Not Bluffin' with my MUFFIN.....**

Do you get waxed?  Let's talk about waxing, I want to talk about waxing.  Of course I get my eyebrows waxed!!!! Doesn't every girl? Among other various parts, lip, legs, underarms....men get their backs waxed (which is VERY popular in EUROPE).....SO.......what about the OTHER parts?  I just get two things waxed when I go.......

I'm a firm believer in the proper care and grooming of my Goodie Box.  Yeah I said it.  I like it to be clean and easily manageable, in addition, to inviting and unobstructed.....and if you have never tried waxing in that area- I HIGHLY RECOMMEND IT.

OKAY, but before you schedule your appointment- let me let you in on a little secret.  IT MATTERS.....where......it matters who.....but IN PARTICULAR....it matters WHAT TYPE OF WAX they use.  

So I had my Goodie Box waxed regularly in a very nice salon in Alaska when we lived there.  It was great, I had an amazing esthetician.....yeah, they have names- professionals, who wax, give facials, among other make me beautiful skills.  I loved her, we were close, we had a good WORKING RELATIONSHIP since.....let's face it she was personally IN TOUCH with my lady bits......

When we moved to Alabama- HELLO AMAZING BEACHES......I was like oh wow I need to find a place to get waxed like ASAP....I can't go to the beach looking like a porn star from the 1970's!  So I called up the most recommended place in town, scheduled my wax and walked in there like a professional....I had done this before......a thousand times....

I got naked.....ain't no shame in my game.  I hopped up on that table and settled in for what I had expected as a routine waxing.......

The girl came in, very friendly started chatting me up....I mean thank god, because I had never met her before and I was getting ready to spread my legs for her.  It was a quick get to the point, where do you come from, who are you interview.....I was so busy talking about myself that I had hardly noticed what she did, but then she made the first rip.  

HOLY MOTHER OF GOD......

That girl is lucky I didn't come up off that table and knock her out.  She was using STRIP WAX.  Don't get your Goodie Box waxed with STRIP WAX........EVER........if your going to do it.  Make DAMN sure they use HARD WAX.  All waxes are NOT TREATED EQUAL.  I survived but barely.....I had half a mind while I laid there enduring definite torture to leave half way through with a yin-yang type thing happening......

I crawled out of the place feeling like I certainly lost 10 years off my life....and I wasn't sure that my Goodie Box was ever going to forgive me.....

Fast forward to NEVER NEVER LAND.  You would never catch me on the rack with my Goodie Box again.  I found a place....and they use hard wax.  But it wasn't first with out a full interrogation and NUMEROUS assurances and recommendations from friends.  

I started going to this place.  Its a nice place.  They used hard wax.  They use hard wax. They use hard wax.  The first few times I went, I was with one girl who was very good.  But I always felt like she was unavailable to be my ONE AND ONLY.....

So I was passed around from one girl to the next.  I was the WAX STUDIO SLUT....Its not that big of a deal, since I try, very HARD to be very GO WITH THE FLOW, every body has a job to do, I want a service.....let's just get it done!  That being said.....

I ended up with this one girl.  And I REALLY REALLY REALLY LOVED HER!  We totally hit it off and let me tell you CAN THIS GIRL make my BROWS AMAZING!!!! I was so stoked, finally somebody who didn't leave me looking OVERLY SURPRISED, or ANGRY....or DEVILISH for weeks on end...every girl who has had a bad brow job job knows what I mean....this sh*t is serious!

Super cool chick.....crazy hair, peircings everywhere, but I didn't care she was the best girl for me....she was what I hoped to be my ONE AND ONLY.....goodie box handler.  And then one day I went in there and she wasn't there.....my heart sank, and my eye brows suffered......now inevitably for weeks people would ask me, are you okay? You look angry, Are you okay? You look like the cat that ate the canary, Are you okay? Do I have something on my face?

I was passed along yet to another......the next girl was good.  She did her job.  She was funny in a Eeyore kind of way.  Reminded me a lot of my Best Friend.  I asked her once if she was excited for Christmas and she said "I HATE IT!!!!"  Brutal honesty....I appreciate that.  

Months go by, and rumors begin to circulate in the wax studio......my ONE AND ONLY was missing in action, she had a drug problem, she parties too much etc., etc...OH MY...but my ONLY (very personal private unmentioned) thought was...."Man I hope she is okay....I really liked that girl..." Otherwise....it was a shame the wax studio had lost an employee....please do a good job on my brows..please do a good job on my brows.......

Meanwhile, I had been seeing my little Rain Cloud.  And this is where it gets interesting.....

One day I walked in all excited to see my Rain Cloud girl as the time before she had been telling me about this crazy wild sex she was having.  I mean look, I don't care to hear about everybody's sex life, but when your getting your Goodie Box waxed its kindive nice to have something to get what's about to happen off your mind.  

And there she was MY ONE AND ONLY...goodie box handler (GBH)..but I hardly recognized her, and she hardly recognized me.  Just then the owner of the studio came out and said "Is this the Tiffany you like so much?" to MY ONE AND ONLY GBH.....and my ONE AND ONLY GBH replied "YES."  

The owner of the studio turned and looked at me and said "Can I talk to you in the back room for a minute?"

IN MY MIND: "Awww that is so sweet she said that! Wait...what? Me? In the back room?  Why? The back room does NOT sound good....am I in trouble?  I always pay, I tip big......I'm always clean.....are they going to tell me something bad about my goodie box?!!!!  Are they kicking me out?!?!?! No....okay maybe they are asking me to model for some of their nude pictures they have in the studio....Ya that's gotta be it. Right? I mean why else do they need me in the back room?"

We get in the back room and THEY SHUT THE DOOR.  

IN MY MIND: OH SHIT....this is getting serious.  

The owner of the studio says that she is going to speak and my ONE AND ONLY GBH will translate. (OH YES....please remember a lot of this is happening in another language. ) I smugly say "I can understand german." (IN GERMAN)  So the owner of the studio starts speaking to me in German.....and it all sounds very complicated....I am in over my head and ask for the english translation.  

WELL NO WONDER.

I was SMACK DAB in the middle of the WAX STUDIO DAYS OF OUR LIVES........

ALLEDGEDLY Rain Cloud had spread rumors about my ONE AND ONLY GBH.....implying she was a drug addict etc., etc.  And then told my ONE AND ONLY GBH that I didn't want to be her client anymore because she does drugs. 

When my ONE AND ONLY GBH had heard that I had rejected her, her heart was broken. (Broken were the words used)  The owner wanted to assure me that my ONE AND ONLY's absence was not drug related.  

IN MY MIND: OMG.  Is this really happening?  If I say I never said that.....its so ridiculous because confronted in this situation most people would never admit to saying anything.  But I didn't really say that......I don't really care what people do on their free time.....in addition is having me as a client that big of a deal, when I said I tip big, I don't tip THAT BIG.......

I assured my ONE and ONLY that I didn't care what she did on her free time, that I did not in fact say anything of the sort, that she did the best job on my eyebrows, and I would very much like to see her again.  TODAY.  IF POSSIBLE....

OK.  That just happened. Business went on as usual, but I have to admit it was a little awkward being around and in the thick of the drama.  I mean literally I just was passed around, abandoned, picked up, betrayed, reunited, and breaking it off with Rain Cloud.  

Does this happen to other people? When did getting your Goodie Box waxed become so complicated??? Two estheticians fighting over who waxes your Goodie Box? I do keep my sh*t clean, but good god was the only one? I know that these girls are intimately involved with me in such a way that most girls or people could not be.....however.....I don't really know these girls that well, we are friends on facebook, and I see them every 4-6 weeks depending.....

I can imagine that this work place drama is really important to the people that work there and I am by no means minimizing or making fun of their feelings or the defending of reputations, I just found the whole thing to be INCREDIBLY AMUSING...and it made me feel good that I am a desired client to have......

PS- my brows LOOK AMAZING!!!

....another day in the life of an unlikely military wife.....**