I died and went to FRANCE.....**

Bonjour! Blog!


If I did not talk about it in this blog, I should quit blogging....


September 11, 2001.


Everybody lit up facebook of stories of where they were, and other memorial quotes, thoughts and sayings....


Obviously, I said '9/11 We will NEVER forget...'


But since then I have been thinking about the most appropriate way to really grasp that particular day, that particular feeling....and specifically my feelings on it......


This is what I have come up with....


On September 11, 2001 I was 19 years old.  I was in my Freshman year of college at UAA.  I lived with my father, worked full time and went to college full time.  A few nights before the 11th, my father and I had a HUGE fight.  I don't remember what it was over, but I do remember the thing he said to me, that caused me to decide to "RUN AWAY."  He told me he would "Euthanize" my two beloved CATS; T.K. and Bentley.


The argument if I foggily recall correctly was something about me not doing what I should be doing around the house, I am sure it was that I was not being 'thankful' enough, humble enough, and hard working enough to be so lucky....and my thoughts were that I was now an ADULT, who was desperately trying to make her own choices, control her own destiny, and GROW UP.  I felt my father's treatment of me at that particular juncture in my life was unfair, I was not a child any longer and refused to be treated like one.  So.....I "RAN AWAY"....


When the World Trade Center was hit a few days later, I was so frightened that I quickly gathered my things from my friends "pad" and "RAN HOME."


And here is why it is significant.


In my very little life.


Today, my family is still fighting.


And....


Not even 1 year later I began dating the man I am married to today.  Obviously in the SPRING of 2002 the feelings of Patriotism, WAR, TERRORISM, Fear, Family, SURVIVOR...had a much stronger meaning then it does today.....


And....


My family MAY have to lay a dog down....


And....


My travels have taught me....that if September 11th happened any where else, people in that country would be just as STUPEFIED as we were.....


So there it is....The 10 year Anniversary of September 11th in my life....and I can't help be feel a little saddened.....we say that we will NEVER forget, but in my little pathetic, miniscule life it seems as though we already have.....


The week we spent in FRANCE:


We arrived in Carenac, France.  Its absolutely gorgeous.  QUEEN DI has a cousin that owns a house in France.  Her husband is French and they own and operate a successful bakery in Washington DC, Georgetown to be exact, called PATISSERIE POUPON.

The house they own in France is a stone house in the town of Carenac, which is dated back from the 12th-18th Century.  

Every time we travel to a new destination I try to come up with one word that describes that destination.  For ITALY it was SEX.  For FRANCE it will be ELEGANCE.  After I choose the word I go on to describe how I 'experienced' that place.  In FRANCE, I experienced the ELEGANCE MOSTLY with FOOD.


When we arrived, our eyes feasted upon the most adorable quaint French house.  With LEGIT antiques, decor and ambiance.  Feast your eyes on the place we lived in for a week;

We were welcomed by the sweetest, tiniest lady whom I will refer to as; 'Miss Ratatouille.'  Now....I have heard a few times a saying that goes something like this 'Never trust a skinny cook.' I would like to announce that Miss Ratatouille proved that ENTIRE premise VERY VERY WRONG.

For dinner when we arrived we were served a beautiful full course dinner that consisted of;


Wine and Grapes.
The most amazing delectable Quiche I have ever had my entire life.
A beautiful Veal Stew, complete with French Bread and Wine to bring out the flavors of all that we were served.

LEGS and I tucked into the most ROMANTIC PRINCESS BED ever...and were fast asleep after a long day of traveling and such incredible food.

The next morning I awoke the most incredible news, the team that "BLOWS" the BUFFALO BILLS beat the CHEIFS 41-7....and after my smug a** read this I went on to enjoy Fresh French Bread, Breakfast Cookies and French Coffee.....


We set out for a ride that day.  Did about 35 miles, the roads in France are not as well maintained as those in NEVER NEVER LAND so I found the riding to be more challenging and a tad more frightening....

When we got home we were all very famished and were offered a wonderfully artistic salad, with melted goat cheese, french bread, walnuts, tomatoes from my garden, homemade dressing, and water straight form the tap that is deliciously tasteless.....dessert was pots of chocolate....


And the people in France, despite popular belief have been VERY warm and VERY friendly.....


I had my first FRESH FIG in FRANCE.  Its official I am in LOVE with FIGS!  They are so delicious and sexy to eat- I can definitely see how the Romans were obsessed with them....


We met Miss Ratatouille's other half, his nickname is Santa Claus.  I know he is French and Santa Claus isn't generally depicted as a French guy, but in my world- I met Santa Claus ( a younger more attractive version), he is French and he is married to Miss Ratatouille.  


Santa Claus is everything you have ever imagined Santa Claus being, he is jovial, on the verge of laughter all the time, he is fun loving, genuine, humorous, and saintly.....and every time he speaks (with his French accent) I smile and my eyes glaze over....


While is this area we were lucky enough to see and cycle around some pretty intriguing French Countryside and historical areas....


One place that we saw a lot of was Rocamadour.  (pronounced ROCKA- MADOR)  

Rocamadour is an ancient city that mostly attracts visitors for its setting in a gorge above a tributary of the River Dordogne (pronounced DOOR-DONE), and its historical monuments and sanctuary of the BLESSED VIRGIN MARY, which for centuries has attracted pilgrims from every country among them kings, bishops, and nobles....


Again I have been lucky enough to witness the beauty of religion.  Several weeks ago I witnessed the Cologne Cathedral and now, a sacred sight where they say "Miracles" have occurred.  According to the legends- which of course have been nullified, rebuked and upset by scientists, philosophers, historians etc. etc., many unexplained events that can only be explained by and recorded as Miracles have occurred in and around this ancient land.


From my particular standpoint....that means that LEGS and I have been in several sacred places and have laid our wishes to conceive a baby at the ornately decorated high grounds....


More descriptions and pictures of FRENCH cuisine;


Savory DUCK, green beans and potatoes

Macaroons from PATESSERIE POUPON- these treats mentally assisted me in a 53 mile ride with 3000+ feet of climbing, I kept daydreaming about eating all the Macaroons I wanted when I arrived home....


Ratatouille with Zuchinni filled with sausage

Wine and Cheese


Miss Ratatouille and Santa Claus were absolutely BRILLIANT!  They epitomize so many incredible and difficult to master things; Hosting, Cooking, Tour Guiding, Entertaining, and generally speaking just being amazing selfless people......


The would do anything for you....and you could tell they were not ready for us to leave....


My week in France was, to me a life changing, unforgettable experience....


Some valuable lessons I learned;


Presentation is important- ESPECIALLY with food- the way that this couple presented food was so artistic that I know it made the food taste better.  Good china, pretty glasses and food structure make a difference in how you receive a meal....


You don't need a 4 star kitchen to make good food.  The kitchen in the French house was teeny tiny, with less than state of the art appliances....


When you host people, you should ENTERTAIN them....you should make them feel as if they never want to leave and you never want them to leave- LEGS and I need to work on this big time....


Religion- despite all the trouble it has caused- and certainly recently can be beautiful...and moving....


Being in France has made me want to read the Marie Antionette books all over again, I even had dreams last night of wearing beautiful french silk, riding in carriages, going to balls and dancing the night away...we have enjoyed so much amazing food that I could swear I have died and gone to heaven.....


OR FRANCE....


And I admit guiltily....I LOVE the FRENCH schedule....


Sleeping in (ISH), afternoon lunch, evening coffee, late dinner, and wine and cheese at midnight......

Just another day in the life...of an unlikely military wife.....**

• • • • 
        

Enough....even for myself....**

Hey BLOG....


As previously announced we are getting a visit from the IN LAWS; BobDad, Queen Di and Cupcake.


We met up with them in Ingolstadt Germany- which is a suburb of Munich.  It was perfect timing LEGS and I had just settled into our room when we got a call that they had arrived.  We hurried down to the lobby of the hotel to find that they had arrived early with all luggage....which NEVER happens- how LUCKY we are!  The only solid complaint was how long of a flight they had and how jet lagged everybody was.....


After some traditional german cuisine LEGS and I tucked into our "double" which appears to be more like a "twin" for the night.....


Is it unimportant that we both woke up feeling like we were on LIVE TV performing in the WWF Championships??? Pretty sure I conquered him and took home the belt, LEGS and BobDad are going to GEEK IT UP at the AUDI Factory while us girls check out the shops..... 


We headed back to where we live in OBERDACHSTETTEN that afternoon...


Cupcake road with us, and BobDad joyfully got to drive his brand new AUDI on the Autobahn.


I asked LEGS;


ARMS:' Did you ever think in your wildest dreams that you and your father would be driving tandem at a 100 miles per hour on the Autobahn in each of your respectful Audi's?'
LEGS: HUGE CHEESY GRIN....'No...never...'


Isn't it funny when you stop in a moment in your life and you really take it in???  It was at this time that my sweet dreamer of a husband was literally living out a fantasy day dream he had never actually came up with on his own....


I don't know why....its been a really long time....but every time the IN LAWS come to visit I still get nervous.  I am always praying that they will like where we live, that they will accept our lifestyle, and that the modest life we have created will in some way impress them...why I hold on to this fantasy is just beyond me.....but I still do....


After tucking every body in and making a healthy dinner, BobDad asked me if we have a television.  I told him 'No....isn't it peaceful here?'  


My feelings about Television are pretty strong.  


In Alabama and AK, we spent A LOT of money on Television, and most of the time....there wasn't anything on....we spent hours of our time clicking through the million channels trying to find something to watch.  


When we moved here, we debated on getting the AFN channel, which is like the Air Force Network....its American Television but with lots of military information, military related commercials, and of course military specific issues and programs. Which is fine, but there is a lot of complaints about what they actually offer and what they don't.  After months of debate- we decided to skip getting television.  


Our projector sits in a box and our movie screen sits behind the couch still packed up.  


We still watch programs on our laptops and rent movies, we just don't subscribe to or have a "real" television in our house.


First of all, since we eliminated the television in our bedroom, we both get more sleep, we both sleep better, and finally there is more room for our marriage.  We make WHOOPI more often, we chat, cuddle, laugh, star gaze, watch storms, and enjoy un-interrupted marital bliss.....


And since we have eliminated our household television- we spend more time chatting, listening to music, learning, blogging, gardening, surfing the net, enjoying peace and quiet and frankly....productivity.....


There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of how much I DON'T MISS TELEVISION....


But....there are some drawbacks....


Like for instance- we don't always know what is going on in the world, we know about the big stuff, but we don't saturate our lives with the HYSTERIA they have the audacity to call NEWS.....


Every time I am at the gym or Doctor's office and I spend some time watching the news I can see how American's are so stressed out, with high blood pressure, obesity, alcoholism, addiction, etc.,


The news is so incredibly obnoxious they just pick the most shocking thing and hype it up over and over and over again.....and please....let's not even talk about how ridiculous it gets with the natural disasters, they completely freak people out and than the weather changes and its not ever that terrible.....


The other trouble we run into is our complete lack of interest/knowledge of AMERICAN past times, sporting events, shows, commercials, movies etc.,


People will try to communicate via facebook/email/telephone/etc., with us about these things and we really have no knowledge of it.


Sometimes its hard....even if we wanted to watch these things we would have to get up at crazy hours and go to drastic measures to watch the event.


While I feel pretty isolated at times, I do appreciate the opportunity that I have been given to enjoy LIFE at the present moment.  I am not waiting around any more for things to happen, I am in a self projecting state....If I feel like being entertained, I entertain myself.  I have become more active and productive in my daily life......


On facebook, a friend that I have had for a really long time, was trying to chat about football with me.  The summation was basically that my team THE BUFFALO BILLS and my father's team THE RAIDERS, will totally BLOW this year......


I mistakenly replied with sarcasm....stating that the shared knowledge was "uplifting" and that I don't watch sports I do sports these days....


(heavy sigh) Wouldn't you know it.....


Next thing I know I was called a "conceited bitch" and told that I make people feel bad with all my talk of ADVOCARE, how many miles I run/ride, and the types of things that I talk about on facebook.


YIKES.....


My mouth was probably hanging open for a total time of 3 hours.....I was totally shocked....I mean...tell me how you really feel....


And...


The timing could not be more perfect, with my IN LAWS here I couldn't be MORE vulnerable to Self- Esteem, Self- Confidence, and identity issues....


SO there I was....my IN LAWS are here, its one of the few times in my life where I have to be absolutely together and I was just told by someone that I once TRUELY LOVED that I have changed from something good, to something horrible....


It doesn't matter how many years passes, this particular individual still knows how to hurt my feelings, make me feel small, insignificant and like I cannot accomplish anything in the world...My GOD have I tried to be friends with him, I cannot believe I still give him the power to make me feel as if I have nothing to offer the world.....


He deleted me on facebook.  Which I always prefer- because it saves me the trouble.  So all of this is just REHASHED drama but is it fair that he gets the final say?  He always does.....


Perhaps I shouldn't retaliate back, and I suspect that this is a life lesson that I must learn.  But I want to know....


Do you always lay down and take what others have to give out?  Is is best to just "ignore" them?  To tell yourself they are just jealous, or sad, or lonely?  Or...to perhaps entertain what they say- do some self reflection, think about how you sound to others? What is the correct action to take? Stand up for yourself, or just silently accept the verbal beating???


Some clarity (if necessary): I do not talk about how good I feel and how good I look to make ANYBODY feel bad about themselves, ADVOCARE has been a wonderful gift in my life- it just makes me want to share this gift with everybody- I want EVERYBODY to FEEL the way THEY WANT TO FEEL and LOOK THEY WAY THEY WANT to look, I LOVE people and I want EVERYBODY to FEEL AMAZING.....


I started to think pretty hard about how I have sounded....have I been coming on a little too strong? Have I really changed that much?  Have I become what I never wanted?  Do I really just talk about myself?


Yeah.  I have.  I talk about myself a lot.  I guess I am not exactly clear on what facebook is if you aren't updating YOUR STATUS.....I concur that this is narcissistic and that it does present the dilemma of being self-oriented...but that is why I write my blog......


Facebook provides for me a way to communicate.  I am far away from my family- telling them what I am up to, and how things are going in my daily life is my primary objective for using facebook.  I look to facebook to know exactly what is going in their lives as well, I know the tone, the pictures, the vibe, and all the familial drama via facebook, I would never let somebody's opinion of my posts change, or alter that channel of communication with my family, if you don't like it- don't read it.  In addition; talking about my garden, my family, giving inspirational quotes, sharing ADVOCARE, speaking on Military specific issues, my boxing, my travels/adventures, lessons learned, etc., is MY LIFE.  AND MY LIFE IS MY MESSAGE!


And even though I have come to this conclusion- it doesn't necessarily change that I am still reeling from the attacks on my character.  I have a wise friend that sent me an email just days before this happened....telling me that yes while I open myself up I may find more connections, but I may also experience more HATE.  When I first read the email I brushed it off- assuming that no matter what HATE came my way- that I would be able to easily overcome it......


This has not been the case....I have doubted myself, I have been more unsure, timid, and fragile.....the words that were spoken are still haunting me, they still have me wondering- if I am ever going to be ENOUGH.....


ENOUGH for even myself......


Just another day in the life....of an unlikely military wife....**

31 Jars of PSYCHO HOUSEWIFE RED VODKA SAUCE....**

Hey BLOG!


HOLY MOLY BATMAN!  I have lots of blogging to do to catch up to the present moment in my little life....


ROADIE and I made 31 Jars of PSYCHO HOUSEWIFE RED VODKA SAUCE with Fresh Tomatoes from my garden....


We had such a blast, we turned on big band music and pretended to be the women of MAD MEN ALL DAY LONG....


Here is a photo collage....

Mariannae made a surprise visit to us in the middle of the day.....


We teased her about her "boyfriend" and talked about cooking and knitting....

We started at 10am (ish) and I didn't take the last jar out of the boiling water until almost 7pm.


This day was a lot of work, but I still had so much fun with ROADIE.  It was one of those days in your life that you will remember forever, and when you think about it, you will smile, and maybe even giggle a little.


One day, your life will flash before your eyes....make sure its worth watching......


Just another day in the life of an unlikely military wife...**