MISS DOT.....erupted my LIFE.....**

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Weather: WINTER.  


Exchange Rate: GOOD.


Life.


LIFE.


LIFE!


Life.


Life.......it just cracks me up!  


LEGS and I made a decision to put this whole having a baby thing on HOLD.  I have less estrogen in my body than the average man......and LEGS is waiting to have his LEGIONS checked......


We have been through so much drama and emotional ups and downs regarding the whole business....we have decided to squash it until he returns from deployment.  


With that decision.......we have come to an amazing peace and a beautiful new romance.......


AND THAT IS WHEN LIFE HAPPENS.


MISS DOT came to visit.........


(without any artificial help......)


While we are both VERY excited.....


MISS DOT was VERY ANGRY.....


I sported a U-SHAPED super extra maxi pad for three days.  You know the kind that reach all the way up to your belly button and all the way up your backside.......

A saddle.
Upside down rainbow.
Horse Shoe.
A neck pillow.
Upside down bell curve.
Or one of those u-shaped magnets in the cartoons....
An upside down arch....
A swing.....
A slinky.....

Every time I went any where it was like I was riding in on a horse.......a horse named MAXI.......and it never fails.....there is always some important public event that you have to attend.....finding an outfit where you can't see THE HORSE NAMED MAXI is always a THRILL.....not to mention the inevitable silence that will inevitably occur....so that everybody can hear the "rustling" from your raggedy granny panties.....and somehow a WATER themed activity magically appears....and there is some special reason why you just can't believe MISS DOT had to visit right then and there, during that time, when you really needed to not have her visiting.......




I have three vocabulary words for you.......


BLOW OUT.


And.


GEYSER.


And.


PIZZA FACE.


And a little wisdom.......


Its physically IMPOSSIBLE to be "SEXY" or even remotely ATTRACTIVE when you are experiencing the above mentioned symptoms.......


Especially when you are violently reverted to your most embarrassing childhood puberty moments......


While on the couch with LEGS one night I experienced a blow out.  I didn't realize it until I had gone to the bathroom......instantaneous panic erupted when I realized I might have exploded all over the couch......


HORRIFIC CHILDHOOD MEMORY:  I was on the couch when I was 14 maybe 15, just barely coping with MISS DOT, watching television with my father.  I got up to use the bathroom during a commercial break.  While I was in the bathroom dealing with the obnoxious MISS DOT, my father announced that I had left some of MISS DOTS "things" on the couch.....How horrifying it was to be cleaning up my teenage blunder in front of my father.......


I lucked out.....


I didn't leave any evidence on the couch.....


But......do I really have to relive some of the most humiliating moments of my life......over?.....again....?


Random Chatter:


ARMS: OMIGOD.....I look......OLD.......
LEGS: No you don't......


A few days later......(in the middle of whoopi- out of NO WHERE!)


LEGS: Babe....you don't look OLD!
ARMS: OMIGAWD....he thinks I look OLD....why else would he say that right now......what should I say.....I have to say something......."Um.....that's because I put wrinkle cream on......"


Just another period in the life of an unlikely military wife....**

A Conversation between two MEN......**

BLOG......


Weather:  ALASKA COLD....


During my week of emptiness (mentioned in the last blog).....I experienced a symptom of POST TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER.....


And......


Witnessed the most beautiful, sad, and extremely haunting event that I have EVER witnessed in my ENTIRE LIFE.......its one of those things that changes you......


FOREVER......


For some ridiculous reason.....


I feel it necessary......


to stupidly mention and give SOME SPACE in MY BLOG....


which is just frustrating and not without a strange queasiness....


The reason......


Facebook (which I am finding to be BOTH my ability to reach far out into the worlds I have left behind and a arch enemy that only brings me a dull slow irritation) started blowing up about Four Marines that were video taped urinating on the bodies of Taliban insurgents.......


Perhaps I should not take things so personally......


BUT......I felt the need to DROP a little perspective on people ( I realize this is futile.....)


This is not to excuse the 4 individuals that desecrated Taliban Members' corpses because they will UNDOUBTEDLY be severely punished.....


BUT......


I just LOVE how SUDDENLY there is facebook statuses referring to this and NOT THE 12, TWELVE! Individauls who have LOST their LIVES in Afghanistan this month....not including those that have been wounded...


I looked up this website that I have not looked at since LEGS last deployed...as soon as it popped up on my screen I felt like I was going to LITERALLY throw up......POST TRAUMATIC STRESS......that time was so hard for me when I eat certain things, hear certain ring tones, music, see certain things on television or hear certain songs on the radio.....


I. FEEL. LIKE. PUKING......


And please let me clarify.....this slight retaliation was just skimming the surface of how I was really feeling......


I have a cousin.  Her nickname for sake of the blog is "HILL."  Hill and I are not very close, while we both grew up in ALASKA she grew up in a little town called Sitka.  (People often recognize this town because "THE PURPOSAL" with Sandra Bullock was reportedly filmed there....but it wasn't....)  Sitka is far away from Anchorage......where I grew up.....


It matters not now....because the wonderful internet and facebook have allowed us to communicate.....


As with much of my newsfeed statuses it came to my attention that she is dating a man in the military.....and based on her statuses he is deployed....where my husband will be very shortly........


IMAGINE for a minute the absolute HORROR and SHOCK I was in after I started seeing very troubling posts from her.........the kind of hysteria and gut wrenching updates that you yourself are so glad you are not suffering through......


And then she said it.....


JOE her significant other was LITERALLY blown up in Afghanistan a few days ago, and he has lost his leg......


I just sat in the house quietly.....and this anger built up inside of me......


*&%$! &%$#!  Out of my frustration and grief came.....fear, anxiety, and an unsettling calm.......


I was not in contact with LEGS when I was dealing with the incoming news on JOE, and that was hard......


News came in that Joe would be in Landstuhl Germany.  LEGS and I went to see him......


This whole situation was difficult for me to handle.  I broke down a few times before we even made it up there- thinking about how worried my cousin must be........and thinking about how scary it is that LEGS will be where Joe got hurt.


LEGS was strong.  He told me that I may see some things that upset me.  He told me that I shouldn't cry, that we aren't going all the way up there so that I can cry to JOE.  


I started getting things together, some nice things we could bring him for the hospital.  Our FRG has green shopping bags with our LOGO on it, full of magazines, baked goodies, a bear that says Germany, a winter hat that says Germany and a special edition Operation Enduring Freedom Afghanistan German Beer Stein.  


When we arrived to the hospital we had to show our military ID's several times, it was unnerving and also very fortunate that we are both card holders.  We had to do a little searching for Joe, but we did find him.


He was located in the Intensive Car Unit (ICU).  After explaining our special circumstances to the nurse, we were able to see Joe.  


Before we were able to enter his room we had to put on surgical gloves and scrubs.  The nurse informed us that when patients like JOE get injured in these foreign places they can bring back certain things that may adversely affect the health of other patients.  So as a means to keep germs from spreading into the venillation system we had to take precautions.....


(this next part is very important)


When I walked into Joe's room he recognized me.  But he didn't recognize me, he thought that I was my baby sister KayBear.  (you see.....she had gotten into trouble and had to spend a few months in Sitka- JOE remembered meeting her, and thought that since we look so much alike I was her.)  I gently explained the confusion, but found it to be very interesting when I pondered on it.....


Kaybear got in trouble.  Years ago.  She was sent to Sitka by my parents.  She met Joe, ONE TIME.


Fast forward.


We happen to be in Germany.  JOE happens to get hurt.  We happen to see him.  And the only reason I am familiar to him is because my sister made some seriously negative mistakes........


Its like FATE.  All the stars had aligned to bring us to this exact location at this exact time.......


JOE was obviously seriously injured.  At one point his machines started beeping and I became incredibly anxious while the nurse tended to him.  It was very difficult for us to be there, because we was so tired and under the influence of such strong medications.......


LEGS and him, looked each other in the eye.  They shared a few laughs and had a conversation that only two combat veterans can have. 


JOE, broken and busted from his hospital bed, thanked LEGS THREE TIMES for being an Apache Pilot.


In fact, when LEGS told JOE what he does JOE charmingly replied "YOU! Fly APACHES?!.......Man.....you guys are GANGSTER."


JOE spoke of getting support from APACHES down range.  And when he spoke it was like the APACHE helicopter was in the hospital room above all of us.  He looked up and twirled his pointer finger like the APACHE was right there......in his eyes he was back in Afghanistan........


JOE started to tire.....all this excitement had warn him out.......


LEGS said "We should go but it looks like they have you on good stuff...."
JOE replied: " Yeah....when I push this button I am in a whole nother place...."


We bid JOE farewell....he thanked us for our hospitality, we thanked him for his service, and told him that he is a HERO.  

His nurse and the other hospital staff was incredible.  They were very understanding, compassionate, positive and helpful.  We took off our scrubs and got ready to leave.....


As we were walking out, the sun was coming in the hallway from a room.  LEGS and I were walking and I just happened to glance into the room for a spilt second.  


I could not tell if the person was male or female.  I could only see their skin was burnt to a total crisp.  The person in the bed was a dark black color and their hand was no longer a hand.........


I broke.


I got that painful lump in my throat, my knees were about to give out, I started feeling light headed and hysterical, tears bellowed up in my eyes....and I wanted to run........


I made it to the elevator and as the doors closed with LEGS and I safely inside......


I thought.......


My God......if my husband crashes in a helicopter.....he could come back like that.....


Just another day in the life of an unlikely military wife.......**


PS- Update on JOE Mille:  He has made it safely to the United States and is being treated at Walter Reed.  He has undergone numerous surgeries but is recovering well.  Obviously I don't need to say that his rehabilitation and recovery will be a long one.  Many people have asked me for JOE MILLE's address, I have forwarded to everybody that has asked.  JOE Mille doesn't realize and probably never comprehend how profoundly he has changed my life and LEGS' life......We are HONORED to call him our FRIEND, and we will continue to pray for him, and his family during this challenging time.  

I am......a.....Permeable Membrane......**

Hey Blog.....


Weather: CHILLY!


LEGS went to the states for 10 days last week.......


It was right after our trip to AMSTERDAM....


I don't know what happened....but it was like.......


Something snapped.......


Or a light was turned off......


Or Satan himself took my soul....and I was just an empty corpse shuffling around the house.....my bathrobe strings trailing behind me.....


I had no zest for life, no....motivation, no.....energy.....moving from the bathroom to the bed was painful and exhausting........


It took me seven days....SEVEN DAYS! to get myself together and be productive.....


I gained weight....I ate almost every meal in bed....which consisted of mostly chocolate.....I did bathe but getting dressed was, just thinking of what to put on was too much work.....


It was the definition of APATHY.....


My days were filled with random movies, sleeping.....and a lot of thinking.....


I would just get out of bed....walk to the window and stare out over the land.....


I would walk laps around the house......


I would lay in bed in the pitch black bedroom......


Just thinking......and thinking......


and thinking.......


The house was so quiet.....the constant silence was so intense....I started to wonder if I was going MAD.....


MY REVELATIONS...these things that I thought about....or rather.....the memories I remembered....are as follows......


Sometimes I feel like Military wives are prisoners.....sometimes that is how I feel......


Prisoners in our own lives......


I started thinking and reflecting on all my years as a military SIGNIFICANT OTHER....and it was PAINFUL TO RELIVE....


I have spent years......in fact the day that I married my husband, we had spent HALF.......2.5 years out of the 5 years we had been together APART...and while we have had some really solid years since the marriage this pattern of long and significant absences is INCREASING and becoming more PROMINENT.....AGAIN


We got together at my ripe age of 19.....Today I am 28....almost 29.  


I have spent my YOUTH....in this bizarre prison......


Sometimes I feel like......Rapunzel.....or Sleeping Beauty.....or The Woman Left Behind....or a prisoner, a....military.....wife.


I sit in my "tower" all day, doing household chores....with my gym toned body, my young, fresh, beautiful, YOUTHFUL years.....sitting inside....locked away from the world....not because I am forcefully detained....or influenced, or because I even make the conscious decision to do so......


But because of my loyalty, unique emotional status, the overwhelming duty, responsibility and SEVERE REALITY in which I live my existence..... sometimes our fear...and sometimes because its just too much to function without my other half......


I came across something the other day.....while I was a black hole.....that reached far.......long.....deep.....and penetrated into the very obscure part of my SOUL.....and it spoke to the pin prick of light that still remained....and it brightened just a little....after realizing that there is somebody out there that understands....


It was THE PERMEABLE MEMBRANE.....


When you marry a military man....this is what it can be like....


"But I disappear into the person I love.  I am the permeable membrane.  If I love you, you can have everything.  You can have my time, my devotion, my ass, my money, my family, my dog, my dog's money, my dog's time- everything.  If I love you, I will carry for you all your pain, I will assume for you all your debts (in every definition of the word), I will protect you from your own insecurity, I will project upon you all sorts of good qaulities that you have never actually cultivated in yourself and I will buy Christmas presents for your entire family.  I will give you the sun and the rain, and if they are not available, I will give you a sun check and a rain check.  I will give you all this and more, until I get so exhausted and depleted that the only way I can recover my energy is by becoming infatuated with someone else."


ITS SO GOOD.......I wish I wrote it....


Let's break it down and really study the words if for no other reason then I want to be perfectly clear.....and NOT break my poor husband's heart.....(see LEGS- I do have a soul!)


I disappear into the person I love.


Everything is about the Soldier or Marine or Airmen....you get the point.  Because they are considered "government property"- your presence in their life damn well be a positive one, because if not they will regulate how the two of you operate....NO JOKE- if you have questions INQUIRE....in addition....its always the VETERAN that is THANKED, GIVEN RIBBONS, METALS, and other various accolades....The SPOUSE is mentioned more frequently....but not nearly in such a formal setting/expression....


If I love you....you can have everything......


ALMOST ALL the spouses I know gave up their own lives to follow....jobs, family, houses, friends, hobbies, food, independence,.......and what is left after that?  Identity?  yeah....right......


I will assume all your debts....


Assuming debts is a pretty normal affair when it comes to marriage...but she says "in every definition of the word",  that is up to and including your spouses LIFE to their country.....


I will protect you from your own insecurity, I will project upon you all sorts of good qualities that you never actually cultivated in yourself.....


The judgement, burdens, assessments, promotions, or not getting of promotions, the testing, pressures, and long absences.....make those silly coping skills kick in.....suddenly you are constantly treating, complimenting, excusing and only remembering the best traits in your significant other......and when they do return from a war zone, you are shielding, excusing and tolerating a whole new individual......


I will give you the sun and the rain......or a sun check and rain check.....


Open for interpretation....but to me this refers specifically to the PRISON....I will give you all my days, even the ones where you are not present.....for YEARS at a time.....


Until I get so exhausted and depleted that they only way I can recover my energy is by becoming infatuated with someone else.....


Again up for interpretation....to most it means falling for somebody else....


but fathom for a minute that "someone else".....means......


Your child, 


Yourself, 


and in some more pathetic circumstances (like my own) my dog Karmella.


IMAGINE CARRYING THIS BURDEN.......


On day 7 I was able to peel myself from the darkness and return to my life.....in anticipation of LEGS' return.


He is back and I feel full......there are no empty spaces inside, my heart has returned to beating, suddenly I was able to fill my lungs and breathe normally, my feet step firmly on the ground, my imagination flies above....I see butterflies all around me, everything is right as rain.....I believe in magic and life....and LOVE.....


Just another day in the life of an unlikely military wife......**

2012

HAPPY 2012!


Weather Report:


Rain......wind.........


I tore down the Christmas Tree before we left for our New Year's Weekend trip to AMSTERDAM.  


As I slowly removed and put away all the ornaments.....I became very pensive......


Looking at the ones that LEGS acquired as a child and one's that I had as a child, plus all the ones we have accumulated together......it made me think back about all the years we have shared together.....and I got really sad....


I started thinking about how we will be minus a year in 2012......


January has been the "SCARY" month in my for-sight......I knew when January hit that we would not have as much time off, nor very much time before LEGS goes to WAR.....


Its sometimes incredible how just packing away a Christmas Ornament can bring you back to that specific year....how it can make you feel the same way you felt that year.....happy, sad, scared, nervous......joyful.....


This year really has been a BANNER year for us.  The toughest part about this year was the MOVE to NEVER NEVER LAND......which when I think back on it consisted of a few lonely, empty, unsettling months in transition where I gained weight, felt very alone, and both afraid and excited to go out into GERMANY.......


Its always satisfying to me to look back at last year's resolutions to see how I measured up....and whether or not I accomplished what I set out to do in the beginning.........at the end........


 2011's Resolutions are as follows:


1. Get back into shape......


WHILE I have put on a FEW extra pounds this holiday season- it is very satisfying to me that I am STILL UNDER what my original goal was last year.  Last January I weighed in at 145lbs, and wanted to get down to 137lbs.  After moving to Germany I ballooned up to 154 lbs......My current weight is 138ish.....but up until last week I was at 132.  Because of ADVOCARE this PLAN and RESOLUTION to LOSE WEIGHT NO LONGER WILL EXIST ON MY LIST.......


2. Learn a new language, a new culture and live in another country.....I was being facetious when I wrote this because I was already moving to another country......BUT......I have SUCCESSFULLY lived in another country for nearly a year, I have embraced, learned and practiced many cultural celebrations and customs here in GERMANY......My GERMAN is coming along....but I am still not fluent......still working on that......


3. Learn to knit better, sew better and blog better.........


I definitely learned to knit better.  I taught myself how to PURL, KNIT HATS, DECREASE, INCREASE and I have finished countless projects!


The sewing......I have at least figured out the sewing machine and have a half completed project.....I will say that I am pretty disappointed in my lackluster performance on this goal.......


My blogging has slowed down significantly....which disappoints and irritates me to no end, but I have gotten better- by my estimations.....


4. I have learned since being in Germany to live with less stuff.....Our house is much smaller then the last two houses, environmentally I have gone from recycling nothing to recycling everything, I have a Ji-Had phone instead of a smart phone, we don't have television, we don't spend so much money on eating out, and I have learned to pack lighter.........all of this has made me more resourceful AND.....more creative, artistic, and more present in my every day life......


5. My quest to change the world.....


I try to influence people, I get involved and I try to inspire people to be more of the things they want to be.  I write the blog which I hope inspires people to travel, be adventurous and remain compassionate toward human kind.....


Its never as significant as I would wish it to be.....I am always thinking of new ways I can give something to man kind, something that will always be remembered when I die......


6. Make my life worth watching......


This year has been so magical.......We have seen so many things, been so happy together.....I think that my life would make more of a fairy tale and less of a soap opera and reality show......




2012 is a tough year to be at the beginning of......


I have a full consciousness and the reality that my SOUL MATE will be leaving me for a considerable amount of time.....its very hard for me to fathom this, and I often wonder if it will be worse or better than the times before........


Will my experience allow me to overcome some of the many obstacles?  


Or will my experience since then serve to hinder any hopes in improvement....


The last time LEGS deployed was 6 years ago.....since then my time with him has ONLY strengthened my need and desire to have him in my life on a daily basis, and while it seems as if the times we have spent separated since that time- I have controlled my OUTWARD EMOTIONAL TURMOIL, I spend more time IN MY OWN SOUL, THINKING TOO MUCH, WONDERING TOO MUCH, and SECRETLY BATTLING MY OWN INTERIOR BATTLES....never sure which step to take without my other half telling me its okay.....


2012's Resolutions


1.  Be an ARTIST.......paint, photograph and write the world as I see it.....


2.  GET SERIOUS ABOUT LEARNING GERMAN


3.  Every day that LEGS is gone write him a letter......Every time we have been separated I have written him every day except SUNDAY, and we have placed all the letters in 3 ring binders in date order, my resolution is to keep this tradition alive.


4.  FLOWER POWER.  Have better flowers this year.......in the garden. (THANK YOU LONGSHANKS-you reminded me of this....)


5. SURVIVE.  Remember that I am INDEPENDENT, and STRONG and while I LOVE LEGS and NEED HIM, I can operate on a daily basis without him, because that is what this life requires of me.


6. Make it worth watching.....


AMSTERDAM: (you will find below some "artistic photographs LEGS and I took while in AMSTERDAM)


As a child I read the ANNE FRANK DIARY.  I remember reading it and thinking that toward the end, that she would survive, because up until that point in my life- every story and movie the heroin lives in the end.  When she died in the book I remember being very very sad......and since then I have always wanted to visit the ANNE FRANK HOUSE.


LEGS and I decided to make a trip to AMSTERDAM over the NEW YEARS HOLIDAY.  (This was not without an OBSCENE amount of bickering, INSISTENCE and general nagging FYI....)


On the drive up there we had this really amazing conversation.......


We discussed all those hard things that you don't want to discuss......


WHAT IF........something HAPPENS.......


TO HIM......


OR.....


TO ME......


During this particular unit's last deployment not one soldier was lost but 6 family members back home were.  I always say "We always talk about you dying but what if I die?"


LEGS and I have been doing this for a really long time.  We are realistic.  We understand that something COULD happen.  And we talk about it.  Not very often, but when its necessary.  


It was a very emotional conversation, speaking on what you want done, is very difficult, and scary to go over in such detail.  We covered all the BIG things and most of the LITTLE things......both of us cried....and laughed....and thanked our lucky stars for how lucky we have been to have each other up until this point.......


When the conversation started winding down.....LEGS saw a gas station on the left right hand side of the road.....we were in the left lane.....suddenly I was grabbing the OH SHIT handle and he was making an adverse driving manuever to make the exit....all the while the song Total Eclipse of My heart by Bonnie Tyler was playing.....


It was very scary and given the current topic of discussion it made me think....."JESUS WE COULD DIE TODAY!"

We arrived in Amsterdam and to our hotel.....


When I first walked in the front desk guy said he wasn't sure if I was DUTCH or ENGLISH (as in BRITISH) based on the way I said "HALLO"...so far I was liking the NETHERLANDS.....


Our hotel was pretty unique and extraordinary in appearance.....we stayed on the 10th floor which gave us a beautiful view...and the room was very modern....very artistic.....

After getting checked in we set out to explore.....


If I were to sum up AMSTERDAM in ONE WORD it would be: FREEDOM.  

Anything.....ANYTHING GOES.....the residents of AMSTERDAM really have a philosophy of LIVE and LET LIVE.  


AMSTERDAM is the VEGAS of EUROPE.

Its a urban grunge melting pot with a distinct culture....most of the night I felt like I was walking around in a late 1990's music video, people dress in  a very forward, unique and specific way....EVERY SINGLE RESTAURANT in the RED LIGHT DISTRICT housed exotic food....and EVERYTHING YOU HAVE HEARD is.....TRUE (as I have discovered with most of my TRAVELS...)


And because EVERYBODY is probably wondering....They do have GIRLZ in windows...all different types.....It was weird looking at them, I found myself ashamed and forced to look away....


It was a good trip for LEGS and I because we are growing closer, and re-discovering ourselves in this famous, ancient city.....and I learned A LOT about SEXUALITY.....and to be more specific the POWER a WOMAN has with this TOOL......

LEGS and I had a really intimate, passionate conversation about PROSTITUTION....whether or not it should be legal, the pros and cons of it being legal, the morality of it, along with our personal inhibitions and concerns.....it felt good to talk about something other than his work....it felt good to have a REAL DEEP conversation about something so personal and intimate.....


We ate dinner at this really crowded Thai Restaurant which had incredibly delicious curry....had a few cocktails- of course HEINEKEN on TAP....and perused the RED LIGHT DISTRICT.....

NEW YEARS EVE:


VAN GOGH MUSEUM.....


The lines to get in any of the sights/museums were long....but they moved pretty efficiently.....LEGS had to get some EURO out of an ATM so I stood in line at the museum while he took off to do that.....the line started moving faster and faster and before I knew it I was almost at the front of it and was starting to panic.  I did a little undercover reconnaissance of the people around me.....I realized that several people behind me were definitely American- as if the UNIVERSITY OF AUBURN baseball cap didn't give it away.....THANKFULLY....I was able to back cut them so that I could buy more time in line without a bunch of confusion.....as soon as they realized that I was AMERICAN they wanted to chat....


We did a little small talk and then LEGS arrived.....as we all arrived to the window for admission I actually heard the man wearing the hat say "Do you guys give a military discount?"  ABSOLUTELY MORTIFIED and in NEAR HYSTERICS I turned around and watched LEGS shake his head laughing.....


Not to stereotype or even bash Americans.....BUT REALLY GUY? REALLY?!? As if your frumpy poorly dressed companions with their southern drawl and unintelligent chatter don't already make us look bad- you want to ask a foreign country's museum if they give AMERICANS a MILITARY DISCOUNT?  This is the kind of thing that makes you embarrassed to be AMERICAN....if you come to EUROPE TRY TO BE SOPHISTICATED- THE OPERATIVE WORD BEING TRY!


I will say.....this has delivered laughter to me and all of my friends on multiple occasions.....

I thought that I was really going to ENJOY VAN GOGH...I am quite fond of abstract art and obviously that is what he does....or at least what he is famous for......but the MONET they had displayed at the VAN GOGH MUSEUM was so INCREDIBLE....and ABSOLUTELY ASTOUNDING....I was reduced to tears as soon as I laid eyes on it.....


VAN GOGH....he was a rather interesting guy as many people already know....but the one thing he said that sticks with me more than his sad, tragic life is that he was going to "give something back to humanity..."  AND HE DID......


How amazingly prophetic and refreshing......

After VAN GOGH we tucked into a pub for a few drinks and conversations with the locals....it was LEGS' single most favorite part of our trip....we joked and laughed and had a great conversation with an old married couple about marriage......


NEW YEARS CELEBRATION

LEGS and I put on our BEST....and hit the DISTRICT.......


It was crazy!  It was a party in the streets, fireworks were set off LITERALLY in the streets, young people were drinking straight from bottles of champagne, everybody was getting KRUNK!  We didn't bring the camera for fear of it getting trashed or stolen....

But it was a wonderful helluva good time.....Close to midnight we ducked into the EXCALIBUR BAR (AMSTERDAMS local BIKER BAR) where we rang in the new year with IRISH CAR BOMBS and ATTEMPTED TO SOAK IT ALL IN.....we made our way to the train station under a sea of fireworks.....

After seeing the line of folks buying tickets for the train we SPENT THE MONEY for a cab.....it was WORTH IT.....


NEW YEARS DAY


PRIORITIES....


We tried to visit the ANNE FRANK house the day before, but the line was INCREDIBLY LONG....so we tried to outsmart it and get the online cut passes.....but they were sold out....


On NEW YEARS DAY in horrible weather we stood in line for an hour and a half.....

It is my sincerest wish that the statement above does not come off as a complaint....


WE GLADLY STOOD IN LINE TO WITNESS AND EXPERIENCE THE GREATEST MISDEED TO HUMAN KIND THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN.....


The ANNE FRANK HOUSE was a beautiful deeply emotional experience for LEGS and I.  When we left.....we both walked down the side walk holding each other up and sobbing......

For me it was the thought that each and every person Hitler had killed was an individual....they had families, and memories and dreams.....fathoming and comprehending the TOTAL LOSS in those terms was MORE than I could bare.....


LEGS said....."I understand why men who fought in WWII came back and just wanted to live out the rest of their lives in PEACE...."

I think for him it was emotional because they spoke often of the AMERICANS LIBERATING them.....

HOW EMOTIONAL IT MUST BE to stand in such a place and KNOW that you LIBERATE PEOPLE.....FOR YOUR JOB......

It was a somber walk.....and a memory....that will haunt me forever....and an experience that put in perspective what LEGS and I have been doing these last 10 years.....sacrificing....all this time away from each other for something BIGGER than US.....I don't care what others say or think....that is what I think......and I have a right to think and feel this way MORE THAN MOST......


AMSTERDAM was a weekend of EXTREME FEELING OF ALL EMOTIONS...it was DRAMATIC, MEMORABLE and INTENSE.....

Some couples go to marriage retreats.....LEGS and I just go to AMSTERDAM....

We had one INCREDIBLY weekend....AMSTERDAM has INSPIRED me to do so many things, and it has reawakened the DESIRE and INTENSE LOVE that I have for LEGS, 2012 is not promising me very much, in fact its promising to be a long hard road, but....I understand that with opportunities like the ones I had in 2011 there needs to be balance.....

STAY TUNED because 2012 is going to be a year of exceptional artistic output from me.....

TTC update:


We made a lot of WHOOPI in AMSTERDAM....but......it was RECREATIONAL and UNPRODUCTIVE......


Recipe By Tiffany:


This is a great meal to make ahead when you have a busy night! Definitely serve chilled!

Serves 4

Serve this colorful noodle dish at room temperature or chilled.

Ingredients

1 (8-ounce) package 100% whole grain soba noodles 
2 cups snow peas, strings removed 
2 tablespoons roasted, unsalted, unsweetened smooth peanut butter or almond butter 
2 tablespoons rice vinegar 
1 tablespoon reduced sodium tamari 
1 tablespoon sesame tahini 
1/8 teaspoon crushed red chile pepper 
1 1/2 cups shredded carrots 
1 red bell pepper, thinly sliced 
1 cup sliced green onions 
3 tablespoons toasted sesame seeds

Method

Cook soba noodles according to package directions. Add snow peas with 1 minute cooking time remaining. Drain noodles and snow peas thoroughly. 

Meanwhile, in a large bowl, whisk together peanut butter, vinegar, tamari, tahini and crushed red pepper. Add a splash of warm water if needed to thin the sauce so it will coat the vegetables and noodles. Add noodles, snow peas, carrots, bell pepper, green onions and sesame seeds. Toss to coat noodles and vegetables thoroughly with sauce. Serve at room temperature or chilled.

Random Thoughts:


Everything is harder than it looks.....