In order for LEGS and I to comfortably live and move to NEVER NEVER LAND, we must put two of our children up for adoption. Our children are 2 four legged hairy creatures that go by the name of Clancy and Jake.
Clancy Duke is going to live in a big mansion, or beach house on the weekends-so basically leaving his pathetic sad life of modest means to be a CELEBRITY. (can't you see his star quality and acting skills below?)
Jake the Snake! (said like 'Flava Flav!!!') is going to live as a personal bodyguard to two princesses that live in Alaska-Yes they are of the Royal McKay family. (Can't you see Jake's superior fluidity? That is Karmella's dog bed he is on......Smooth is fast.....)
The problem is getting them to their new locations. Too bad tele-transporting hasn't been invented........ Since we are driving to the big mansion for Christmas-Clancy Duke is squared away...
But Jakey is so fly he needs to fly. I have contemplated, stressed and wracked my brain on how/what/when/ from where would be best to fly Jake.
So I made some calls today. I went to the Vet and sheepishly told them my complicated travel plans. "Drive to Oregon, Ship Jake to AK, Drive Back from Oregon, Get Karmella ready to go to NEVER NEVER LAND." This happened when I left AK to come down here too, but usually the people at the Vet place look at me like I am a psycho crazy person who has a dick drawn on her forehead.
Long story short, the Vet tried to convince me not to book an appointment with them (probably because I am the crazy lady), the airline people didn't answer my questions the first time I called, when I called back they tried to charge me $931 to get Jakey to AK (EXPLETIVE!!!!- Yeah Right!).
The the Clever Fox in me outsmarted both of them- I will get the Health Certificate because AK Airlines considers them valid for 30 days as opposed to 10, I will fly Jake the Snake from Portland to AK for the bargain price of $608 (which would be better for him anyway)- to begin guard duty immediately.
LEGS is trying to get the windshield replaced in the TANK for our trek to Oregon for Xmas. (side note the windshield is trashed) So he called the insurance company and they wanted to charge him $600+ to fix it, so he outsmarted them and got it to $300+, by a local dealer.
Moral of the story DON'T MESS WITH MR. & MRS. SMITH. (Does it matter that we almost killed each other in the process of all this?- Not when you are the real life MR. & MRS. SMITH- side note : they changed the name for the movie because they didn't want everybody calling it MR. & MRS. COUSSENS- mis-pronounced COUSINS....)
When I actually started thinking about giving Jake up today- I started to cry, and then sob, then wail, and turn into a hot mess....it got the point where I couldn't breathe and snot was running down my face...I kept choking and snuffing up....totally pathetic......
I get mad at myself for caring so much and being so attached to A DOG. But I am going to miss even the annoying things they do when they are gone.
I am going to miss them following me around everywhere, especially in the morning when they know a walk is coming. (BTW this drives me totally batty)
I am going to miss them waking us up too early to be fed, by stirring, pacing nervously like we might have forgot- or we might not wake up at all..... breathing hot stinky dog breath in our faces, and my personal favorite scratching their collars around their necks to make it sound like a obnoxious tambourine.....
I am going to miss when I make the bed how I tell them to move so I can walk around the bed, and they switch from one side to the other as I walk back and forth......Clancy has real talent in this one- that is why he is going to BE A CELEBRITY........
I am going to miss feeling secure as a person, feeling secure in my house, and feeling secure when I walk down the street........and I am praying they will all be okay without each other.......
I am sure the reason I am so emotional is because of my ZOMBIE DISEASE. The results from my Zombie Blood should be back tomorrow, and I have yet another Dr. Appointment to go to..can't you tell I am thrilled?
LEGS is making pancakes for dinner......Pancakes makes everything better.....doesn't it?
Just another day in the life of an unlikely military wife.........**
Not at all-when I had to give Persy up, I had only had him for 2 WEEKS. WEEKS, not years. And I LOST IT. Sobbing, curled up on the bed, refusing to leave the apartment LOST IT.
ReplyDeleteYou are understandably sad, but I also know that you are a caring person who has made sure they are going to caring homes. Hugs!!!
Mich
Aw Tiff. That made me sad. Dogs are like family and I'd be so sad and emotional also. (((hugs)))
ReplyDeleteI am sorry I made you both sad- but glad that I am not all alone in the world- there are people out there that know how I feel and understand.....Thank you and much love, tiff**
ReplyDelete