me in learning to speak Duetsch.  

The Tomatoes:

The Chillies:

 

I cannot believe how lucky I am to have such an amazing and knowledgeable neighbor about all the things that I want to accomplish during my time here in NEVER NEVER LAND.  I am so grateful and excited about all the things this woman can teach me.  I feel much less alone and isolated now that I have my Mariannae. 

Here are some pictures of our Fairy Tale Yard:

The picture above is the 'improved' front garden with all the bad stuff taken out of it. The picture below is the side flower bed and it needs some work......

  
This picture is my other front garden, its a clean slate and the plan is lots and lots of flowers!

The Vegetable Garden Before:

 

The Veggie Garden After:

We have a pond!

March 23, 2011

This was the first day I cried in NEVER NEVER LAND.  The morning started out great but by the afternoon I was completely hopeless. 

We have a Brigade Ball to go to next weekend.  So in a panic I ordered a dress off the internet because I have no idea where to get a proper gown, and I do not want to spend a fortune doing so either.  


I was relieved when I actually received the dress, but after trying it on I realized that I would probably need to get it taken in because I had lost weight.  (Side Note: After many hours of running, strength training and being seriously disciplined with my diet, it had now become apparent that it was effective- so I was very happy at this point).  The dilemma of having a dress altered in Europe still stood.  So.....I asked around and heard of a good place.  


I figured at this point it would not be hard to find the alterations place since I knew the street it was located on.  Do yourself a favor- don't assume anything will be easy......I ended up being lost, so I saw some American girls and stopped and asked them where it was, they didn't know. Go Figure.

I would have kindly asked a German, except....oh....yeah I don't have the internet so that's why I don't know the word in German for alteration shop or better yet have a google map in hand. After helplessly wandering for what was in my opinion too long, I found one shop that could do alterations.  I took my dress inside and asked the lady if she could help me.  She very firmly said no, that altering that dress would be too difficult.  I asked her if she knew anybody that could and she said no.  


So I pressed on and found the shop I had actually been looking for.  They open at 2pm.  Its 1pm, and I have to meet the Internet Technician at 2pm.  Damn.  


I hurried home and waited for the Internet guy to arrive.  Once he did, he slopped around and pretended to fix some things.  He told me my internet was working.  So knowing that LEGS would be ticked if I didn't double check and make sure I hopped on my computer to check.  No Internet.  So I tell the man I don't have internet.  


What happened next was the single most frustrating experience of my entire life.  I would ask him a question and he would answer.  But I am not sure what he was saying.....I could not tell you if it was German or English.  I told him repeatedly in German and English I did not understand could he please repeat, but he wouldn't repeat.  After 20 minutes of this song and dance I tried to call LEGS, but he didn't answer.  At this point I was on the verge of tears and had to hide in the kitchen for fear of crying or screaming as this Jackball......


After I gained my composure I came back and asked him about the phone.  In my mind I was thinking the phone is less complicated then the internet, so it should not be difficult for him to at least get the phone hooked up and working.......Guess Again.......he proceeded to tell me that we made the wrong decision about the company we used, then he asked me who made the decisions in my marriage.  

Is this guy for real? Does he know who I am? I am number 7 God Dammit!  For fear of assaulting, cursing and turning into a hysterical American I kindly told him thank you and he could leave.  

Back downtown to see if the other place could alter the dress.  

When I arrived at the alterations place (located right in the downtown square), a little man from Greece greeted me.  He requested that I put the dress on, behind a raggedy curtain in a store front shop.  As I stripped down, I just told myself that Europeans are not like Americans, they do not get all weird about nudity. He kindly pinned the dress and told me his wife would do it and it would be ready by Thursday.  

THANK YOU LORD JESUS.......something has finally gone right today.  

After the day's fiasco all I wanted to do was curl up in my house and pout.  But God would not let me wallow in my pain. 

I had to pick up my friends kid from school.  He loves Mario and Luigi so I will call him Luigi for purposes of the blog.  I really enjoy Luigi, he is the coolest kid around, and he helped me in the garden.

Then Maryannae came over and we went and bought the salad plants a local garden shop in the next town over.

After that I enjoyed a home cooked meal at Mack and Sir Bradford's house.  On the menu a four cheese lasagna, salad, red wine and chocolate peanut butter dessert.  

Mack made me a beaded bracelet, she even let me pick out the beads.

Sparkles are a girls best friend.

Random Thoughts:

Yep, those are my scivvies out drying on the line!

Over & Out

Just another day in the life of an unlikely military wife.....**

Adventure to Kreuzberg......**

WHAAAASSSSSUP! BLOGGY-Woggy?

Weather Report on the day we went to Kreuzberg: Sunny and Clear.

On Sunday March 20th we set out on our Adventure to Kreuzberg.  

The Kreuzberg is one of the Rhon Mountains in southern Germany. It is about 928 m (3,045 ft) high and is located in the Bavarian part of the Rhön, in the province of Lower Franconia. The Kreuzberg — also referred to as the "sacred mountain of the Franconians" — is near the town of Bischofsheim an der Rhon in the district Rhon-Grabfeld.

Side Note: They call them mountains- but in my standards they are more like very large hills.

The Kreuzberg Monastery, which is situated just below the summit of the mountain. There are frequent pilgrimages to the monastery church. The monastery is also famous for its beer, which was brewed on site by the monks until about 1985. Today the beer is brewed by laypersons under the supervision of the monks. Three different beers (Dunkel, Pilsner and Hefe-Weizen) are produced year-round and a fourth (Weihnachts-Bock) is available during the Christmas season. 

How funny is it that we went to a Catholic Monastery on Sunday to drink beer?  But it wasn't a complete sin, we did do the hike in which we stopped and viewed the ancient art that depicted the Crucifixion of Jesus Christ.  

 

It occurred to me that it was a slight paradox that the monks brew the beer, which is the debilitating sin of so many.  And it was also easy to see how the Catholic church is one of the richest organizations that exists.  

This was a like a pizza, but it had like onions and spices on it instead of cheese and pepperoni- DELISH!

 

 

Many tourist obviously come here and spend loads of money on the food and beer, but also the real estate that I am sure was purchased for mere pennies before currency even existed was phenomenal and probably worth so much more today.

 

Admittedly I was in a grumpy mood on this day, we had stayed up half the night on skype with our families so we were both running on 4 hours of sleep.  

I felt very sad after seeing the depictions of the crucifixion.  How could somebody do that to another human being? However, I was happy to see this place and left feeling humbled, grateful and a little more spiritual then when I arrived.

Random Thoughts:

I wish like hell we would have brought Karmella up here with us.

I wish I had my hiking boots.

Driving on the Autobahn in the Audi is fun, especially when I get just ride and not drive.

I like Opera music, and I plan on working on a collection of it.  Opera music in the Audi on the Autobahn in truly Beautiful!

Over & Out

Just another day in the life of an unlikely military wife.....**